Can you still be best friend with your ex after a break up?

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Replies

  • GlutesthatSalute
    GlutesthatSalute Posts: 460 Member
    Hi,

    You really should allow yourself time to heal. Someone's feelings in the relationship will still be raw. It's important to allow those feelings to heal and give yourself time to move on. Also, you'll be too temped to give him the cookies. Guess what, if he isn't good enough to be your full-time man, then he doesn't get the honor and benefit of your cookies.

    Use this time to focus on your. He'll be fine, if he's not, it's not your problem anymore.

    This exactly... ^^^^^^^^^^^ well put

    And I'm taking this to heart bc I'm dealing w the same issue.. good luck mama:flowerforyou:
  • FJMilner
    FJMilner Posts: 407
    My ex husband and I are really good friends now. initially not, it wasn't very nice at the time, but I still love him, he still loves me, we just don't work as a couple (I know, we have tried 3 times haha!) But sure you can be good friends if you were before....
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
    They can in my world. I was matron of honor at my ex boyfriend's wedding... I'm very close with his wife. I suppose it depends on the circumstances of the break up.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    I've never had that ability ....so no....I would say no...but i'm not you...so..
  • hypergrl
    hypergrl Posts: 188 Member
    My ex is my best friend. Things that we had in common are still there...we just didn't have what romantic relationship compatability LOL
  • ukstarlight05
    ukstarlight05 Posts: 86
    No. I tried to remain friends with my ex, and it only complicated my life and future relationship. I had to let something go if I wanted it to work out with my current, awesome boyfriend, and it was the ex. My boyfriend was in the same scenario as well, and in order for it to work between us we had to lose the baggage!

    Yes there was a bit of jealous issues going on, but it was mostly jealousy issues on the part of the ex's.. I had to threaten his ex-girlfriend with a restraining order because she stalked me and hacked my accounts!
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    Imagine your next boyfriend is still best friends with his ex and they talk and text all the time, and he tells you she's still in love with him. How would that make you feel?
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    No. If you really liked each other that much, you'd be together. Plus, do you want to explain this person and your relationship with them to the next person that you date? Most people would be uncomfortable that he is still such a big part of your life - even if they trust you, they may not trust his intentions.

    I will tell you from the position of being the 'new' person. It took me probably about 1 year to be comfortable with the amount of texting/talking/phone calls that happen. It was a lot easier for me because there was a child involved and the majority of the conversations are to do with him. I don't know that I would have been as accepting of it if they didn't have a child together now that you mention it. BUT I'm also an insanely jealous person so YMMV.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    I have 3 ex-wives, yes, 3 of them. I do not speak or see a single one of them. I have one child with the first, but she is already in her 20s, so have not had reason to speak to her mother in years, thank god!!! If I was to see one of my exes on a street, I would turn my head, walk away and pretend I didn't see them.

    Exes are Exes for a reason!
  • IndyMario
    IndyMario Posts: 236
    I don't know about "best friends", but, friends? Yes.
    Personal experience tells me so.
    The trick is to understand and be able to notice when one's relationship is on the decline and be able to stop,
    evaluate and decide to act before the very core of the relationship is ruined.
    I'd rather be (and have) a good friend than a ****ty lover, whom I will inevitably resent.
  • hypergrl
    hypergrl Posts: 188 Member
    Nope, but you can still have random sexytime

    and this ^^^ i found not to be true...it just perpetuates feelings...
  • vendygirl
    vendygirl Posts: 718 Member
    It all depends on you. I have some exs that I would NEVER speak to again and then I have my best buddy whom I dated in my last year of high school. I don't even think of him as an ex anymore. He listened to some of my insane dating stories, he was at my wedding and we still hang out ALL the time now. In fact my husband is friends with him as well. I told my husband flat out he was an ex up front so he wasn't thrown if it was ever mentioned (not that we ever really bring it up. It was over 10+ years ago now).

    I can't say that everyone could be friends with their exs because it varies from person to person. It depends on the people. Just as long as your ex is aware that there is not a future then what is the problem? When you start blurring the lines then you get into the grey area.
  • GBOGH_5
    GBOGH_5 Posts: 174 Member
    My ex and I were together for 3 years. At some point we stopped being in love and started being more like friends than a couple. We eventually agreed that we were better at being friends than lovers. I moved out of the master bedroom and into the guest room "temporarily" until I could get some money saved up. Ended up working out really well being roommates. I still live in the guest room after almost a year.
    We still hang out and do some stuff together. We never, ever hook up or anything (interestingly this is the question I get asked the most). We have a mutual understanding that if we are going to be hooking up with other people, we do it at that other person's place. We still have meals together and watch t.v. together and such. But, we just made much better friends than we did anything else. So, yes. I think you can be really great friends with an ex. If you are both mature enough to handle it.
  • uxbridgeheli
    uxbridgeheli Posts: 70
    Best friends!??? I doubt it - you break up for a reason or many reasons.
    You can still get along though as adults!
    I still get on with my ex-husband but if we didn't have our daughter to parent I doubt I'd bother!
    H x
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    I know a lot of people say no, but I know it can happen.

    I have one ex that is still my best friend and probably always will be, but it didn't happen over night we didn't talk for along time while we dealt with a lot of stuff between us, and then we slowly became the best of friends again, but we were best friends before we ever dated. For the most part though - I cannot stand my exes.

    I also have a friend who's best friend is her Ex-husband, and her current husband and him are really good friends too. They mutually split as they knew their relationship was not good and it was doing more harm than anything. Again it took time, and she was completely honest with her current husband about the relationship with her ex from day one so it wasn't a surprise when he showed up.
  • stinkpurty
    stinkpurty Posts: 148

    If you can see each other as 'people' and not 'hook ups' AND if you have no romantic feelings anymore then I don't see why not. However if there is any 'hope' of a relationship or if there are still feelings then no, forget it.

    ^^This. My best guy friend is an ex. There are no romantic feelings between us. We are more like brother and sister. However, it took a while after we broke up, for us to become friends.

    Also, I don't think any other person I date should have a problem with him and I being friends. I could understand if there were concerns, but I have always been upfront about our friendship with other guys I have dated. I never lie about or hide him. I would never tell a guy you couldn't be friends with another woman (especially if she was in the picture long before me) and I wouldn't want a guy to tell me I couldn't be friends with another guy.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
    Just as you broke up for reasons, you started dating for reasons too.

    I try to stay on good terms with all of my ex's.

    My ex-fiance is one of my closest friends (it took about a year of time apart to rebuild the friendship though) and my husband loves him too.
  • PurrfumeGIrl
    PurrfumeGIrl Posts: 31 Member
    Unless you have children together, initially you need distance (emotional and physical) to allow for recovery and go through the stages of grief. Yeah, breaking up if you had any emotional attachment to a person, involves grieving for that loss.

    As long as you both keep your new relationships a priority and do not disrespect any new partners, perhaps one day you can be friends again. The more you both hold on to each other, or one holds on while the other moves on, there will always be pain. It wouldn't be fair to be emotionally tangled with him and be in a new relationship or worse yet, to prevent you from finding a new relationship.

    That's the hardest part, letting go of the attachment. It's an addiction. That person was your go to for everything. But that's why you have to learn to be your own best friend and be comfortable in your own skin. The other person should never complete you only compliment you. This is a chance to rediscover yourself. Make new friends and find new interests. Allow yourself to feel.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I'm friends with my ex husband, we divorced 13 years ago and I've been remarried for 10. we call each other on our birthday, when our kids are driving us nuts, etc. phone conversations are never too long, my husband is fully aware of the friendship. He was a horrible horrible husband but he has turned out to be a pretty good friend. we have no kids together either.
  • lik_11
    lik_11 Posts: 433 Member
    .....still love each other, although I know it would never work in the future, and I kind of am wasting his time really.

    You wrote you're wasting his time - I think that says it all.
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
    I have an ex boyfriend that I dated back 13 years ago that is still my friend today. He's someone I confide in for a lot of things. My husband knows about him. We haven't seen each other since I dated my husband out of respect for our sposes. We have tried to get us all together to hang out but that's fallen through a few times as we live 2 hours away now.

    But I am open with my hubs about my discussions with this guy. No reason to hide anything and my hubs doesn't get jealous. He knows that was looooong ago.
  • Lotte34
    Lotte34 Posts: 429 Member
    My Ex fiance and his girlfriend are two of the most important people in my life, cherish them both. Get on better with him now than i did when we were to be married
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    No. And it doesnt depend on ANYTHING. the person you are currently dating either has to be your (opposite sex) best friend or the relationship is doomed. No exceptions. If your current boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband isnt your best friend then you need to make it so or move on.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Last time I saw my ex he told my son he would see him next week for his birthday. That was over 14 months ago.

    Last time my mom saw my ex he was walking to work and she tried to run him down with her car..... So, yeah. We wouldn't be friends.
  • daisiemae123
    daisiemae123 Posts: 277 Member
    It truly depends on the situation. My best friend and I became a couple (for a few years) and I think we both knew it wasn't right so then we weren't. Tough at first, yes. Worth working it out absolutely. He was a groomsman at my wedding and he and his wife just welcomed a third beautiful baby girl that my husband and I will meet this weekend. Does it work for everyone, no. Both ex's have to decide it will and future significant others need to be okay with it too.
  • misfitswayoflife
    misfitswayoflife Posts: 134 Member
    Yes you totally can. My best friend is my ex high school sweetheart. we dtaed for 4 years and lived together. I stayed away from him for a year until we got over each other. now we hang out a lot. HOwever it has been an issue for boyfriends that I hang out with my ex. BUt there is nothing there anymore
  • beckyboop712
    beckyboop712 Posts: 383 Member
    I stayed friends with my ex for 6 years after we broke up...He was my go to when things came crashing down (which happened more than they probably should have). When I started dating my current ex and realized it was going to cause a rift in our relationship if I continued to talk to my ex, I finally let him go. It was hard but probably the best decision I made. He filled a temporary void that is now permanently occupied by my boyfriend.
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    Not if either one still harbors feelings of a romantic nature. So usually no.

    If you want to torture this guy, then go ahead and try to be "friends" with him.
  • bridgelene
    bridgelene Posts: 358 Member
    My experience? Best friends (not sure, my ex's and I were never there initially). Friends? Yep. But for the one who I actually remained friends with it came with a long and windey road. We ended on very bad terms -- basically we wanted different things, and I was younger and I kinda got hurt, blew up and blah blah blah. My ex never played me with it and was upfront about it. So we had no contact at all for 4+ years because I was pissed.

    But we randomly ended up back in contact, and now we hang out and confide in each other some.

    I do think that time with no contact was important for us -- if we were going to be friends -- because honestly, I don't think I could've ever let go of my feelings if I saw and talked to this person on any sort of basis. I just would've felt it fresh over and over again.
  • Aeriesified
    Aeriesified Posts: 206 Member
    Depends on the ex, really. If they're mature enough to make the shift back to friend, that's cool. If they want to be a spiteful, petulant child about it, then no. Sadly, I've only ended up with spiteful, petulant children, so no luck being friends with exes yet.

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