Biggest, surprising non-supporter you've run into....

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  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    Hope things improve with your BF's mother....that's strange and unfortunate. My mother-in-law was a really awesome lady, and couldn't stop complimenting me as I was losing weight.

    One of my best friends was my big surprise though. She was kind of negative about it, and kept warning' me not to get too "OBSESSED" with working out and eating healthy. I expected better...but I guess on some level it just reflected her own inability to get motivated and make the changes she says she wants to make. She just hasn't made the committment to stop baking brownies "for the kids" every week and making excuses why she can't exercise quite yet!

    All in due time though....hopefully get to the point where she wants it bad enough to just do it,

    Yes, I've actually lost 2 friends because of the same reason. Strange thing is, I'm now the same size as them, they just couldn't seem to handle that their "chubby" friend now was their size and had more muscle definition. They started out going to the gym with me each day, but both ended up quitting. Seems as though they are just angry with themselves for not being able to keep up with it and they don't like being reminded of it when they see me.
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    At first it was my husband. But things changed after I made a HUGE annoucement. I told him that I felt as though I was pretty unhealthy and wanted to make a change to become healthier. He cooks most of our meals but I told him effective...I would eat a certain way and that he didn't need to plan for my meals. When he saw what I was doing, he started making dinners that worked for me. He lost 50 lbs while I struggled to lose 25 :). Every now and then he complains that making healthy meals all the time is difficult but all in all he has become my number one supporter. Good luck to you.

    I wish my guy would get on the band wagon like yours did. He still eats whatever he wants... He'll eat my dinners sometimes, but he'll always add in his own food to make it more of a "man meal" as he says... :huh:
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    Tofu zucchini lasagna is the best revenge EVER. hahahahahaha
    I'd have to tell you it didn't fit into my plan. Tofu/soy makes me stupid.
  • Alohathin
    Alohathin Posts: 360 Member
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    I'm very fortunate in this regard. I have three brothers who have all lost more weight than I have, my best friend is a personal trainer and nurse, and my mother asks me how much I've lost every time we speak on the phone. All my other friends are stoked for me as well.

    Sorry that you have to go through that. However, instead of accusing your boyfriend's mother of doing it on purpose, I would have just asked him in a non confrontational way to speak to her about it. Of course dudes are going to 'protect'their moms.
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    Instead of the tofu-zucchini idea, maybe you could invite her over for dinner and make one of your regular meals? Then she can see he's eating a plate full of meat, veggies, complex carbs, and other healthy, delicious things instead of one little rice cake. You could even make a (healthy) dessert. She'll probably still "pity" him, but at least she can't lie about you eating nothing but tofu.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I don't have this issue, but I have a lot of family drama. I've learned that the only way to deal with it effectively is to smile and nod. Take a little of the food like you have been doing and if she asks if you want more just say "No, I"m working with what I have on my plate now," with a smile on your face. And then immediately strike up a conversation with the person next to you. If football is on that's even better - you can focus on the game. Eventually, she'll get tired of pushing you.

    Don't talk about your diet, don't talk about your weight loss, don't make faces and don't complain. If you don't make it a big deal, she can't. Kill 'em with kindness.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    Why get on fights over something she is doing? I would go and just enjoy the food in small portions that way she has no ground to stand on. Unless you guys go visit there more than 3 times a month. But still just cause she cooked 20 burgers for 4 people doesn't mean you have to eat 5.

    I don't know of any non-supporters cause I don't really need the support since I do this alone, I'm very firm on my NO I don't want that or NO I don't eat that. And when I'm visiting some where in a social capacity I just make sure I have my day planed so I can in take a lot of calories.

    I'm not asking for her support, so I suppose I used "non-supporter" loosely. I've done this myself and surpassed my goals without any support. I guess it's more shocking that she is acting this way. And yes, it's starting to be a steady almost every-Sunday ordeal lately. And I say no, and I mean no. It's just becoming an annoyance in my relationship because he gets frustrated at the situation because he wants us to get along, which I understand. But I shouldn't have to gorge myself on disgusting food to get along with her. She's always done things like this to stir up feuds within her own family, but I guess it's just hitting home now because she's involving me. It's more of a frustration/annoyance than not getting support.

    ah that suck, some people seem to feed on drama otherwise they don't feel right. Sorry for your situation :(
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    I don't have this issue, but I have a lot of family drama. I've learned that the only way to deal with it effectively is to smile and nod. Take a little of the food like you have been doing and if she asks if you want more just say "No, I"m working with what I have on my plate now," with a smile on your face. And then immediately strike up a conversation with the person next to you. If football is on that's even better - you can focus on the game. Eventually, she'll get tired of pushing you.

    Don't talk about your diet, don't talk about your weight loss, don't make faces and don't complain. If you don't make it a big deal, she can't. Kill 'em with kindness.

    ^^That's the program I've been on so far- I never let her know that it bugs the *kitten* out of me. Her husband always tells her to stop- that's when I'd like to laugh. But I keep it to myself :happy:
  • julieh391
    julieh391 Posts: 683 Member
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    I could have written your post. Only my MIL hasn't said a WORD about my losing almost 50lbs. She sends my kids home from her house with bags of candy (Yes. Each of them gets a full bag of candy like you would buy for trick or treaters almost weekly-we throw it out.) And she cooks the most revolting mayonaise slathered crap I've ever seen. Followed by mountains of dessert of course. Thankfully I work 2nd shift, so I'm able to avoid a lot of get togethers. But I'm always throwing away leftovers when I get home.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I don't have this issue, but I have a lot of family drama. I've learned that the only way to deal with it effectively is to smile and nod. Take a little of the food like you have been doing and if she asks if you want more just say "No, I"m working with what I have on my plate now," with a smile on your face. And then immediately strike up a conversation with the person next to you. If football is on that's even better - you can focus on the game. Eventually, she'll get tired of pushing you.

    Don't talk about your diet, don't talk about your weight loss, don't make faces and don't complain. If you don't make it a big deal, she can't. Kill 'em with kindness.

    ^^That's the program I've been on so far- I never let her know that it bugs the *kitten* out of me. Her husband always tells her to stop- that's when I'd like to laugh. But I keep it to myself :happy:

    Then you really are doing everything right. Honestly, I would just let it go with your boyfriend, too. I know it's frustrating and you probably want to vent, but vent to a friend. It's better to pick your battles and, in the grand scheme of life, Sunday dinner is not worth it. If you get married and have children there will be far more worthy battles to fight.
  • kinrsa
    kinrsa Posts: 111 Member
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    My parents- they tell me I'm too thin if I get near a mid-range healthy BMI.

    It amuses me because my mom had an eating disorder when she was a model and my dad is the reason I can't eat mayo or salad dressing- he told me they were "fat people food" when I was 11. You'd think they'd want a kid in the healthy range. But I ended up with an eating disorder as a teenager so I guess they get nervous any time my weight changes at all.
  • Culley34
    Culley34 Posts: 224
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    I find this to be an interesting topic and it's not the first time I've seen it tossed around here.

    Here's my two cents on a deeper level: Be very careful about letting people in your life that don't want the absolute best for you.
  • pandoraw
    pandoraw Posts: 143 Member
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    My adult daughter is my biggest non-supporter.
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    I could have written your post. Only my MIL hasn't said a WORD about my losing almost 50lbs. She sends my kids home from her house with bags of candy (Yes. Each of them gets a full bag of candy like you would buy for trick or treaters almost weekly-we throw it out.) And she cooks the most revolting mayonaise slathered crap I've ever seen. Followed by mountains of dessert of course. Thankfully I work 2nd shift, so I'm able to avoid a lot of get togethers. But I'm always throwing away leftovers when I get home.

    Ya, she hasn't said anything to me either, except that I'm too skinny now. Which is ironic because I still have about 4-5% body fat to lose until I'm near "too skinny".
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    I could have written your post. Only my MIL hasn't said a WORD about my losing almost 50lbs. She sends my kids home from her house with bags of candy (Yes. Each of them gets a full bag of candy like you would buy for trick or treaters almost weekly-we throw it out.) And she cooks the most revolting mayonaise slathered crap I've ever seen. Followed by mountains of dessert of course. Thankfully I work 2nd shift, so I'm able to avoid a lot of get togethers. But I'm always throwing away leftovers when I get home.

    Ya, she hasn't said anything to me either, except that I'm too skinny now. Which is ironic because I still have about 4-5% body fat to lose until I'm near "too skinny".

    ...and the candy thing is disgusting. And trying way too hard. Too bad she's wasting her money on that and not investing it in to something worthwhile for your kids.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Tell her this: Oh my goodness, you work so hard cooking such wonderful dinners I feel terrible not contributing. So I made this to add to the meal! and bring a fruit salad or something. Plop a big serving on a plate for her, then act all offended if she doesn't want to eat it LOL.

    Just kidding about the last part but seriously bring food to eat or eat before going so you're not tempted over there, and then just have a bit to eat over there so as not to seem rude. She can't physically force you to eat all that stuff, so don't sweat it. Understand this is about her own issues and truly has nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally. Pity her, and let your anger toward her go.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Sounds like my mother-in-law. She tells both my wife and I we're too skinny! She is about 5 foot nothing and 90 pounds herself! I take whatever is served, I just don't take very much.
  • SMiller074
    SMiller074 Posts: 51 Member
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    OMG my MIL does the SAME thing! Husband thought I was crazy at first, but I was sure she was doing it on purpose. Although, she is nothing but complementary about my weight loss, she can talk out of both sides of her mouth sometimes (and I know she used to call me fat behind my back before I lost the weight).

    I just stopped going every weekend. Cut it down to just a few times a month. I don't need to be seeing my inlaws that much anyway.. >.>
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
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    Taking a good dish over is a great idea. The other thing you can do is out "kind" her. Say something like I knew wouldn't mind since you are a weight watcher yourself, I knew you would be supportive. Try to say positive things. You will either win her over or at least in the long run your fiance will see how hard you have tried without getting a result.
  • maggiemay22467
    maggiemay22467 Posts: 214 Member
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    Make a side dish like a salad and take it so you will have something to eat. I think it would make her feel good if you help with the dinner with her not knowing it is really helping you. Make a suger free dessert she might like it.

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