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  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    He honestly just might not know how hurtful that is. My boyfriend says some stuff like that but he doesn't mean that way. You have to think about how he treats you and if he has made comments in the past. If this was a one time thing, then I wouldn't sweat it and just write it off as him being stupid.
  • Fit_NYC_
    Fit_NYC_ Posts: 1,389 Member
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    did you give him a time-frame for how quickly you expected to lose the weight, i.e. did you say by such and such date, I should or would like to be down to "X" weight?

    Did you tell him your target weight was 150 lbs.? Well, even if you did, he should have said something that didn't sound so discouraging. I mean, you know how he is better than any one of us. Very often, guys say things that they think will be encouraging and funny. However, the message comes out asinine and insensitive.
    I really hope he didn't mean it the way it sounds... if so, he's a total jerk to invalidate your already impressive progress and make it about himself.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go

    Excellent plan.

    It doesn't sound like he treats you badly at all and he probably didn't think his comment through.
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
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    Does he KNOW that you are 180lbs right now? or does he just know that you want to get down to 150? He might only think you weigh 155... which would make 150 not that outrageous of a goal by the time he gets back... Yeah I think it was pretty insensitive... but maybe he really didn't know how unrealistic of a goal he set.
  • hollyk57
    hollyk57 Posts: 520 Member
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    I like you :wink:

    :flowerforyou:
  • _Katastrophic
    _Katastrophic Posts: 98
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    just break up \m/

    I was waiting for that....wheres DaniD?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    He probably doesn't know how hard (if not impossible, and also unhealthy) it would be to lose 30lbs in one month.

    Let's face it, lots of people like their SO to look a certain way and IMO there's nothing wrong with that. It might hurt our feelings but it's human nature to have a preference. I bet he's just excited to see you at your goal weight but obviously failed with how it all came out.
    Sometimes my husband has said stupid things and would later explain he thought it would be motivating. He just didn't realize I needed more delicate forms of support/motivation lol
  • msaestein1
    msaestein1 Posts: 264 Member
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    men lose weight much faster than us. I don't think he knows how hard it can be for women to lose that quickly. My ex asked me like the day after I had my son if could lose the baby weight in like 2 weeks. He wanted this friends to come see the baby. When he gains a few pounds he does push ups for like a week and loses the weight and that's it!. just be patient with him. he will know to be more sensitive next time and if not, just ask yourself if you can handle his bluntness in the future.
  • angeliqueann
    angeliqueann Posts: 213 Member
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    guys are just insensitive about the things they say. I am use to my husband saying stupid stuff. my reaction would have been... dang 30 lbs. Idk about 30 but I can lose 10. lol.
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
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    If you're going to let it go, let it go. But don't pretend to let it go while it still bugs you.

    That being said, you've spoken to him about it, he presumably apologized. Things he said we more likely out of misinformation about weightloss and how to not be presumptive. He screwed up but it doesn't sound as though he was being hurtful. Probably best to let it go this time. If it continues then yeah, cut him loose. But for now, probably just do what ever you do to chill (good movie, long run, hot shower, take your pick).
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    just break up \m/

    I was waiting for that....wheres DaniD?

    Exactly...
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
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    That's tough, especially since I'm assuming you guys were on the phone so you couldn't really see his face or body language, which would likely have said a lot about what he was thinking when he asked about that.

    Obviously, he should accept you at any weight and not make you feel insecure. Perhaps, this could be a conversation for when he gets back. Tell him how you feel and that you need for him to love/accept you the way you are; no more slip ups. You can't live in fear that he's going to react badly if you gain a few. Women's bodies go through a lot, especially if you guys plan on staying together for the long term and having children. This is/should be about you getting healthy, the thin part should be seen as a pleasant side effect of the healthy lifestyle.

    Also, if you insulted him back and he really did intend for his comment to motivate you, he may have been too angry to apologize. Or maybe since he figured his intentions were good, he figured he didn't need to apologize? Anyway, who knows what he was thinking; honestly, he probably wasn't thinking at all, lol
  • firstnamekaren
    firstnamekaren Posts: 274 Member
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    IMO, this isn't one of those "typical dumb guy moments". You don't need to answer to him; to explain to him your goals, your lifestyle change.

    Life's way too short to worry about this crap. There are guys out there who don't care about your weight. There are. There are guys out there who know how to phrase sentences better. There are better guys out there for you! DON'T SETTLE!!
  • BritneysStuntDouble
    BritneysStuntDouble Posts: 849 Member
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    SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY
  • pudgeylou
    pudgeylou Posts: 202 Member
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    I know you have had a lot of advice on this already, but I couldn't help but add my 2 cents to the mix.

    Men have issues with speaking before they have completely thought about what is coming out of their mouths. Just let it go. If this becomes a reocurring theme with him then you may want to reevaluate your relationship but at this point I think he probably just said something stupid, and while you sit and dwell on it and get more and more upset, he hasn't even thought about it again because to him it was harmless.

    Now, something that I think may be fueling this issue. Don't let one comment made by someone else discount all the hard work you have already done, and continue to do. Don't look at what he said like an indicator that you should be farther along than you are. You are doing awesome. This kind of lifestyle change takes dedication, and commitment. You are doing perfectly at the rate you are going. When he sees you again he is going to be amazed at how awesome you look that he isn't going to care about what the number on the scale says.

    One last thing, and this is a guess on my part, but....if you make a list of all the wonderful encouraging things he has said to you on one side and all the horrible, demeaning things he has said on the other....which side has more entries? The bad things are more easily recalled than the good. Focus on the good things, and when those questionable comments come up, sometimes you just have to ignore them.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I dont know how long you been with your boyfriend, but don't let yourself get upset over things like this. He is just being a guy
  • lanapoo
    lanapoo Posts: 57
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    Some men are just dumb. I know my SO can say pretty stupid things, too! He thought calling me fat was a way of motivating me. I had to have a serious talk with him about how it started to depress me even though I was losing the pounds, he wasn't complimenting me and encouraging at first. Now he understands better how to motivate me. It's all about being positive. So if your boyfriend keeps it up, I'd have a talk with him if I were you!
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    You could ask him if he'll be up to 10 inches before he gets back...

    Or, you could let it slide.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    i am probably just worried about my insecurities, i am really trying not to worry about it and over think it, but its hard sometimes....trying to learn to let it go

    He met you when you were 180 lbs, right? He was with you because he wanted to be, not because he was hoping you would lose 30 lbs.
  • _Katastrophic
    _Katastrophic Posts: 98
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    SOUNDZ GREAT MERRY HIM ALL READY


    its "marry"

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