Cheated on, and got through it?
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my husband cheated on me a few times over the course of 2011. i found out in late january this year. i still don't fully trust him, but we're still together and he's working really hard to make things right.
unfortunately i've developed a terrible anxiety disorder and i'm on potent anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds and have really bad random panic attacks, and nearly anything can trigger it.
we figured out it was all about lack of communication. we're trying to work together to make our marriage stronger, though nothing will ever be the same. we'll be celebrating our 4th anniversary on the 24th this month.0 -
Still don't know for sure that he cheated, he never owned up to it.
But, the phone calls, the lies to get out of town which I caught him in and the hotel receipt were pretty good indicators.
That was about 12 years ago. I chose to forgive, but still haven't forgotten.0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
Chit-chat-fun-and games.... means NOT fitness related. Therefore this is a totally legit topic and posted in the correct place - not in motivation and support or introduction or nutrition therefore you should just back away slowly and not look back.0 -
It's an addiction. A cheater will never stop cheating. just FYI!
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My ex fiance cheated on me, I dramatically threw the engagement ring at his feet ... thought abt it, then picked it up n sold it. :flowerforyou:0
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Hey, I was cheated on and did get through it. Obviously he had to show me total transparency and a lot of late night deep conversations but it is possible to go on with your lives and forgive. Forgive is not forget, nor is to make the action okay, but it is to let love replace your anger and negative thoughts.. if your partner is willing to work on the same goals as you. And bottom line, we make mistakes, I thought about it and I could have done the same mistake, I was tempted. Anyway, now we are happy and stable. Obviously if the same situation occurs once again, I'll kick his *kitten* and then leave, but I'll be happy to know that I've tried and I didn't stayed in the "What if's". The worst thing is regretting not doing something just because it was the most logic decision to make.
I don't know if all of this made sense, hope it did.. english is not my first language and.. just don't think what if.. if you think there's still some salvation to the damage done. One more thing, I did forget because I didn't feel that there was some direct disrespect towards me.. I SAID direct, and he did regret it and told me himself, wanting a solution. Obviously it wasn't a instant forgiveness, it took time. Things take time.. so.. take time for yourself and think what's best.
Love from Portugal,
Gisela0 -
*I did forgive0
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I was with my ex husband for 18 years... he cheated, he left...is fine... I wasn't happy the last few years, he just had the balls to leave first. He wanted to try again the weekend before we were to sign divorce papers..but only because his affair ended...I knew it wouldn 't work so I said no. I am much better off and so are our kids. His whole life, was turned upside down..mine too, but he lost more(not financially) but emotionally. I am a strong person and picked up the pieces and moved on... he is stuck in a holding pattern with his life... this was 10 years ago we divorced. You can survive, definitely...depends on how you communicated before the cheating... we didn't communicate very well...so that wouldn't have changed if we got back together.... so nope, moved on. Good luck hun...things DO get better.0
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Yes! It took a lot of counseling, but it worked 0
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So you're one of the people that degrades, humiliates and mocks her?0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
Wow, angry much? Lighten up - you didn't have to read this thread. If you're not into it, why did you bother?
And, I would argue that while this isn't totally on the fitness topic, it's related. My ex was an *kitten* who made me feel bad about myself almost every day. When I found out that he was close to or had been cheating, I made a promise to myself to do right for myself by getting back into running and lifting so I could feel like a stronger person on the outside. That whole event is what inspired me to get serious - and to get involved with the MFP community.
People make choices for all sorts of emotional reasons, fitness being one of them.
^^^^ 100%. This is the reason I started running again. It was drink my worries away or run them away. Running was the harder choice to make, but it saved me. Now 4 years later, I'm here at MFP. Sometimes we need to talk about something other than fitness and realize that we are all connected in ways other than weight loss and work outs. It's how we connect.0 -
You know what I hate more than cheaters? People who spill their guts about totally non-weight-loss-related stuff on weight loss forums. Seriously, if you're hurting that bad go into therapy. Don't put the onus of solving life's most pressing problems off on people who are just trying to lose weight. Or save it for Facebook.
You know what I find so funny about this? You wasted your time writing such a reply thereby adding to the drama you profess to hate so much when a more efficient use of your energy and time would be to simply click that little back button on your browser.
GOOD JOB!
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Thank you so much to all the people that had serious replies. It means a lot to me. Everyone goes through tough times, and it's nice to know that there are nice people out there who are willing to share their stories and possibly help someone in need. And thank you to the people that stuck up for me. The internet can be a nasty place.
Thank you all so so so much. Life can really throw you some curve balls....0 -
Infidelity makes me a sad panda.0
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wow....0 -
Curve balls from all directions. Cheated on, forgave but not forgotten, 7 years later the nastiness, hatefulness, and some of the signs I ignored the first time were back. I got strong, I left, I did not look back. Divorce pending after 28 years, I should have kicked him out the first time. Funny how much stronger I am now that I am away from the emotional abuse. Never looking back.0
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A few months back my boyfriend was out at a staff do and a girl he works with kissed him, they were all back at her house when it happened and they were the only two left , he blacked out and slept in her bed.
He told me straight away, said he couldn't live with the guilt, promised it was just a kiss and begged me to believe him and give him a chance. It was really hard to forgive but I love him to bits and I forgave him.
The sad thing is even though I forgave him I can never 100% trust him and I can never forget. and I still check his text messages which really hurts him :-(
Two weeks ago I moved in with him and we got really drunk and accidently burnt the house down(Chip pan incident) we had to jump out the upstairs windows. I broke my pelvis (Still on crutches) and he broke his foot. Craazy crazy thing to have happened this incident has brought us closer than ever and helped us move forward from the demons of the past0 -
With me, you cheat, you're out. It's a personal thing though, many can get past it.0
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A few months back my boyfriend was out at a staff do and a girl he works with kissed him, they were all back at her house when it happened and they were the only two left , he blacked out and slept in her bed.
He told me straight away, said he couldn't live with the guilt, promised it was just a kiss and begged me to believe him and give him a chance. It was really hard to forgive but I love him to bits and I forgave him.
The sad thing is even though I forgave him I can never 100% trust him and I can never forget. and I still check his text messages which really hurts him :-(
Two weeks ago I moved in with him and we got really drunk and accidently burnt the house down(Chip pan incident) we had to jump out the upstairs windows. I broke my pelvis (Still on crutches) and he broke his foot. Craazy crazy thing to have happened this incident has brought us closer than ever and helped us move forward from the demons of the past
Holy *kitten*!!!!!!!!!!!! So glad you are ok!!!!!0 -
OP I say don't put yourself up to be cheated on again. Severe the tie now. Do you want this person to mess you up again? It will screw you up even worse... And waste your time in the meantime... If you forgive and go back, it will send a message to them that its okay to treat you that way... Before you know it, it will become a habit for them. And then where will your self esteem be?0
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