How would you respond?
HappyNinjaStar
Posts: 353 Member
I've lost about 50 lbs in the last year and I'm close-ish to goal weight, about 10-15 lbs away plus some toning needed. I definitely look better than I used to, and I am wearing more form fitting clothing, which of course makes weight loss stand out.
So here's the situation: I love my mom to death, but every time I see her (3-4 days a week to drop off the kid so I can go to work), she makes a comment about my weight loss. It usually goes something like this: "It looks like you've lost even MORE weight. You're getting too skinny, you really need to stop." By NO means am I anorexic, this gal loves to eat. Heck by getting to my 'goal' I will just barely be in the healthy weight range for my height (5'1"). I'm currently a size 8 and wear Mediums, I've got fat rolls when I sit, and I could kill a small child with my thighs...But I do eat healthy, and run, and do weight training.
My general response is "I'm working on my body, I've got a little ways to go still." This usually gets an unhappy grunt from my mother but stops the conversation.
Any thoughts on how to better handle this? It's really annoying me and I'm too old to be fighting with my mom...
So here's the situation: I love my mom to death, but every time I see her (3-4 days a week to drop off the kid so I can go to work), she makes a comment about my weight loss. It usually goes something like this: "It looks like you've lost even MORE weight. You're getting too skinny, you really need to stop." By NO means am I anorexic, this gal loves to eat. Heck by getting to my 'goal' I will just barely be in the healthy weight range for my height (5'1"). I'm currently a size 8 and wear Mediums, I've got fat rolls when I sit, and I could kill a small child with my thighs...But I do eat healthy, and run, and do weight training.
My general response is "I'm working on my body, I've got a little ways to go still." This usually gets an unhappy grunt from my mother but stops the conversation.
Any thoughts on how to better handle this? It's really annoying me and I'm too old to be fighting with my mom...
0
Replies
-
I don't know that you need to tell her you're still wanting to lose more weight. Perhaps just tell her that you're trying to tone up now and not really keep losing. Ease her mind. We moms worry about stuff like that out of love.0
-
Depends on how your mother is, but you might consider showing her how you've gotten to where you are, i.e. MFP, calorie deficits, weight charts, etc. so she knows that there's a method to your madness. She might not agree with your goals, but you can tell her that they're your goals, you've got a good reason to attain them and you'll be perfectly healthy. Then leave it.0
-
So glad I'd still be a big guy at 5-7% body fat so I don't have to deal with this...
Not saying to be egotistical, but I'd have a lot of trouble not telling my family off on things like that...0 -
You just don't and ignore it. My mom does the same thing. Every time I lost weight after having a baby, my mom said I was too thin even though I was probably 5-10 lbs more than the average for my height. Why do they do this??? Good question. I think its because Mom's generally just think a little meat on your bones makes you healthy, especially our parents age. I just let her rant and move on. When I look at my own kids, I understand a little more why my mom is the way she is. I don't care if my kids are 50, you still worry about them. Just keep doing what you are doing as long as it's healthy. Your Mom will adjust.0
-
I would explain to her that you aren't trying to lose anymore but just trying to tone up now. Show her your MFP page and where you are and what your BMI is, maybe it will help her understand more.
Good luck!0 -
"I have stopped losing, it's all in your head. Who ya gonna believe Mom, me or your lying *kitten* eyes?"0
-
I agree with really sitting down with her and showing her BMI charts. Your 'healthy weight' range. Where you are now, and tell her what you're doing to achieve your goals. As a mom, I can agree with the previous poster, a lot of how I judge how healthy and happy one of my children are is just simply by looking at them. And if I saw one of my children melting away, even if they were overweight, I wouldn't be able to help but worry.0
-
"I have stopped losing, it's all in your head. Who ya gonna believe Mom, me or your lying *kitten* eyes?"
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
I've experianced this quite a bit as well and one response that I use is "You are only saying that because you've seen me before the weight loss. Had you just met me today, you would not be saying that." I have been maintaining for almost two months now and I still get the "you need to stop losing" comments from family members. Hope that helps but, regardless, do not let your Mom's attitude stand in your way. As you reach your goal weight you may want to revise it from just barely into the healthy range to somewhere in the middle. Best of luck to you.0
-
I agree with really sitting down with her and showing her BMI charts. Your 'healthy weight' range. Where you are now, and tell her what you're doing to achieve your goals. As a mom, I can agree with the previous poster, a lot of how I judge how healthy and happy one of my children are is just simply by looking at them. And if I saw one of my children melting away, even if they were overweight, I wouldn't be able to help but worry.
This is a good idea. And I agree that she's doing it out of love (I'm a mommy too, and I have been patient up until now, it's just finally gotten a bit ridiculous!)0 -
She just cares about you. Let that shlt roll off your back. Bigger fish to fry and all that.................0
-
Maybe she needs to lose a little weight herself and is jealous at your wonderful progress. She doesn't want to show her jealousy so she turns it as something that you're doing wrong (losing TOO much weight). I wouldn't even respond to the comments or say something like thanks for your concern I'm still a work in progress. Just keep doing your thing and don't let anyone else get you discouraged.0
-
Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.0
-
The people that say that you've lost 'too much' (or in my case don't want me to) fall into one of two categories- 1) have always known you as large so now that you're slimming down it can be a bit of a shock 2) Maybe in denial about their own weight/health issues and seeing you taking yours so well might be too much for them to handle.
Kinda know the feeling, I get told alot not to loose 'too much', I retort by saying 'I will loose as much as I feel I need, no more and no less- after all it's my body'.0 -
I would say pssshhht whatever mom I look good! And leave it at that. Maybe throw a little neck roll in with it for good measure.0
-
"Thanks Mom. Keep the compliments flowing [insert sarcasm here}"0
-
Just slap her upside the head. I'm sure she'll move on to different topics of conversation.0
-
"I have stopped losing, it's all in your head. Who ya gonna believe Mom, me or your lying *kitten* eyes?"
:laugh: :laugh:
I actually say, well mom I am 1 lbs heavier then the last time we met...0 -
I go through a similar situation with my mom. The difference is I have no kids and I live with my mom. Keep in mind, I was always thin and never had weight issues until the past 10 years (College, then off-and-on afterwards). The reason my mom even cares to say a word is because when I'm on a diet, I don't like to buy junk food and this upsets my mom. I also try to buy less, another worry for her. She somehow equates my eating less junk food with her not eating what she wants. To the contrary, I buy her whatever she wants anyway. I've never been too big (my highest ever was in mid-'07 at 171) and I'm 5'4.75". I haven't figured out how to deal with her- she's in her mid-late 60's and she herself is 173 pounds @ 5'. I don't want to tell her NO JUNK (when I say junk food I mean dark chocolate, almonds, walnuts, cookies, artisan bread ~ yes, they are great in moderation, esp the nuts, but these are my diet busters! and we never eat a small handful either). One thing you can do, and I've done this just once when I was in a bad mood and fed up with her, I showed her some of my fat and said, "HERE, YOU THINK I'M SKINNY DO YOU ?!" LOL we both broke out laughing..0
-
Something like "My BMI is X, I'd have to lose another Y pounds for me to be underweight. I will let you know if I ever get close to that. Till then stop bugging me"
Of course I realise that BMI is not the be-all-and-end-all but if it sounds doctor-y maybe she will leave it.0 -
She's probably just so used to seeing you a different way that it's more of a shock to her when she sees you. I doubt she's saying it to inconvenience or hurt you, she's just showing her concern the only way she knows how.
To be honest, a lot of people will recommend being harsh or blunt with her, but think about her motives, it seems like it's coming from a good well-meant place, so try and be patient and just say that you know you look different but that's because you're healthy now. Reassure her that you eat plenty and look after yourself and after a while, it'll become the norm and she won't comment.0 -
You could always deflect by veering the conversation away from wieght loss and toward your healthier lifestyle and fitness. Due to my history with eating disorders I received a lot of negative commentary while I was losing weight, but once I got down and regulated a bit that pretty much stopped. However, sometimes you just have to put your foot down and tell people that some items are not up for discussion.0
-
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I totally understand. For some reason my mom also has to make a comment about my weight loss. The thing is that a heartfelt conversation is all it takes. They don't mean wrong, they just care, and think that by commenting on something so personal it's ok. The last time my mom made a comment about my weight loss I explained to her that it was not about looking good, but about being healthy. That I wanted to be there for my family, that my kids needed me, and that this was my way to show them how much I love them. Giving a good, healthy example of how to live and eat is my way show love and concern. Think about a way to explain to her why you are doing what you are doing, and that this makes you healthy and happy. Remind her that you are an adult (I don't know why but they tend to forget) and that you are making decisions according to what you know is best for you. Now, she might continue with the comments (just like my mom) but how I change the conversation? I just say. Moooommm......... Changing the subject....
0 -
Just let it go.
It's your mother, she means well. Take it for the what her intentions are and don't let it bother you.0 -
Here's a thought that I don't think has been suggested by others (which I agree with for the most part).
Take your Mom out clothes shopping. Parents want to see their children happy. Show her in a tangible sense how happy you are that you can now fit into smaller clothes. Even if you don't buy anything (a good afternoon of try-ons is always a fun way to spend the day) it will be a way to let your Mom see how happy you are.
Worst case scenario you get a day with your Mom and she feels better because you're including her.0 -
Maybe print out a bmi chart. Put a arrow on the sheet where you are... Keep it folded and in your purse... Next time you drop off the kids, if she mentions it again, take out that paper. Say, "Mom, you have mentioned this, and I printed this out for you, since your concerned about this. This is where I am. I am in the healthy range." Give her a hug, and tell her thank you.. That you love her too.
Sometimes our loved ones are pains in the butts..... But, that's because they love us..0 -
I would just say "Mom, I appreciate your concern and I love the compliments but you're starting to sound like a broken record. I love you, and thank you, but I'm really okay, I promise".
And then don't engage in further conversation about it.0 -
People just get used to you looking one way, and now you don't so it's a shock to them. I just say "thanks, I've got a few more trouble spots." and then move on... It's not a battle worth fighting...
That said, if it's really bothering you, you could go early and strip and show her where/ why you're still trying to drop a couple of lbs...0 -
Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.
This is the PC touchy feely world some folks live in. If I were to actually say this to one of my parents, they would throw a straight jacket on me and have me drug tested.
I think showing your mom MFP, with your goals, and diary, is a great idea. If she can be shown that you are not just on some fad diet that can harm you, then she will not worry as much...well she will probably always worry, but hopefully not as much.0 -
Maybe she needs to lose a little weight herself and is jealous at your wonderful progress. She doesn't want to show her jealousy so she turns it as something that you're doing wrong (losing TOO much weight). I wouldn't even respond to the comments or say something like thanks for your concern I'm still a work in progress. Just keep doing your thing and don't let anyone else get you discouraged.
This is what I was thinking, as well.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 424 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions