No support from family or boyfriend...
Replies
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You can not change other people. Only person you can change is you.0
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I mean this in the kindest way, but you are 28 years old. It is time for you to take control of your life and, if you really do want to make positive changes, then make them. The only person standing your way is you.
Good luck. I know you can do this.0 -
why am I explaining this to you all anyway...my relationship status shouldn't really effing matter...
all I wanted was some friendly advice...not to be criticized about making "excuses" and "blaming it on others"
You guys don't know me....and are already making assumptions....which you shouldn't do, because it makes you look like an a-hole.
I really was under the illusion that this was a positive community....but i guess not.
Thank you to those who were positive, my faith has not been completely destroyed...but I am seriously going to think twice before posting anything else on the forums again.
Anywho...thanks again to all those who actually responded with advice instead of assumptions and accusations..
OMG right?
You should totally go make another thread about how everyone here is so mean....0 -
28 and fully dependent on others to get around?
Get your license.
Get outside.
Get a bike.
Get going.
Get at it.
Go.0 -
As far as fast food goes, you can always get grilled chicken, If you are looking for cheap, a junior sized hamburger is usually one of the cheapest things on the menu, and if you get it with water instead of soda, and fries, will be just fine for losing weight.
I always preferred going to the gym alone. Other people usually just get in the way, and distract me from my workout. I have tried taking family members with me, but they always want to leave before I'm halfway done with my workout. It's much better not to have to worry about that.0 -
We are a nice community, but our aim is to advise and help you, not to feel sorry for you. It involves some tough love, sometimes... Learn from it. If you want to be healthier, you don't need sympathy, you need determination and willpower...0
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Wow, so the title of the thread of "no support from boyfriend," the first post talks about how there's no support from the boyfriend, then a later post goes on about how wonderfully supportive her boyfriend is. There are some serious issues here, but I don't think the boyfriend is the problem...0
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Before you make assumptions about me or my life based on one post, I suggest you hold your tongue and keep the negativity out of your post...I am not going to "f my boy toy" because he doesn't go to the gym with me...He supports me in every way and uses teasing as a way to keep me motivated...it's not bad or negative in anyway, it's just jokes...
Teasing is mean. It's not an acceptable way to motivate someone. It's degrading.
You were right when you said you aren't getting any support. It sucks. It would be nice if we could all get the support we need, but that isn't the case for a lot of us. A lot of people on this site have been successful without any support in real life, or maybe only from the support they get on MFP. I don't think that you're making excuses, but I think you lack conviction about your abilities. You can do this if you decide to be strong and be resourceful. I don't get any support; and this is what I have learned that may help you as well.
1. Do not wait for the people you care about to support you to begin doing what your heart desires to do. This will hurt your feelings, but if you wait for them, you may be waiting for your entire life. Then you'll feel disappointed and possibly resentful. Better to just get your feelings hurt now and get it over with.
2. Keep your mouth shut about your successes because if they don't support you, it may cause tension in the house. Only share your successes with people who build you up, not tear you down.
3. Start surrounding yourself with positive people.
4. Do what you need to do to improve yourself even if you have to be sneaky as hell.0 -
Sorry here this is though but start taking control of your own life stop blaming other people you are your own best friend!you need to build belief in yourself first!0
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you just made excuse after excuse after excuse. Quit worrying about them and worry about yourself. If your boyfriend and his family are so unsupportive then dump them! I don't get support from my boyfriend or family either. But I accept it and don't care because I am doing this for me and it has nothing to do with them
This.....................your health is your helth. Keep at it regardless of what others say or do. Your food intake is yours, you choose what goes in your mouth. You will only be as succesful as you put in the effort to be.
Also, i don't know why you can not drive but i assume thier is a valid reason. If the gym is close enough, and i am very much not joking, you should go by bike.0 -
We are a nice community, but our aim is to advise and help you, not to feel sorry for you. It involves some tough love, sometimes... Learn from it. If you want to be healthier, you don't need sympathy, you need determination and willpower...
Agreed!!!0 -
i agree. you can still fit things like mcdonalds into a day but it takes a little juggling. but in the end, YOU can still say no. People around me eat so much yummy sugary goodies ...sigh.0
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He supports me in every way and uses teasing as a way to keep me motivated...it's not bad or negative in anyway, it's just jokes...
You don't really see it that way, or you wouldn't have brought it up. His teasing obviously upsets you, so talk to him about it. There are FAR better ways to motivate someone than calling them 'chunky'.
As for your food, I understand your situation, but no-one is making you eat. If fast food is something you can't say no to, don't go with them. Eat beforehand so you aren't hungry. Do some exercise and 'earn' it, if you want it.0 -
I know exactly how you feel. I've been on a diet since the 6th grade...including WW (life member at goal for 28 years) What I've had to learn is that what I choose to put in my mouth is my choice. Nobody can make me eat (or not eat). It's awkward when someone has made something "just for me" and that's when I do the three-bite rule...after three bites, it really doesn't taste any different, so why eat it.
I've become conscious of my health...my mother died when I was very young from a heart disease, so I'm careful about what I eat. If it will not help me become healthier or stronger, I try not to eat it. Occasionally, I splurge, but if it is going to make me feel guilty or sick, it is just not worth it.
Every month I try to do something new and record it for a month. This month, I make sure to drink at least 8 cups of water (or water-based drink, like healthy tea, with Truvia). Diet drinks are awful and notice who drinks those...not healthy people. Last month I did peak-8 exercises every day....easy FOUR minute workout. On the treadmill (or bike, in place, jumping rope, or outside), I run as fast as I can for 20-seconds...rest for 10 seconds, run for 20 seconds...repeat eight times. So, in four minutes my heart rate has been boosted. If you are already exercising, you can go longer, 30-seconds fast, 15-second rest (jump to side of treadmill, or just stop during the rest). You can make up your "challenge" and are only committed to that challenge for one month.
Nobody can make you eat anything....that's an advantage of being an adult. At the end of the day, do you love yourself, or do you feel guilty. The day will end either way....and tomorrow will come again. Just remember YOU ARE WORTH taking care of....and it's your health and life.
Hope it helps.0 -
It is Christmas time. My wife loves making Christmas treats. In the last week alone she has busted out dozens of frosted, and decorated suger cookies, Fudge, Amazing toffee, Divinity and my Kriptonite, Cheescake. Is my wife ruining my diet (lifestyle changes) or being unsupportive? HELL NO. I think it would be rude for me to even suggest it. She is doing what she enjoys for the holidays.
I occasionally had some Toffee or a piece of fudge but i don't even remember the last time i did not meat my Macro's. (I am proud of myself for not eating any suger cookies
) If a person is eating poorly it is thier fault. Not other peoples. You have to have self accountibility. 0 -
Start relying on yourself instead of others....get a bike and ride to places instead of waiting for a ride.... as for takeaways just say no, or have a smaller portion than you usually do... keep some fruit in your bag for when your out...go to the gym on your own but if you are too shy to do so then just work out at home or go for a walk ..it just sounds a bit like you are making excuses and blaming others, it all starts with you at the end of the day, noone else can do this for you.0
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I agree with many of the other posters...you have to take control of your life. I don't have a huge support system either but I also know that I'm doing this for me and nobody else. I also agree with the poster who brought up you bringing up the teasing for a reason. I've been there and I know several people who consider excessive teasing (they consider daily basis excessive) to be emotional abuse. Maybe you need to have a talk with your boyfriend about it. Because honestly, being picked on and made fun of by someone who loves you is NOT motivating. I think a bike or dusting off the walking shoes could be very helpful too. As for workouts...dvd's are a good option, youtube has a bunch of workouts, pinterest does as well, if you have a dog get out and walk (or even if you don't get out and walk), I don't know if you have any gaming systems but there are a bunch of fitness related games out there too. There are TON of options open to you, you just have to decide if you want to make it easier on yourself or harder than it has to be.
I hope this is is helpful 0 -
It's up to everyone else what they choose to do. Just like it's up to you what you choose to do.
If they want to go to McDonald's, that's up to them, but until they start pinning you down and forcing the food into your mouth it is still your choice.
Choose not to eat at McDonald's. Buy in some healthy food and stay home cooking it while they go to the drive through?
I want to gain weight but my gf wants to lose weight. Does that mean I am sabotaging her be eating lots?0 -
Hi .. now I am going to try to make this very clear as DAYLIGHT!
YOUR weight lost, YOUR goals, YOUR LIFE, is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
whether you have support, a car, or license or not!
My mother died in july of this year DUE TO HEALTH PROBLEMS AT THE AGE OF 45 and within 2 months after her death, I GAINED 20 lbs, reaching my heaviest weight 307.4lbs.
NOW I COULD HAVE SAT THERE AND FELT SORRY FOR MYSELF but i CHOSE TO FIGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS. i stopped working OT and i forced on ME. my family does not eat as clean as i do.. SOMETIMES I EVEN HAVE TO COOK SEPARATE MEALS FOR THEM (i live with my dad and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years) - in fact when i went to visit some friends they were sitting around eating pizza, chips, ice cream and soda while i ate my chicken, grapefruit, celery and cucumbers and peanut butter. I DO NOT ALLOW WHAT PEOPLE EAT TO CONTROL ME.
you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself -- THERE IS NO EXCUSE!0 -
Stop eating fast food.. period.. that's it... you just don't eat it. It's not going to be too much for you to ask to go to the grocery store, make you some salmon / chicken / steak , whatever and veggies.. let them eat what they want, you take care of you.. when you have made all the obvious changes you will, they will come asking for help, then you can give it to them... take care of #1~!0
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I get this too.. Imagine this, "i lost 59 lbs" this is what i said to my mil , she is 70, she looked at me and said "where?" All this after ihad her grandson. So here's what i say, make them look bad, lose as much healthy weight as possible, get conditioned, eat healthy regardless what they throw at you. And go on. They aren't going to change and they don't want you to either. So do as i do, piss them off with a smile! ps, if my hub ever told me to lose weight, i tell him " ok, e will start with... 130 lbs! YOU.. Get out, instant weight loss" we all try to hard to better ourselves, we don't need negativity 0
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You have to make the decision to change or not change. That's it. Expecting other people to help you or do it for you will leave you where you are.0
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Why are you focusing so much on their habits? You need to be responsible for yourself, you can't be responsible for them and you can't expect them to be responsible for your choices. Going through a drive through? The options are something healthy, nothing, or an appropriate adjustment to another meal. Boyfriend putting you down for your waist line? 1) why is that okay and 2) how is it his fault that you can't control your weight because he doesn't go to the gym? Take responsibility for yourself and let everyone else own their choices.0
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I think you have bigger problems than a few extra pounds.
Why dont you drive?
Why cant you say no to people, even if they are otherwise good to you?0 -
we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
Who cares? She could call him the big pink bunny in her life if she wants. That's not the point of this post, but way to try to out-snark everyone on something completely meaningless. You should get a prize.....
As for the fast food advice, if you have a smart phone, then look at the menu on the way. Or just look on MFP before you go. Pick what you're going to eat based on your dietary needs. Every fast food chain out there has one thing on it that isn't going to kill your diet or bank account. Except maybe Hardee's. They suck.
Last year, I had no choice but to move in with my mom while I was going through cancer treatment. (Husband's job kept him from being able to live near my cancer treatment center) She is a junk food eater, and I was at her mercy about 5 days a week because I wasn't able to drive most days. About the 35th time I told her I wasn't going to poison my body any more than the doctors already were, she got the point. If she went to a fast food place, I got a salad or a piece of grilled chicken. I didn't talk about how overweight I had been or how overweight my entire family is/was, but I talked nutrition all the time. Constantly. One could say I was a right pain in the butt about nutrition. Result: Mom lost a few pounds. Try to be a positive influence on them, not let them be a negative influence on you.0 -
I really don't mean to be rude, but it sounds a little like you're looking for an excuse and someone else to blame for your weight gain. You're a grown up and what you eat is down to you and nobody else
I could be WAY off here, and I'm really genuinely sorry if I am, but I don't think there's anything stopping you from bringing snack boxes etc with you when someone else is driving you. If they want to go to the drive-through for junk food or whatever then they can do that. It would be lovely if they were more supportive, but at the end of the day you can't let their weight and unwillingness to even try hold you back.
Secondly, you need to tell your boyfriend to STFU. How dare he speak to you like that?! You're awesome and you've lost so much already. Where's his glowing victory, eh? Why does he feel he can lord it over you?0 -
My hubby does the same. N I know he means well n wants me to do good, its just the way he says things kinda comes off the wrong way. But he is always 100% honest with me n I appreciate that. Makes me want it more n push myself harder. U can do it! If they wanna eat bad, thats on them. Think of why ur doing it n why u want it everytime theres bad food involved. Just watch ur portions
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You're expecting "support" in the form of other people changing their own lifestyle habits.
This is probably never going to happen, so I think you should stop expecting this from them, and ask them to support you in other ways.
Except for the boyfriend, anyone who teases you because of your body should be free to find someone else
PS: If you make "other people accompanying me to the gym" into a critical component of your own weight loss, you will fail. Only you can do this. I agree with others that you're either looking to blame someone else, or just taking the wrong tactic because you can't motivate yourself. If you think it would be motivating to go to the gym with another person, find a gym buddy on craigslist or a friend who already goes regularly.0 -
Find a new boyfriend.0
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Blaming others for our own eff ups makes things a lot easier. You're also screwing yourself over by doing this though. Workout more, then you can eat more. If you can't make it to the gym, workout at home.0
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