Worried about fiance'

Unfortunately, he is the only one who can choose to make lifestyle changes for himself. When it comes down to it, he probably knows that his habits are unhealthy, but he just isn't ready to make that leap.

Keep setting a good example - offer him some of your healthier meals/snacks, invite him along when you work out, go walking, whatever. When it's the right time for him, he'll make the change.

This might just be the Best answer here

It is really really really hard to get people to change. I went through something similar, and learned the hard way. My advice would be to make the rational decision and walk away (and that's with 16 years of experience in the field) you deserve to not have the worry about being alone in your old age because your partner did not take care of themselves long term.

However, it sounds like you aren't interested in walking, so then settle in for a long and difficult journey. You'll have to do things in baby steps and you will have to get him to choose to do it rather than you telling him to do it. Ultimatums build resentment, and it ruins the connection. If you are the cook, you got great control, make only healthy stuff. As for exercise start with simple stuff, ask him to commit to you to walk with you half hour a day. I just recently started this, and I am starting to think all couples should do it, not only for the exercise, but the quality alone time you have together to just freely let conversation flow.

Good luck

Think hard about committing your life to this man. If he doesn't change, you will have medical bills, a miserable husband, and an extra job as a caregiver. Reaaaaaalllyyy look into the future and perhaps if you are not willing to accept what you see vs. what you want for your life, reconsider marriage. All the best to you. :flowerforyou:

I have a husband who smokes. My therapist says "his body, his choice." that is what you have to remember.

This blog might be worth checking out.
http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/a-little-101-i-get-to-exist/

Do you want him telling you when and how to exercise or what to eat or what to do with your free time? Probably not. But if *you* have an issue with this, then you need to do some soul searching. After all plenty of "overweight" people will never die of weight related complications .But then again if you're thinking, he'll just change one day... yikes, that's a bad line of thinking.

That is a tough situation to be in. Something has to click inside your fiancé to light the fire and get him motivated. He will have a much greater chance of success if he comes to the realization that he needs to change. It is not as likely that he will stick with it if he is shamed, forced, given an ultimatum, etc. I am not saying that those was won’t ever work...just that they are less effective. Give him some motivation to achieve healthy goals, such as 20lbs lost = a new video game...not that those really establish the "fire within" all the time either...but you have to start somewhere. I agree that one of the best things you can do and that you have total control over is that of being an example. We really can’t force anyone to do anything with guaranteed success...but we have total and absolute control over our workouts and what we stick in our mouths. I hope the situation will improve...healthy is better and wayyyy more fun. Good Luck!

Chris

I definitely agree with the above! The new video game after losing some pounds, or even if he cuts back to one pack a day, is a wonderful idea. Make it fun. But you have to remember this is his life, he chooses the paths he takes. It's super frustrating, I know, but it's not going to change overnight. Maybe you guys can find a fun activity to do together like disc golf, biking, taking a cool class, anything to keep you guys moving, and then he can continue playing when y'all get home. Just an idea!

I'm struggling with the same thing with my husband, except it's the computer and not the xBox

Just because your guy is 24 does not mean he is immortal. He thinks his age is something that will prevent him from being sick but that is completely off. Trust me, I had sudden cardiac arrest when I was 17. Beleive it or not I looked GOOD back then in high school. I was running and doing push-ups every day (I was in a ROTC-type program) and the last thing I thought I had was a heart problem.

Now, as it turns out, my heart condition is hereditary. But the whole point of this post is that you can't use age as an excuse: "I'm young, I don't need to worry about that" is just an excuse for failure. You need to give him a REASON to want to succeed!

As far as the food goes: refuse to buy him all that crap! I do the grocery shopping for our house and I just started refusing to buy him junk! No more sodas, chips, etc. If he wants it that badly he will go buy it himself (and it will get him up and moving!).

What does he like to do on the xBox? Shooting games? Take hime to a paint ball range you will have SO MUCH FUN running around and playing on teams! Plays football? Start up an intermural flag football game at your local park or amongst your firends! OR you might want to look into the kinect! Get some games where you have to move around and work at your goal.

I hope this helps! I don't have much room to talk since I seem to be in the same boat, but discussing it with you has actually given me some really good ideas! I've just started this journey to a healthy living and I'm happy to know there are real people out there battling the same issues I am.

I'm struggling with the same thing with my husband, except it's the computer and not the xBox

Just because your guy is 24 does not mean he is immortal. He thinks his age is something that will prevent him from being sick but that is completely off. Trust me, I had sudden cardiac arrest when I was 17. Beleive it or not I looked GOOD back then in high school. I was running and doing push-ups every day (I was in a ROTC-type program) and the last thing I thought I had was a heart problem.

Now, as it turns out, my heart condition is hereditary. But the whole point of this post is that you can't use age as an excuse: "I'm young, I don't need to worry about that" is just an excuse for failure. You need to give him a REASON to want to succeed!

As far as the food goes: refuse to buy him all that crap! I do the grocery shopping for our house and I just started refusing to buy him junk! No more sodas, chips, etc. If he wants it that badly he will go buy it himself (and it will get him up and moving!).

What does he like to do on the xBox? Shooting games? Take hime to a paint ball range you will have SO MUCH FUN running around and playing on teams! Plays football? Start up an intermural flag football game at your local park or amongst your firends! OR you might want to look into the kinect! Get some games where you have to move around and work at your goal.

I hope this helps! I don't have much room to talk since I seem to be in the same boat, but discussing it with you has actually given me some really good ideas! I've just started this journey to a healthy living and I'm happy to know there are real people out there battling the same issues I am.

^^^^GREAT ideas about the Paintball or something to distract him. AWESOME thought!! :-) I may have to use that for mY HUBBY too!!!

You can't force someone to change if they don't want to. What you can do is support them making positive adjustments (even small ones) and try to provide an atmosphere that fosters the behavior you would like to see.

Want him to be more active? Try to make friends with more active couples. Folks that go for hikes or play sports or whatever.

Want him to eat better? Try to make healthier food options more readily available in the house (this doesn't have to be expensive if you can put the effort into it, but it usually is either expensive or time consuming).

Want him to quit smoking? Make reasonable requests regarding smoking (like don't smoke in the house or car that I drive in), occassionally (and I mean once in a while not all the time) mention your concern because of the health implications, and then let him come around to it in his own time.

Is he competitive? Bets are a great way to be motivating without being overly demanding. Just be prepared to pay up on the wager if he's successful. Doesn't have to be money either.

i am a video game nerd myself, and like some one else here said, some times i see a video game and i go "i want to do that!"

have him join fitocracy, http://ftcy.me/PCPhAr, where he earns experience points based on what kind of work outs he does, badges based on achievement,s and levels up!! i'm currentyl at level 20, and i earned my "wax on, wax off" badge today by practicing a martial art for at least 30 minutes, performing a set of 20 pushups, performing a set of 10 Jump Squats, and stretching for 10 minutes afterwards.

i love assassins creed, and i decided to learn parkour and rock climbing because of it. but you need to be strong too, so i lift weights, eat right, quit smoking (again).

i played batman: arkham city and literally googled "batman's work out routine." do it. click the first link. here ya go: http://www.mensfitness.com/sites/mensfitness.com/files/imgs/batman-training_training_schedule.jpg it's obviouslyy daunting, but hey, bruce wayne didn't become batman in one day!

bumping my post because it was on the end of page three, in other words, no one would see it.

What you're saying is, your fiance eats like a pig, lives like a 7 year old on summer vacation, and smokes like a chimney.

Sooooo...remind us all WHY the hell you want to marry this guy? Get out. Get out NOW.

and please, no comments about "how can you be with someone who sits around and plays xbox all day?" because I just want answers to the question I posted, not about my relationship.

The fact that you feel the need to say this sort of proves that you already know he's a good-for-nothing slob. Instead of trying to change this one (who already sounds like a lost cause), raise your standards. You deserve better!

My fiancée used to be the same besides the smoking. About a month before his 24th birthday he landed himself in the hospital. Diabetic ketoacidosis. He is a diabetic now, insulin dependent. It took that to get him to snap out of it and start changing his life.

If your fiancee got DKA, that's almost certainly due to type 1 diabetes. His body stopped producing insulin on its own, and that happens entirely independent of his choices to eat. He would have gotten it if he was in perfect shape and didn't smoke.

Now, a tightly controlled diet is extremely important if you have type 1 - but it doesn't *cause* it.

Just so nobody gets the wrong impression - having an unhealthy lifestyle will not put you into DKA.

I told mine that he needed to increase his life insurance policy. Because if I was going to be a widow, then at least I was going to be a rich one.

It's a tough place to be in. I feel ya.

Hard position to be in. If it were me I'd be like "since your choosing not to live, I'm out." and I'd walk or kick him out....easier said than done, took me about 2 years to get rid of mine but I am so glad to be free from the majority of the weight, distress, responsibility and sadness of watching someone you care about choose a shockingly low standard of living that will only end badly.