Male and Female Opinions

BonnieandClyde29
BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
in Motivation and Support
OK, so I am trying to really not over react about this so i just want some opinions please!, my boyfriend already knows about me trying to loose weight and be fit, and he is over in India right now and will be back in a month, he asked if I am going to get down to 150lbs by the time he gets back, and I am 180lbs, i've already lost 20 total, and i told him he was being insensitive and mean the way he asked me. I feel like i want someone to accept me the way i am, but at the same time he already knows that i want to loose weight, but how that comment came across really bothered me i just know and i have told him this if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm going to do it for anyone else. I am basically trying to learn to let it go, and i've already talked to him about it, but it still nags at me in the back of my head....any thoughts?? this is really frustrating and i would really love some opinions on this!!!

Oh and he did go out with me when i was a little bigger, so i try to tell myself that's got to count for something, but i know how some guys can be...please share your thoughts!!! i love honesty :smile:
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Replies

  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    CORRECTION: ***if i am going to change my lifestlye its MY LIFESTYLE i'm NOT going to do it for anyone else***
  • sarahanncarson
    sarahanncarson Posts: 50 Member
    he's being a typical guy. he probably thinks he's motivating you. my husband doesn't mean to hurt my feelings when he says things but when i tell him i'm hurt he always explains his comment wasn't meant to hurt me. i can see where he's coming from as far as motivation goes... bad communication on his part. if you've never struggled with your weight then you don't get it. and men typically lose faster than women anyway. the key to it all is where he takes it from here. if he continues to make you feel bad then there's an issue. but if he can recognize what he said was hurtful (unintentionally) then there's hope for him. lol. keep your head up. you're doing great!!!!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I think he was an *kitten* for saying that......
  • Lacebopp
    Lacebopp Posts: 92 Member
    My opinion? Dump him. Find someone who will be supportive of you and love you for yourself, not what size you are.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    He probably just doesnt understand how fast/slow people lose weight. He might have thought that was a reasonable amount of weightloss for that time period.

    And wow, really? She should dump him? Thats unreasonable. If you dump everyone that occasionally doesnt put together sentences in a way you deem appropriateyou are going to end up alone and bitter.
  • jmc0806
    jmc0806 Posts: 1,444 Member
    Before I call him an *kitten*, does he know your current weight and still expect you to lose 30lbs in a month?
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
    From what you wrote, I would have been offended too. But I've known some pretty stupid (for lack of better word) men who honestly wouldn't realize how it sounded and didn't mean anything by it. You're the only one who knows him well enough to know if it was just a dumbass mistake without malice, or a suggestion that he wishes you were different than you are now.
  • KarenJean91
    KarenJean91 Posts: 283 Member
    Tell him that if he truly cares about you, he cares about your health and that losing that much weight that fast, would have to be done in a very unhealthy way.
  • jodfie
    jodfie Posts: 144 Member
    Before I call him an *kitten*, does he know your current weight and still expect you to lose 30lbs in a month?

    i agree...and this sounds extremely one sided....was he saying "you need or have to lose 30 lbs before i get home" or saying...."you think youd be to 150(which i guess is yoru target weight?) before he gets home(like a excitement/motivator)
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    I'm not going to dump him, just trying to figure out how to handle my reactions mainly,
    YES he does know how much i weigh for 1,
    and 2 he does know that i want to loose weight,
    and 3 he is shorter and very skinny (runners body), so i know he wants me to be fit too, but i really wanted to pop him in the mouth the way he asked me.....
    SO my retort to him was if he wants me to be skinny then he needs to gain some muscle, because i want to be healthy and happy, which i know he is somewhat he is trying to gain muscle but i do not say negative things to him because fo our already height and weight difference.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    and YES he expects me to loose 30lbs in a month and i told him i could do that but it would not be healthy AT ALL, and then proceeded to ask him if he wants me healthy, and he said yes, so i said OK then its not going to take a month to go about it a healthy way and maintain!!! but he didnt say much or apologize, so i'm like i said just trying to figure out how to handle it...
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    He's a guy they say dumb things sometimes. I think he was just making a general statement. Maybe he thinks you'll be 150 by the time he get's back. I wouldn't overreact. Just keep up your weight loss!
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    AGREED!!! i hope that's all it is, he has always been skinny and everyone in his family mainly is small/petite so i am just a hot head, and my family is half slender, while the other half is obese, and i swear im like in the middle, but i just want to be healthy.
    He probably just doesnt understand how fast/slow people lose weight. He might have thought that was a reasonable amount of weightloss for that time period.

    And wow, really? She should dump him? Thats unreasonable. If you dump everyone that occasionally doesnt put together sentences in a way you deem appropriateyou are going to end up alone and bitter.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    thank you for the encouragement!!!

    He's a guy they say dumb things sometimes. I think he was just making a general statement. Maybe he thinks you'll be 150 by the time he get's back. I wouldn't overreact. Just keep up your weight loss!
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    He probably didnt apologize because you immediatly insulted him while being defensive. Which is a little nerve racking for guys because then they are walking on egg shells and dont want to make you mad.
  • meglet175
    meglet175 Posts: 98
    Dumping the man for being less than smooth is a tad premature...

    I live with four men, my husband of 23 years and 3 teenage sons. While they don't mean to, men often say insensitive things. They just don't think through all the implications like women do. Chalk it up to his being an insensitive dolt. When you get a chance, tell him how you feel about your new lifestyle, and tell him EXACTLY what you'd like for him to say and do in support of you. Be specific.

    If he has never struggled with weight, he likely has NO IDEA what it takes or how it's done in a healthy manner. Educate him and live by your own standards.
  • SweatSuit
    SweatSuit Posts: 22
    People evolved from animals. We have attractions. When (especially) our significant other wants to look better, obviously we're not going to complain about it. Of course wants you to. Buttt, remember, he DID go out with you while you were bigger, too. Don't feel bad! It is YOUR lifestyle, after all ;)
  • SarahtheJillianfanatic
    SarahtheJillianfanatic Posts: 117
    I seriously doubt he wanted to be having this conversation.

    My husband thinks I weigh nine stone now. HA! HA! HA! They have no idea.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    BAHAHAHA Oh i'm sure he didn't want to!!! lol
    I seriously doubt he wanted to be having this conversation.

    My husband thinks I weigh nine stone now. HA! HA! HA! They have no idea.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    yes, thank you....i try to constantly think of that!!!
    People evolved from animals. We have attractions. When (especially) our significant other wants to look better, obviously we're not going to complain about it. Of course wants you to. Buttt, remember, he DID go out with you while you were bigger, too. Don't feel bad! It is YOUR lifestyle, after all ;)
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    yeah, i can get pretty hot headed sometimes, but after i cooled down and explained why i thought it was insensitive he just changed the subject. :( .....just trying to remember to be positive aaaaand remember good things
    He probably didnt apologize because you immediatly insulted him while being defensive. Which is a little nerve racking for guys because then they are walking on egg shells and dont want to make you mad.
  • RockstarPunch
    RockstarPunch Posts: 203 Member
    LET IT GO :) sometimes women hold on to things too much. If you already talked to him about it and he apologized, let it go. dont look for a reason to be upset. if you want him to be supportive accept his way of asking about your progress, if you want it to be a private journey between you,mfp and friends then keep it private. Hes not a woman and hes not gonna coddle to weight issue, he's a dude. shake it off and stay focused on YOUR journey :)
  • art3mislecter
    art3mislecter Posts: 57 Member
    Ouch. My feelings would be hurt, too. I think "dump him" is a little overzealous, though. Talk to him and tell him that what he said really hurt your feelings. Then let it go. It could be that he was trying to be encouraging and he stuck his foot in his mouth instead.

    You're doing awesome-- way to go!
  • DreamersWifey
    DreamersWifey Posts: 181 Member
    Maybe he was saying you already lost 20 and by the time he gets back you'll be skinny!
    Spin it positively lol
  • metacognition
    metacognition Posts: 626 Member
    My opinion: a guy isn't worth hanging around for if he is that superficial.
  • pg3ibew
    pg3ibew Posts: 1,026 Member
    Did you ask him what would happen IF you did NOT lose the weight within HIS time frame?
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
    erm. I didn't take it as him telling her to lose 30lbs by the time he got back, the way she worded it was "do you think you'll be 150 by the time i get back?" So I take it as yeah, he could have worded it differently because it can easily be misconstrued, but it sounds like it was more of an excitement/motivative intent. And i also think remarking on his body as a retort was pretty mean, this is your journey not his.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    Thanks!!! I am trying to let stupid things though, but maybe it's a pride thing i dont know it's just hard for me to drop something lol, but i will do my best buddy!! :)
    LET IT GO :) sometimes women hold on to things too much. If you already talked to him about it and he apologized, let it go. dont look for a reason to be upset. if you want him to be supportive accept his way of asking about your progress, if you want it to be a private journey between you,mfp and friends then keep it private. Hes not a woman and hes not gonna coddle to weight issue, he's a dude. shake it off and stay focused on YOUR journey :)
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
    yes it was pretty mean for me and i apologized, but he never did, so i'm just going to try to let it go!!!
    erm. I didn't take it as him telling her to lose 30lbs by the time he got back, the way she worded it was "do you think you'll be 150 by the time i get back?" So I take it as yeah, he could have worded it differently because it can easily be misconstrued, but it sounds like it was more of an excitement/motivative intent. And i also think remarking on his body as a retort was pretty mean, this is your journey not his.
  • hartnecke
    hartnecke Posts: 2 Member
    You are soo right in saying do this for YOUR lifestyle NOBODY ELSE!!!!! He is insensitive and unkind.

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