bullies...

So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?

Not talking about real pain. It's more a pain that says, "this is hard. I want to stop now." That's not real pain because you can usually push through it.

If you get real pain, like sharp pains, or things really do hurt, that's different and you should stop.

Sorry, I don't know how else to describe it. It's like the difference between a small child that is whining abotu something, and a child that is actually crying in pain. They are different things, and all parents know the difference in their kids cries. It's the same thing in your body. There's whining, and there's real pain. Ignore the whining.

So well said. Pain or tiredness are readily challengeable by the mind, so long as the person is willing to rise to the challenge. A kick in the rear to do it anyway, even if it hurts, even if you're tired, is always very well placed. The test of whether a person is ready to change is whether they will stand up and push through it, or whether they go looking for other answers and coddling.

I guess maybe it depends on the person? a person who is looking to have someone hold their hand would be offended if they got "motivational bullying" from someone who told them to suck it up. Someone who is looking for some tough love would find that if they got advice from someone who is a personal cheerleader, it might be a waste of time. Maybe if it were tailored? based on the persons personality it might not seem as though they are being bullied?

Love ur post, girly...

I too, get myself motivated to going...and totally, start whining & groaning in my head....saying why am I doing this, lets slow down...then I get a quick dose of..."what the heck is wrong with me" and go harder..and in the end...I'm happy with my exhaustion and I made it through...but to me it's a nonstop occurrence almost every time...lucky for me, I have awesome friends on & offline...otherwise I'd probably fall hard at times..

Love this.

And it's damn true. The only reason I succeeded is because I pushed myself beyond the whining and the excuses and the blame.

It wasn't a crappy metabolism. It wasn't my age. It wasn't my birth control or antidepressant. It wasn't that wasn't capable. It wasn't the donuts my boss brought into work. It wasn't genetics. It wasn't lack of support. It wasn't anyone offering me a cupcake or a glass of wine or a plate of brownies.

It was me. It was my habits that got me where I was and changing those habits was the only thing that got me where I am.

It wasn't easy. It wasn't comfortable. But it was so, so worth it.

Hell yes! Use it as motivation or humor...I've gotten many a kicks out of "negative" responses.

When I went to college to become a dancer I had an observation.

A lot of people were over confident and showed up thinking they were advanced dancers and already knew everything, that they were so good they could change the whole dance department to be exactly like them. They didn't like getting put in the "beginner" class because all freshman got put in the beginner class. When they showed their choreography the teachers were harsh and would knock them down a few pegs and people would say that the toughest teachers just didn't like any of the dance the students did. And the students that were able to make it through the dance department eventually ended up being thankful that the teachers had been so tough on them (others transferred out to a school they preferred or they didn't major in dance).

I was coming from a very different place. I did not have a lot of confidence (I knew I had talent and passion, but I also knew that I needed to learn to utilize it in the best ways). I did see myself as a beginner. And I knew I had a lot to learn and I wanted to learn. The beginner label didn't bother me, it was the normal starting place. The teachers never knocked me down because I was open to feedback and learning. I didn't need to waste my time with that process. I showed my choreography, I got feedback, then I went back and worked on it some more. I asked questions. The teachers wanted to work with me and I enjoyed working with them and gained a lot from it. And the "toughest" teacher said something that always stuck with me she told me that as a dancer I should always "check people's references" before giving any value to their opinion on my dancing. Don't give any weight to the opinion of any random person that is uneducated and inexperienced and has no success as a dancer or an artist (or a person that just likes to drag others down because they are not happy or successful or people that are afraid to be creative and try new things). Don't ever let people like that influence the choices I make in my dancing or how I feel about my own work. Instead listen to the people who have good references to back their opinions up.

I'm not sure I relate to the need for motivation from other people because I don't need other people to motivate me. My motivation is my own and always has been. I'm not sure if this story related to any of this, but I guess it's just an observation about people and how different people work. Some people don't benefit from people being tough with them, but I guess those people don't behave in a way that makes toughness be what is given because they are already tough on themselves and are open to learning and growing. This isn't to say I haven't had life experiences that caused me to stumble along the way. I have. But, I have always taken responsibility for myself and never expected anyone to give me something that I didn't earn.

I guess maybe it depends on the person? a person who is looking to have someone hold their hand would be offended if they got "motivational bullying" from someone who told them to suck it up. Someone who is looking for some tough love would find that if they got advice from someone who is a personal cheerleader, it might be a waste of time. Maybe if it were tailored? based on the persons personality it might not seem as though they are being bullied?

Thats the purpose of getting like minded friends. Your friends should have similar goals and have similar attitude. My FL is kick *kitten* bunch of girls/guys who know me well enough to cheer me up on a bad day or tell me to suck it up when I'm being whiney. They push me and challenge me beyond what I *think* I can do.

But if you're going to post in the open forum be ready for all types of motivational responses. Many may not be what the OP wants to hear - but that is the risk one takes by posting for all to see!! If you don't want that type of response....keep your issues to your wall and let your friends coddle you.

I think there's a difference between calling someone a "fatass whale who can't do anything right much less get their life under control", and telling someone to "get off their *kitten* and finish their daily exercise goal for the day, it doesn't matter if you feel like you're going to hurl you can effing do it now DO IT".

I think so long as you're being constructive and you're not hurling insults, you're A-OK in my book.

When I went to college to become a dancer I had an observation.

A lot of people were over confident and showed up thinking they were advanced dancers and already knew everything, that they were so good they could change the whole dance department to be exactly like them. They didn't like getting put in the "beginner" class because all freshman got put in the beginner class. When they showed their choreography the teachers were harsh and would knock them down a few pegs and people would say that the toughest teachers just didn't like any of the dance the students did. And the students that were able to make it through the dance department eventually ended up being thankful that the teachers had been so tough on them (others transferred out to a school they preferred or they didn't major in dance).

I was coming from a very different place. I did not have a lot of confidence (I knew I had talent and passion, but I also knew that I needed to learn to utilize it in the best ways). I did see myself as a beginner. And I knew I had a lot to learn and I wanted to learn. The beginner label didn't bother me, it was the normal starting place. The teachers never knocked me down because I was open to feedback and learning. I didn't need to waste my time with that process. I showed my choreography, I got feedback, then I went back and worked on it some more. I asked questions. The teachers wanted to work with me and I enjoyed working with them and gained a lot from it. And the "toughest" teacher said something that always stuck with me she told me that as a dancer I should always "check people's references" before giving any value to their opinion on my dancing. Don't give any weight to the opinion of any random person that is uneducated and inexperienced and has no success as a dancer or an artist (or a person that just likes to drag others down because they are not happy or successful or people that are afraid to be creative and try new things). Don't ever let people like that influence the choices I make in my dancing or how I feel about my own work. Instead listen to the people who have good references to back their opinions up.

I'm not sure I relate to the need for motivation from other people because I don't need other people to motivate me. My motivation is my own and always has been. I'm not sure if this story related to any of this, but I guess it's just an observation about people and how different people work. Some people don't benefit from people being tough with them, but I guess those people don't behave in a way that makes toughness be what is given because they are already tough on themselves and are open to learning and growing. This isn't to say I haven't had life experiences that caused me to stumble along the way. I have. But, I have always taken responsibility for myself and never expected anyone to give me something that I didn't earn.

Bravo darling!