I am an enormous failure

YOU are NOT a failure! You can do this. I am sending you a friends request. Feel free to msg me anytime!! Also, I will be praying for you

I am so sorry. I just wanna hug u! Don't give up. I know the feeling of losing that much and regaining is harder emotionally than not losing in the first place. I lost 68 lbs in 2007 only to gain it back plus about another 20 lbs. It does make you lose heart because you know how hard it was. And it makes you feel like you've failed. I'm still relosing those 68 boomerang lbs, not to mention the bonus 20 pounds. I gain confidence every day but it is hard. But you have one thing you didn't have before...the knowledge that you can do it. You HAVE done it. Maybe starting over was traumatic enough that you won't ever let it happen again. That's how I feel. Sure, I wish I'd come to that realization before gaining back ALL I lost and then some. But if a 10-lb setback woulda been enough to teach me a lesson I woulda learned it and kept going. Apparently I have a hard head because it took me 5 years to get back on the wagon. If you want an encouraging friend, add me. If you want to see it CAN be done, add me. If you want a friend that has a BIG weightloss goal, add me. My total goal is 180 lbs. Seems enormous sometimes. But I'm 25% of the way there. I just have to do what I've already done 3 more times. And you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make the choice to do it again. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done. But it will be the most rewarding. Don't worry about little things like excess skin. One day at a time.

I have felt the exact same way so many times. You are not alone. I sent you a friend request, and I will try to help you in any way I can.
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You're not an enormous failure. You having a depressive episode. I have been there too. It sucks! You WILL find the love of your life---just keep your faith and wait for her; she's waiting for you and she doesn't give a hoot about weight or saggy skin or anything. Not every woman is as shallow as the media and magazines like to make us think. You have lost weight in the past---you will lose it again---no magic --it's jut math. Calories in--calories out. It always works. Take your time. Often it's this damn depression that defeats us even more than cravings! You can friend me if you want---I would friend you but I'm not sure how! I will if I figure it out.
Hang in there, man!

Buck up, kid! You have 6 pages of posts from people that don't know you (in less than 24 hours) and most of those posts are saying that we've all been there. This is hard! It's hard being fat, it's hard losing fat, it's hard being skinny fat, and it's hard being mentally fat! But it will be okay. No lectures, but a suggestion....I joined a gym. Last place I ever wanted to be. Somehow just walking in those doors everyday (facing the imagined fears of having "fit" people laugh at me) gave me confidence. I felt healthier just being there. One day at a time I felt more comfortable there. It took the edge off the loneliness because I had chats with random people, then I started taking workout classes (and sometimes only making it through the first 10 minutes). Eventually I hired a trainer and she is my buddy. She peps me up when I'm down, teaches me stuff, & encourages me. I've made friends with people that were in some of those classes I can't make it through (Still go every week though!). Point being, just find a healthy hobby and the company and new friends will find you. And good luck.

Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.

I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.

Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.

I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.

This is beautiful, you are really special

Know that you have excellent support here. Take it day by day and set small goals to keep you committed and on track. Rooting and praying for you! We know you can do it!

Brian,

It takes more courage than you might realize to post what you did, to open your inner most self and talk like you did. Many have been there, many with less courage than you I'm sure. I'll be happy to support you on your trip and you are still young, very young. Take it slow, take it one step at a time and you know what? You'll win.

If you like, you can friend me.

Last night I went on a walk through my neighborhood. I passed a house with a window open and couldn't resist the urge to look inside. There was an overweight man in his kitchen, alone, making dinner. I thought of you and felt sad, because I've been there too. I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. Don't make important decisions at night. Always wait until the morning. Please? You can find something to live for, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.

I love you. I don't know you, but it's true all the same. Find someone to talk to, listen to some happy music, smile even though you don't feel like it (just using those muscles releases endorphins), and give it one more day. Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you'll see farther.

i didnt know there were still people like you out there.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I myself started at 441 lbs and can relate to how daunting it feels to have so much to lose but it does get better. I did not have many girlfriends before I started going online. There really is someone out there for everyone but its hard to find them when you stay inside your house all the time. I was in the same situation! But after going on a few dates with girls I met online I met my beautiful fiance and she couldn't be more amazing. We are engaged to be married this December and she is a big motivation for me to lose weight. I met her on Plenty of Fish. I didnt happen right away so keep at it. Good luck to you and add me as a friend if you want.

HI Brian
I sent you a personal email, I am very glad to see you here and want to say that no-one thinks yo are a loser or a whinger or whining. You reached out and lots of people have responded. Good luck with your renewed attack on your weight. When you feel better about that and life in general, you will feel better - sort of self-fulfilling circle :flowerforyou:

Well, I must admit, I've been following this tread since yesterday. But I just can't stay there and not say a thing. Sorry guys for any typos or grammar mistake. My primary language is French, so be kind with me.

I wasn't looking for pity, but maybe empathy and understanding.

We know you were not looking for pity, and everybody here on MFP understands you, even if our starting weight is different. We all started this journey (yes, journey!) because of similar reasons. The number on the scale is secondary. It's all about how we feel about ourselves.

I assure you I have tried more than you may think. I had worked so hard at the gym that they took notice and used me as their marketing campaign. they put me on fliers and door hangers and eventually on their new website. I am their success story, only now I am a fraud ...

YOU my friend, ARE NOT a fraud. Nobody here is! :noway: Everybody has the right to take a step in the wrong direction. And you know what? We are allowed to do that many times. It's up to us to really decide what we want to do.
You've done this before, YOU CAN DO THIS AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. And all of us will be here for you if you need it.

In terms of a socail/dating life, I was on eharmony for 2 years. I am on okcupid and plentyoffish. I tried out match.com. I have also done speed dating and tried other avenues like taking cooking classes. I joined some groups on meetup.com and have gotten into some volunteering. So, you can see I have done quite a bit to get myself out there and get a life going.

Just work on yourself FOR yourself. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE! Take care of YOURSELF and the rest will come, without you looking for it. "Life usually happens when you're busy doing other things."

So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded here or sent me a message or friend request. It wasn't my intention to come across as whining or looking for pity.

You are NOT whining. It takes a lot of courage to say all of those things at the face of the world. You are a great person, you've lost 100 pounds before, why wouldn't you be able to do the same again? Choose a plan, make a plan, write it down on the calendar, choose a schedule that will suits you and in a way that you will not be able to get away from it. That's what I did and I used to write down my morning runs like an appointment - I would never miss a professional appointment. Would you?... So after almost a year on here, I have my routine... No liquid after 7 am, 7:45 am: do the dishes, 8:10 get ready for a run after the kids are gone, max 8:30 I am out the door for a morning run. Every other day. NO EXCUSES. That's my mantra. NO EXCUSES. Find yours and stick to it. You can do this!

The huge number of friend requests was unexpected, although nice at the same time. It will take me a while to repsond since there were something like 135 requests and 30 messages.

You deserve all of those friends requests because you're awesome, courageous, responsible, determined, & we all believe in you!!! We are our worst judges. Don't be that hard on yourself. To copy Nike... "Find your strong". YOU-CAN-DO-THIS!

I just really appreciate the notion that people care. I don't have that in my real life. Thank you.

More people care than you think in your real life, you probably just don't see it. And we just don't share with them what we share on this site, because we think they don't care or don't understand. What you talk about in here isn't the subjects you can't always share in real life. Nobody around me wants to know that I was able to NOT EAT those cookies that were looking at me at lunch time, or that there's 'only' 100 calories in Kellogg fruit crisps... Or that I ran 1/4 mile farther than the week before. Honestly, I know that my bf encourage me, but that's about it. So those things are the kind of things that I share around here.

I keep my friend's list short, but those friends that I have on here are the greatest! And they know it. Because we're all here for the same reasons. We have a lot in common, and I really consider a few of those like 'real' friends, and I'm sure I'm not the only one!

You are a great guy Brian. You can do this. And nobody here will ever judge you for letting people know how you feel... because we felt the same at one point in our own lives.

Big hugs & a lot of love is flying your way my friend. Take this wave to kick yourself in the b@tt and make yourself proud!

YOU CAN DO THIS. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

I know exactly how you feel, I have had depression in some form for about 18 years, although was only diagnosed this year, and been having real struggles with this recently, and it is difficult to find the will to fight it anymore.

I'm very similar to you in that until I was 29 I never had a girlfriend, and never had any one even remotely interested in me like that, but then I was lucky that the most amazing woman I ever met fell in love with me and chased me until I finally realised she was interested. I had 7 amazing months with her before she finally saw sense and split up with me. She is still a close friend but after 10 months of being split up my feelings haven't changed. people tell me there's someone out there for everyone but the only problem is whether you are right for the person who is right for you! sadly for me I know this is not the case, having said that I'm sure you too will meet someone amazing, and although for me things aren't ideal I am still so lucky to have her in my life in any way. So although it's not a full on positive answer I am truly grateful that I was given even that long, and you seem like a cool guy, with much more about you then I have so am sure there's the perfect person for you just around the corner, and you will be able to keep hold of them and not waste your chance like I did. The one advantage you have over me is you had the confidence to go on dates, I have no confidence for this at all. I am lucky to have some very close female friends but any suggestion of anything else just screws me up with anxiety.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like and we can try and pull each other through the bad periods, up to you, you already seem to have some awesome people looking to help you so probably don't need my support.

damn im pretty heartless but this really got to me in a personal way man, listen at the end of the day your trying you hardest! theres people who sit on there *kitten* and just complain but you actively trying to change for the better so for a start thats amazing! ok it hasnt gone perfect but hell who is perfect ? add me as a friend bud ill give you plenty of support! and seriously your not a failure the hardest part is starting a weight loss program if at first you dont dont do it try again! i just wanna help you man serious drop me a message sometime