When is a relationship beyond fixing

Talk to him about the problems instead of asking an internet forum. You'll probably learn a lot more and get flamed a lot less.

I think I worry about his answer ...........

Even if he does not answer the way you want, atleast you will know. I would agree that you should talk tohim about what is going on because too many ppl can give the wrong advice for what is best for you. I also agree with going on a few dates and make some time for just the two of you, that is very important and vital in every relationship. If he doesnt want to...then you have your answer

Well if u r not an angel anymore for him someone else might be! If you know for sure he can do that to you then stick it out and things will start getting better

I do still have love for him, a lot of it and I miss the days when I confided in him and went to him for comfort.

So why did you stop? Confide in him about this, and ask for some comfort. You might be surprised to find that a simple lack of communication has allowed some minor issues to fester to the point where you aren't talking TO each other any more, but AT each other. Just start talking, and if you still love each other the real issues will bubble up pretty quickly, and you can address them.

Make it clear that you are in a crisis about your relationship and what you feel is lacking. Be honest about your own contributions to the problems and sincere about your feelings.

If he steps up to the plate and agrees to work at it, there's still something there that the two of you can work with. If not, well, you've at least cut right to the chase and given it an honest go, and if you decide to leave it'll be clear to both of you why it happened.

This is great advice. My last relationship failed because my partner refused to talk to me about what we were struggling with. He thought talked about it would make our relationship weaker, and he was scared of it causing damage. Turned out not talking just did that.

We live in this culture where the longevity of a relationship is celebrated; where sometimes that becomes more important than the satisfaction in a relationship. People are always quick to say, "You've been together SO long, don't give up!" Meh. If you're unhappy, go be happy. There doesn't have to be some rock solid reason to break up with anyone (i.e cheating, fighting so many days a week, etc.). You can fall in love with someone who is a wonderful person - but maybe they aren't right for you for a lifetime.

If you're not happy, go be happy! You don't need anymore justification than that.

^ this.

I've been married 11 years - we've had cyclic arguing for the last two years but it's never been what I'd call a happy marriage - but there is happiness and despite our MANY differences we do love each other. We've been separated, we fight, I've taken the kids and left, but even when we think we can't stand to fix it we can't stand to be without the other.

I'm personally reading a relationship counseling workbook right now and the most important thing is that you have to make sure you're ok before you can work on the relationship. Sometimes, we have some very skewed perceptions of what a healthy relationship is and if you WANT to make it work, try one of those books or counseling. If you' don't want to put real work into it, then you don't want to go on.

Just like weight loss, relationships are work...a lot of work and you only get the reward if you put in the time and effort.

I find fights with my husband are always both ways. It's how we act and react to the current situation.

Example:
Do I enjoy my husband laying dirty clothes on the floor? No.

I can either A) Complain about it and remind him for what seems to be the 2,555th time (We've been together 7 years!) and than I come across as the nagging, complaining wife. Or I can Suck it up, and pick up his clothes to put in the hamper, with a smile on my face, realizing I can pick my battles wisely.

If I go with option A, it is likely to escalate and lead to more. He will then point out something I do all the time that drives him crazy. We will go back and forth bantering, and end the fight getting no where. If I go with option A, he will realize I did it and did not say anything, and be impressed.

It's all about how you approach the situation. You say you argue about finances. My assumption is you are not arguing about "Honey, We have WAY to much money in the back account, I simply don't know what to do with it!" The love of money is the root of all evil. How do you approach the conversations? Does he think you spend to much? Do you feel all your purchases are justified? If so, you will automatically have your defenses up. Try a different approach (if this is the case) and tell him "You know what, I see now that I did go over board. I wasn't thinking, I'm really sorry about that"

Just try different approaches.

This! Excellent advise, and the absolute most mature, and non-threatening approach to take. How ever it turns out, both parties should come out of it knowing that the best possible effort was made.

I'm just learning how to make the right decisions for ME not everyone else.

Per you profile you have 2 kids, so you are not just making decisions for YOU.

True but I need to be in a healthy and positive state of mind for them, and so does he. I don't want them to grow up in a house full of anger and stress.

That's right. That was a big consideration for me. When my ex and I broke, it was for the best for everyone, including our son. A stressful environment with constant arguing was not healthy for him. My ex and I have been able to become friends again, be good parents, and move on with our lives.

If you're asking if your relationship is beyond fixing, it's beyond fixing.

Eggzackary...