How do you ignore hurtful comments?

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  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    Was this your first clue that said "friend" can be rude?
    Always consider the source when you evaluate a comment. Some people enjoy inflicting pain; it's pretty easy to ignore them.
  • WisdomRose_wechanged
    WisdomRose_wechanged Posts: 29
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    You are beautiful, you have just been looking in the wrong mirror. All of the posts here are right about the man who made the hurtful comment but maybe he meant it as a call to action for you. Stand up for yourself and get moving in the direction you want to go. Be the person you want to be, don't wait for any man to make you happy. I hope you find that special person who sees how beautiful you are inside AND outside. Best wishes.
  • NatashaShen
    NatashaShen Posts: 295 Member
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    I get the same thing, that I'm too "big" to even get a date. But I get these comments from my mother of all people. I do my best to ignore it. Just because one person doesn't see your beauty doesn't mean everyone feels that way. I'm not only working on my weight to get healthy but I also want to have confidence and good self esteem. What matters most is what you think of yourself.
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
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    Maybe he wasn't trying to make you feel bad, maybe he was giving an honest answer. Maybe you're angry/sad because deep down you know there is SOME truth in what he said?
    Taking it as a personal attack and deleting him from your friends hasn't achieved anything, you still feel bad enough to make this post.
    Are you motivated enough to make a change, and do it for you? Last November you lost 10lbs and stopped, I started last November and I've lost 85lbs to date, you could be where you want to be if you'd stuck with it, but you've got to be ready and not give up, it's not "too hard" you just have to stay motivated :flowerforyou:
    Awesome post!!
  • Feisty_Red
    Feisty_Red Posts: 982 Member
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    f-em ;) Do what you want to do for you..and not what some dude says..or what a magazine tells you is the ideal..we are not cookie cutter body types...not that I see anything wrong with your body type at all! Good luck cutie! And push the trash people.. to the side..and move on!
  • AmbieSweetz
    AmbieSweetz Posts: 72 Member
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    You are beautiful!! Seriously this guy sounds like he's just tryin to show off on FB. Which makes him super lame and he's probably single. There are plenty of men out there who love women of all sizes! Focus on making yourself happy, and in time you'll find the right man to compliment that!
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    I think about what an idiot that person is and laugh. Having the "I'll show them" attitude is a great motivator, but in the end, you have to do it for yourself too.

    As far as men are concerned, lots of different guys prefer lots of different women. Think about the types of guys you like. Do you have set rules? Of course not. You might have preferences, but maybe weight isn't one of them. Guys are like that too. Some really don't care about weight; others do. You just have to find the man you click with on all different levels, not just physical.

    I know it's cliche, but sometimes he shows up when you aren't looking. My boyfriend and I were hellbent on not dating anyone when we met each other, so we were friends for a year or so before we finally caved and admitted we were attracted to each other. We fought that for a long time, though. We were perfectly happy being single, and it took us a while to adjust to the idea of dating again. We've been together for three years this January. Additionally, he always dated skinny girls, so I was a little afraid, but now that I know him I feel pretty silly. He isn't picky; it was just a coincidence. He told me he loved me at 315 (when we met), and at 357 (my highest) because, to him, I was still ME, no matter what I weighed. That's the kind of person you want.

    He's been a big motivator throughout this weight loss, but not because he wants me to be thinner for looks sake. He knows how unhealthy and miserable I was at 357, and it made him sad to see me cry when I couldn't do something. So he's really into my weight loss because he loves me and wants me to be happy, not because he wants a lingerie model. I'm back to 315 now, and I'm excited for him to see what I look like under 300, at 250, etc. He's seen pictures from high school and stuff, but I want to show him the real thing.
  • miadhail
    miadhail Posts: 383 Member
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    I've been off and on this site for over a year. I lose weight, I do good for a month, then I go back to my old eating habits and gain it right back. Recently I posted on facebook how it is hard for me to find the right man. (I can get dates all the time, but I'm talking a good man, a husband.) A guy, I thought was my friend, responded how I can't get a man because I'm "fat" by men's standards, and that I need to get my stuff together and go to the gym if I want to lose weight. Now this dude has hips 2 times my size. And he admitted he's been going to the gym to lose weight too. He's a real honest guy, brutally honest, and I took him off my friends list.

    HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?

    Honestly, what spurred me to make a change in my life were hurtful comments.

    1. My fiance's father thought I was "too fat' for my fiance. Of course he didn't say that to my face, he said it through my fiance who supported me and said that he loved me regardless. He is my greatest supporter right now in my weight loss.

    2. I appeared in the news paper, and got mocked for being huge. I moped around in the house for awhile until I realised I need to pull my socks up.

    I realise that the more I exercise, the better I feel, losing weight made me feel even better! Since I have lost some weight, I realised that I could do more, and I just feel more confident. So I have adjusted my motivation from those negative comments, to just how good I feel.

    I am glad you took him off your friendslist. You don't need people like those. You need people who accept you for who you are and support you even more in this journey because it makes you feel good about yourself.

    All the best, and just brush those comments off. Your progress will show those people with negative comments that you can change your body, but their personality / ideals will always be ugly.
  • Minnesota_Nice
    Minnesota_Nice Posts: 414 Member
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    Honey I am so sorry that *kitten* said that. First off, he was saying his opinion not facts. Some men love women with curves and meat on them... Some men don't.

    Going to the gym will definitely help your self confidence and if you watch your eating and eat more lean meat and tons of frets and veggies.... You will be losing weight thus your sexiness will start to show through....

    You got this. Keep going girl! Add me if you want! I'll tell that ****er to **** off!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    First of all, he's not right. You may need to lose weight for health or personal reasons, but this is not why you can't find a good man. Any man that will only date you if you lose weight isn't really that "good".

    The depression you speak of is more likely a factor. Most people, reagardless of size, are more attractive when they have a positive attitute and exude confidence. Don't tie your self worth to a scale or tape measure. There are plenty of skinny db's out there who also can't get a man.

    Second, there is no way to totally avoid hurtful comments. All you can do is choose how long to dwell on it. What's done can't be undone, so it's best to just forgive and move on. Even if the offender doesn't ask for or accept your forgiveness (though hopefully they will). But the bottom line is that you can only control you.
  • Krys_140
    Krys_140 Posts: 648 Member
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    That is stupid. There is an *kitten* for every chair and shame on him for painting all men with the same brush. No offence but your friend is an idiot and you should not take what he said to heart. If you want to lose weight you do it for you, not to land a man!

    THIS!
    When you lose weight for yourself, and for your own reasons, then you WILL lose 30-40 lbs. When you lose weight because you think it will help attract others, you'll lose interest the first time someone says something hurtful. That's just the way it goes.

    So, when you're really, truly ready for a change - a whole mindset, lifestyle change - then you'll see amazing success, and will very likely not care whether the "new you" lands a man or not as a result. You'll just be happy with yourself for committing to the changes.

    Good luck to you - I hope you find that motivation and make some good-for-you changes.
  • trchristy
    trchristy Posts: 155 Member
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    That is stupid. There is an *kitten* for every chair and shame on him for painting all men with the same brush. No offence but your friend is an idiot and you should not take what he said to heart. If you want to lose weight you do it for you, not to land a man!


    You are beautiful!


    agreed ;) well said.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    This thread is really sad. You delete somebody who you considered a good friend because he attempted to be honest with you on a post that you OPENLY asked for help on (though his advice was poor, still. it's to be expected).

    You then complain that he attacked you by calling you fat, yet proceed to say you agree with him and need to lose weight. THEN in a different post you say you're not fat but just big boned and now everybody is making assumptions about a man that they do not know saying he must be a single and lonely loser. All over your profile you're stating how unhappy you are with your weight. If you're unhappy then change it and don't act surprised when somebody else tells you that you're overweight if you already know it.

    Your friend was likely just trying to help you (in his own little misguided way). This site can help you a lot if you commit to it, but YOU have to want it for yourself. Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • vypeters
    vypeters Posts: 475 Member
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    I was pretty heavy when I got married and my husband (not a heavy guy) is a wonderful man.

    At a guess your problem in the man department has more to do with your self-image than your weight itself. I understand that the weight may be playing into the negative self-image but I'd also bet the negative self-image is contributing to your struggle to lose weight.

    Trying to split the two apart, of course, is one of those things that's easier said than done.
  • kayduro
    kayduro Posts: 249 Member
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    I've been off and on this site for over a year. I lose weight, I do good for a month, then I go back to my old eating habits and gain it right back. Recently I posted on facebook how it is hard for me to find the right man. (I can get dates all the time, but I'm talking a good man, a husband.) A guy, I thought was my friend, responded how I can't get a man because I'm "fat" by men's standards, and that I need to get my stuff together and go to the gym if I want to lose weight. Now this dude has hips 2 times my size. And he admitted he's been going to the gym to lose weight too. He's a real honest guy, brutally honest, and I took him off my friends list.

    HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?

    In his defense, you DID ask and he answered. Might not be the answer you wanted. I don't think you should be mad at him. Good friends tell the truth. I don't think he was a jerk for giving his answer. Now if he would have said that to you without you asking then he would be a jerk.

    As far as my opinion, Being fat, skinny, in a wheelchair, a butterface or whatever has no bearing on getting a good man who is marriage material. There is someone for everyone. What does matter is how you carry yourself, what you truly believe about yourself, your confidence in yourself, how you treat yourself and others that will determine what kind of a person you will end up with. Believe in yourself. And FWIW, you are a beautiful woman!
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
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    Yep - you are beautiful. You are going in the right direction - you are on this site, you are taking charge of your health and you are NOT settling for any man who is less than what you deserve. Self-affirm every day.

    I asked a coworker on how he was so successful - he told me "I don't tell myself that I will try. I tell myself that I will do".
  • fitforlife34
    fitforlife34 Posts: 331 Member
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    You all the hit the nail on the head. I am the heaviest I have been in my life, and I don't feel good about myself. I feel very confident in my singing ability and writing skills, so it wouldn't hurt if someone berated me on that. But he is also a little overweight, and is single, and he says he's working on it. Also, I shot hiim down a year ago, he's cute, but I wasn't interested in him. Maybe he's still hurt by that? IN a way i'm glad he told me his truth, because it is making me work harder. I went on my healthy eating again today, and plan to work out in the gym. Hard.....sometiimes it akes something mean to spur us into action.
  • Time4achange77
    Time4achange77 Posts: 28
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    The harsh comments don't spur motivation, you spur the motivation to get back at them like "I'll show them I can lose it" and then get mad at yourself when life happens. Look, you are closer to the finish line than those that never showed up to the starting line! I've always been a victim of hurtful comments from those in my "circle" and guess what, that circle has gotten awfully small now because you can't allow negativity to derail you from you main goal and that is being healthy, happy, and HOT! Most of the time the negative ones are truly unhappy and can't find their own motivation to get started so it's easier to de-motivate someone.

    So to answer your question, How do you ignore the comments, you don't! You respond with grace and keep on with your journey knowing that some will NOT see the end with you, they'll just have to stare at your REAR END in the dust as you keep it moving.

    Good Luck with your journey to better health!

    LOVE IT! :happy:
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
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    This thread is really sad. You delete somebody who you considered a good friend because he attempted to be honest with you on a post that you OPENLY asked for help on (though his advice was poor, still. it's to be expected).

    You then complain that he attacked you by calling you fat, yet proceed to say you agree with him and need to lose weight. THEN in a different post you say you're not fat but just big boned and now everybody is making assumptions about a man that they do not know saying he must be a single and lonely loser. All over your profile you're stating how unhappy you are with your weight. If you're unhappy then change it and don't act surprised when somebody else tells you that you're overweight if you already know it.

    Your friend was likely just trying to help you (in his own little misguided way). This site can help you a lot if you commit to it, but YOU have to want it for yourself. Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    Well stated.

    I strongly dislike when people come on the boards just looking for people to sugar coat everything and not be honest with the person that is posting.

    She posted 2 threads to get people to agree with her and bash this poor man.
  • 4Phoenix
    4Phoenix Posts: 236 Member
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    Use your worse experiences to spur to on to success and never look back at the negatives....just keep moving forward! Don't dwell on what other people say. There will always be differences of opinion. Keep accountability for yourself and fly - don't let comments stop your progress.

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