Ladies I need your advise...

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Replies

  • lgreen37
    lgreen37 Posts: 196 Member
    Wow.......women can be so sensitive when it comes to this subject - I suggest you continue to be the example.
    If and when she complains again- just kindly say,
    "Babe, you are beatiful to me. I want you to be happy about you. I've been unhappy about myself as well. - I tell you what, how bout we start working out together. I think it will do me good to have my baby along side me to help ME (don't forget to say ME!) loose weight."
    The great sandwich approach- but this sandwich doesn't have anything bad in the middle. :smile:
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
    Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.

    How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.

    Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
    I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.

    I completely degree with all of this. A 150-calorie per day surplus is hardly a "binge", but do it for a bunch of years, and now you're 50 pounds overweight.

    Without a profound, intentional, mental shift made entirely of your own volition, or being starved, you can't lose weight.

    and yet YOU are the man and the WOMEN agree with what i said.. You have NO idea and concept how a woman works apparently. We are not suggesting you can change her with a meal.. we are offering how to slowly mold her in to moving a little more and eating a little better without totally wrecking his marriage and ruining her self image.. not to mention, he asked for a woman's advice...

    You hiding something between them legs? :noway:
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
    I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.

    I completely degree with all of this. A 150-calorie per day surplus is hardly a "binge", but do it for a bunch of years, and now you're 50 pounds overweight.

    Without a profound, intentional, mental shift made entirely of your own volition, or being starved, you can't lose weight.

    and yet YOU are the man and the WOMEN agree with what i said.. You have NO idea and concept how a woman works apparently. We are not suggesting you can change her with a meal.. we are offering how to slowly mold her in to moving a little more and eating a little better without totally wrecking his marriage and ruining her self image.. not to mention, he asked for a woman's advice...

    You hiding something between them legs? :noway:

    Well put! :laugh:

    I know that what I'm about to say is not true of all guys (because mine is one of them), but I do think a large majority of guys out there have very little idea of the time and effort that we have to put into planning, shopping, preparing, and cleaning up after meals. That after a busy day of work (and PLEASE don't make the mistake of saying your wife "doesn't work" if she's taking care of children and housework all day!), ushering kids to and from activities, helping with homework, then baths, tidying up the house, and preparing for the next day. It's exhausting. And it's MUCH easier to quickly throw together something from a box or a can. Don't underestimate the impact that planning, shopping, and preparing a healthy meal or two would have!
  • sandyrm1432
    sandyrm1432 Posts: 3
    Just ask her to help you, tell her you don't think you can do it alone anymore.:wink:
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
    THIS IS ATOUCHY SISTUATION HOWEVER I WOYLD GET HER AA MEMBERSHIP AND SUGGEST THAT SHE WORK OUT WITH YOU. SO INSTEAD OF TELLING HER TO WORK OUT JUST ASK HER TO GO WITH YOU TO THE GYM AND MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU DO NOT LIKE WORKING OUT ALONE AND WANT HER COMPANY
  • HeatherSanto
    HeatherSanto Posts: 138 Member
    Mine was in reverse. I wanted to find a way to tell my hubby what he already knew. He knew it. We both did. One day I said to him, " "Remember that pact we made where we said we would tell each other if we put weight on? Well, better late than never, but we need to do this together.

    We workout together and full support each other. Losing weight together is sexy!

    It all depends on your wife, but honestly, I wish HE would have told ME a lot sooner. I'd rather him tell me vs. I look in the mirror and I'm so far gone its a long journey home. That is what happened to me. Sometimes you know it, and you just don't care and you should. It made a big difference. I hope it helps. Feel free to friend me. :)
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Just ask her to help you, tell her you don't think you can do it alone anymore.:wink:

    This is good. Say that you need a workout buddy for support, and you wish it could be her.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    Ask her to go for walks with you. Cook healthy meals for the whole family. Other than that I wouldnt say anything. Seems like she is aware of her weight. Maybe get a gym membership that provides childcare so she can have some "me" time.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 497 Member
    I don't know if you can help her. My husband can't help me. *Definitely* make sure she has as much free time to work out as you do (I can imagine nothing more annoying than if my husband came home from the gym saying how great he feels now that he is putting so much time into working out if I was taking care of all the kids during that time). And god help you if you do reference how her body looked before you had kids, but make damn sure you are never saying when "we" had kids as if it affected your bodies equally. I will just tell you it did not, no matter how much sympathy weight you may have put on.
  • Allison22451
    Allison22451 Posts: 686 Member
    cattle prod?
    =)
  • notenoughspeed
    notenoughspeed Posts: 290 Member
    i got happy & gained 10lbs when i got a boyfriend, he did the same...then he started improving himself & i was like whoa....hold on....i have so much room for improvement too! i wanted to improve myself for me....but he inspired me. How can you inspire her? it is a mental switch in her head that needs flipped....she needs to want to be a milf....not just stuck in mom mode like so many women are....

    It's definitely a mental switch. It went off in my head. 2 month later, 30 lbs down. She has to want it for herself. She's not going to budge if she doesn't want it. I wish you the best in your encouragement.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
    If she keeps bringing it up and complaining about it, then she's lying to herself. She isn't happy with her size. No woman wants to be fat.

    You're going to have to smart small. Maybe you can help out by offering to take on the cooking a few nights a week? You can make healthy meals. She is probably struggling because losing weight is hard, and she doesn't want to fail. It's easier to make excuses, even though deep down I doubt that's what she wants.

    Maybe you can also invite her to join the site. I'm guessing she knows you are on MFP, and maybe she wants to get in on all the fun!

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