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BonnieandClyde29
BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
in Motivation and Support
OK, so I am trying to really not over react about this so i just want some opinions please!, my boyfriend already knows about me trying to loose weight and be fit, and he is over in India right now and will be back in a month, he asked if I am going to get down to 150lbs by the time he gets back, and I am 180lbs, i've already lost 20 total, and i told him he was being insensitive and mean the way he asked me. I feel like i want someone to accept me the way i am, but at the same time he already knows that i want to loose weight, but how that comment came across really bothered me i just know and i have told him this if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm going to do it for anyone else. I am basically trying to learn to let it go, and i've already talked to him about it, but it still nags at me in the back of my head....any thoughts?? this is really frustrating and i would really love some opinions on this!!!

Oh and he did go out with me when i was a little bigger, so i try to tell myself that's got to count for something, but i know how some guys can be...please share your thoughts!!! i love honesty :smile:
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Replies

  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    CORRECTION: ***if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm NOT going to do it for anyone else***
  • sarahanncarson
    sarahanncarson Posts: 50 Member
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    he's being a typical guy. he probably thinks he's motivating you. my husband doesn't mean to hurt my feelings when he says things but when i tell him i'm hurt he always explains his comment wasn't meant to hurt me. i can see where he's coming from as far as motivation goes... bad communication on his part. if you've never struggled with your weight then you don't get it. and men typically lose faster than women anyway. the key to it all is where he takes it from here. if he continues to make you feel bad then there's an issue. but if he can recognize what he said was hurtful (unintentionally) then there's hope for him. lol. keep your head up. you're doing great!!!!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I think he was an *kitten* for saying that......
  • Lacebopp
    Lacebopp Posts: 92 Member
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    My opinion? Dump him. Find someone who will be supportive of you and love you for yourself, not what size you are.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    He probably just doesnt understand how fast/slow people lose weight. He might have thought that was a reasonable amount of weightloss for that time period.

    And wow, really? She should dump him? Thats unreasonable. If you dump everyone that occasionally doesnt put together sentences in a way you deem appropriateyou are going to end up alone and bitter.
  • jmc0806
    jmc0806 Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Before I call him an *kitten*, does he know your current weight and still expect you to lose 30lbs in a month?
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
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    From what you wrote, I would have been offended too. But I've known some pretty stupid (for lack of better word) men who honestly wouldn't realize how it sounded and didn't mean anything by it. You're the only one who knows him well enough to know if it was just a dumbass mistake without malice, or a suggestion that he wishes you were different than you are now.
  • KarenJean91
    KarenJean91 Posts: 283 Member
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    Tell him that if he truly cares about you, he cares about your health and that losing that much weight that fast, would have to be done in a very unhealthy way.
  • jodfie
    jodfie Posts: 144 Member
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    Before I call him an *kitten*, does he know your current weight and still expect you to lose 30lbs in a month?

    i agree...and this sounds extremely one sided....was he saying "you need or have to lose 30 lbs before i get home" or saying...."you think youd be to 150(which i guess is yoru target weight?) before he gets home(like a excitement/motivator)
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    I'm not going to dump him, just trying to figure out how to handle my reactions mainly,
    YES he does know how much i weigh for 1,
    and 2 he does know that i want to loose weight,
    and 3 he is shorter and very skinny (runners body), so i know he wants me to be fit too, but i really wanted to pop him in the mouth the way he asked me.....
    SO my retort to him was if he wants me to be skinny then he needs to gain some muscle, because i want to be healthy and happy, which i know he is somewhat he is trying to gain muscle but i do not say negative things to him because fo our already height and weight difference.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    and YES he expects me to loose 30lbs in a month and i told him i could do that but it would not be healthy AT ALL, and then proceeded to ask him if he wants me healthy, and he said yes, so i said OK then its not going to take a month to go about it a healthy way and maintain!!! but he didnt say much or apologize, so i'm like i said just trying to figure out how to handle it...
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    He's a guy they say dumb things sometimes. I think he was just making a general statement. Maybe he thinks you'll be 150 by the time he get's back. I wouldn't overreact. Just keep up your weight loss!
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    AGREED!!! i hope that's all it is, he has always been skinny and everyone in his family mainly is small/petite so i am just a hot head, and my family is half slender, while the other half is obese, and i swear im like in the middle, but i just want to be healthy.
    He probably just doesnt understand how fast/slow people lose weight. He might have thought that was a reasonable amount of weightloss for that time period.

    And wow, really? She should dump him? Thats unreasonable. If you dump everyone that occasionally doesnt put together sentences in a way you deem appropriateyou are going to end up alone and bitter.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    thank you for the encouragement!!!

    He's a guy they say dumb things sometimes. I think he was just making a general statement. Maybe he thinks you'll be 150 by the time he get's back. I wouldn't overreact. Just keep up your weight loss!
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    He probably didnt apologize because you immediatly insulted him while being defensive. Which is a little nerve racking for guys because then they are walking on egg shells and dont want to make you mad.
  • meglet175
    meglet175 Posts: 98
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    Dumping the man for being less than smooth is a tad premature...

    I live with four men, my husband of 23 years and 3 teenage sons. While they don't mean to, men often say insensitive things. They just don't think through all the implications like women do. Chalk it up to his being an insensitive dolt. When you get a chance, tell him how you feel about your new lifestyle, and tell him EXACTLY what you'd like for him to say and do in support of you. Be specific.

    If he has never struggled with weight, he likely has NO IDEA what it takes or how it's done in a healthy manner. Educate him and live by your own standards.
  • SweatSuit
    SweatSuit Posts: 22
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    People evolved from animals. We have attractions. When (especially) our significant other wants to look better, obviously we're not going to complain about it. Of course wants you to. Buttt, remember, he DID go out with you while you were bigger, too. Don't feel bad! It is YOUR lifestyle, after all ;)
  • SarahtheJillianfanatic
    SarahtheJillianfanatic Posts: 117
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    I seriously doubt he wanted to be having this conversation.

    My husband thinks I weigh nine stone now. HA! HA! HA! They have no idea.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    BAHAHAHA Oh i'm sure he didn't want to!!! lol
    I seriously doubt he wanted to be having this conversation.

    My husband thinks I weigh nine stone now. HA! HA! HA! They have no idea.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    yes, thank you....i try to constantly think of that!!!
    People evolved from animals. We have attractions. When (especially) our significant other wants to look better, obviously we're not going to complain about it. Of course wants you to. Buttt, remember, he DID go out with you while you were bigger, too. Don't feel bad! It is YOUR lifestyle, after all ;)

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