Am I asking too much?
Replies
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Yeah...I need out. I realize that now as I write all these things down.
I hope you're serious, and I hope you do it safely. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Take care of yourself and your little girl.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.0 -
I also wanted to add that the way he responds to stress, by yelling and being rude and such, is not very mature. He needs to work on that and learn to communicate more effectively.0
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He refuses counceling because "if I wouldnt make him mad he wouldnt yell and cuss" So its my fault and theres nothing wrong with him.
Yeah...I need out. I realize that now as I write all these things down.
I work as a volunteer on a rape crisis helpline helping survivors of sexual and domestic abuse. That first line is an absolute classic. If YOU hadn't done something to make him mad then he wouldn't have reacted. That is always their defense and the ultimate manipulaion tactic which, when said enough, makes the victim start to believe it. You start to believe that it's all your fault when it's NOT. There are 2 sides to the story and yeah we haven't heard both sides. But no one should be talking to you that way, it is completely unnaceptable. I'm glad that talking about it in this way has helped you to realise what you need to do. I know you said you don't want your family to know and I'm sure there are many reasons for that but you need their help. They may live out of state but I'm sure if you call them and tell them how bad it's got they will come and help you and do everything they can to support you. I'm also in the UK so I don't know what numbers there might be in the US but there are usually free phone numbers of places like rape crisis where you can call and talk to someone completely confidentially and get some advice. Good luck to you!0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
He swears at her in front of their daughter, he punches holes in the walls, he is verball abusive. "If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good" Have you read all her posts???? Would you allow your husband to scream at you, disrespect you, call you names and swear at you in front of your child? Regardless of if she is nagging him to get things done or not is no reason to speak like that to your spouse. HE is in the wrong. She has a lot of things to do during the day while she is home with baby. Sure she can fix things that he isn't but why should he go to work, come home and not have to do anything at all while she works all day everyday????0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
He swears at her in front of their daughter, he punches holes in the walls, he is verball abusive. "If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good" Have you read all her posts???? Would you allow your husband to scream at you, disrespect you, call you names and swear at you in front of your child? Regardless of if she is nagging him to get things done or not is no reason to speak like that to your spouse. HE is in the wrong. She has a lot of things to do during the day while she is home with baby. Sure she can fix things that he isn't but why should he go to work, come home and not have to do anything at all while she works all day everyday????
Check out my second post.0 -
First let me say that you are a precious and wonderfully made woman who deserves to be cherished. Period.
What you asked for is to know if you are asking too much. Actually, I think that you are not asking for enough as you deserve his best instead of his worst.
Whenever I hear tremendous anger expressed by a male through foul language I begin to wonder if their is a problem with depression. In men, it more often shows up as anger that is easily provoked toward loved ones rather than sadness, etc.
You are the best person to be able to evaluate if this is a physically based issue, or learned behavior; whether he is purposely controlling you with his anger or if he has used all of his "self control" up at work. Regardless of why he is treating you this way it is NOT acceptable and it may escalate if not dealt with.
Determining the cause will help you figure out what you can or can't do to help this situation. Please take care of yourself and your daughter the best that you can in this tough situation. I hope that you will reach out for help near you. It's not easy, but your strength in this will also teach her.
Blessings and hugs!!!0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
He swears at her in front of their daughter, he punches holes in the walls, he is verball abusive. "If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good" Have you read all her posts???? Would you allow your husband to scream at you, disrespect you, call you names and swear at you in front of your child? Regardless of if she is nagging him to get things done or not is no reason to speak like that to your spouse. HE is in the wrong. She has a lot of things to do during the day while she is home with baby. Sure she can fix things that he isn't but why should he go to work, come home and not have to do anything at all while she works all day everyday????
Check out my second post.
I read your second post. I still however don't agree with the fact that she should stop asking him to do things around the house, that she is nagging him and that she's got it pretty good.
He is abusive. She has a daughter that doesn't need to grow up seeing that. He is a grown man, he knows what is right and what is wrong in terms of communication. He's a bigger idiot than he sounds like if he doesn't realize it's wrong to speak to your wife that way.
What he needs to do is learn to get off his lazy *kitten* and help around the house. He either learns to do that to help out his wife or to keep himself alive when he alone.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?0 -
Exactly what I was thinking. You are the example for your daughter;
she will look to you to determine how she sould be treated by the opposite sex. Not to mention that she will learn to disrespect you as well. Have you tried getting written free estimates for the work that needs to be done, and leaving them out where he would see them?? Nothing kicks a man in the *kitten* more than the thought that someone else can replace him. And I would be going on strike in the bedroom, to boot, if my husband EVER spoke to me in such an abusive, disrespectful manner.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.
She seems as though she can run a household smoothly enough. Her issue is her incredibly disrespectful and lazy husband who doesn't want to help out. He does not have the right to sit on his *kitten* all day while she does all the work. I'm sure the OP can manage a household perfectly fine.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.
I know how to manage a household, but its no vacation. Maybe it was easier because you were in the army and were glad to be out. Or maybe you had money to be able to get out of the house once in a while, or your husband treats you good so its easy for you to be at home and happy.
I dont have any of those...all I see is this house all day every day...sometimes it gets challenging and I get bored and lonley. My girl is only 8 months so shes not really great company yet. Well...she is dont get me wrong I LOVE being with her, she is the light of my life. but when shes older and we can do more it will be easier. It wasnt so bad in teh summer, I took her for walks and went to the park, but now its wintertime and I cant take her out...We dont have money to do anything, litterally.
Yes we obviously have cable and internet which could be cut out and i wanted to cut out cable (internet is almost a neccecity though nowdays) I get all my stuff electronically, pay my bills online, my husband can only get his checkstubs online now becasue his company went paperless etc etc...My husband refuses to cut cable though. Of course.0 -
no it is not to much to ask...my hubby helps me with everything - and i never get attitude...i work 8 hours a day and he works 12 so any time he has he does what i ask without attitude shoot...he does way more than what is asked of him...i really dont have much to say..i've never been in your boat so i'm not even going to give advice but it does make me appriciate my hubby so much more!0
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I feel you are being disrespected by the way your husband talks to you.
No person deserves to be spoken to in this manner and that is the biggest problem you have here, over your home needing fixed !!!!!
Please sit him down on a peaceful night when you are alone and talk to him about this.. because its heartwrenching !!!!0 -
I don't think you're asking too much at all! In fact, sounds to me like your husband is living the life of Riley, all thanks to you. I think the major issue here is how he treats you.
Even though my hubby takes forever to do repairs I ask him to, he does help with other things. He always takes the garbage out. Although, for him, things like that are a mans job anyways. But also with things like dishes and laundry with no complaints. And believe me, he knows better than to disrespect me or talk down to me. I would never put up with it.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.
I know how to manage a household, but its no vacation. Maybe it was easier because you were in the army and were glad to be out. Or maybe you had money to be able to get out of the house once in a while, or your husband treats you good so its easy for you to be at home and happy.
I dont have any of those...all I see is this house all day every day...sometimes it gets challenging and I get bored and lonley. My girl is only 8 months so shes not really great company yet. Well...she is dont get me wrong I LOVE being with her, she is the light of my life. but when shes older and we can do more it will be easier. It wasnt so bad in teh summer, I took her for walks and went to the park, but now its wintertime and I cant take her out...We dont have money to do anything, litterally.
Yes we obviously have cable and internet which could be cut out and i wanted to cut out cable (internet is almost a neccecity though nowdays) I get all my stuff electronically, pay my bills online, my husband can only get his checkstubs online now becasue his company went paperless etc etc...My husband refuses to cut cable though. Of course.
My husband was in the Army...LOL..so no, we did not have money, I was in El Paso, TX, away from all my friends and family. Don't get me wrong, there were times being a SAHM was stressful. Especially with two of them while my husband was deployed. When I say "luxury", I am also referring to being able to see those milestones, being there to make them smile, getting to fix their lunch for them, etc. And of course, like I mentioned, the ability to be your own boss, no commute, office politics, etc.
I'm sure your relationship is much more complicated than the tiny bit you have laid out in this thread. I am sure there are good things too? Is him being lazy and spewing verbal diarrhea when he is stressed something you can help him change? It is always worth trying when kids are involved.0 -
The way he is treating you is wrong of course but I'm wondering if he has depression or a combination of stress/depression. He needs to see someone in anycase because you shouldn't have to live like this forever. He is a lazy sod and not doing his part as the man in the family. My husband works tons of hours and still does things in the yard and fixes things.0
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Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.
I know how to manage a household, but its no vacation. Maybe it was easier because you were in the army and were glad to be out. Or maybe you had money to be able to get out of the house once in a while, or your husband treats you good so its easy for you to be at home and happy.
I dont have any of those...all I see is this house all day every day...sometimes it gets challenging and I get bored and lonley. My girl is only 8 months so shes not really great company yet. Well...she is dont get me wrong I LOVE being with her, she is the light of my life. but when shes older and we can do more it will be easier. It wasnt so bad in teh summer, I took her for walks and went to the park, but now its wintertime and I cant take her out...We dont have money to do anything, litterally.
Yes we obviously have cable and internet which could be cut out and i wanted to cut out cable (internet is almost a neccecity though nowdays) I get all my stuff electronically, pay my bills online, my husband can only get his checkstubs online now becasue his company went paperless etc etc...My husband refuses to cut cable though. Of course.
My husband was in the Army...LOL..so no, we did not have money, I was in El Paso, TX, away from all my friends and family. Don't get me wrong, there were times being a SAHM was stressful. Especially with two of them while my husband was deployed. When I say "luxury", I am also referring to being able to see those milestones, being there to make them smile, getting to fix their lunch for them, etc. And of course, like I mentioned, the ability to be your own boss, no commute, office politics, etc.
I'm sure your relationship is much more complicated than the tiny bit you have laid out in this thread. I am sure there are good things too? Is him being lazy and spewing verbal diarrhea when he is stressed something you can help him change? It is always worth trying when kids are involved.
Wow. I can't believe a women who claims to have been a stay at home mom refers to it as a luxury. Cause I've done both and it's actually the person leaving the house everyday to work that has the luxury.
I don't know what kind of woman says the things you have said. And to another women nonetheless. But you should be ashamed of yourself. I would bet my life that it's only because you're on the internet and you wouldn't dare say that to another woman's face. Or I would definitely suggest you never do.
And I would assume you have your own set of issues you hide and you're just a bitter lady. Well, clearly not a "lady", but you know what I mean.0 -
Wow. I can't believe a women who claims to have been a stay at home mom refers to it as a luxury. Cause I've done both and it's actually the person leaving the house everyday to work that has the luxury.
I agree that all issues aside being able to stay home and raise your own kid could be considered somewhat of a luxury. Not every mother would agree with you. I know of mothers who wish they could stay at home, but can't afford to do so and instead have to go to a crappy desk job that they hate and miss out on lots of stuff with their kids as a result.
maybe for you, working is a luxury. Not all women feel that way though.0 -
Look, I have been a stay at home mom before, and it really is a luxury. You are your own boss and basically just need to do things that everyone else does when they come home from work. It is great for the kids though, so it is a position I do respect and think we need more of. When you are working at a job you probably hate though, you come home and you just want to unwind from the crap you have been dealing with. No offense, but you seem like you might be nagging a little much. If you need something repaired, do it yourself, you are home all day anyways. I will give you an example. Our dryer broke when my twins were around 3 yrs old. My husband was in the Army, and I know how much it sucks, because I was in the Army before I became a SAHM. Instead of harassing him about something I knew he would take a month to finally do, I just did it myself. Ordered the part, and did it over a couple days when the kids were napping. Not only are you getting **** done, you are learning too.
I want to put this in perspective for you. If the biggest complaint you have is that he doesn't get home projects done in a speedy manner, you have it pretty good.
Sounds like you both might need a vacation or something.
Seriously? For one...I havent the slightest clue how to fix a leaky pipe, or electrical issues and would end up causing more trouble by trying to fix things that I have no clue about. Secondly id love to know how its a luxury to be a stay at home mom? Were you sitting on your *kitten* all day letting the tv babysit your kids or something???? Cause I do ALOT, and its alot of work! Some days I would rather go work at a real job around people my age! But Im glad I get to stay home with my girl. I do everything around this house including the yardwork! I dont care if he doesnt help me with that crap...but once a month he cant fix something that needs fixing that I have no idea how to do?
I used to work...I used to work 50 hours or more a week before we had a baby! And I STILL came home and did my wifley duties and cleaned house, cooked dinner, packed his lunch, did yardwork etc etc etc I had a job, worked more hours than him and still did my share. Your saying its ok for him to sit on his butt and not do anything?
Don't get all snippy because I gave you my opinion. Maybe I just knew how to manage a household more smoothly, but being a stay at home mom was a great time for me. I thought of it as a luxury to be able to be with my kids all day and not have to deal with annoying coworkers or supervisors. I had just got out of the Army though, so in fairness, ANYTHING was like a vacation. I was fine with doing household repairs because I knew how. If I didn't, there was always youtube.
I said that he obviously needs to work on his communication skills. It is apparent he is stunted in that area and also lazy. Some people just are. You either accept it or you don't, but venting on people who try to give you well-meaning advice on the internet is not going to change anything.
I know how to manage a household, but its no vacation. Maybe it was easier because you were in the army and were glad to be out. Or maybe you had money to be able to get out of the house once in a while, or your husband treats you good so its easy for you to be at home and happy.
I dont have any of those...all I see is this house all day every day...sometimes it gets challenging and I get bored and lonley. My girl is only 8 months so shes not really great company yet. Well...she is dont get me wrong I LOVE being with her, she is the light of my life. but when shes older and we can do more it will be easier. It wasnt so bad in teh summer, I took her for walks and went to the park, but now its wintertime and I cant take her out...We dont have money to do anything, litterally.
Yes we obviously have cable and internet which could be cut out and i wanted to cut out cable (internet is almost a neccecity though nowdays) I get all my stuff electronically, pay my bills online, my husband can only get his checkstubs online now becasue his company went paperless etc etc...My husband refuses to cut cable though. Of course.
My husband was in the Army...LOL..so no, we did not have money, I was in El Paso, TX, away from all my friends and family. Don't get me wrong, there were times being a SAHM was stressful. Especially with two of them while my husband was deployed. When I say "luxury", I am also referring to being able to see those milestones, being there to make them smile, getting to fix their lunch for them, etc. And of course, like I mentioned, the ability to be your own boss, no commute, office politics, etc.
I'm sure your relationship is much more complicated than the tiny bit you have laid out in this thread. I am sure there are good things too? Is him being lazy and spewing verbal diarrhea when he is stressed something you can help him change? It is always worth trying when kids are involved.
Wow. I can't believe a women who claims to have been a stay at home mom refers to it as a luxury. Cause I've done both and it's actually the person leaving the house everyday to work that has the luxury.
I don't know what kind of woman says the things you have said. And to another women nonetheless. But you should be ashamed of yourself. I would bet my life that it's only because you're on the internet and you wouldn't dare say that to another woman's face. Or I would definitely suggest you never do.
And I would assume you have your own set of issues you hide and you're just a bitter lady. Well, clearly not a "lady", but you know what I mean.
I know many women, some of my close friends even, who would give anything to be a stay at home mom.0 -
Here is a website with a bunch of questions to ask yourself if you are being abused:
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/am-i-being-abused-2/
They have a hotline (it's the National Domestic Violence Hotline): 1-800-799-SAFE
You can always talk to them about this and they may be able to give you your legal rights if you choose to leave him. Even if you feel like you don't fit any of the questions, I would still call and talk to them about things.0 -
Thought this might lighten the mood.....0 -
.
:laugh:0 -
post edited!0
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A couple of things.
1 You don't need to keep the house spotless. Keep it clean. Work a bit less and you won't feel so bad about him not doing work at home. Do a lot less ironing
2 You want to spend $1000 on nice things for a one year old kid at xmas? seems a bit extravagant to me. She won't remember year one in that much detail. Its' for you not her. Suck it up.
3 Tell your friend to get a quote from someone else. If he cbf doing a quote he won't do the job.
4 Get professional folk in to do the work around your house that are outside your skills. If the time you save not making the house spotless allows you can learn new skills. Going up on a ladder while the kid is unsupervised could be a dangerous thing tho.
5 He has a supervisor job, he's not a grunt. You should be able to afford to live fairly comfortably. Maybe you are buying too many luxuries and not saving for the workers you may need to hire.
mostly. lighten up on both of you.
and tv will not make him happy. if you resent him you can let him watch it. one day he will regret this.0 -
Just read another of your answers on this thread.
You "screwed the pooch" when you did housework while doing a 50 hour week.
You trained him, and you're unhappy with the result.
Hard to teach the old dog new tricks.0 -
I've read through all the posts, so let's get some of the facts on this. She isn't just being a nagging, ungrateful SAHM who needs to lighten up on him.
*When she asks him nicely to do something, things that need to be fixed around the house (one of the things you got to do when you own a house), he screams f-bombs at her. This despite the fact that she more than upholds her side of being a stay at home mom. (makes his breakfasts, all his lunches, a special dinner for him and him alone, cleans, takes care of the baby, tells him "great job" and how much she appreciates what he does)
*He punches holes in the walls when he gets mad (people do stupid things sometimes in anger, but this on top of the other things is a warning sign to me)
*He doesn't like it when she would dress sexy (not hoochie)...this is a classic control sign
*He's been married three times
*He comes from an abusive childhood
*When she tries to talk to him in a reasonable manner, he immediately starts screaming f-bombs. Including when she tried to bring up marriage counseling.
This to me shows that there is more than just a lazy husband here. And it's not being unreasonable to ask to have something done around the house. It's a partnership. She even waits weeks to months to bring things up again. Nagging would to be after him multiple times a day.0 -
I had this problem with my fella once. I'd do everything but when I asked him to fix something he would take forever in getting it done. I think maybe because everything is always done for him, your husband is blind to the amount of work you actually do, believing that he is the only one doing any real work around the place..
You could ..
A) Tell your husband you realise he is so busy working hard for the family blah blah (sweet voice), so does he mind if you get pay a handy man to come over and do these chores for you instead? Firstly this will threaten his masculinity, he wants to be the 'man of the house' and also, it hits him in his wallet so it should spur him on to get it done himself. Lastly if he a agrees it's a good idea, you get those chores out of the way. Win either way
Stop doing everything! Let the washing pile up, don't bother cleaning up so much, it'll drive you crazy with the mess but he might finally appreciate what you are doing. When he asks why he has no shirts ironed tell him ' oh, I was too busy finding that leak to do it'.
C) Go for a break, visit a friend and leave your husband in charge of the kids and house for the weekend. Don't be tempted to prepare the house and stuff for him, let him do and see how hard work it really is looing after a house, children and a husband.
I tried option It worked haha 0 -
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