I am an enormous failure

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  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Here is how I see it...
    1. You had a great loss already. You know what you need to do. Many of us have had to start over at some point, you can do it too.
    2. Any person worth loving will love you for you...at 200 lbs, 400 lbs, or 600 lbs.
    3. To me it sounds like you need to learn to love yourself. I think most of us here have struggled with that. With self acceptance you can move forward.


    You've done the hard part already...admitting the set back. Now you just need to put in the rest of the "work". I don't know you but I have faith you can do it.
  • Katbody10
    Katbody10 Posts: 369 Member
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    Please don't let this time of year get the better of you! Less sunlight (helpful in mood regulation) .. holidays .. You are most certainly not alone and there is hope! You have a long life ahead of you if you beat this. :-)

    Each day .. try to start fresh. Do you really want that special someone? Then make a huge poster of it .. plaster it on your bathroom mirror, bedroom ... refrigerator .. every where so you can be reminded why you want this! :heart: :drinker:

    don't try to hurry -- just start with the baby steps.. eliminate something unnecessary our of your diet .. walk all the way around your house once (outside) .. each day or each week .. eliminate more unhealthy food, replace it with something healthy .. and work your way around your house more. Even when it snows! You'll have to work hard to wade through the drifts!

    It's the little things that make the biggest differences .. and faster than you every realized! I bet you can do this! I want to see you do this!! I'm rootin' for ya!! xoxo

    :flowerforyou: My prayers are with you to get through this!!
  • SleeplessinBerlin
    SleeplessinBerlin Posts: 513 Member
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    "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult."
    Seneca

    I read your story with tears in my eyes. I wish I could give you a hug. I really do. I looked at your profile, at your photos, and for some reason I have no doubt that you will find love one day. Not only because there women out there who simply prefer "the big guys" (me included) but also because you seem like a nice, honest person who's got much to offer.

    But you have to be the first person who loves you. What would you say to a friend who lost 100lbs and gained it all back? Would you call him/her a failure? Would you tell him/her to not even start trying to lose it again?

    What was the key to succes when you lost 100lbs? Do you think it's gonna work this time as well? For me it was 2 things: education on nutrition and sport - and a supportive community. Like this one here.

    Start with baby steps. Do not worry about loose skin now. Leave it for later. Plan your meals. Get rid of any junk food from your house. Start exercising - it doesn't have to be an hour, there are lots of workouts that last 20 minutes. Or go for a walk. Or maybe join a dance class. Play badminton with a friend. Go to a swimming pool... whatever you enjoy.

    Apart from being on eharmony - do you actually try to join different groups/activities in your area that might give you an opportunity to meet some, to actually get to know each other? Dance, crafts, church, animal shelter...

    Feel free to add me as a friend, I'll be happy to support you.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    If you worry about the lose skin before you even get it, then you've just talked yourself out of losing anything. You have to take one step at a time. Your focus should be on losing and moving right now. Don't worry about down the road. You can't let your fears derail what you know you should do. You've got to want it, do you?
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
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    You need some ****ing motivation and inspiration dude. This might help, two great before and after photo threads from guys, and many are bigger than you.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/746521-guys-only-show-me-your-before-and-afters

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/760588-guys-only-show-me-your-before-and-afters
  • traceyjay1
    traceyjay1 Posts: 18
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    Firstly you are not a failure - what did you fail at? you didn't fail at losing weight as you lost it, and ok so you have put some back on but I think that will be true of a large amount of us on here that we take our eye off the ball and it creeps back on, the important thing is that you have recognised this in time to 'reign it in' (this is what I remind myself to do) and you are here seeking to do something about it - and you are better equipped to do it this time as you know what hard work it takes to lose it, how good that feeling is as you lose it and how crappy it feels when it goes back on. No failures that I can see there, only experience gained to move forward :-)

    Your message was really touching when talking about looking for that special someone, please don't attribute this weight - I am a firm believer in that we meet people throughout our lives as we need them and are in the right head space to meet them. Maybe this is your time to get to a place where you feel comfortable with yourself before putting yourself out there.

    The important thing is that you are here and have a wealth of knowledge and motivation at your finger tips :-)
  • NeverTooLateForChange
    NeverTooLateForChange Posts: 131 Member
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    Here are just a few tips from me to you. Forgive yourself. Get a good pair of sneakers and comfortable workout clothes. Download a few audible books on your portable device. Put your earbuds in under your hat and take a walk. Before you know it you will be at the end and at the beginning all at the same time.

    Accept ALL of the friend requests offered to you and be honest to us and to yourself. Depression is real, it is scary and it is dangerous even deadly. Seek help if you feel you've lost all hope. Laugh, sing, dance, pray, take a shower, watch a movie, repot a plant, anything to rearrange your head space. Then start again tomorrow.

    We will be here.

    Best of luck,

    Nicole
  • tageekly
    tageekly Posts: 3,755 Member
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    Well the response to this thread should tell you that you did the right thing by posting - you're not going to get a lecture here, you're going to get support if you want it.

    And you're only a failure if you let yourself think you are - turn that mentality around right now. What sparked you to get healthy before? Find it again.

    MFP can and will change your life if you use it and ask for help when you need it. Build that community and then get moving!

    I'll echo what people above me have posted - don't give up on yourself when you know you can do this!
  • catpow2
    catpow2 Posts: 206 Member
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    You only fail if you quit trying. I read your profile--you have a lot to offer someone. Don't give up. You said you hired a personal trainer the first time you lost weight--do that again.
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
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    Also dude, size isnt everything when it comes to romance, in all respects! I'm not as big as you, nor am I the sexy athlete I'd like to be, but Im certainly on the obese side of the BMI! And I've had quite a lot of luck with the ladies, more than my thinner jock style mates or ex school friends who typically would be rocking it. In the end dude, if you have a good personality, humour, eyes and a smile it counts for so much more than the skin on your body and the size of your waist.

    Size doesn't matter that much! unless its your junk...then it mostly doesn't matter...mostly....

    One step at a time, and the fact that you did it before means you should be able to totally boss it this time round and more.

    Friend Request me if you like, i chat *kitten* and say what I think.
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
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    Don't give up my MFP friend! I too lost 25lbs back in 2008, and then gained all of it back, and 13 more lbs! Just remember u are only human!!!!!!! Love WILL happen when u least expert it! The more u look for it, it never. Works out. Just getting on a healthy track will make u a stronger person. God has a fantastic plan for your life. Maybe, try going to church some Sunday. Perhaps, you would meet, " the one!"
  • kalch
    kalch Posts: 45 Member
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    Hey...
    My 2 cents..
    Please, please, please, go see a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist that specializes in eating disorders. I did not believe i was an emotional eater until I went through some understanding of what that really means. A spiral can easily occur. It doesn't matter what people say or tell you. You must, must, must find it within yourself to exercise, slowly. Read or get audiobooks for your iphone/android, and listen to books about the struggles to getting to a happy place. Exercise can have a bigger impact than any antidepressant. I know that for a fact, ive seen it in myself, and in others. A good doctor will tell you that too.

    You have an addicition. So do I. So do most people here. MFP has been soooo important for me to realize and actualize the next stage of my life. Educate yourself until you know everything. Then read some more.

    My nutrition and lack of self awareness and actualization cost me in so many ways that I wish I had addressed it when i was in my 30s,not mid 40s. It has cost me a lot. You are so young. Please, find it in yourself to take what you wrote to a therapist.

    Plus your weight loss will come from nutrition more than working out. I believe ive read something like weight loss happens 80%
    in the kitchen, 20% in the gym.

    You can overcome. And someone WILL love you, no matter what you think.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
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    assuming they haven't already made their presence known, there are people on this site who are in their 40s and 50s who have lost 200 lbs and found the new beginning you seek.

    it's literally never too late to start your life. if you're alive, then you're in a position to do something about it.

    i can sympathize, but don't resort to self-pity, as that will result in failure everytime

    make small changes day-to-day that you can live with, and big mental changes that will change you for your life (that being the hard part, of course)
  • butterflylady86
    butterflylady86 Posts: 369 Member
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    Please don't be so negaitive with yourself. This is a very hard fight. Look for people that lift you up. If you need a friend. You can add me. Good luck on this journey to healthy life.
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    You are NOT a failure. The pain that comes from this journey....both emotional and physical....can be debilitating. I have lost a lot, gained it all back, lost more, and gained back even more. It can be h*ll. One thing I can tell you is that MFP saved my life. The people here are the very most supportive, @ss kicking people that I have ever known. They've pushed me until I wanted to kill someone, they've listened while I've cried, they've supported me while I picked myself up and got back in the game....I've made lifelong friends...people that I love dearly....and I know that I will be ok and I'll make it...because of them.

    We won't let you give up on yourself. Open yourself up to the great things that are coming your way.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    You CAN do this! Baby steps and small goals...you WILL do this. :flowerforyou: :happy:
  • Proyecto_AN
    Proyecto_AN Posts: 387
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    Get angry man, feel it and make it your fuel! Let's do this!
  • kaj44
    kaj44 Posts: 38 Member
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    I
    Don't waste one more second dwelling on the past. Take a deep breath....wipe the slate clean, take action now and start making your future.
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
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    you are NOT a failure. we may fail at things once in awhile but that does NOT mean that we are failures. where you are now, i have once been. i understand from the very depths of who i am what you are going through. let me, us (mfp) be here to care and support you.

    i have added you as a friend. please accept and feel free at any time to contact me to vent, share or anything.
  • kaj44
    kaj44 Posts: 38 Member
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    New day..........................new attitude.......................NEW BEGINNING.............................add me if you would like someone to walk along side you on your journey...........................................:smile:

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