So is anyone willing to give relationship advice?
Replies
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DUMP HIM!
He will not change. I guarantee you that. I think we all date at least one douche bag stoner kid that acts this exact same way. He's seriously the mirror image of my ex I stayed with for two years. The guy had to steal from me, make me cry in a restaurant, tear me down and cheat on me to get me to leave. Don't let it get that far! Get out. Verbal abuse is HORRIBLE and not to be tolerated. It can lead to more abuse of other kinds when he realizes you tolerate it.0 -
He is being verbally abusive, and totally just using you. Don't take that. You are only 18 years old. If you are not happy now things will not change if you decide to take it a step further in your relationship. It will only get worse. Don't feel like you can't do any better or aren't good enough for someone else. Believe me there are better men out there. Wait for someone that truely loves you and makes you feel like you are worth a million! I'm talking from experience. I'm lots older now and wish I would have listened when I was your age! I married mine and it only got worse! Ended in divorce a couple years later. Verbal Abuse will get worse! Please take this and the other's advice!0
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Telling you not to leave him because he's depressed is emotional blackmail. My ex threatened to kill himself if I left. Guess what? I did and he didn't!
Calling you stupid and retarded is verbally abusive.
Putting in no effort and making you always come to him means he's probably with you because it's easy and convenient for him. If he really loved you he wouldn't treat you that way.
Don't waste your time. Respect yourself and dump this guy. He needs to grow up.
Ditto to all of this. I dated someone similar to who you're describing when I was 18/19. You're young and hormonal and emotionally attached. He is a loser. Seriously. He is a loser. If you have any self respect, break up with him. Right now. Don't even try to find another boyfriend anytime soon. You're way to young and you have plenty of time. Date around and let guys treat you better until you figure out what you want and deserve.
Do this immediately. Stop wasting your time. Life is too short to waste it dating losers.0 -
you're young, move on
+1 for promiscuity and unintentional pic/video uploads0 -
You're being taken advantage of. You're being a doormat. Pick yourself up and dump him. You're young. Don't waste your best years being walked on.
You're right. It's just so difficult, especially feeling like I've gotten so comfortable with him.
you'd take comfortable over *kitten* awesome?
cause *kitten* awesome is out there somewhere...0 -
What you described is not a relationship at all....it's just an unhealthy emotional attachment! If he's your first long-time boyfriend, it will be hard to cut ties, but it really is the best thing for you. You deserve A LOT better than that...don't settle.0
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You deserve wayyyyy better. Dump him. Don't waste any more time on the looser.0
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Telling you not to leave him because he's depressed is emotional blackmail. My ex threatened to kill himself if I left. Guess what? I did and he didn't!
Calling you stupid and retarded is verbally abusive.
Putting in no effort and making you always come to him means he's probably with you because it's easy and convenient for him. If he really loved you he wouldn't treat you that way.
Don't waste your time. Respect yourself and dump this guy. He needs to grow up.
Absolutely this ^^^^
Stand up for yourself.0 -
Just remember the longer your with the wrong guy, the less time you have with the right one... I went through the same thing in high school I was with someone for 2 and a half years and I was mentally abused almost the whole time, but all the while telling me he loved me. He did not take the break up well and swore he would never let me go but I stood my ground. Now it is 3 and a half years later and I have met the most wonderful person I am ever know and we are going to be married. Don't put up with anyone who puts drugs and videogames before you. You are worth more then that!0
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Hey man you say some dumb **** when you're high.
Just give him a choice, a hot, underage teen girl or pot and plenty of tube porn (dont tell him the tube porn part because that might sell it). You can always change him, and he could always change. But losing you may do that..
Even though I have choked a few chicks in my time (thats another story
its never right to feel abused. You can definitely become addicted to it without even realizing it. Sucks
wow.
just wow.0 -
You're 18, with your entire life in front of you. Why waste any of that time with somebody who is completely disrespectful? All relationships are give and take -- and at times they are stressful and you don't treat your partner the way you should but this is absurd. If you want to be treated like a doormat, then continue to act like one. If you want an actual relationship, ditch this guy.0
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I agree with previous..this isn't a relationship. Part of me wants to hope this is a joke because the way you're describing this sounds like you already know this is not a good situation. Advice? Be single and figure yourself out. You're 18..he's 20..and it sounds like both of you have a lot of growing up to do. But you're better off single than with the loser described in your post.0
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So would you rather leave while you're ahead with not much invested. Or would you stay and possibly end of pregnant from a total loser. Girl you have your whole life ahead of you. Stop wasting your time. Let it go.......NOW! Don't waste another day! Btw the way it seems like you've made up your mind. You don't really need convincing! Focus on yourself honey.0
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You're only 18, there's no reason for you to be in this kind of a relationship at this point in your life. Or ever...really.
Like yourself more than him - move on.0 -
Oh honey, that's not love. Get out now!! You deserve so much better. Never settle for a guy, if he isn't treating you well now imagine how much worse that will get in the years to come. You are a sweet, thoughtful, beautiful and intelligent young girl, you deserve all the same qualities in a guy, and you deserve one who treats you with respect and love.0
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you are 18.
he is a loser.
you WILL NOT marry this "man"
Keep it moving.0 -
I'm not sure if I should end it or just wait it out to see if he if just going through an *kitten*, video games 24/7, lazy phase. I'm just so confused and really don't have anyone else to talk to about this.
Once he gets thru his *kitten*, video game, lazy phase - maybe he can give you a call. There's a very good chance he'll never mature past this stage though.
Until then - don't waste your time on him. Seriously.0 -
Dump him!0
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Ive been there.
For 9 years I was there.
Emotional abuse is still abuse.... It makes you scared to talk to him, it makes you bottle things up, it causes you to emtionally break down.
They do that to us to hold us there, to make us feel vulnerable so that when they do tell us the things we wanna hear we eat it right up.
He only tells you he cant live without you because he knows its what he has to say to keep you around.
My ex threatened to kill himself all the time if I didnt come back, he came to my house crying, my families house crying...
U gotta be strong for yourself.
You are young and you might deal with this many more times in the future, you gotta know how to stand up for yourself and you gotta know your own self worth!
Walk away and never look back. You will realize shortly after your gone that its something you should have done a long time ago.0 -
Well most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters.
Im a quitter in my marriage then- thanks for the boost of ego.
Its not about being a quitter, Its about knowing your own self worth and knowing that you deserve better.
) 0 -
4 things:
1) FCP1234 really does have beautiful eyes!
2) We can't say that you deserve better because we don't know you, you may deserve worse
3) You look younger than your pic so act like it! Don't get caught up in BS, go away to school and have fun
4) Italians are loyal but save that sh1t for your husband not that kid in your pic0 -
Leave him and find someone better.0
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I was in a relationship much like this. He loved his weed far more than he loved me, and when he was high he did stupid things. He made promises, but he really just got better at lying and hiding things from me. I begged him to not smoke one night when I was upset. I woke up to find him higher than a kite and wondering why I was mad. He cheated on me at least twice. Yep- I took him back the first time. I didn't the second, but the entire relationship messed me up for a long time.
He came back around a couple years later and I met him out to see 'what if'. I thought he was different, but then he asked to stop at a friends house and guess what they did while I was left alone? Yep. He wanted to get back together, I said no. 5 years after that he put his business card in my old mailbox, hoping I'd call. I was happily married by then, I found out through his obituary a few years ago that HE was also married when he did that, with kids. His drug abuse helped him to an early grave, and despite everything I still grieved for him.
Trust me- Guys like this will only bring more heartache and pain. Seriously- get out now and do NOT take him back. You're worth more than that crap.0 -
Hey man you say some dumb **** when you're high.
Just give him a choice, a hot, underage teen girl or pot and plenty of tube porn (dont tell him the tube porn part because that might sell it). You can always change him, and he could always change. But losing you may do that..
Even though I have choked a few chicks in my time (thats another story its never right to feel abused. You can definitely become addicted to it without even realizing it. Sucks
wow.
just wow.
Right?! I wish that guy wouldn't have quoted my point with his lameness0 -
You're hot and young... Just break up!
Stay single until like 25 plus. Trust me that's what I would have done given the chance to go back and change something.
Ditto to all of this too. And to pretty much everything everyone else has said. After Loser#1 who sounds remarkably similar to your loser boyfriend, I only stayed single for a few months and dated a couple guys before Loser#2. He was a little less losery, but I almost married him because I was 23/24 and only slightly less stupid than I was at 18/19. Luckily I broke up with him and spent a glorious 2 1/2 years single and letting guys take me on dates, buy me things and treat me like a princess. Then I found the best guy who treats me well and who I have a great relationship with. I'm 28 now and finally ready to be with one person for a long long time.0 -
Just Break Up....
best advice ever.0 -
Easier said than done... But you need to stop this relationship... And I think you already know that. Let his family know that he says he is depressed, but you need to take care of yourself. He is not your husband, you have no responisblity... If you stay...do you really want this person as your husband?... then it becomes your problem.
Stop the relationship.0 -
You should have just titled this "Dani, what should I do?"
Just break up.0 -
You should have just titled this "Dani, what should I do?"
Just break up.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Wow! Love that you're open to relationship advice... This same quality is what saved my marriage when most crumble and disolve. Don't ever lose this strategy!
My advice is more for your next relationship, as this one should be over. The important thing is learning from this experience so that it doesn't happen again.
#1. Make sure that with your next relationship that you avoid at all costs, "Shacking up" or 'sleeping' with whomever the guy is. Relationships start their turn for the worst once this happens (e.g. while dating and not married). Yeah this sounds old fashioned and stupid, but mark my words, I can prove with a high degree of accuracy that all relationships where sex comes before marriage, that all relational intimacy stops, and in the case of men, they check out. Stop the Sex and guess what happens? The man you met and couldn't stop talking to, comes back to life and begins treating you like you should be treated. Then as you begin to get the frequent calls, voicemails, texts and flowers, your interest in loving and respecting him, goes back to where he wants it and the bliss begins/resumes.
#2. Do what you can to change your, "Self-talk" about yourself. If you're using MFP, you obviously care about yourself and are trying to improve your health/weight/outlook on life and have the personal discipline to do so. This is a rare and beautiful quality that can be shared with someone who values the same things and is going in the same direction. Anyone who is prone to self medication with alcohol, drugs, or couch potatoing, will not get you, respect you or support you. So as you look in the mirror and or have those conversations with yourself, remind you of how awesome you are, how great you're looking and how bright your future is going to be as you continue your weight loss, exercise gains, control over eating, etc.
#3. Raise the bar on your next relationship -- set higher standards for who you date next, or better yet, stop dating for a while and seek out group settings where you can get to know someone outside of a dating scenario. In the old days this was called Courting, where guys/gals got to know eachother in groups, vs. one on one. One on one leads to the disaster of my point #1. Stick in groups and you'll have a fighting chance to find a new person worth investing in. You won't find this person in a bar or at a club either. Join a running club, seek out a healthy and relevant church to go to, and or enrol in a city college, etc. where you can meet up with people who are going somewhere. The minute you sense pot/alcohol/other additictions to medication, move on, and move on quickly. Group settings enable quick exits. One on one dating makes it much tougher.
Great luck to you! You're wise beyond your years for seeking advice too.0
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