Is it terrible that when my husband...

gracefulotus
gracefulotus Posts: 42
edited January 2 in Chit-Chat
Is it terrible that when my husband is talking to me about work, my mind drifts in and out of the conversation?

Context: I've had a long day of study, we discuss my thesis, have our dinner, go back to study, then watch t.v. for 40min just to unwind before bedtime.

Sitting on the living room floor with a glass of wine in my hand, and he starts talking to me. My mind drifts in and out of his spiel and I catch bits and pieces of what he's saying "risk.... legislation.... idiots..... the system.... the client.... numbers... there's no connection between this framework and what the other consultants are working on...."

All the while my mind drifts in and out. I smile when he smiles, nod assent when he checks that I'm listening.

What is the polite thing to do when you're clearly not listening for whatever reason. Do you let a person do their thing because maybe they need to vent, or should you admit that you're simply not listening.
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Replies

  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol?? I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Im lucky, my husband doesnt talk much.
  • holeshottdr
    holeshottdr Posts: 364 Member
    Sorry, what were you saying?
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol??

    this.

    If I'm talking, it's all a (not so) clever ploy to get laid.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    You're being very rude to your husband. He's taking the time to confide in his partner about his day. The person that he should be able to confide in.

    If you need more time to unwind your brain, set aside some me time for yourself to unwind. But make sure that he knows that this is your time to unwind. Then, come back to him and then allow him to discuss his day with your full attention.

    Have you tried to talk to him about this "Honey, I really want to listen to your day and what happened, but right now, I really need some time to unwind my brain and then we can talk, okay?"
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    Sorry, what were you saying?

    literally chuckled out loud. (LCOL)

    well played.
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
    You're being very rude to your husband. He's taking the time to confide in his partner about his day. The person that he should be able to confide in.

    If you need more time to unwind your brain, set aside some me time for yourself to unwind. But make sure that he knows that this is your time to unwind. Then, come back to him and then allow him to discuss his day with your full attention.

    Have you tried to talk to him about this "Honey, I really want to listen to your day and what happened, but right now, I really need some time to unwind my brain and then we can talk, okay?"

    ^^This... what I wouldn't give for a man who actually wants to share with me. Well share his day and experiences, not just his C.O.C.K.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    If your drifting in and out every time he talks to you, you should make more of an effort. If it's once in a while after you've had a long day- I wouldn't worry about it and let him chat away.

    Sometimes I do the same thing.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    If my wife doesn't ask about my day, i just assume she couldn't care less about it.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    If my wife doesn't ask about my day, i just assume she couldn't care less about it.

    Do you ask about hers?
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    I am always rude to my Husband, if what he wants to say to me is interesting to me I listen, and if its not I wander off or yawn and look at my watch.
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Is it terrible that when my husband is talking to me about work, my mind drifts in and out of the conversation?

    No, because your husband is doing the same thing when you go on and on about your day.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    It's okay. In your OP it sounded like every time. If that's not the case - then it's really not a big deal. I would bet he does the same sometimes.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    I used to do this to my Dad ALL the time. With my husband....once in a great while. But we've worked in the same industry together quite a bit, so at least I know what he's talking about when he talks about work!
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    You posted because you were not paying attention one time??
  • eleqtriq
    eleqtriq Posts: 76 Member
    I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Damnit I just spit my coffee all over my computer screen because of your comment!! bwahahahaha
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    I would've just told him "Honey, you're doing my head in. Can we talk about this another day/in 10 mins/in never?"

    Or if it were my boyfriend and I "Do you need me to pay attention to you or do you just want me to pretend like I'm listening when I'm not?"

    There are plenty of times I've gone up to my boyfriend and just said to him "I don't want any commentary, don't try to fix this. Just act like you're listening and I'll let you know when I'm done." And then I proceed to rant and rave about what's angered me that day and then I'll tap him on the shoulder, give him a kiss, thank him for listening and then move on:)
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    You posted because you were not paying attention one time??

    Eek. Not trying to get everyone riled up. Just wanted to know what the etiquette is on these things.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    If my wife doesn't ask about my day, i just assume she couldn't care less about it.

    Do you ask about hers?

    Every day.

    I ask when I get home from work how her day was, and I ask her when she gets home from work how her work was. I am interested to know.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    If my wife doesn't ask about my day, i just assume she couldn't care less about it.

    Do you ask about hers?

    Every day.

    I ask when I get home from work how her day was, and I ask her when she gets home from work how her work was. I am interested to know.

    Then she should ask about yours. You should just tell her one day. Maybe she'll notice she doesn't ask.
  • mandipandi75
    mandipandi75 Posts: 6,035 Member
    You could always pounce on him. I'm sure he'd stop talking.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    Do you look like J.D. from Scrubs when he is talking to you? If not, don't worry about it. just smile and nod.

    My_Night_to_Remember.jpg
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Is it terrible that when my husband is talking to me about work, my mind drifts in and out of the conversation?

    No, because your husband is doing the same thing when you go on and on about your day.

    This makes me feel better. :laugh:
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
    Do you look like J.D. from Scrubs when he is talking to you? If not, don't worry about it. just smile and nod.

    My_Night_to_Remember.jpg

    I'm not sure. Living room was dark. Only the t.v. was on, and I was getting hammered on my second glass of wine. I just remember thinking... mhm... my face feels hot.
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol?? I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Im lucky, my husband doesnt talk much.

    LMAO!
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    You're being very rude to your husband. He's taking the time to confide in his partner about his day. The person that he should be able to confide in.

    Yeah, but who cares about the minutiae? If I started babbling to my husband about a frustration with an animation not coming to life the way I envisioned, or some bit of code that was giving me trouble on a website, his eyes would gloss over and he'd definitely ignore me. And vice versa. I don't give a damn about the trivialities of his job either. Unless you work in the same field, it's pretty boring and/or completely irrelevant.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    You're being very rude to your husband. He's taking the time to confide in his partner about his day. The person that he should be able to confide in.

    Yeah, but who cares about the minutiae? If I started babbling to my husband about a frustration with an animation not coming to life the way I envisioned, or some bit of code that was giving me trouble on a website, his eyes would gloss over and he'd definitely ignore me. And vice versa. I don't give a damn about the trivialities of his job either. Unless you work in the same field, it's pretty boring and/or completely irrelevant.

    Didn't quite catch my follow up, did you?
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    You posted because you were not paying attention one time??

    Eek. Not trying to get everyone riled up. Just wanted to know what the etiquette is on these things.

    The way I see it, there is no etiquette in a marriage. It depends on the type of relationship. We are open enough to say "im not really listening right now" without the other one getting upset. So it depends on the person and kind of relationship you have.
  • supahstar71
    supahstar71 Posts: 926 Member

    ^^This... what I wouldn't give for a man who actually wants to share with me. Well share his day and experiences, not just his C.O.C.K.


    Right because that's clearly all she uses him for. Jeez. Why the need to be so crass? :noway:


    OP, I'm right there with you. :laugh: Happens a lot. I just tune out sometimes but I listen when it's important. I assume he does the same. Don't worry about it.
  • KateCon912
    KateCon912 Posts: 200 Member
    I don't think so. I do this too and my husband is aware that I'm not listening. But it's still therapeutic for him to tell me about his day regardless if I'm listening or not :) He doesn't care. I still pretend to listen!
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