Question - why do people say this stuff -

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2

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  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
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    I was complaining about this the other day and then turned around and said almost the same thing to my brother. Why? Well I did think his face got too thin the last time he lost weight and I think he looks better now. However it was rude and hypocritical of me to say so. It did open my eyes to the fact that these type of comments are not necessarily coming from a bad place with people.
  • Jfearn64
    Jfearn64 Posts: 353 Member
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    I have gotten this too. As a guy, it is particularly annoying because I hear it as skinny. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be athletic, muscular, cut, in great shape maybe, but not skinny.

    I have been working out steadily now for 3 years, doing cardio and resistance training. I recently completed P90X and now have moved on to a muscle building weight lifting program. I am not too thin, just very fit. I work my butt off 6 days a week for an hour plus a day and constantly log all that I eat to ensure I am eating healthy and getting the right macro-nutrients.

    I think people do it out of jealousy. They are too lazy to take care of themselves, exercise, and eat right. Hard to take it as a compliment
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
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    Thank you, I don't get it so much from my friends, as they see me all the time, this was from a group of people at a Christmas party and I don't see them often and some not since last year, so I suppose it was a bit of a change to see me in a size 10 dress lol but it was the whole it's ok to comment when you lose weight but not when you gain thing that I was getting at, nobody mentioned it when I gained

    Oh, that's b/c the majority of peeps get either extremely sensitive or defensive if you comment about weight gain. But if you comment on too much weight loss, they think it's ok b/c they think you (in general) have a misguided body perception a d they also believe they are genuinely complimenting you. I can't speak for others but I have had, and still do have, a misguided perception of my body. That's why most of us take pics, so we can get a better assessment of ourselves. Personally, I don't care, I'm a straight shooter & tell it like it is, as diplomatically as I possibly can. People get offended. It's caused some hard feelings, I won't lie. But it hasn't stopped me. If someone I care about is falling, I will tell them. And the opposite goes as well, of course.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    Maybe they just like the way you look. Not everyone loves the skinny body type. Take it as compliment and continue to lose what you want for yourself.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    How do they know you are losing? If I was you, I would just avoid sharing that you are trying to lose anymore, and do your own thing, if they ask they you are trying not to gain.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    (Not going into the whether or not they should, just the why they do) People usually don't say anything when you are gaining but do when you are losing because the assumption is that you aren't trying to gain but are trying to lose. The assumption is that you know your weight is a problem when you are heavier but you aren't or are unable to do something about it, so it would be pointless and rude to tell you that you are gaining. But if you are actively trying to lose weight, people perceive you as having control and intention behind that, so they can give you a compliment (strange as it is but at this point I think it's a social construct.)
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    People say that to me sometimes. Actually, people said that to me when I was about 10 lbs heavier. It could be their own insecurity or jealousy.
  • Ayla70
    Ayla70 Posts: 284 Member
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    I seriously think that when people see someone else losing a lot of weight, and they look fine, within a healthy weight range, and still losing, that they are scared that person is heading for an eating disorder. I could very well be the jealousy things already mentioned, but my first instinct was to think this. It's out of concern. Thank them for caring :)
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    It's a compliment. Most of the time anyway.
  • annams76
    annams76 Posts: 161 Member
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    I think it is because many people see us in a different way than we see ourselves. A year is a long time and they are seeing a different you. Maybe next time they say that to you, flip it on them and ask them if they are going to stop gaining weight. When they get offended, say yes exactly I don't appreciate it either. Smile and walk away. =) Good luck on your last 7 pounds!!!
  • muchmoretolove
    muchmoretolove Posts: 244 Member
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    The green eyed monster, girl. They are so jealous of you! Just take it as a compliment and smile. I often deliberately "misunderstand" hurtful comments---drives 'em nuts:laugh: You look terrific Congrats

    you sound like a lady full of wisdom!
  • Rachielous
    Rachielous Posts: 80 Member
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    Somebody said this to me at work this morning when I told them I had lost 2 stone.

    I replied - 'I might look alright with my clothes on but YOU SHOULD SEE ME NAKED! - That is when I WANT to look good'.

    That bought silence to the room pretty quickly.
  • keelz2010
    keelz2010 Posts: 182
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    I've been on both ends with this..I recently raised concerns with a friend as she lost a lot of weight very quickly and really did look too thin, I wasn't jealous, just genuinely checking she was okay and being healthy it's what people who care do.....Also years ago I lost a lot of weight and everyone kept telling me not to lose more but as I weighed okay for my height, I ignored them and assumed they were jealous-looking back at pics now I can understand the concerns, I looked like ill and too thin.

    I don't think mtrue friends would say something like this out of jealousy, just concern. Take it as a compliment that your friends care about you and are just checking in on you. :)
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I just went through a class that explains the psychology of change and why many people resist change so much. The studies suggest that when something changes, people actually go through withdrawal symptoms and experience grief. According to the studies, it happens to everyone, but some people can blow through it, literally in seconds, and then be happy with the new change, and others cannot go through it quickly, and so they act out in fear and resentment, and other things, until they adjust to the change. Some people never ever adjust and live int hat world of fear and distrust about everything. It's very interesting. Anyways, my theory is that people don't like change. So, that's basically why they want you to stay the same.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    When I was out on Friday night, I had 5 people tell me not to lose any more weight...which is odd, as I am nowhere near my lowest weight, I could lose over a stone and still be well in the OK weight for my height, I have hips, *kitten* and boobs, I am not by any stretch of the imagination skinny, so why is this? Why would people make a point of saying to me things like 'you are going to stop now aren't you?' and 'you don't need to lose any more weight' and 'are you eating properly and not doing anything mental?'

    I just wondered why -

    1, that people think I should not lose any more weight when in fact I need to lose about 7lb

    and

    2. why is it ok to comment to me about losing weight when nobody said to me 'you aren't going to get any fatter are you?' or 'surely you are not going to eat that you gutty *kitten* you are already looking porky' when I was gaining?

    Smile. Be gracious. Tell them you appreciate their interest and care. Then move on with your day.
  • KarensCanDoIt
    KarensCanDoIt Posts: 190 Member
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    In the last week or so, I've experienced this three times, all by family members. My brother asked if I was sick because I was so skinny. Both my mom and my aunt told me not to lose anymore weight. My mom even told me to gain some weight but only in my face. I just shrugged it off. I was actually flattered that my brother even noticed any change at all.

    The silly thing is that I currently weigh between 165 and 168. I still have at least 15 pounds to my goal of 150, and that's on the high end of the weight scale for my height. I guess they're just used to seeing me as a size 20/22 rather than a size 12/14.
  • jayce54321
    jayce54321 Posts: 110 Member
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    Because..... the thinner you get, the fatter some people think *they* get.

    That's the only conclusion I've been able to come to, anyway. I hear the same thing and uh... yeah.

    Absolutely!
  • hiddenaudacity
    hiddenaudacity Posts: 122 Member
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    I think they mean well but it can really have such a negative effect. It makes you feel embarrassed to lose more weight rather than proud like you should be. I guess they are just trying to compliment you and have some small insecurities as well.

    I myself would never say it to anyone unless I thought they looked actually dangerously underweight.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
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    Honestly, I have seen this topic come up a lot, and after thinking about it, I really do think people are actually trying to compliment in this way, although it is a very socially awkward way to do it. I think it's a way to let you know they think you look great the way you are, and a way of trying to let you know how "skinny" you look (which is so worshipped in our society nowadays). I think that always assuming that people are petty or jealous or have some other ulterior, dark motive for commenting is damaging to everyone. Is it RIGHT to comment on ANYONE'S body? Nope. But the reasons behind it are not always so cut and dry, and don't always come from a place of insecurity. Perhaps sometimes, but not always.

    I say, take it as a compliment, say thank you, and move on and do not discuss your goals for YOUR body with any of them.
  • autovatic
    autovatic Posts: 99 Member
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    I had this experience earlier this year. Within a space of a week, two people complimented me on my weight loss, and one of the sweetest women I have ever met told me, "Sweetie, you should eat a burger or something, you've lost too much weight." Coming from who it did, I knew it was not jealousy, but sincere concern. It sounds silly, but it really shook me. The funny part was that while this all happened within a week, it was actually about four months after I had lost the weight, which made it even more baffling.

    I think what a lot of people have already said is true, they don't know you as inimately as you know yourself. You have to ask, who are you doing this for? I hope the answer is for yourself - and if that's the case, their opinion really doesn't mean much in the grand scheme. I like that I have friends who are looking out for me, and even if I feel that their opinions are misguided in the moment, it never hurts to have a moment of introspection to firm your belief about what you are doing for yourself. :)

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