The proper way to dispose of unwanted things

you need a plate full of donuts. then a large pulley and some rope tied to a piano hanging above the donuts.

Hypothetically?


Woodchipper or industrial strength meat grinder.


Hypothetically, of course.

Too dramatic. Go the Sam Kinison method. Start doing meth, f--king hardcore. Sell the TV. Sell the car. Sell the kids. Then, they leave and THEY feel bad because they are leaving when you need them most.

But, but, but....


The wood chipper method is much less work...

I believe Swans are edible.

This one is old, gamey, and has flown south a few too many times (Might have something) You don't want this Swan around, trust me.

Needs to stew for a few days then.

Will that make it safe?

Safe and tender.

Slow cooker.

Take a look in the latest "ACME" catalog. They have a multitude of ideas for getting rid of nuisance birds. - Wile E. Coyote

Take a look in the latest "ACME" catalog. They have a multitude of ideas for getting rid of nuisance birds. - Wile E. Coyote

Dude. C'mon. Those NEVER work. Trust me. You have any idea how many times my wife has come into the kitchen to a plate with a sign that says "cookies" while I was in the other room hidden beneath a catapult with a rocket strapped to my back?

I'd hire The Wolf from Pulp Fiction.

Get them really drugged up and then relocate them to your enemies house?

Pig farm ala Snatch.

Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?

Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

Am I the only one that thought "Chinese Restaurant?"

(I'm a bad bad man)

I get to make that kinda joke. just look at me.

Lye

Ridiculous! Swans can tell if you're lyeing...sorry, had to be said.

Poodles love antifreeze...I mean SWANS! Swans love antifreeze.

LOL