Relationship advice...Please!
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Just wondering, you said ''My boyfriend told his female friend " if I was single, you wouldnt be single"'' so it sounds like she wasn't asking him or surely if she had asked a simple 'yes' would of done? seems like an overly flirty comment, if he said it while you were there he probably doesn't see it that way but if it was said and you found out about it I wouldn't be with him. Also after a year I don't see the relationship lasting, you have to forgive and forget or tell him you can't be in a relationship where you cant trust him. xxIt would depend on the circumstances. I was once approached by a fellow student back i the day, she asked, if I did not have a girlfriend would I date her, and that is what I said. To spare her feelings. I would not go out with her, but she did not have to know that.
True....and thats the basis of his argument, that he was just trying to make her feel better about her self.0 -
How do you feel about a threesome?
Never-mind he's doing it anyway.0 -
You should get back at him by sleeping with her.0
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when i asked about the dinner i said "i am not comfortable with it"... but i left it up tp him to make his decision....and well he was going if she didnt cancel
Well, that should have sealed the deal, then. He obviously doesn't consider your opinions and feelings important enough. It's gonna hurt, but it's time to move on. Contrary to the beliefs of some here, there are plenty of good guys out there.0 -
to me .. a comment like that means he is totally in to her and has opened the door to something happening.. she now knows he likes her..0
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If you are worried enough about it to ask now, all this time later, it's not worth it. Don't sneak around & check his messages or anything like that. Just dump him & move on. Life is too short to live in constant doubt. Somewhere out there is a man who won't give you any reason to doubt where his heart is.
this.0 -
That nagging voice in the back of your head is your subconscious picking up on something your conscious mind does not want to see/hear. It wont drop it because it knows there is more to it then you are giving credit too. Dont try to dismiss it, if its there then its there for a reason. I am not saying he is cheating but you are sensing something not quite right there and you need to dive deeper and see if it really is him that your doubting or if this is reminding you of something from your past. Once you figure that out then you will know which direction to go.
On a personal level, call me crazy but I dont let my husband have female friends. Sure he can be friends with his friend's wife, etc but strictly a female friend is not necessary. What he is going to gain from the friendship is not worth my sanity and security (or lack thereof). He feels the same and we respect each other in that respect.0 -
2 things going on.....he said if HE was single...but he's not..if he wants to be with her, then he can dump you and go be with her..you are not married right?
2nd thing...you are obviously insecure in your relationship, so figure out what is making you insecure....he's either not treating you the way YOU NEED to be treated, and in that case, he may not be the right person for you. or maybe you are being too sensitive, but only you know what is going on inside you head - and having a convo with him about your feelings is prob not a bad idea either.0 -
And I agree, dont check his text messages. If you doubt him enough to snoop then dump him and move on. Snooping is a vicious cycle and once you start its hard to stop.0
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I myself was in a similar situation, my ex, while not around me (we lived an hour apart, but spoke on phone everynight & saw each other every weekend), he woul be on these sites, that featured nekkid people's personal profiles. He claimed he was only there looking at the women's photos, but never contacting them. I only found out about it because he visited the site from my computer once while he was at my house for the weekend. I confronted him about it, & he swore he'd stop visiting. Between that & learning that after I went to bed each night, he'd be up until 2-3 am, sexting my best friend & telling her stuff like "I love you more than Kim" "When I'm being intimate with Kim I'm imagning that it is you beneath me". Yeah. Needless to say, I've moved on while he continues to pursue my best friend, who continues to turn him down (I know because he now lives 3 hours away from her, & neither her or her niece would allow him up here w/o telling me.)
My advice to you, is think really hard & use your best judgement. If there have been things that he has done on several occassions that bother you, he may not have your best ineterests at heart, & you deserve better than that! Keep your chin up, you can do it!0 -
That comment in my opinion is inappropriate, no matter how you look at it.: 1. If she asked him-she's wrong AND his response was wrong. Means she thinks of him that way and he thinks of her the same =They do not respect his relationship. FAIL.... 2. If he told her just for GP: He is wrong all by his self. Means he thinks of her in that way and by hanging out with her puts him in tempting and compromising situation everytime they're together= he does not respect you and/or your relationship. 3. You the OP confronted him and he has not A. quit being friends with her B. Earned your trust after making that statement initially, and therefore may not respect you and/or the relationship. Just my opinion. If he wants to be with you, your feelings she be his number 1 priority. Again this is just my take on the situation, based on the info that was given. Obviously I dont know all the ins and outs of your relationship, him, or what occured that caused him to make such a statement in the first place. Hope everything works out. Good Luck Love
Appreciate it... very valid points... and the thing is, a few weeks ago she asked him to take her to a dinner, he then came and asked me if it was ok.... ummmmmmmm! shouldnt that answer be obvious? i guess it wasnt.... they ended up not going cuz she called it off... but still!
men aren't mind readers. if you didn't make it CRYSTAL clear that you are not comfortable with him being around this girl (especially in a one on one situation) you can't blame him for assuming it would be okay. sounds like you need to speak up and set some concrete boundaries.
when i asked about the dinner i said "i am not comfortable with it"... but i left it up tp him to make his decision....and well he was going if she didnt cancel
that goes beyond distrust and jealousy. he blatantly disregarded your feelings. get out.0 -
If you're still festering about it a year later then whether it was innocent of not, the damage is done. Time to move on and either find someone who won't give you these feelings or check yourself to make sure you don't have jealousy issues. Good luck!
yep. i wont deny the jealousy issues.....but arent we all at times
No, I've never been jealous. If you are jealous he is giving you reasons to be, and in that case, go with your gut.0 -
I think you should let him know ,the comment is still bothering you..0
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From a girls perspective if my husband were to say that to another woman I would also have a hard time moving on from that statement. That's one thing you heard about from him or your female friend, you never know if he's doing the same to other girls or even more things then what you know. I don't care how down one of my friends is feeling, it's just something you don't say. I don't walk up to my hubby's friend that's single and say yeah if I wasn't married I would totally be with you!
BUT...some guys are just that way, meaningless flirting without even thinking and nothing more then that.0 -
Well....it's a bit rude and may have implied more to the girl... does he realize this?
If he does and was apologetic, I may let it pass.
If he had an excuse, I'd question it more.
AND I just read down that this happened a while ago and it is bothering you....you either trust him or you don't.
Its kinda in between, if there cld be such a thing... i trust him not to do anything as in actually cheat.... however i am not and dont think i will ever be confortable with them as friends....
Then you're a typical girl. Here's the thing, girls don't like it when their S/O is hanging out with other girls. It happens. But you can't be all "no don't talk to your friends" because then face it, you look like that psycho self conscious controlling beyotch. If he told you that he was only doing it to boost her self esteem trust him. If you can't trust him then maybe you should'nt be with him. But he is not a bad person because he didn't want to make his friend cry or feel worse about her crummy relationships, he's just doing what he feels is the "good guy" thing. No need to over react and make this out to be so much worse then it really is not.0 -
It's okay to have friends of the opposite gender. It is NOT okay to **basically** tell someone "Yeah, I'd nail you if I were single". Sounds like he was seeing what her response wold be so he has her as an option.
As someone who has been "in a happy relationship" for 11+ years, married for 8, and has two daughters from that union, take it from me, this is NOT a good sign.
My Dad had a female "friend" that he would flatter, flirt with, go out ALONE with for hours on end, and people suspected they were having an affair. And some people DID NOT KNOW that he was married to my Mom, but thought he was married to his "friend". My Mom even let him do this stuff without looking at his phone, and just trusted him. Guess what... after 25 years of marriage to my Mom who was allowing this to go on, Mom got landed with divorce papers. 9 months later he and his "friend" were married.
I am truly sorry you're dealing with this. My advice would be yes, examine yourself first and blah blah blah, but watch out these are bad signs.0 -
If this has been bothering you for a year, and he's made other comments to other women, then I think it's time to move on.0
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I'm not one to tell anyone what to do with their relationship, but I will say that if you have a really bad feeling about this (and I definitely would considering you've caught other messages that were weird) trust your instinct.
I went through this with my ex. Saw inappropriate stuff with my own eyes and still believed his stupid stories. And, even though all the signs were there, I was shocked when he totally F'd me over. To this day, I have a hard time forgiving myself for my own naivety. If I could go back, I would have kicked his sorry *kitten* to the curb at the very first red flag.
I'm not saying your BF is my ex, but it's suspicious. And you are suspicious. And if you are suspicious, trust has been broken. So, you either need to work on the trust thing (What is he going to do to make you feel better? What is your tolerance level moving forward?etc.) or, if you don't think you can trust him, there's a reason for that and you need to move it along.
Listen to your gut. We almost always know what's best for us but, too often, we make a conscious choice to ignore it.0 -
He sounds like a douche. Did you ask him about it?
Yes i confronted him about it, and he said he was just trying to boost her self-esteem
I don't buy it. But you would know him best. Does he have any other past behavior that may prove him to be unfaithful to you?
Run as fast as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he did send other females messages that i didnt approve of like " there's something about you i really love"....sooooo......yeh0 -
I would be uncomfortable with their friendship.0
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Frankly, that would bother me.0
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If he said, 'yeah, I'd date you', then it is a friendly esteem booster.
'If I were single, you wouldn't be single', however, implies that he would take her over you -- which, he shouldn't be talking or thinking about what it would be like if he didn't have you -- & that he does have some sort of feelings or desire for her. You two really need to talk about this & help him understand why what he said was wrong, even if he didn't mean it the way that it was said.
You need to really weigh this relationship & think about whether it's right for you. Regardless, continue exercising & loving yourself -- don't let your relationship woes keep you from taking care of yourself because he isn't faithful in his actions as your boyfriend.0 -
some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues.....
\m/ 0 -
Oh my god... why can I NOT get away from this stupid post!!!!!
Frankly - to know that my partner had thoughts about being with someone else - would hurt terribly. Plain and simple. Yeah, it may have been an innocent comment that was fueled by ignorance, but he says crap in messages (why is he messaging other hoes?) to other women, is asking PERMISSION to take this chick out on dinner dates, etc?
Only YOU know how you feel. Not any of us. So if it's no biggie; then it's no biggie. But it's clearly bugging you - and it seems it would bug about 90% of all the other ppl that have posted on this.
Can't give you advise - but I can tell you that sucks balls and would probably consider ending my 2 year relationship if that were me. But I'm also a jelous old biddie
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well...hate to say it but it sounds like they're wanting each other...can't say if he's cheating...at least not physically...but he don't need to raise her self esteem...thats foolishness...if this girl is a friend of yours then she's definitely not a good one...as she knows exactly what she's doing...women can hold much power over men0
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He said this in front of you? Either he's an idiot or, he's confident enough in your relationship to trust that you'll be understanding. Either way - call him on it! If it bothers you now, it will eat at you forever. Then look for true contrition - you'll know if it B.S.
The bottom line is this; be confident in who you are. If you're the best "You" you can be, then choosing to care for another is only a gift that you can give - or choose not to give!0 -
Translation for the OP:
"If I ditched this baggage, I'd be your snuggle bunny." or
"If I wasn't with my gf right now, I'd be your bf." Or
"I'd go out with you if I wasn't seeing someone already."
I don't know what kind of spin you want to put on it but it sounds to me like he's implying that you're the thing holding him back.
maybe he's not good with words... or maybe he's a d-bag. That's up to you.0 -
I would be uncomfortable with their friendship.
^^^^This especially now that she thinks she can get him....Plenty of woman do not care that the man is taken! :grumble:0 -
just sounds to me like he was trying to cheer your pal up.
if shes a troll, then im SURE of it.
i wouldnt read too much into it.0 -
If he didn't cheat, then he didn't cheat. I even tell my fiance to take her ring off at the salon she works at to get better tips. lol I don't know the whole situation, that's why I can only be blunt. It's only when he's caught red handed that you should do something about it.0
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