Embarrassed for Trying to Lose Weight

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  • HealthyForMyDearestLove
    HealthyForMyDearestLove Posts: 6
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    I know how you feel, my family supports me and all but girls my age (I'm 19 tomorrow) don't understand and they make comments that are rude. You just gotta keep your head up because all in all no one knows your body and what's healthy for it like you. :)
  • ClassicPearl
    ClassicPearl Posts: 141 Member
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    I wasn't really embarrassed to be on it but I didn't really tell anyone for the first month just in case I didn't follow through with it (happened in the past). After a month though I didn't care who knew

    Me too! I find if I don't tell people what I'm doing, then I'm going to stick with it. Weird, huh?
  • blues4miles
    blues4miles Posts: 1,481 Member
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    I used to be mortified if people thought "I was trying to eat less or exercise for weight loss". I thought they were all mocking the fat girl for even trying to change.

    That's how I feel about it too. I started running before I started seriously trying to lose weight (i.e., watching what I eat instead of out-eating my running) and I felt embarrassed about that too. I still don't really tell people, even though during the winters due to daylight I am jogging around during work at lunch. I certainly don't let it get out I watch what I eat nowadays.

    I feel like people are so competitive and that no matter what you accomplish they'll always be trying to outdo you in some way or point out your shortcomings. I think how nobody said anything when I gained the weight, so I don't want them to say anything when I start to lose it either, then maybe I can pretend nobody noticed :laugh: I guess I'm also afraid that I'll fail. Or that my weight loss will be so laughably slow that it would feel like failing if anyone knew. I am proud of the 4 lbs I've lost. But if anyone kept asking me "how many pounds did you lose this week?" even if they were trying to be supportive I would just feel like a failure. If I know I can do it on my own terms and take another year to lose another 20 lbs, then I don't feel so bad. It's just me in my head, not someone else's expectations.
  • Helen_Luvnlife
    Helen_Luvnlife Posts: 230 Member
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    I still don't tell anybody unless they ask. Everybody knows I've lost weight. Even now when the ask how I'm doing it I simply say I'm counting calories and exercising. A few have asked for more details and I will tell them, but I don't broadcast it. I'm not out to impress anybody. I'm doing it for me.
  • DixieStarr76
    DixieStarr76 Posts: 44
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    Honestly, nope. I'm not on a "diet". It's a PERMANENT lifestyle change that I made. I eat REAL food, not diet supplements(vitamins are a different story here)/shakes/instant freeze-a-meal stuff. I like to cook/bake, so I am aware of everything I'm eating. My profile, diary and weight are public on here, Facebook and Twitter. I do not shame myself into darkness until I finally lose the weight, nope it's a process and it's out there for everyone to see, for MY accountability! I know life isn't perfect and I can't always eat clean, organic, non-processed foods. But I also know that life goes on after a night out with the girls, or date night with the husband. Hell I have 4 kids, that's a lot of birthday parties (and a lot of cake) and I know that I can reel it back in after the event is over. I'm honest with my friends and if they're your friends they'll understand and keep your lifestyle/goals in mind. IF you're really serious about making a change, you can't make excuses, and you cannot have saboteurs/enablers as friends. You have to make the conscience choice to change for the better, the healthier, the fitter and you cannot be embarrassed about it.


    Exactly! When I got my head back in the game, I started cutting out the things and people who were helping me make a mess out of my life. I've found that people are quick to have an opinion because they need the light to shine on someone else while their flaws hide in the shadows. I'm a live-out-loud type of girl, so here I am in all of my flawed glory!! I will be a better version of me. The weight loss is just a perk. Those who want to journey with me are welcome. Those who want to be negative can ramble on....
  • toni7467
    toni7467 Posts: 2
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    This is great advice...the truth is that you are working to become healthier. It is so negative to call it a diet!
  • traceface71
    traceface71 Posts: 45 Member
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    Sometimes. But I don't want others to see me as they see my friend.... My very good friend has been losing weight at a very rapid pace. She is excercising but she is NOT eatting healthily. In her defense, it is a very difficult time in her life right now and she's coping to the best of her abilities. Regardless, she brings her weight loss up every 10 minutes or so. And while I'm happy for her, it has become a bit tedious. She's proud of herself (and I don't blame her), it's a big ego boost (which she really needs right now) but it's just too much self obsession. Anyway, as of now when I mention my weight loss I always think "I hope they don't think this is all I'm about anymore" and "have I brought it up too much".

    * yes, I have sat down and expressed my concerns/ healthier choices with her.
  • lwagnitz
    lwagnitz Posts: 1,321 Member
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    I don't tell anyone, except the only person who really "knows" is my husband. If someone asks if I want to eat somewhere unhealthy or question something I'm doing, I just tell them I'm trying to eat better.

    I've found a lot of people are generally not understanding, or they are betting on me to fail, so I just keep it to myself.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    I've received a lot of the same comments actually. At first, I was embarassed. I didn't want to talk about it. Just let me do my thing my own way. I didn't want the criticism. I didn't want people to tell me I should eat this and this not eat that and blah blah blah. People still noticed I was losing weight and still put in their 2 cents, but I brushed it off.

    THEN, you get the whole "how are you doing it?!" like you're some sort of God. I even had one person ask me how much weight I lost and I told her 50 at the time, and she replied "You haven't lost that much, have you?" I looked at her dumb founded. Then, she preceded to ask me how I did it. I bluntly replied diet and exercise.

    It all comes to down not giving a flying *kitten*. If you do care (which who doesn't??), brush the comments off. Do it for yourself. If you fail, you fail. TRY AGAIN. Give yourself a break every now and then.
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
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    Hi, good topic, OP and great responses too. I am embarrassed about my size but not about my efforts to be healthier. In the past when I decided to diet I told no one, because I expected to fail...after all, I had always failed at diets. And now know I will continue to fail at a diet. What I needed all along was a way to live and eat in a healthy way (took a long time to understand that).

    Eventually I realized I needed support for my efforts and I took 2 of my sisters into my confidence. They understood and still are supportive. But it is the understanding from others facing the same hurdles as me that has given me the ongoing support I need. Also the education. Before I found MFP I was in a Yahoo group of weight loss buddies. It was great, just like MFP because everyone there was about changing patterns and habits so they could sustain the fat loss after reaching a healthy weight.

    I have always thought this: No one says anything about my gaining weight so they get to say nothing about my losing weight.

    If someone made a remark in the past I'd just say thanks, no big deal. Because it really wasn't a big deal. I was doing my thing and there was nothing special about it....eat less, move more. People always want to know what magic thing I did.

    I was hurt, many years ago, when my grandfather, whom I hadn't seen for a very long time, said when he saw me, Ani you're FAT! I can still recall how I felt...totally ashamed. He was an old man so I forgive him. I come from a very large family with lots of Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and siblings. They all had to see me growing bigger and bigger but my Mom was the only one who said anything. She said, You better get busy and lose that weight. She never had a problem so she sure couldn't tell me how...I was to "just do it" by some magical means, I guess. So, if she were alive today, she would be the only family member who gets to comment on my weight loss....even though it's been 45 years. Oh, my 2 sisters could too, but all they will say is " I see the difference...good job".
  • NewMnky1
    NewMnky1 Posts: 264
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    I kept my weight loss from pretty much everyone excpet for my husband and a 1 co-worker until people started to notice the wight loss. I did it for some of the reasons you did, didn't want to fail and have everyone know. I am a pretty private person and don't need to share my life with everyone. Eventually people will notice and then you will have to talk about it, but when people ask how or what am I doing I always just say eating better and excercising. Not everyone needs to know my business and and much as I thank people when they do comment on my weight loss and congratulate me it is still uncomforatble for me.

    Everyone is different in what motivates them and for me it is not other people. I don't mean to sound cold about it but I think in order to be successful you really only need to do it for yourself and the praise and comments from others should not be your main motivator. I think I will more open to it if in a year from now I have maintained the loss and people comment then.
  • DixieStarr76
    DixieStarr76 Posts: 44
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    Sometimes. But I don't want others to see me as they see my friend.... My very good friend has been losing weight at a very rapid pace. She is excercising but she is NOT eatting healthily. In her defense, it is a very difficult time in her life right now and she's coping to the best of her abilities. Regardless, she brings her weight loss up every 10 minutes or so. And while I'm happy for her, it has become a bit tedious. She's proud of herself (and I don't blame her), it's a big ego boost (which she really needs right now) but it's just too much self obsession. Anyway, as of now when I mention my weight loss I always think "I hope they don't think this is all I'm about anymore" and "have I brought it up too much".

    * yes, I have sat down and expressed my concerns/ healthier choices with her.

    One of my best friends has lost approx. 80 lbs since February. She's been obnoxious about it. It's all she talks about, and I would be excited for her if she was living a healthy lifestyle, but she's done it by living off of prescribed diet pills, cigarettes, and Monster Java. She gets light-headed, and her personality has completely changed. She was condescending when I told her I was losing with attention to caloric intake and exercise. She waved her hand, literally, and told me she would just bring me some of her pills! She wonders why I have stayed away from her with the exception of the Breast Cancer walk we did two weeks ago (it was what I asked my BFFs to give me as a birthday present. Our pic is in my profile.) I am working hard to change my life. I want to be healthy for all of the right reasons. I don't want to hear how she is basically wrecking her body, and she doesn't want to hear how I am trying to take care of mine. :ohwell:
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    Nope. And it should not be a diet, it should be an entire lifestyle change.

    Look at this way; You are strong, with enough self respect to change your life for the better. No shame in it!
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    I didn't tell anyone, either. I've started too many weight loss plans, then abandoned them. I figured nobody close to me would have any confidence in my ability to change. But I'm into my third month of change, and my husband and daughter are noticing. They're very encouraging.
  • Selunca
    Selunca Posts: 208 Member
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    I have found that telling anyone other then my husband has lead to them trying to sabotas mine efforts. :C So I recently told my family I wasn't doing it anymore, then started again in secret.
  • ninabaz
    ninabaz Posts: 75 Member
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    I had someone two days ago tell me oh you need a cheat day I do that and eat fast food all day. Hmmm. Yea. That's why your *kitten* is too big for your pants right? Do what ever works for you ignore the critics their opinion doesn't matter.
  • claritarejoice
    claritarejoice Posts: 461 Member
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    I totally sympathise. I started out not telling anyone, even myself. This is very much a mental and emotional journey, not just physical. I didn't even know if I could do it at first, so I didn't want to announce my hopes and then fail. My first huge step was to tell a supportive friend that I wanted to be healthier - I didn't have a pound goal at that time. Then the weight started coming off and people started noticing. It was also hard for me to start talking to my husband about it because I was afraid he would judge me. I was suprised to learn that everyone was very supportive and it wasn't wierd to them at all that I was counting calories. In fact, most of my friends' reaponses were "oh I've done that too, I was on weight watchers." Now I'm very open about it with everyone and I've gotten a lot of support.
  • kao708
    kao708 Posts: 813 Member
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    I don't think it's embarrassment, I think it's the need for privacy for the exact reasons you mentioned. It's nobody else's business what you are doing and if you want to keep it to yourself to avoid unsolicited comments and advice, do it! Good luck to you!
  • ChancyW
    ChancyW Posts: 437 Member
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    Oh yeah I've been embarrassed to admit it! It brings upon you unsolicited advice and also judgment if you happen to slip up.


    On the other hand it gives you accountability...so there are good sides of it and bad sides of it.
  • Mel_Anne
    Mel_Anne Posts: 2
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    I didn't even tell my husband I was trying to lose weight until I had to - he brought me home a delicious carton of coffe ice-cream, and I had to explain why I there was no way I would be eating it. I've tried and failed so many times, I feel like the little boy who cried wolf... or the fat chick who cried diet. Whatever. I have not told anyone I work with either. I'm not sure why, but it is a private thing, and I don't want to share yet. I feel like it is an invitation for attention, criticism and advice. Do what feels right for you - this is your life, your journey.

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