I am an enormous failure

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  • Excira
    Excira Posts: 21
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    Don't lose hope hun. I was morbidly obese for years, lost all the weight and now I'm back on track to becoming that old self again. But, I won't give up and neither should you. Hang in there! You can do this!
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
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    Brian, you are NOT alone. You have us. I always joke that in my lifetime I have gained and lost a chubby family of 5. It really is NOT a joke. This whole weight loss thing takes time. It takes determination and we do fail along the way. Someone mentioned on the first page about how alcoholics can quit drinking and drug addicts can quit drugs. WE have it harder because we cannot quit food.

    Hang in there. You seem like a really nice guy and give it just one more try. Give it a day, give it a week. I always try to remember--and not always successfully, ONE DAY AT A TIME!

    I've gained back quite a bit this past year due to surgery and just not caring enough. I had to have both knees replaced and one hip because of being fat all of my life. Try to lose some now and don't wreck your joints. It isn't fun when you get to your 50's and everything hurts.

    If you need to talk, want to vent, etc. you know where to find any of us!
    Good luck and be strong!
  • bodyrollin
    bodyrollin Posts: 215 Member
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    I think you posted this topic because you want sympathy, empathy, pity...but I've trained people to fight...to brawl...to go toe to toe with someone that should be better than them, and still come out on top...I won't lecture you, but I wont caudle you either...you probably got the way you are because you haven't heard enough "no" in your life...look it's like this...when you get big...especially that big...you need to come to terms that if you want to change...truly change...that it has to be your whole life...you can't afford to not pay attention...you can do this, you've already seen that you can...that is as consoling as you will ever see me be, because beyond this moment is all that counts...you have to change your LIFE not just your diet...get up...right now...walk...walk in a straight line down to the street corner, then keep going...as far as you think you can go...then turn around and walk back...push yourself...be honest with yourself...if you want diet tips I'm happy to offer...add me as a friend and I'll be glad to help you get motivated...but understand...there is no shelter here...you're a man...act like one...take responsibility for your actions, understand what happened, learn from it. Move forward! But first...get up...do something...ANYTHING!

    EDIT: just as an FYI I started my journey 62 lbs ago at 323, so I know what works...I know what it is like, and what it takes.
  • teethgal
    teethgal Posts: 3 Member
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    I have done the same thing fought like heck to lose weight only to gain it back. You can do it! As far as finding love you can find someone to love you for you but you have to be confident with who you are. Just because you are overweight doesn't me you shouldn't love yourself. If you don't love yourself how can anyone else love you. (keep in mind that I don't like what I see in the mirror but always try to find something to be positive about most days) I am in a unhappy marriage and think sometimes being alone would be better. Just remember some people that are married with children may look happy on the outside but feel just as empty as you do. Just try to keep your head up and focus on one day at a time. If you have the power to chose you have the power to change best of luck to you in your weight loss and finding love.
  • GymAnJuice
    GymAnJuice Posts: 512 Member
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    this post touched my heart, thank you for being so honest, that takes a lot of courage. I'v been diagnosed with depression many times :( if you have depression or not this feeling will pass. promise. feel free to add me, got a lot of weight to lose and i'v already gained a lot back so we'r in the same boat. hang on in there, the right women will come along x
  • darbest
    darbest Posts: 22
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    HELLO MR. ENORMOUS FAILURE. YOU'RE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL, LOVE THE WAY YOU EXPRESS YOUR WEIGHT ISSUES. Do you know what that has done for me. I am Ms. Enormous don't give a damm. I am not going to lecture you just be there for you ok.
    Tottles for now.
    Darlene
  • Tsunami79
    Tsunami79 Posts: 122 Member
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    Don't give up, it really does get better, you just have to put your mind to it, say, I will do this, I can do this, if you slip get back on the horse, and start again.

    I know how you feel, I have been in your shoes before, I didn't weight as much as you, but as far as having a someone to love and spend your life with, it is hard when you are over weight.

    Life is not fair, but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything.

    Feel free to add me, if you like, I will try my hardest to motivate you, and I will never lecture you.

    I am only a year older than you, and when I started my MFP journey I was 185 pound, I am now down to 168. You can do this.
  • citizencrp
    citizencrp Posts: 228 Member
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    Wow.
    I, too, am an enormous failure, by your standards.
    I have felt like it most of my life, too. The weight that I've lost this year is weight I've lost and gained 20 times. I'm 37. I can't get a date, don't really have the confidence to try, either, though I'd like to be asked. It's not even like I hide at home, either. I'm out at comedy clubs and art galleries and parties pretty regularly--and I'm charming as all hell, but no dates for me. I fear a relationship may never happen for me. And that's sad. It's also sad that I spent years in a deep depression thinking that nothing could ever change and that life was not worth living.
    I don't know why I have hope right now, maybe it is the low dose antidepressant (after a decade+ of various pharma-cocktails), or maybe it's Mercury's position in Sagittarius, or maybe it's 12 years of therapy finally sinking in, but I *think* change can happen. I don't know about finding love, so right now I'm focusing on losing weight and improving my health.

    Your pain is immense and real and your mind is being clouded by depression. You deserve to give yourself a real chance--seek professional help, right away, please. I wish you all the best.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    don't give up. that is all that truly matters. There is a great group of guys on here that know exactly what you are going through.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4270-the-royal-order-of-middle-aged-fat-men
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Get yo *kitten* in the gym. A Pity party is all well and good but it won't stop till you put an end to it.
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
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    GET A CAT! They're there for you no matter what. They'll make you feel like the most important person in the world. :happy:
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
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    The highest I ever weighed was 452 lbs. This time last year I was down 94 lbs. I weighed 358 lbs and was on my way to getting it done. I had a ways to go, but I was down almost 100 lbs. I don't really understand what happened. I can only really explain it as being in a daze and time just slipping by, but as of today I weigh 444 lbs. Do the math... I gained almost everything back in a year. I really feel just so absolutely defeated right now. It's hard to even think about continuing this life. I had a final goal of 235 lbs. At the rate I was going I would've reached that goal right around the end of October this year. Instead, I am back to where I started.

    What hurts the most is that I am well aware of the fact that I will always be alone as long as I am this way. I am 32 years old and have wanted nothing more in my life than to have someone in my life. I have never had a girlfriend. I thought I would be married and in love and travelling and doing all kinds of exciting things at 32. Instead I come home from work every day to an empty dark house and it's just me. It's always just me. Even if I lost all the weight I would have issues. Saggy skin is not attractive and at 444 lbs you better believe I am going to be nothing but a blob of skin if I lost all the weight.

    I have lost any glimmer of hope that i was hanging on to.This has been something I have been struggling with my life. The difference between then and now is that I used to think to myself how it would all work out and I would fall in love someday and I could then make up for all the lost time and experiences. Now I realize that it isn't working out. I am still single. I am wasting away and I would much rather just speed up the process than sit around and suffer like this. I would love nothing more at this point to just not wake up tomorrow.I just cannot live like this anymore. I am so physically uncomfortable. I am so mentally exhausted. Most of all, I am so incredibly lonely.

    Please do not lecture me. I do not know why I am posting this other than i feel like I have to tell someone, even if it is just people I do not know.

    It is hard but you can't give up. You just can't. I know what it's like to have something looming ahead for years like that. Sometimes all you need to do is take a break and eat at maintenance. Eating at maintenance is not going backwards, it's staying level.

    You do not have to be perfect to do this. You just have to have more forward days than not. Even one day of over eating is not the end of the world. Just pick it right up and remember you do not have to be perfect to accomplish this.

    Being on a calorie deficit is hard. You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. Have a team around you in your real life, not just online. Get trigger foods out of the house. It will take some sacrifice and it's not easy. You might have to say no to some social events sometimes.

    Too many changes at once can be hard on some people. I've always eaten healthy so it easy for me to simply eat less. Eating at a calorie deficit is hard on people; even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such. Everyone is different. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others, this is not right or wrong, it just is. Stress in your life affects your hunger hormones; lack of sleep, fatigue, job stress, family stress, financial stress, etc. Add in emotional eating issues and it gets even more complicated. Most people can only handle so much change/stress at once, they try to do too much and fail. Sometimes it might be a better strategy to eat at maintenance and make some small changes first, it really depends on how much stress you are taking in at the moment.

    Well, it ended up being sort of a short lecture but I hope it was an encouraging one.

    Quitting is waiting to die. You can't quit. You can achieve your goal. You can. It is totally up to you and to you alone.
    Wishing you the best. -Bobbie
  • almc170
    almc170 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    It takes a huge amount of courage to own where you're at and post it to a bunch of strangers. You're hardly a failure. You've done this before and will do it again. You know what needs to happen. As far as women, some of us like the intelligent computer engineer types (I've been married to one for 17 years). She's out there, you just haven't met her yet. Work on yourself, and the rest will follow.
  • dicoveringwhoIam
    dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
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    Youre not alone. I have lost the same lbs and more at least 12+ times. I have struggled all my life. I finally got to the point where I was truly tired of being sick and tired. I was also fed up with being afraid and embarrassed to do anything. I have lost nearly 60lbs (I started MFP after I was losing) and I feel better than I have in at least 10+yrs. You can do it. The cost of not moving does not out weigh the rewards of reclaiming your life back!

    *friend request sent.
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
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    Rock bottom is really the only place one can go to realize just what is at stake and that you must then realize there is nowhere else to go but up. I have been there, trapped in my house at 560 lbs. unable to stand for more than 20 seconds at a stretch, It even came down to sitting in a chair for 3 days with a loaded hand gun, until I finally gave in to the process and asked for help... 39 months later and alot of hardwork and dedication I am within reach of my goal weight of 225 lbs. I am starting week 7 of my recouping from circumferential body lift surgery where they removed 17 pounds of skin. I am getting 2 total knee replacements in the spring so know that no matter how bad things look, there is always a way out... I keep my friends list manageable because I like to interact daily with friends on my list but please send me a request and go to my blog at www.gettingfit4life.com it documents my journey through the skin surgery and gives you some before and after pictures and some videos. You have to reach out (which you did on here) and get help, this is not a journey you can take (or should take) alone, we all need someone to lean on especially in the beginning. I started therapy 39 months ago to address my depression and eating disorders and am still going monthly and will for sometime. I am as i say a continued work in progress and this is my lifestyle now...... Best of Luck to you and keep your chin up, you can bounce back from this set back......
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
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    I am finding this topic 5 pages in and have read so many. You have many people on here that are going to cheer you on and be their for you. Don't give up on LIFE. You seem like a never nice sincere person and there really is someone out there for you. Someone who is going to see past the weight and love you for who you are. The girl who can't see past your weight mostly likely is not the right girl for you.

    Get back on track, you know what works you have lost 100 pounds before so start with what you know. Come here for the support you need. Feel lonely come here there is always some one on here who is willing to chat.

    I personally thought your post was a joke at first because well you profile picture didn't look like someone who needed to lose that much weight and you don't look like a guy who would have a hard time finding a girl.

    Good Luck and Please don't give up.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    I can relate. I gainedam everything I lost double time. So now I am not only at square one...I am behind the square. But I keep going. It's the only option.

    You can do this!:flowerforyou:
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    Today, choose life.
    Tomorrow, choose life.
    Make the choice. Every day.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    Damn, dude. I hope you straighten things out and get back on the path to where you want/need to be.

    Meanwhile, yeah, I'm sending a FR. (Not sure how me being your friend will help, but I'm sending it just the same.)

    ETA: Your story made me think about Sean Anderson. He was 505 pounds at one point. Decent guy with a great story...and personable enough that he and I have exchanged numerous emails along the way. Several ways to learn more about his story, but transformationroad.com is probably the best.

    ETAM: Actually, his blog is probably a better website to learn more about him: http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/ That's where I first learned about him.
  • DeniseBarone
    DeniseBarone Posts: 80 Member
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    You need to stop beating yourself up. You've taken the first steps by losing eight pounds. Take small steps. For the next seven days, I want you to eat a small bag of carrots every day. And take a fifteen-minute walk. These are small changes and I would be willing to bet you'll notice results.

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