Question for guys…when a woman complains..

fcp1234
fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
in Chit-Chat
I think it’s a big turn off and useless to complain to your male partner about your looks, being overweight, bad hair, etc etc…But still I know a lot of women that do it. I think this is one of those conversations that are saved for your girl friends (if you really have to complain about it). I think one should not complain but work hard and be proud of whatever the results are..but we all have those days when we don’t feel so pretty ( some more than the others).

Yea yea yea... our partners are supposed to be our best friends..but still I think there are some things you dont talk about, and complaining about your body is one of them.


What do you think?
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Replies

  • scottsilver81
    scottsilver81 Posts: 42
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    it gets annoying after a while its basically compliment fishing
  • Tenster
    Tenster Posts: 278 Member
    In my opinion.... I could handle a few complaints as I'm sure most men including myself often complain about things to their partners. The main turn off is a lack of confidence especially when it comes to sex. Confidence is a huge turn on so even if girls are carrying abit of weight or have physical issues I think this can be compensated by confidence.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    If a woman is asking for reassurance that you still want her..there is something wrong there from your part

    If you need help, ask for freaking help, you dont have to complain about it..
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?



    Yeah, I think maybe we are doing for reassurance that we are still attractive.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    In my opinion.... I could handle a few complaints as I'm sure most men including myself often complain about things to their partners. The main turn off is a lack of confidence especially when it comes to sex. Confidence is a huge turn on so even if girls are carrying abit of weight or have physical issues I think this can be compensated by confidence.

    Well..doesnt complaining = lack of confidence?

    Dont take me wrong, There are times that I will complain about , but its really not complaining, it usually is just to let my husband know that I might be at the gym a little longer in the future cause I gotta work on a few pounds
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    If a woman is asking for reassurance that you still want her..there is something wrong there from your part

    If you need help, ask for freaking help, you dont have to complain about it..

    I think it's not so much complaining but maybe just to get someone else's opinion...you know how it takes your mind awhile to catch up to your changing body and how the mirror plays tricks on you....not to mention the scale.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    If a woman is asking for reassurance that you still want her..there is something wrong there from your part

    If you need help, ask for freaking help, you dont have to complain about it..

    I think it's not so much complaining but maybe just to get someone else's opinion...you know how it takes your mind awhile to catch up to your changing body and how the mirror plays tricks on you....not to mention the scale.

    Thats what Im here for girl,. among other things:)
  • irishrose22
    irishrose22 Posts: 161 Member
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    If a woman is asking for reassurance that you still want her..there is something wrong there from your part

    If you need help, ask for freaking help, you dont have to complain about it..

    Disagree, it could just be her. Sometimes even women who have lots of confidence have weak moments. It happens, we are human. My hubby is my best friend and if I can't share with him when I am not feeling all wonderful about myself, then there is something wrong there. With that being said, a woman who does it ALL the time, needs help or is fishing for compliments. I think all guys find women with confidence a huge turn on....must be why I get laid so much...hahaha.
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    If a woman is asking for reassurance that you still want her..there is something wrong there from your part

    If you need help, ask for freaking help, you dont have to complain about it..

    I think it's not so much complaining but maybe just to get someone else's opinion...you know how it takes your mind awhile to catch up to your changing body and how the mirror plays tricks on you....not to mention the scale.

    Thats what Im here for girl,. among other things:)

    :))))
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
    I don't necessarily complain about my looks.... but my bf compliments my appearance consistently, and it just feels awkward. After years of negativity towards myself due to weight, or years of negativity from a few others I encounter just because of the way I chose to dress at that point.... I feel as though I'm a) undeserving of compliments, and/or b) that anyone who says something nice to me is lying.
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    I just realized this was suppose to be a question for guys...lol Okay, I'm out!
  • RoseThePenguin
    RoseThePenguin Posts: 100 Member
    In my opinion.... I could handle a few complaints as I'm sure most men including myself often complain about things to their partners. The main turn off is a lack of confidence especially when it comes to sex. Confidence is a huge turn on so even if girls are carrying abit of weight or have physical issues I think this can be compensated by confidence.

    Thank you so much for saying that xD
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    there's complaining, and then there's incessant whining.

    I mean, everyone complains from time to time about work, looks, traffic, whatever. When you think you are getting the short end of the stick on something, then they tend to complain a little. So, if my wife complains to me about her appearance, I don't care. It's not something that she harps on. She will make a comment about feeling fat, or her hair not looking right or whatever. But then I probably won't hear about it for a month or two. I make it pretty clear that I think she's beautiful and sexy.

    But if she did it daily, that would be a turn off. But if she complained about any one thing daily (like work), it would be a turnoff.

    So I guess I am saying that the act of complaining is more detrimental (in my opinion) than the topic.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    to be honest i'm assuming they are only telling me for one of two reasons....:-

    reassurance that they are still desireable

    or

    because they want help to change their appearance

    or am i being naive?

    It's only the first one.
    Women don't complain to their partners because they want help changing.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    In my opinion.... I could handle a few complaints as I'm sure most men including myself often complain about things to their partners. The main turn off is a lack of confidence especially when it comes to sex. Confidence is a huge turn on so even if girls are carrying abit of weight or have physical issues I think this can be compensated by confidence.

    This. My husband *****es about stuff, so why can't I? And yes, sometimes that thing I ***** about is my body, especially since I have a lot of extra skin after losing weight. I know it doesn't bother him, but sometimes I just get irritated/frustrated about it and want to vent. I'll also add, my husband is a lot more understanding about it than my "girlfriends."
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    I don't necessarily complain about my looks.... but my bf compliments my appearance consistently, and it just feels awkward.

    Well You boyfriend is just a d***, sorry for being harsh.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    When a woman complains its a major turnoff and is annoying.

    Nothing is sexier than a confident woman no matter her physical appearance may be.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
    Sometimes we just want to vocalise what's going on in our head. No response is necessary. I know that for me it helps to just say it aloud instead of letting it fester inside.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
    ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    If she brings it up then it's clearly an issue she needs help resolving from her loving life mate. Or at least I assume; I wasn't listening.
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
    Passive aggressive behavior is annoying in whatever form it comes in, no matter where it comes from. People who do this are looking for a pat on the head for being "ok" even if they feel they are not. Blech. Kill yourself.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    I'm not a guy but agree.
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    ok i see your posts almost everyday here and they are very interesting..nothing against that!..but its becoming very disconcerting hearing you talk everyday without a head.I dont know why but Its bothering me a lot lol..just saying :explode:

    Lets face it, guys don't look at our faces when we're talking anyway but thanks for our next forum post material. :)
  • Danardeener
    Danardeener Posts: 255
    Passive aggressive behavior is annoying in whatever form it comes in, no matter where it comes from. People who do this are looking for a pat on the head for being "ok" even if they feel they are not. Blech. Kill yourself.

    LOL! Thanks for the laugh!
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    Sometimes we just want to vocalise what's going on in our head. No response is necessary. I know that for me it helps to just say it aloud instead of letting it fester inside.

    I totally agree..Same for men too.. I always hate it when men complain ( Thank god hubby dont do it often)..There is a difference about complaining about traffic and complaining about your body. There is nothing you can do about the traffic, but you sure can do something to change your body. So just plain complaining makes me mad

    There are times I tell my husband "listen Im gonna have to be at the gym a little longer this week, I gotta work on a few pounds"..Thats me letting it out, telling him what my plan is. But just b***ing about something without following up with a plan is uselss.
  • Crying_In_Color
    Crying_In_Color Posts: 246 Member
    I disagree with you. I feel that I should be able to talk about anything with the person I am with including any negative thoughts about myself. I feel that he should be just as comfortable bring up things about himself that bother him as well. A good relationship should be completely open and honest, even about things that may make the other person involved uncomfortable.
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    Like one guy already said....there's constantly whining and the occasional complaint....

    I would complain about little things or the occasional hormonal "I have NOTHING to wear and NOTHING looks good" moments but he did too actually hahaha

    He has been the only guy I dated that we would discuss body shapes/goals and workouts regularly together
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
    If I were a guy, I'd want to play Bruno Mars 'Just the Way You Are' once, and I'd say, "This is the way I feel about you. End. Of. Story." And then I wouldn't want to hear anymore whining about appearance.

    Confidence, an aura of mystery, and some feminine secrets are worth preserving. Good magicians never tell how they create their magic.
  • francesiax
    francesiax Posts: 53
    I 'complain' all the time to my boyfriend. It's not compliment fishing. If my weight is bothering me then the one person in the world that I should be able to share that with is him. Why should you hide something that is a big part of your life from the person that you are with for fear of turning them off. If it turns them off then they obvious don't care too much for your feelings. When I do bring up my weight issues it's to talk through how I feel and to maybe get some constructive criticism and a hug out of it to make me feel better. If you are making a concious effort to lose weight and things are taking a long time or not going to plan then I definitely wouldn't want to save that for talking to my girls.

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