Internet dating- applicants are too fat

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  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
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    I don't think there's anything wrong with not being attracted to someone for whatever reason, but there's no need to be rude to them women!

    If I were on a dating site (luckily never had to be) I wouldn't want to date a man who wasn't very tall, or who I found ugly. What I find unattractive is different from what others find unattractive. I like tall men with blonde hair and blue eyes...I found a man like that and we're married.

    I put on weight in both my pregnancies and my husband still loved me and found me attractive. I don't know if he'd have been attracted to me if i'd looked like that when we met. Although I don't think he really noticed how much weight i'd put on! Your prioriities kind of change when you have a baby to look after!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Hi,

    So I joined an internet dating thingo a few days ago

    I've not bothered messaging anyone, but have received a few messages from girls

    Thing is they're all pretty obese / morbidly obese. Is it even worth telling them I'm not interested because of that? Will they rage, or take it to heart and do something about it?

    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    Not saying I'm an adonis by any stretch but these girls need to do something not for my sake but for their own health and happyness. Atleast to get themselves laid once in a while cause at the moment I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be happening.

    I'm not obese at all, but I don't date men who don't know how to properly use punctuation.

    I'm just telling you for your own good. :flowerforyou:
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Hi,

    So I joined an internet dating thingo a few days ago

    I've not bothered messaging anyone, but have received a few messages from girls

    Thing is they're all pretty obese / morbidly obese. Is it even worth telling them I'm not interested because of that? Will they rage, or take it to heart and do something about it?

    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    Not saying I'm an adonis by any stretch but these girls need to do something not for my sake but for their own health and happyness. Atleast to get themselves laid once in a while cause at the moment I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be happening.

    I'm not obese at all, but I don't date men who don't know how to properly use punctuation.

    I'm just telling you for your own good. :flowerforyou:

    Agreed! Overuse of commas is not sexy nor is inability to spell 'happiness'!
  • grawrrrr
    grawrrrr Posts: 336
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    This post made me sad. Dude, beauty is ONLY skin deep. Maybe one of these women would be your perfect match. Yes there must be attraction, but you just utterly right them off due to their weight? My momma always said if you look you can find the beauty in everyone. I think that is mainly true (Hitler being the exception, dang Hitler!). We all get older and parts of us sag, we get wrinkly, etc. Personality pretty much always stays the same!

    Whoever your lady is sure is lucky to have you!!

    Seriously, you don't see this from a lot of guys.
  • mamaward64
    mamaward64 Posts: 143 Member
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    i'm sure because of your wonderful, sparkling personality the ladies are lining up for you.






    hahahahahhahahahahahah, I'm right there. hahahahahahaha

    You know guy you are no prize either. Them poor gals just looking for someone to love them. You must be a real catch. Didn't your mama teach you anything.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    I've been out of the dating world a little while, so maybe it's just me, but what is PT???? I tried to google it, didn't come back with anything that made sense...
  • NordicAlien
    NordicAlien Posts: 110 Member
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    But no, I wouldn't feel the need to tell someone who messaged me on a dating site that I wouldn't be interested because of their weight, any more than I'd tell someone that I don't fancy them because their boobs / manly bits (depending on gender) were too small, or their nose was too big, or their skin was awful. Not saying that would necessarily be the case - my tastes in people are pretty broad - but even if it were, I wouldn't say it. Some things don't need to be said.

    Most of those things are traits people are born with, it's not a choice what size nose you have

    True. But for the most part, obese people think they don't have a choice. Until they (we) start living healthily and seeing a difference, most of us are utterly convinced that we're doomed to be fat and it's beyond our control. Irrational, but there it is. So my point is, even if your intent is to help, that's not how it's going to be taken. If we were talking about friends and family you'd have more of a shot, since they have a reason to trust you. But women you've had no contact with beyond an email or two aren't going to hear what you say and think, "Hey, this guy's right, I need to take control of my life." They're going to think, "Why is this dirtbag picking on me, does he think I LIKE being this way?" And then they'll be angry and upset. And probably eat a pie. At least that's what I would do / have done.

    People will change when they're ready to change, not when someone tells them they need to.
  • NordicAlien
    NordicAlien Posts: 110 Member
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    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    I've been out of the dating world a little while, so maybe it's just me, but what is PT???? I tried to google it, didn't come back with anything that made sense...

    I'm guessing personal trainer?
  • ggsmamma
    ggsmamma Posts: 117 Member
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    Hi,

    So I joined an internet dating thingo a few days ago

    I've not bothered messaging anyone, but have received a few messages from girls

    Thing is they're all pretty obese / morbidly obese. Is it even worth telling them I'm not interested because of that? Will they rage, or take it to heart and do something about it?

    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    Not saying I'm an adonis by any stretch but these girls need to do something not for my sake but for their own health and happyness. Atleast to get themselves laid once in a while cause at the moment I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be happening.

    I'm not obese at all, but I don't date men who don't know how to properly use punctuation.

    I'm just telling you for your own good. :flowerforyou:

    I thought the same thing!
  • SeaJenni
    SeaJenni Posts: 211 Member
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    To answer your question, no, don't tell them that their weight is a deal breaker for you. Don't respond, just as you wouldn't respond to someone you weren't interested based on any other reason, whatever that may be, i.e. they live too far, criminal record, chain smoker, etc.

    They may not rage, but they will be offended. They will not take it to heart and do something about it for a multitude of reasons. First, nobody likes unsolicited advice. Second, making a major life decision about one's health isn't as simple as needing to be told to do it by one person that one doesn't even know. Third, they will just think you are wrong and shallow because you don't know how awesome they are on the inside. Your "helpful" advice will be dismissed.

    I understand you feel compelled to "help" them, but these are adults that have made a conscience decision to present themselves the way they do and to be satisfied, maybe even happy, about it. Also, they probably have enough self-awareness and social awareness to know that their weight impacts their love life. The same way having kids does, or working long hours, or being unemployed. It's an undeniable factor. However, I'm sure they still get laid.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    This post made me sad. Dude, beauty is ONLY skin deep. Maybe one of these women would be your perfect match. Yes there must be attraction, but you just utterly right them off due to their weight? My momma always said if you look you can find the beauty in everyone. I think that is mainly true (Hitler being the exception, dang Hitler!). We all get older and parts of us sag, we get wrinkly, etc. Personality pretty much always stays the same!

    How YOU doin'?
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    I see it's mostly women commenting how they don't like the OP's taking on dating but it's worth noting women are as bad if not way worse since women are generally the one's getting hit on instead of the other way around. I've been on a dating site a few months and every few days I send a few messages give or take. In that time I've received a whopping two responses and, like the OP, only a few random notes from very heavy women. I'm not even talking big, curvy, etc. Bring those on! I'm bigger myself and I know it. Girls bigger than me though (I'm 235lbs)? Maybe not. It's probably even deeper than a looks issue. I work out 6, sometimes 7, days a week and am working on building a new active life coming from a point where my old was hobby was pretty much eating in front of the TV. I want to date someone who's at least on the same path I'm on not headed in the other direction. I'm sure you women think exactly the same thing when you meet a big guy.
  • trojanbb
    trojanbb Posts: 1,297 Member
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    I see it's mostly women commenting how they don't like the OP's taking on dating but it's worth noting women are as bad if not way worse since women are generally the one's getting hit on instead of the other way around. I've been on a dating site a few months and every few days I send a few messages give or take. In that time I've received a whopping two responses and, like the OP, only a few random notes from very heavy women. I'm not even talking big, curvy, etc. Bring those on! I'm bigger myself and I know it. Girls bigger than me though (I'm 235lbs)? Maybe not. It's probably even deeper than a looks issue. I work out 6, sometimes 7, days a week and am working on building a new active life coming from a point where my old was hobby was pretty much eating in front of the TV. I want to date someone who's at least on the same path I'm on not headed in the other direction. I'm sure you women think exactly the same thing when you meet a big guy.

    Don't sweat it. Honestly the body matters very little with respect to getting responses from women.

    I receive about the same number of replies and messages as you. And my body is pretty good, though I do only have clothed pics on there.
  • all4my3boyz
    all4my3boyz Posts: 94 Member
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    Trollhole

    OMFG! Trollhole is my new fave word!

    Mine too!
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    Dis_gonna_b_gud.gif
  • SageGoddess320
    SageGoddess320 Posts: 2,589 Member
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    I can see why you're still single.
  • kblpn
    kblpn Posts: 32
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    This post made me sad. Dude, beauty is ONLY skin deep. Maybe one of these women would be your perfect match. Yes there must be attraction, but you just utterly right them off due to their weight? My momma always said if you look you can find the beauty in everyone. I think that is mainly true (Hitler being the exception, dang Hitler!). We all get older and parts of us sag, we get wrinkly, etc. Personality pretty much always stays the same!

    Dude- you restored my faith in men (temporarily).. well said.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I see it's mostly women commenting how they don't like the OP's taking on dating but it's worth noting women are as bad if not way worse since women are generally the one's getting hit on instead of the other way around. I've been on a dating site a few months and every few days I send a few messages give or take. In that time I've received a whopping two responses and, like the OP, only a few random notes from very heavy women. I'm not even talking big, curvy, etc. Bring those on! I'm bigger myself and I know it. Girls bigger than me though (I'm 235lbs)? Maybe not. It's probably even deeper than a looks issue. I work out 6, sometimes 7, days a week and am working on building a new active life coming from a point where my old was hobby was pretty much eating in front of the TV. I want to date someone who's at least on the same path I'm on not headed in the other direction. I'm sure you women think exactly the same thing when you meet a big guy.

    Do you own a very tiny violin?

    Trust me, dude, women aren't writing you off because of your body.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    I'm tempted to change my pictures to a more buff guy and keep the rest of the profile the same to settle the bet.
  • Jpinpoint
    Jpinpoint Posts: 219 Member
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    Hi,

    So I joined an internet dating thingo a few days ago

    I've not bothered messaging anyone, but have received a few messages from girls

    Thing is they're all pretty obese / morbidly obese. Is it even worth telling them I'm not interested because of that? Will they rage, or take it to heart and do something about it?

    I feel bad for them because honestly no one is going to give them a date unless they're a chubby chaser. They might be unaware or in blissful denial. I'm not interested in being their PT.

    Not saying I'm an adonis by any stretch but these girls need to do something not for my sake but for their own health and happyness. Atleast to get themselves laid once in a while cause at the moment I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be happening.

    Good thing personality has nothing to do with the how much a person weighs.

    There are fat girls everywhere not on dating sites getting laid. Errrrryyyyyywhere.

    Troll on tool.
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