A Man's Guide To Pleasing A Woman At Christmas

I am not often or easily impressed..but...well...dang...

If some guy walks up and sniffs me, then asks me what perfume I'm wearing, I will probably think he's a creep.

LOLOL MY JT!!! ))

That is a very well written story, I would love to have a man that would do that for me, but know such luck this year, maybe next year.

Dang! My husband is good, but you, sir, deserve an award!

I'm also not easily impressed but yeah you just taught me something about myself -bravo! but as others have said know your lady. for instance, if my man bought me some nasty perfume that had been tested on animals I'd be pissed (of course he knows that). But anyway that doesn't take away from the spirit of what you wrote it was an excellent article.

I should let my boyfriend read this. Although now, we just give each other lists for Christmas. Not saying we get everything on the list, but we can pick and choose. It would be nice if he went a little above and beyond, which he does occasionally, but not all the time.

I'd rather have a special experience, traveling to a new place would do it for me.

Ohhhhhh, I'm the only one here that doesn't want an object. Oh well.

I'd love a trip, and my husband knows that. He's given me a few short vacations to bowl games the past few years (since 2008). And I'm a little more than sad that we won't be carrying the tradition on this year because of financial reasons.

And to the OP, very well written, and your lady sure is lucky.
Also, Gonzo brought a up a good point, knowing your lady is very important in all of this.

My husband and I get gifts for our children. I ask my husband what he would like. He deserves a gift that he will enjoy. I take the kids out and we buy one or two of the things he asked for and sometimes also some new shirts. And for me I usually have him take the kids out to buy something we need around the home to be my gift because I don't usually feel like I need anything at Christmas time. Sometimes he orders me something that he knows I really want (like a hat, lingerie, or a necklace that comes with a donation to a charity that is important to me).

Women will go to the ends of the earth (or to a bookstore, incognito) in search of the answer to the age-old question: When it comes to gifts, why is my husband such a klutz? Such a question is never asked aloud, however. It would make us women appear ungrateful for the smallest gestures our men attempt, but let’s face it: It’s hard to fake a smile when you get a bowling ball for your birthday.

Why is it that most husbands think the ultimate present for a wife must include a cord and a 90-day warranty? Never one to break with masculine tradition, Hubs gave me a toaster for Christmas last year. When he recognized the look of disappointment on my face, he exclaimed, “Honey, look…it has wide slots for bagels!” That he is the only member of our family who actually eats bagels is exactly my point.

Rule #1 of “The Men’s Top Ten Rules for Buying Gifts for Wives” by I. M. Anidiot: If you are forced to unlock your wallet and part with your beloved cash, purchase something that serves more than one function, preferably functions that will benefit you as well as your wife. The little woman can’t get enough gadgets and power tools to make her life more convenient. And don’t forget to be thoughtful - buy extra batteries.

Rule #2: Buying flowers for no reason whatsoever will make a wife suspicious that you have done something immoral, illegal, or both. Flowers are for apologies only. Why buy something that will eventually die, anyway? And really, what’s the USE of flowers other than to decorate a funeral parlor? When her time comes, buy her all she’s ever wanted.

Rule #3: Jewelry is pretty but it’s not permanent. Sooner or later, women have to take it off. Then you’ll either be stuck under the sink trying to fish it out of the sweaty drainpipe, or following the stupid dog around for days with a pooper-scooper after he’s mistaken a brooch for a hamburger patty.

Rule #4: Giving candy as a gift will only make your wife suspect that you think she’s fat. Then you will have to deal with the teary consequences as you backpedal your way into the doghouse. Even if she’s not fat, do you really want to give her something that might push her in that direction?

Rules #5: A weekend getaway vacation? What, and miss your Saturday evening lodge meeting/bowling night/poker game/hockey practice with the buddies? ‘Nough said.

Rules #6: Perfume smells nice…at first. After a week, you’ll miss her usual “fried bacon and laundry detergent” scent. Perfume has cling-on power. It’s no picnic being teased by your beer buddies because one wifely hug has you smelling like a girl. Perfume is also a dangerous gift because it has the power to drown out the best of manly aromas such as “that new car smell” and barbequed meat.

Rule #7: A night out without kids is a nice gift idea, but purchase the theatre tickets well in advance; otherwise, your wife will choose a “chick flick” at the box office. Should you fail to plan ahead, then purchase the jumbo sized popcorn and hold it shoulder height. This will hide your face from the smarter guys who pre-purchased their Arnold Schwartzeneggar movie tickets when they see you enter the theatre doors marked “Thelma And Louise”.

Rule #8: Unless you really like raw fish skewered with kelp on a toothpick, don’t even think about a restaurant dinner as a gift. Women will never choose the all-you-can-eat buffets, man! Nor will they opt for steakhouses that let you have the five-pound T-bone for free if you can eat it all at one sitting without dying of a heart attack on the premises.

Rule #9: If you’re inclined to present the little woman with clothing, you’d better know her sizes perfectly. Give a size 20 woman a size 2 shirt and she will think it’s a gag gift. Give a size 2 woman a size 20 shirt and she will gag you. Never, ever buy lingerie. Your taste runs somewhere between leather panties and metal spikes, while her taste undoubtedly leans towards Little Bo Peep, and never the twain shall meet. If you really must buy lingerie, never buy too small. If you unwittingly make this mistake, never excuse yourself by claiming, “But, Hon, I held it up to the clerk. She looked about your size.”

Rule #10: Never agree to skip the husband/wife gift exchange at Christmas and opt for the one large joint purchase unless you put it in writing. Women are notorious for breaking oral husband/wife agreements. Without a contract, come Christmas morning, you’d better have something under the tree for her, as there are sure to be at least ten gifts for you there.