Cheated on, and got through it?

verysadpanda
verysadpanda Posts: 6
in Chit-Chat
Just looking to hear what other people have gone through on this.

Have you ever been cheated on, and the relationship lasted? Could you trust them again, and be happy with them again? Please share your story...
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Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I've been cheated on a few times.

    In my mind that is one of the things you can do to me that is not fixable. If you cheat on me, we are done.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Cheating is not something easily forgotten by anybody, I think.

    But if you make the choice to forgive someone, you have to forgive them completely. You can't forgive when it's convenient for you and then when they don't answer their phone because they're in the bathroom... "You're cheating on me again, aren't you!?!?"

    I think with a lot of therapy and transparency by the other person, it can be "fixed" But for me, it's a deal breaker.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    nah....it didnt last. turned out she was a *kitten*.
    so i left.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable

    :laugh: :laugh:
  • verysadpanda
    verysadpanda Posts: 6
    Thanks a lot corn63. Believe it or not, I'm a person with real feelings and I've been badly hurt. But no, I'm not a fruit loop or a troll. Keep moving....
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    Yes, and I dumped him right then and there for good. It sucked, and I was pretty messed up about men and relationship for a while afterwards, but I got over it and married an amazing man much later. I don't even remember that much about Mr. cheater anymore. He never really occupies my thoughts anymore.
  • LesleeBeAlive
    LesleeBeAlive Posts: 504
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable

    :noway: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    I've been cheated on a few times.

    In my mind that is one of the things you can do to me that is not fixable. If you cheat on me, we are done.
    Same works for me, that's not something I can let slide, ppl may change but how do you know they truly have? If the first cheat was a surprise and aren't they always! Why decide they won't step out again... that's a deal breaker for myself as well.

    Some earlier shared you need to learn to trust again, but I think the other person has a lot more to work on. They have to prove themselves trustworthy and how exactly do they do that after an affair. How long do you wait, nah... not worth it too me.

    Some do go on and recover but not sure I even understand how they would, some ppl are serial cheaters. Though even one time breaks the trust in a relationship because it's a pretty big break of trust!
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Thanks a lot corn63. Believe it or not, I'm a person with real feelings and I've been badly hurt. But no, I'm not a fruit loop or a troll. Keep moving....

    Look. People suck. People do stupid things. People do mean things. People do things for no reason. The only thing you can control is your response to them. You can choose to allow them to run your life with their reckless abandon OR you can charge them to the game and move on.

    Seriously, good luck. Life is tough enough without asshats, but y'know. They're everywhere.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable

    ohhhhh NOW this is a thread!
  • ShmoozyQ
    ShmoozyQ Posts: 390 Member
    Nope, I couldn't get past it. The fact that he kept doing it sure didn't help matters any!
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
    yeah. people *kitten* up. if you can forgive them, it can work. but you have to start trusting again. if you still don't trust them, it's never going to work.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Cheating is not something easily forgotten by anybody, I think.

    But if you make the choice to forgive someone, you have to forgive them completely. You can't forgive when it's convenient for you and then when they don't answer their phone because they're in the bathroom... "You're cheating on me again, aren't you!?!?"

    I think with a lot of therapy and transparency by the other person, it can be "fixed" But for me, it's a deal breaker.

    That's exactly how I feel. IMHO, cheating is a huge betrayal of trust. Here you are thinking he loves you as much as he says and is going to be faithful to you like he promised in your vows and BLAMMO, you find out it was all lies. Personally, I couldn't get past something like that. BUT I've known other couples who have and more power to them. If you can truly forgive and rebuild the trust, more power to you.
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable
    link TL;DR.

    I concur anyway.
  • CarlyRobbinsGilbert
    CarlyRobbinsGilbert Posts: 64
    We went to some therapy. We still don't fully trust each other, but it gets a tiny bit better each day. I was able to understand and forgive because I have been the cheater in the past.
  • Bonnyr1971
    Bonnyr1971 Posts: 51
    Once they cheat the trust is gone, I can not forgive that.
  • ILoveTheBrowns
    ILoveTheBrowns Posts: 661 Member
    i think i may have just came up with a genious business idea.....myrelationshippal.com
  • Christylee76
    Christylee76 Posts: 138 Member
    My husband has cheated on me so many times when we were first married. Alot of people would have walked away,however I believe that marriage is till death do us part. I have cheated myself and we have been through so much..ex:death of a child..We acutally divorced and remarried and now our marriage is almost picture perfect. I do feel as if people can change if for one, they want to and two, you have to be willing to let the past go. Now, would I go through it again, heck no! But again like I said, it has made us stronger and more in love than ever...We were married very young, I was 17 him 21.. I take it since you created this post you must be facing a cheating issue. I feel your pain and wish you the best.....however, please know, I am living proof, you can survive just about anything:)
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    Oh. You're a fruit loop.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/754503-people-are-disposable
    link TL;DR.

    I concur anyway.

    i think we all concur.
  • fattofit20
    fattofit20 Posts: 86
    I have been cheated on. My husband of 27 years cheated. We separated for 3 years but never divorced. We are now trying to reconcile. I will say that it isn't easy. The trust has been destroyed and I don't know if it'll ever come back. In saying that, he is my husband. He is human. We all make mistakes. Some worse than others. We have decided to try, one day at a time, to work on our marriage. Do I think he learned his lesson? Yes. Do I think he'll do it again? I don't know. But if he does it again he won't be able to hurt me like he did 3 years ago. He also will never get me back. Have I learned my lesson? Absolutely. Be prepared. Never take someone for granted and never take for granted that your life will remain as it has always been. I was caught totally off guard. That won't happen again. I'll never love him the way I once did but I do love him. Only now my love is guarded.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
    Been cheated on countless times. Done with relationships. It's kind of bound to happen in my shoes.
  • holeshottdr
    holeshottdr Posts: 364 Member
    Just break up..
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Thanks a lot corn63. Believe it or not, I'm a person with real feelings and I've been badly hurt. But no, I'm not a fruit loop or a troll. Keep moving....

    I thought you were a sad panda. I love pandas.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    i think i may have just came up with a genious business idea.....myrelationshippal.com

    *genius, genius.
  • CayleyRidgeRunner
    CayleyRidgeRunner Posts: 56 Member
    My husband has cheated on me so many times when we were first married. Alot of people would have walked away,however I believe that marriage is till death do us part. I have cheated myself and we have been through so much..ex:death of a child..We acutally divorced and remarried and now our marriage is almost picture perfect. I do feel as if people can change if for one, they want to and two, you have to be willing to let the past go. Now, would I go through it again, heck no! But again like I said, it has made us stronger and more in love than ever...We were married very young, I was 17 him 21.. I take it since you created this post you must be facing a cheating issue. I feel your pain and wish you the best.....however, please know, I am living proof, you can survive just about anything:)

    Being cheated on is one experience that I thought was going to rip my world apart, but the loss of a child? I simply cannot fathom that type of anguish. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
  • MellyGibson
    MellyGibson Posts: 297 Member
    Yes, I've been cheated on by my husband - and more than once.

    Communication is key, I think. I told him exactly how I felt about the situation, and 2 years later our relationship is much stronger than it was before. But we TALKED about it - many times, in fact. It helps that he's gone out of his way to explain to me what was going through his mind at the time, and to do everything he can to show me each and every day how much he loves and apprecates me.

    Sure, there are days when I get the old thoughts I used to, "Who is he texting with so much?" and what-not, but he always tells me when I ask (and shows me the texts, too, although I never ask to see them). One day I hadn't heard back from him for a few hours and I was more worried that he had gotten hurt - he has a somewhat dangerous job - than whether he was with someone else.

    With work and communication on BOTH parts I think it's possible for it to work. It hurts. It sucks. It's hard and devastating, but it's not the end of the world.

    Then there's the old saying I fall back on, "In 100 years from now, who is going to care?"
  • NJSunshine13
    NJSunshine13 Posts: 116
    Once the trust is broken, it is real hard to repair. You will always be questioning what they do, where they are, who they talk to. That takes a toll on a relationship and you end up harbouring resentment. If you can live with that little voice in your head questioning everything, then you are a stronger person than I am. I tried and could never forgive.
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    My husband of less than 4 years cheated with my best friend. We're divorced.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    My ex husband cheated on me multiple times in our relationship. I forgave him and we moved on after the first 3, but it just didn't stop. If it was a one time thing we would have made it through okay.

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