Would it be a deal breaker..

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  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
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    I don't have an SO right now. If I did, I'd take the "in sickness and in health" route... to a point. My SO would have to be willing to seek help for their problem, and I would definitely have to move out until they did. I am a binge/compulsive eater in recovery, so I just don't see me coexisting with a partner who can't share similar habits. For me, it would be like being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict with a partner who still drinks or does drugs. It would be extremely trying, if not impossible, for me to resist falling into old behaviours. This is why I am waiting until I have gotten much more fit before I look for a relationship; I don't expect the kind of person that I'm trying to be to be attracted to the kind of person I am, now. It's just not realistic.

    AMEN to that!!!!
  • fancyfrenzy
    fancyfrenzy Posts: 52
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    Well I've been together with my SO for 8 years now and I just changed my lifestyle last week. He's still eating crap, but he's also ok if we cook something healthy. Furthermore we are on a long-distance relationship because of his work and only see each other every two weeks. To answer your question: It is ok with me if he keeps on leading an unhealthy lifestyle although I hope my new lifestyle will rub off on him. :)

    Please excuse any mistakes, I'm German :)
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    Please excuse any mistakes, I'm German :)

    Just wanted to mention, fancyfrenzy, that your English is better than at least half of the people who frequent these forums... most of whom supposedly speak English as a first language ;P
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    I Love my husband dearly. When we met, he was rail thin and not muscular at all. Now, he's not rail thin and still not muscular. He's put on probably about 40'ish pounds, and worked off 10.

    I would have loved him dearly if I met him when the had the extra 40. What I can't love is someone who literally eats them self to death. My mom ate like crap most of her life and had a heart attack at 42 when I was 12. and another at 13, and by the time she was 60, a quad byass. Husband's dad, he's been overweight for pretty much ever, but obese the last 10 yrs, morbidly obese about the last 5. Now he's insulin dependent and still eats the most gawd awful stuff like TWO cheeseburgers. for lunch! along with a large fries! This dude has no portion control! He also had to have double knee surgery and has had sleep apnea for at least 10 yrs. His dad is on soo many different medications for different ailments directly due to his weight.

    I'm sorry, I can't get on board with someone like that. I don't want to hook up with some dude, invest 15-20-30 years of my life, only to have him die or have to live a boring / broke life because he can't be bother to put down a few twinkies. I know it sounds harsh, but this comes from someone who almost lost a mom at a young age directly due to eating habits.

    If things were to get difficult I'd tell him, and I know he would say the same thing to me. He sees how much his mom struggles with his dad and how lop sided the relationship is. He has been very supportive of me in trying to get more in shape

    *he gets mild exercise, but he severely broke his foot when he was 20, so it's not like there is much he could do anyway.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Since. You're only 21 years old why get seriously involved with someone!!! Go out and date other people!!!
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
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    Let me ask you this - would you sign a prenup with someone who specified you had to exercise and maintain a certain weight to height ratio or face consequences otherwise? Probably not. People change as they get older, can get injured, gain, lose weight for a variety of reasons, etc. I'd feel pretty bad if my SO got skittish about our relationship due to something like weight gain or committment to exericise. I exercise way more than my SO, and I have no problem with it.

    It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me at all. Like others have said, you can only live your life, not others. I can understand someone wanting to have their values aligned with their SO, but things don't always work that way. Most people I know would probably want to end a relationship if someone said "you don't exercise and eat right so I don't think we are compatible...."
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
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    No, but it does irk me sometimes when his lifestyle isn't just not healthy, but it becomes downright unhealthy lol
  • kimmianne89
    kimmianne89 Posts: 428 Member
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    No, but i'm lucky. My boyfriend is very much into health and fitness. Although we have the same downfall of being naughty on the weekends but we are both good through-out the week, it's odd. We are working on getting better at it aha.
  • Dinamita_TNT
    Dinamita_TNT Posts: 333
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    For me that I'm single by now, I would rather preffer a relationship with someone who has a way of life similar to mine. That means: sport, exercise or workout, healthy eating, non-smoking, intellectual interests, hobbies... But at the same time, not someone that is a twin of me :smile:
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
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    yes!! definitely!!
  • Bethie_B
    Bethie_B Posts: 292 Member
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    No, but I'm a feeder, so....
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Must admit it is proving tricky now we have totally different lifestyles. A lot of it is because I want to be more active with him, but I also want him to fight for a happy healthy future for the both of us like I am. I'm hoping he gets with the programme. It's tricky when your going in different directions! X
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    No
  • Crystaleyed
    Crystaleyed Posts: 229 Member
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    As long a my SO or future SO should I say supported and respected the fact that I was trying to be healthier then I don't think it would matter no.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    If he pigs out and doesn't move at all, then yes. Don't feel like being a widow at age 35.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    If he pigs out and doesn't move at all, then yes. Don't feel like being a widow at age 35.

    ^^My sentiments all summed up in one sentence!
  • mhoward685
    mhoward685 Posts: 129 Member
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    Love is a verb it is action,doing. It is work not just a feeling. Feelings are fickle. Make a commitment or don't. If you make the commitment then remember your promise in good times and bad in sickness and in health. As tempting as it may look the grass is not greener somewhere else if just looks different and has its own set of issues to deal with.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    No, but I'm a feeder, so....

    I know the type.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    Love is a verb it is action,doing. It is work not just a feeling. Feelings are fickle. Make a commitment or don't. If you make the commitment then remember your promise in good times and bad in sickness and in health. As tempting as it may look the grass is not greener somewhere else if just looks different and has its own set of issues to deal with.

    "In sickness and in health"

    Eating so much food that you become obese is typically not sickness. It's a choice. yes, there are some people predisposed with genetics, but they can still exercise self control and staying active.
    "To honor and love" You love me? you honor me? Then do that by choosing to be alive and healthy in ways you can control. You can honor me by not digging your own grave with one extra sized "value meal" at a time. Please, how is that honor?

    "Til death do us part?" what? immature death? death you brought on yourself because they chose to eat large amounts of unhealthy foods? sat in front of their computer or on the couch for hours at a time?

    You bring kids into this world. Isn't it your duty, as a parent, to be there with your best effort? Putting fast food in front of them several times a week, having excess amounts of soda and junk food in the house, routine unhealthy meals. How is this doing your duty as a parent?

    Do I sound harsh? absolutely. But I didn't bring 2 precious kids into this world only to leave them motherless before they're adults. I didn't marry my husband just to leave him crying at my grave before we're 40.

    But most of all, I love myself and respect myself too much to cheat myself out of a long, happy and decent life. I'm not asking my husband to run marathons or hit the gym 7 days a week. I'm not asking him to give up bacon or rum. I Just want him to stay in a healthy range because I love him, honor him and cherish him.

    I have made one too many choices that is leading me in that direction. and I need to honor my vows and my children and get back on the right track.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    Don't know if it would be a deal breaker but it will make the relationship a bit harder to manage. I am sure there will be times where we would butt heads as I am very active and want to do things outdoors and if my SO did not want to and just sit at home eating bon bons

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