I am an enormous failure

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I myself started at 441 lbs and can relate to how daunting it feels to have so much to lose but it does get better. I did not have many girlfriends before I started going online. There really is someone out there for everyone but its hard to find them when you stay inside your house all the time. I was in the same situation! But after going on a few dates with girls I met online I met my beautiful fiance and she couldn't be more amazing. We are engaged to be married this December and she is a big motivation for me to lose weight. I met her on Plenty of Fish. I didnt happen right away so keep at it. Good luck to you and add me as a friend if you want.

HI Brian
I sent you a personal email, I am very glad to see you here and want to say that no-one thinks yo are a loser or a whinger or whining. You reached out and lots of people have responded. Good luck with your renewed attack on your weight. When you feel better about that and life in general, you will feel better - sort of self-fulfilling circle :flowerforyou:

Well, I must admit, I've been following this tread since yesterday. But I just can't stay there and not say a thing. Sorry guys for any typos or grammar mistake. My primary language is French, so be kind with me.

I wasn't looking for pity, but maybe empathy and understanding.

We know you were not looking for pity, and everybody here on MFP understands you, even if our starting weight is different. We all started this journey (yes, journey!) because of similar reasons. The number on the scale is secondary. It's all about how we feel about ourselves.

I assure you I have tried more than you may think. I had worked so hard at the gym that they took notice and used me as their marketing campaign. they put me on fliers and door hangers and eventually on their new website. I am their success story, only now I am a fraud ...

YOU my friend, ARE NOT a fraud. Nobody here is! :noway: Everybody has the right to take a step in the wrong direction. And you know what? We are allowed to do that many times. It's up to us to really decide what we want to do.
You've done this before, YOU CAN DO THIS AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. And all of us will be here for you if you need it.

In terms of a socail/dating life, I was on eharmony for 2 years. I am on okcupid and plentyoffish. I tried out match.com. I have also done speed dating and tried other avenues like taking cooking classes. I joined some groups on meetup.com and have gotten into some volunteering. So, you can see I have done quite a bit to get myself out there and get a life going.

Just work on yourself FOR yourself. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE! Take care of YOURSELF and the rest will come, without you looking for it. "Life usually happens when you're busy doing other things."

So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded here or sent me a message or friend request. It wasn't my intention to come across as whining or looking for pity.

You are NOT whining. It takes a lot of courage to say all of those things at the face of the world. You are a great person, you've lost 100 pounds before, why wouldn't you be able to do the same again? Choose a plan, make a plan, write it down on the calendar, choose a schedule that will suits you and in a way that you will not be able to get away from it. That's what I did and I used to write down my morning runs like an appointment - I would never miss a professional appointment. Would you?... So after almost a year on here, I have my routine... No liquid after 7 am, 7:45 am: do the dishes, 8:10 get ready for a run after the kids are gone, max 8:30 I am out the door for a morning run. Every other day. NO EXCUSES. That's my mantra. NO EXCUSES. Find yours and stick to it. You can do this!

The huge number of friend requests was unexpected, although nice at the same time. It will take me a while to repsond since there were something like 135 requests and 30 messages.

You deserve all of those friends requests because you're awesome, courageous, responsible, determined, & we all believe in you!!! We are our worst judges. Don't be that hard on yourself. To copy Nike... "Find your strong". YOU-CAN-DO-THIS!

I just really appreciate the notion that people care. I don't have that in my real life. Thank you.

More people care than you think in your real life, you probably just don't see it. And we just don't share with them what we share on this site, because we think they don't care or don't understand. What you talk about in here isn't the subjects you can't always share in real life. Nobody around me wants to know that I was able to NOT EAT those cookies that were looking at me at lunch time, or that there's 'only' 100 calories in Kellogg fruit crisps... Or that I ran 1/4 mile farther than the week before. Honestly, I know that my bf encourage me, but that's about it. So those things are the kind of things that I share around here.

I keep my friend's list short, but those friends that I have on here are the greatest! And they know it. Because we're all here for the same reasons. We have a lot in common, and I really consider a few of those like 'real' friends, and I'm sure I'm not the only one!

You are a great guy Brian. You can do this. And nobody here will ever judge you for letting people know how you feel... because we felt the same at one point in our own lives.

Big hugs & a lot of love is flying your way my friend. Take this wave to kick yourself in the b@tt and make yourself proud!

YOU CAN DO THIS. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

I know exactly how you feel, I have had depression in some form for about 18 years, although was only diagnosed this year, and been having real struggles with this recently, and it is difficult to find the will to fight it anymore.

I'm very similar to you in that until I was 29 I never had a girlfriend, and never had any one even remotely interested in me like that, but then I was lucky that the most amazing woman I ever met fell in love with me and chased me until I finally realised she was interested. I had 7 amazing months with her before she finally saw sense and split up with me. She is still a close friend but after 10 months of being split up my feelings haven't changed. people tell me there's someone out there for everyone but the only problem is whether you are right for the person who is right for you! sadly for me I know this is not the case, having said that I'm sure you too will meet someone amazing, and although for me things aren't ideal I am still so lucky to have her in my life in any way. So although it's not a full on positive answer I am truly grateful that I was given even that long, and you seem like a cool guy, with much more about you then I have so am sure there's the perfect person for you just around the corner, and you will be able to keep hold of them and not waste your chance like I did. The one advantage you have over me is you had the confidence to go on dates, I have no confidence for this at all. I am lucky to have some very close female friends but any suggestion of anything else just screws me up with anxiety.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like and we can try and pull each other through the bad periods, up to you, you already seem to have some awesome people looking to help you so probably don't need my support.

damn im pretty heartless but this really got to me in a personal way man, listen at the end of the day your trying you hardest! theres people who sit on there *kitten* and just complain but you actively trying to change for the better so for a start thats amazing! ok it hasnt gone perfect but hell who is perfect ? add me as a friend bud ill give you plenty of support! and seriously your not a failure the hardest part is starting a weight loss program if at first you dont dont do it try again! i just wanna help you man serious drop me a message sometime

I don't know if I can say anything new, anything that hasn't already been said here, except that I feel all of your pain. You can get healthy again and you will. The only other choice is to lay down and die, and since you are here, reaching out, you are not dying. Specifically on the topic of dating, I completely hear you. I am new to the dating world after 15 years and so far, I want to just retreat! So scary. Take some time to get your mind right and then try it again. You have a divine spark, you are worthy of giving and receiving love, and you will find it. Good luck, friend. I look forward to cheering on your successes!

Read EdDavenport's post. Again and again and again. And then read his blog. What an incredible man with an incredible story. It CAN be done.

I think that anyone with a large amount of weight to lose has felt the way you feel at some point in there life. I've never weighed 400 lbs, but at only 5'3" 265 was not a pretty thing to look at. I hated myself. Some days, I still hate myself. I hate what I've done to myself. I hate that I'm not happy. I hate that my own hand was responsible for putting every single one of those pounds into my mouth.

I feel depressed. I feel useless. I feel that no one can ever possibly love me.

Then I realized I need to love myself first. I need to make myself happy. I need to find the strength to lose the weight, by myself. No one else can do this for me.

Somewhere, deep down, there is a man who believes in fighting. If not, you would have never written that post. Find that man, realize he is worth being loved, and FIGHT FOR HIM. The rest will fall in place.

From someone who has bee overweight nearly their whole life (1999-2001 reached 179 and 2004, 232), I know what you mean. This has to take a high priority in your life. It's your body. Eat, breathe, and live this stuff. Get your mind right for this journey again. Eat to live, don't live to eat. If you feel like you're bored, and you want to vege out out at home, go get some exercise. From a person who has been in the 170 range, as well as the 350 range, you can do this.

I am not going to lecture you, I promise!! Your post really made me sad because I know what it feels like to think of myself as a failure. I am 5'0 and weigh about 190 lbs. I would like to lose about 65 lbs. To some people, this may not seem like a huge amount to lose, but for me sometimes, it can seem like I am climbing up an endless mountain and not moving fast enough, or moving backwards instead of forwards. I know what it feels like to be depessed, I struggle with it everyday, and it's hard to motivate myself to do the things I know I have to. I know other people have suggested it, but if you are really feeling that low and depressed, maybe seeing your doctor for some suggestions might help (if you haven't already). Also, I know it's hard to start something new and open up sometimes, but maybe talking to a counselor and/or support group might help. It is hard to do anything that takes a lot of work alone, and it is so much easier to have support and people to talk to. I don't know you, but I believe in you. You will pull yourself back up, no matter how bad you feel, and take a small step forward. Please friend me if you'd like, we can help each other.

You are not a failure. You are here and people here will help support you. I was 360lbs at one point, and as a 5'4" woman that wasn't great. I have lost 84 lbs and it has been tough I wont lie. But, and this is important, try not to just measure by what the scales tell you. Get a workout in, start with a few weights and a walk.As you are a guy measure progress by measuring your chest, waist and neck. If you can measure your body fat% as this is more reliable that just 'weight'. My scales have a body fat monitor, but you can have it done at a gym too. Keep moving, track your food, track your exercise and drink a lot of water. Cut out processed food and white bread, rice, pasta and sugar. I can guarantee that small changes and moving about will make you feel physically a lot better and exercise lifts mood as it produces endorphines....Good luck, add me as a friend if you want to : )