He says i am settling for a fat guy....

I was a fat disgusting slob at the start of this year too...( if I was going to be mean to myself ).

If someone's a great person, they are a great person, weight shouldn't be the be all, end all.

Chuuch!!!

Men dont like to admit it but they suffer from poor body image as much as women! My hubby is in great shape but he still sees himself as unattractive i think thats nutty! You have to love him through it ( well if you want too lol)

this is/was me. he will have to be ok with who he is, or change that which he can to like himself more. liking him for who he is is great, but it could lead to a fallout eventually.
confidence is sexy, insecurity is definitely not

i know exactly how he feels.I fight with that insecurty everyday.Giving him more compliments isn't going to help.He would automatically assume you are lying.Just be very sensitive around him..like dont check out hot guys or even hang out with them..you will have to stop "liking" pictures on fb too bcuz he is just looking for excuses to confirm what his mind already believes.The only sure way out of this is that he loses that weight or worst case he might break up you himself because he wont be able to deal with this for long. I would suggest you really support him lose that weight in every way possible.Good luck

This is the best thing out there! It doesn't help that I just got out of a relationship where the girl kept reassuring me that she loved me for who I was, only to find out that she was cheating on me with her ex. I'm sure you're a much better person than my ex, but this really strikes home. As many people have said, nothing you can say will make him feel better. I hate when people say that he has to "man up" and work through it himself. I'm sorry, but that is not a loving relationship. If you truly care about him, communicate with him. Support him and work with him, rather than telling him to "deal with it" like so many are suggesting. He obviously wants to lose weight, rather than saying that you like him the way he is; tell him that you want to support him and do it with him. Go on walks/runs with him. Go to the gym with him. Cook healthy meals with him or for him. He's going to get healthy, grow in confidence in himself, and your guys' relationship will grow exponentially with it.

Obviously you shouldn't have to limit yourself from interacting with other guys, but think about how he will react before you do it. Don't allow his insecurity to control you, but if you truly love him, you'll be conscious about those insecurities. It will get better as your relationship grows, but it will take time. Flood his FB with messages and I love yous. He will love it!

To be honest, I have been in your boyfriends shoes, or at least similar ones. I used to be "hot" but gained a lot of weight during pregnancy and lost a lot of confidence with that. I was afraid that my husband feels that I am not the person he fell in love with, that I let myself go. Those were my thoughts not his. The problem was in my head, not his. But he helped me through this struggle, and did the best he could do to at least have confidence in our relationship, at least.

He told me that he didn't fall in love with me because I had a great body (well, part of it, of course!) but for my heart and who I am as a person. I am his best friend, and size doesn't matter to him. He says he would love me either way. But if I am not happy with myself, he will do everything to achieve my goal and get my confidence back.

He supports me eating right, he gets me motivated to go to the gym (I was afraid to join the gym in the first place, so he joined with me), and he just uplifts my soul when I have a bad day. He tells me when he sees little changes to my body, which is very motivational.

I think, what you could do best, is just support him in his wish that he wants to lose weight. Go for a run together. Let this draw you closer. Have healthy dinner dates. Make sure he understands that you will be there for him every step of the way, fat or skinny. That you don't define your love for him over his weight.

Good luck.

So i REALLY, REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEEEALLY LIKE my boyfriend. We are new and I am learning to let go of some insecurities and not act out on them which of coarse has been working great. lol. BUT THE PROBLEM FOR HIIIIIM is that he is over weight. he is working on losing weight, which is fine, but he is SO insecure about his weight that i don't know what to say to him other than i GENUINELY LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS, FOR WHO HE IS. I told him that if he loses weight great, if he does not STILL GREAT. But if i like a picture of some celeb on facebook who is in shape he gets offended and thinks that I do not want him or i am "settling" (his words not mine) with him. I keep telling him that his weight is not an issue to me and that if it was I would not have dated him in the first place. Him acting liking this makes me feel bad. Any suggestions on what to do..... (p.s. I am a very affectionate type of person when I like someone and weather we are alone, around friends, or in public, i am holding his hand or simply showing him and everyone else in the room that he is MINE.... so i know the problem is his insecurties.)


PPPPPSSS... PLEASE NO ONE READ SO DEEP INTO THIS THAT YOU MISS THE POINT: MY BF IS INSECURE ABOUT HIS WEIGHT, I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS, AND I SHOW HIM AFFECTION....BUT HE IS STILL INSECURE AND NOW I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY TO HIM.....

With guys, you kinda have to find something they can relate to what you are telling him.

You probably need to explain to him that you care more about his heart and his mind than his body. Yeah, those celebrities may look hot, but they could be total butt heads or jerks. If he chooses, he can lose weight, gain muscles, etc. but that isn't going to change the inner him ( except maybe giving him more confidence).

If you wrap a book in pretty paper, does it change the story inside? No

If you take a POS car, knock all the dents out and give it an expensive paint job, does it run better? No the engine is still the same POS engine.

maybe it is my old age, but the physical stuff...the way you look...it is just what attracts the person. The person's personality is what feeds the attraction and keeps it going.

When I met my husband almost 18 years ago, we both looked pretty hot. We met at a nightclub. What really really hooked me was the respect he showed me. All around us were these guys groping all over women they had met just that night. He and I slow danced a lot, but his hands never went below my waist. He took me out to breakfast, drove me home....THEN we had our first kiss after he had asked me to go out with him again and he was getting ready to leave my apartment. I have had 3 kids, and I have spent most of the last 18 years over weight. At my heaviest I was 100 lbs heavier than the night we met. He hasn't gained as much, but I know he has gained 50-60 pounds. I honestly didn't have a clue until his last physical!

the only thing I can add is that my ex was like that....he would express displeasure in my actions by throwing what I had done as a negative reflection on him.

So if I looked at a magazine with celebrities in it, and mentioned I liked the watch in an add that showed Matthew McConaghey wearing the watch, all of the sudden it was about how *i* felt he (my boyfriend) was ugly and that I didn't like him..

that's emotional manipulation....it really is...

it got to the point where I couldn't look at magazines, enjoy a movie, see friends, have a coffee, smile at a stranger, without it having some negative reflection on him....

without him making it a statement about him.

so I left him.

the long and the short of it?

Just break up.

This.

Not this...If you really love him.

This is what's wrong with relationships today. When it gets hard...dump them. There is a lifelong battle behind his insecurity. Are you his first real relationship? If so, that is why this is coming up now. I guarantee he didn't even know that it was there. Instead of making it about how hard it is for you, perhaps try and find out why it's so hard for him. If your relationship is strong, and has any substance, work with him through his insecurity. Explore it. Research it.

It is definitely a process, and a long and difficult one at that. If you don't feel like you can stay in the relationship, then break up with him. But if you love him as much as you say you do, then stick with him and grow with him. I guarantee it will happen. When it does, you will have an incredibly strong relationship, and a foundation that will be able to endure anything.

Not this...If you really love him.

This is what's wrong with relationships today. When it gets hard...dump them. There is a lifelong battle behind his insecurity. Are you his first real relationship? If so, that is why this is coming up now. I guarantee he didn't even know that it was there. Instead of making it about how hard it is for you, perhaps try and find out why it's so hard for him. If your relationship is strong, and has any substance, work with him through his insecurity. Explore it. Research it.

It is definitely a process, and a long and difficult one at that. If you don't feel like you can stay in the relationship, then break up with him. But if you love him as much as you say you do, then stick with him and grow with him. I guarantee it will happen. When it does, you will have an incredibly strong relationship, and a foundation that will be able to endure anything.

I absolutely agree. If it gets too hard, people just get out of it. Well, then the relationship isnt worth it anyway. We all fight our demons, everyone has something that they are insecure about or dont feel good about. A partner should be there for you and make you a better person. No one said it was an easy fight. But it will make BOTH stronger.

Preach it, Sister!! :happy: