I am an enormous failure
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I, and MANY others like you and me have been there. You are not alone. This is my third (and final) major effort at weight loss.
I say final, because something is a bit different this time. It is all about overall health for me.
The weight loss thing... you CAN and WILL do it. Try not to focus on the loose skin. There are options to remove it if and when the time comes to look at that. You will also be a bit surprised at how elastic your skin still is. It won't be as bad as you think!!
Also, don't look at the total of what you think you want to lose. Set smaller goals, maybe to walk 20 minutes 3 days a week this week, then 4 days next. Or a goal to stay within 50 calories of your daily allowance 5 days this week.
Finding that love of your life... you MUST love yourself first. You need to love who you are inside - Now. (That will also help with the weight loss.) Write down 5 things you like and admire about yourself, (nice smile, funny, dedicated worker, loyal friend, great cook, whatever).
I've been in the depressed place. It's hard to pull out of it. We are all here to help and support you!
Good Luck! Friend me if you would like to.
-kathy0 -
I am on that same journey, I don't need to lose as much but find it hard to shift the weight no matter what I do and it is frustrating, but I will NOT give up because one day it will happen. The thing is we have to believe in ourselves, that we CAN do it, and we can it will just take time.
I have sent you a friend request.0 -
Nope, not a failure, you proved the weight can be lost, and although you've had a year in a daze, you can get back on your journey to health today. I've been on here for 70-ish days, I'm on every day, add me as a friend, I have a great bunch of friends on here who are all really supportive, I don't think I would have been so successful without their encouragement. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start taking the first steps on the road to health and happiness, loads of folk here will help you!0
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Ok, no lecture, just a true story. I work with a man who weighed about 450 when he came to work for us. When he decided to start losing, he exercised regularly right from the beginning so he would not become "all lose flab." In two and a half years, he was down to 175 and he must've been right about the exercising as he did not have a bunch of hanging flab at 175. He actually was quite muscular. He was about your age or maybe a few years older.
I remember my father once telling me "the only failure is failure to try." Its true. Most of us don't get anything on the first try, but as long as we keep trying, we are not failures. I'm 59 yo and still starting again, I get depressed too as I'm single and come home to an empty house every morning, but I'm not a failure. I may "take a break" every now and then, but I alway restart.
Don't give up, just take a break if you need too, and then get up and go again. The law of averages says sooner or later you will make it, long as you don't stop trying.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Never, ever, ever give up on yourself. You're stronger than you know.0
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Ten years ago I weighed 165 pounds and for the first time in my life I felt "normal" and I wasn't even skinny. I had lost 60 pds and felt fabulous. Last year I looked in the mirror and saw my 285 self staring back at me. I understand your frustration and desperation. I think why I gained the weight back is because I never felt "normal" in that body. We have spent so much of our lives beating ourselves up and our mental self talk is always negative.
On the plus side....you are ONLY 32 years old. You have so much life ahead of you. I hope you find the strength to realize you are so much more important than the feeling the food gives to you. Find support from family, friends, social networks like MFP.
I just want to give you a hug so (((((hug)))):flowerforyou:0 -
I understand how u feel, but your only 32. U know what u need to do and discussing what your feeling with people who have struggled in the same way is the best way forward. **** happens sometimes we have control of what happens in our lives and at times we don't however we always have control of our reactions..... Ok so u put all the weight back on so what? Its a new day and its a new beginning. Start over u know u can do it.
As for falling in love it will happen. There are alot of women out there who have struggled through life n are just looking for someone who has a good heart, is kind and compassionate. Focus on being positive n making the changes u need to everything else will come with time. Please don't lose faith, we are all searching for something or someone to make us feel complete and content.
Please feel free to add me as a friend. It will be a pleasure to help u with ur new beginning.0 -
I will tell you this though... if you keep feeling sorry for yourself you will be writing this same post at 42!!! So come on back on that horse!!!
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This. Please feel free to friend my if you want. I am pretty supportive. Remember, this journey is a lifestyle change, not a diet.0 -
No lecture from me either. I'm on MFP because I lost a lot of weight and have kept it off for 14 years. If I can do it, so can you. I think everyone on MFP has or is losing/gaining weight, and we all need support. I tried to lose weight my entire life and failed miserably at it. I didn't change until the pain of staying the same was greater than my fear of change. And I wouldn't worry about lose skin. That is an easy fix with the help of a surgeon. After I lost my weight, I had a surgeon fix something I wasn't happy with. I wish you all the best & have confidence that you can achieve what you want to! This is a great community of people.0
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You posted this once:
Sun 04/15/12 07:54 PM
I am going to use my direction towards being fit and healthy as an example for my young niece and nephew so they NEVER have to experience what I have in my 32 years of being overweight.... bullying, embarrassment, shame, and lack of a girlfriend even into my 30s.
This is amazing motivation, please don't forget why you're doing this.
♥0 -
There is a guy on here that lost over 300 lbs. If he can do it, so can you.0
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Do not despair or give up. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. I have been with my husband since I was 19 yrs. old. He has weighed 350lbs throughout our relationship. The right person is out there for you. Someone who love you for your kind, sweet nature, not your pant size.
He has been by my side through weight gain and loss. After we married 10 yrs. ago, I lost 80lbs. I have gained nearly half of that back
I joined this site in June and have made very little progress. I am still a work in progress and I will never give up. I lost it once and I will do it again, no matter how long it takes. Keep your head up, there are many of us out there struggling with weight loss. You are not alone 
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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!! :noway: You can do this, we all can do this.
We are all on here for support from one another! I too lost over 100 pds when I was 31 but taking care of my mom and dad and husband got me down and I gained all the weight back and more. I understand how you feel.
Let's be friends and inspire one another! I have over 120 pds to lose and the rest of your friends, I'm sure are inspiring you! Look at all the comments of encouragement you are getting now! We have to stay focused and we can do it!!! Stay strong, I am praying for you!:flowerforyou: 0 -
I may not be walking in your shoes and know exactly how you feel but I know too well that pain and thoughts that you described here. I want to friend you.
I read some quotes today. They are not my own but now they are being passed on to you.
"Falling down is how we grow , staying down is how we die."
"Falling down is life , getting back up is living."
I felt the way you described and stayed in bed for four years !
I AM READY TO GET BACK UP NOW ! Please come join me on my journey back to life.0 -
First of all ,you are a very brave person for sharing this.And you are far from a failure.You are doing so well at your job,you have a house and you have lost a 100lbs!! and plus you have been brave enough to share your pain with us.You need to stop being hard on yourself and forget about the past or the future(skin sagging can be taken care off!!).If you did it once,you can do it again.Make mfp your homepage,join a gym and make friends there.Log in your diary everyday and look forward to losing only 10 pounds at a time.If you do this for 1 month..you will start feeling so much better already and then on to the next 10 lbs...It's the first step that is the hardest..Add me as i would love to encourage and support you in whatever way i can jo0
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I can't tell you how many times I have lost and gained the same 50 pounds in my lifetime. Within the last 4 years I have gained 94 pounds that I fought so hard to lose. Life happens. Now, in my 40's I'm struggling to get this weight off. It just isn't happening as fast as it did when I was younger. But I'm headed in the right direction. I've lost 15 pounds - and I've earned those 15 pounds - I'm proud of those 15 pounds! I had to wait until I was 39 to find the man of my dreams. It will happen. Your soul mate is out there. You'll find them when its the right time. Journal your thoughts and make a plan. You can do this. You are definitely worth it!0
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The highest I ever weighed was 452 lbs. This time last year I was down 94 lbs. I weighed 358 lbs and was on my way to getting it done. I had a ways to go, but I was down almost 100 lbs. I don't really understand what happened. I can only really explain it as being in a daze and time just slipping by, but as of today I weigh 444 lbs. Do the math... I gained almost everything back in a year. I really feel just so absolutely defeated right now. It's hard to even think about continuing this life. I had a final goal of 235 lbs. At the rate I was going I would've reached that goal right around the end of October this year. Instead, I am back to where I started.
What hurts the most is that I am well aware of the fact that I will always be alone as long as I am this way. I am 32 years old and have wanted nothing more in my life than to have someone in my life. I have never had a girlfriend. I thought I would be married and in love and travelling and doing all kinds of exciting things at 32. Instead I come home from work every day to an empty dark house and it's just me. It's always just me. Even if I lost all the weight I would have issues. Saggy skin is not attractive and at 444 lbs you better believe I am going to be nothing but a blob of skin if I lost all the weight.
I have lost any glimmer of hope that i was hanging on to.This has been something I have been struggling with my life. The difference between then and now is that I used to think to myself how it would all work out and I would fall in love someday and I could then make up for all the lost time and experiences. Now I realize that it isn't working out. I am still single. I am wasting away and I would much rather just speed up the process than sit around and suffer like this. I would love nothing more at this point to just not wake up tomorrow.I just cannot live like this anymore. I am so physically uncomfortable. I am so mentally exhausted. Most of all, I am so incredibly lonely.
Please do not lecture me. I do not know why I am posting this other than i feel like I have to tell someone, even if it is just people I do not know.
Dont be so hard on yourself... it happens... you just cant go home and eat a pizza.. u should look for before and after pic on here...Some people lost more then you weight and look fabulous... Its one day at a time... Lots of people are lonely and by themselves...me included but I embrace me. I hang with my friends and I do stuff just for me. I have kids but life is about me too. I dont just want anyone in my life...I wont settle I want someone who is going to be equal partner and enhance my life. You could have someone now but you dont want to settle either...just know life is about making it thru obstacles and you are far from alone in that...How you embrace life is what makes the person. I am always positive even when I probably shouldnt....I ask myself what am I suppose to learn here...instead of poor me. YOU can DO this. You are worth it....just like the rest of us.0 -
Hugs.0
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Since you made amazing progress once, you MUST KNOW you have it in you to do it again. I'm so sorry you are feeling so low right now. :flowerforyou:
I've lost and gained and lost and gained since my late teens. I did it 'right' finally at 21 and lost about 45 pounds, then developed an eating disorder and lost another 20. Maintained that until I was 25. Gained 25 back super fast (seemingly the second I quit starving myself), then another 50. Lost 20. Gained it back. Lost 10, gained it back. And so on. I've been anorexic with a touch of bulimia and later a compulsive over-eater. Here I am again, at age 33, trying once and for all to do it right. I feel like I've worked out a lot of the mental issues that I previously acted out on my food. But I've never thrown in the towel and given up and I know there are tons of people on this site who have experienced similar journeys. Right now, I am at the lowest weight I've been since the big regain at age 25. I believe with all my heart that I've got it this time, that this will be the LAST time and that I'm going to succeed.
Just take it one day, even one meal at a time. When I joined this site, I really didn't believe in my ability to see it through. I decided to give it a one month trial run because I didn't see any reason why I couldn't log food and exercise and stay within the reasonable calorie goal it set for me (1800/day when I started) for a month, even if it was hard. If no change, I'd just accept I'd be fat forever. But of course by sticking with it, I did lose - I think 9 pounds in the first month.
Please don't give up!0 -
I found for me it isn't about the weight. All my life I've been very obese. I hung around with all the little tiny girls and the guys use to fall all over them. I was extremely lonely. I would try to lose weight and 20 lbs would come off and nothing else. I thought my Mom was encouraging, but looking back I measured my sucess on what she thought. She was very over weight too, and I don't think she wanted me to succeed unless she did. I digress. Right after my 40th birthday I decided I didn't need anyone. I was past the age of child bearing, no one would want an old woman to start a family with, plus how much more weight would I put on. Everyone talks about how much weight they put on in pregnancy. So I told myself I was going to make the most of life by myself. That was when I met my now husband. I was at singles group at church and we were told to go sit down. When I went to my seat I passed this guy with the most gorgeous arm (that was all I could see at the moment) I wanted to get a look at the rest of him, but I didn't want him to know I was looking, because I just knew he wouldn't be interested in me, I was 280 lbs. No guy wanted that. I realized my seat was right infront of him and kept thinking to myself, that's my worst side (my rear). When we broke into small groups I got to look with out seeming so obvious. Wow!! MMM! But still I knew he wouldn't want me, he probably wanted a little 5 footer that didn't weigh more than 100lbs soaking wet. He didn't say anything through out the small group but afterwards he said my name and ask me if we could talk. I figured it was about the lesson. Boy was I wrong!! He wanted to talk to me?! We talked for 6 hours. We just celbrated our seventh anniversary. He has three kids coming into the marriage, so that solved the kid stuff. Do you know what he says attracted him that first night? My rear and my hair. Then he says when we started talking he fell in love even more.
I still have my insecurities today. Now that I've lost 114 lbs. I was afraid he wouldn't love me because I lost alot of my rear, but he's been through all this with me and continues to encourage me to be healthy. He says he doesn't want me to be a stick because that's not what he's attracted to, but if I am the healthiest I can be, he's happy.
Do the weight loss for you and no one else. Understand we all have habits we need to overcome and sometimes we succome to them. Don't hate yourself. Log everything, be honest with yourself. Measure everything. And don't forget to exercise. Weight lifting is very relaxing to me. I weight lift until my muscles are exhausted. My journey has taken me three years. I'm not perfect, life is not perfect, but I keep on learning, changing, and being the best that I can be. You can do it too!!0 -
Here is how I see it...
1. You had a great loss already. You know what you need to do. Many of us have had to start over at some point, you can do it too.
2. Any person worth loving will love you for you...at 200 lbs, 400 lbs, or 600 lbs.
3. To me it sounds like you need to learn to love yourself. I think most of us here have struggled with that. With self acceptance you can move forward.
You've done the hard part already...admitting the set back. Now you just need to put in the rest of the "work". I don't know you but I have faith you can do it.0 -
Please don't let this time of year get the better of you! Less sunlight (helpful in mood regulation) .. holidays .. You are most certainly not alone and there is hope! You have a long life ahead of you if you beat this. :-)
Each day .. try to start fresh. Do you really want that special someone? Then make a huge poster of it .. plaster it on your bathroom mirror, bedroom ... refrigerator .. every where so you can be reminded why you want this! :drinker:
don't try to hurry -- just start with the baby steps.. eliminate something unnecessary our of your diet .. walk all the way around your house once (outside) .. each day or each week .. eliminate more unhealthy food, replace it with something healthy .. and work your way around your house more. Even when it snows! You'll have to work hard to wade through the drifts!
It's the little things that make the biggest differences .. and faster than you every realized! I bet you can do this! I want to see you do this!! I'm rootin' for ya!! xoxo
:flowerforyou: My prayers are with you to get through this!!0 -
"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult."
Seneca
I read your story with tears in my eyes. I wish I could give you a hug. I really do. I looked at your profile, at your photos, and for some reason I have no doubt that you will find love one day. Not only because there women out there who simply prefer "the big guys" (me included) but also because you seem like a nice, honest person who's got much to offer.
But you have to be the first person who loves you. What would you say to a friend who lost 100lbs and gained it all back? Would you call him/her a failure? Would you tell him/her to not even start trying to lose it again?
What was the key to succes when you lost 100lbs? Do you think it's gonna work this time as well? For me it was 2 things: education on nutrition and sport - and a supportive community. Like this one here.
Start with baby steps. Do not worry about loose skin now. Leave it for later. Plan your meals. Get rid of any junk food from your house. Start exercising - it doesn't have to be an hour, there are lots of workouts that last 20 minutes. Or go for a walk. Or maybe join a dance class. Play badminton with a friend. Go to a swimming pool... whatever you enjoy.
Apart from being on eharmony - do you actually try to join different groups/activities in your area that might give you an opportunity to meet some, to actually get to know each other? Dance, crafts, church, animal shelter...
Feel free to add me as a friend, I'll be happy to support you.0 -
If you worry about the lose skin before you even get it, then you've just talked yourself out of losing anything. You have to take one step at a time. Your focus should be on losing and moving right now. Don't worry about down the road. You can't let your fears derail what you know you should do. You've got to want it, do you?0
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You need some ****ing motivation and inspiration dude. This might help, two great before and after photo threads from guys, and many are bigger than you.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/746521-guys-only-show-me-your-before-and-afters
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/760588-guys-only-show-me-your-before-and-afters0 -
Firstly you are not a failure - what did you fail at? you didn't fail at losing weight as you lost it, and ok so you have put some back on but I think that will be true of a large amount of us on here that we take our eye off the ball and it creeps back on, the important thing is that you have recognised this in time to 'reign it in' (this is what I remind myself to do) and you are here seeking to do something about it - and you are better equipped to do it this time as you know what hard work it takes to lose it, how good that feeling is as you lose it and how crappy it feels when it goes back on. No failures that I can see there, only experience gained to move forward :-)
Your message was really touching when talking about looking for that special someone, please don't attribute this weight - I am a firm believer in that we meet people throughout our lives as we need them and are in the right head space to meet them. Maybe this is your time to get to a place where you feel comfortable with yourself before putting yourself out there.
The important thing is that you are here and have a wealth of knowledge and motivation at your finger tips :-)0 -
Here are just a few tips from me to you. Forgive yourself. Get a good pair of sneakers and comfortable workout clothes. Download a few audible books on your portable device. Put your earbuds in under your hat and take a walk. Before you know it you will be at the end and at the beginning all at the same time.
Accept ALL of the friend requests offered to you and be honest to us and to yourself. Depression is real, it is scary and it is dangerous even deadly. Seek help if you feel you've lost all hope. Laugh, sing, dance, pray, take a shower, watch a movie, repot a plant, anything to rearrange your head space. Then start again tomorrow.
We will be here.
Best of luck,
Nicole0 -
Well the response to this thread should tell you that you did the right thing by posting - you're not going to get a lecture here, you're going to get support if you want it.
And you're only a failure if you let yourself think you are - turn that mentality around right now. What sparked you to get healthy before? Find it again.
MFP can and will change your life if you use it and ask for help when you need it. Build that community and then get moving!
I'll echo what people above me have posted - don't give up on yourself when you know you can do this!0 -
You only fail if you quit trying. I read your profile--you have a lot to offer someone. Don't give up. You said you hired a personal trainer the first time you lost weight--do that again.0
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Also dude, size isnt everything when it comes to romance, in all respects! I'm not as big as you, nor am I the sexy athlete I'd like to be, but Im certainly on the obese side of the BMI! And I've had quite a lot of luck with the ladies, more than my thinner jock style mates or ex school friends who typically would be rocking it. In the end dude, if you have a good personality, humour, eyes and a smile it counts for so much more than the skin on your body and the size of your waist.
Size doesn't matter that much! unless its your junk...then it mostly doesn't matter...mostly....
One step at a time, and the fact that you did it before means you should be able to totally boss it this time round and more.
Friend Request me if you like, i chat *kitten* and say what I think.0
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