Should I date a man with kids?

Slow down. You're not moving in with this guy...give it some time to see if you two are even compatible. You. Just. Met. Him.

He seems as a such a sweetheart. Its still at the beginning so give him a chance and you will see.

Run for the hills, honey. I was in a similar situations several years ago, and unfortunately any man with kids will always put them first, irrespective of whether their needs are actually greater in the given situation, and who will always take their word over yours even if they're talking rubbish and you're the rational, reasonable one. If, at your own admission, you are someone who needs a lot of attention, choosing someone who is already destined to put you second (or third, as there are 2 kids!) is maybe not the best idea.

Sorry if this sounds negative - but I would have saved myself several years of heartache if someone had given me this advice a long time ago!

This - I have been with my husband for 15 years and love him very much but If I knew at the beginning how difficult it was going to be marrying a man with three kids (10, 13 and 5 at the time) I probably would have bailed.

Just wow.

Seconded. Poor kids. Situations like this is where the term "evil stepmother" was invented.

The kids seem old enough to start becoming independent and maybe he won't care what they think.

Dad always cares what his kids think

Hi. I wasn't sure if this was the right category to put this in, but oh well. I'm currently just starting to see a guy I met on POF. He's a sweet guy, treats me like a queen, a teacher, has a house, all put together, very opposite of my last ex who was still married and didn't have time for me.

If an ex who was "occupied"@marriage [of all the men who'd dated/courted you] is the man worthy of a comparison to a single father of 2 - a teen daughter and a 12 yr old son, you will need to seriously reassess what best suits you, which you'd clearly acknowledged - hence this thread, which is a step in the right direction.

I see MAJOR potential, and being 33 Im looking to settle down soon. However.....he has 2 kids. One is 12, he lives with his ex wife, and the other is a teenage girl, 14, and lives with him. I love children, I want to be a teacher myself. however, I am scared to take on that much responsiblity.

All parents seriously freak out once in a while, as they learn through the ropes, whilst parenting their child(ren). It's a good thing that you're not overtly sure, for it reflects an iota of caution, only that in my opinion the hands-on "shadowing" years are long gone and you'll basically have it made [if it develops positively well for you], since the children are at the pre-adolescent and teen stages.

Children aren't difficult in the sense, that if you relate, interact and communicate to them, as you will - your students, they will reactively reflect and deflect. Parenting is a role, not necessitated by and isn't limited to biological-relevance only. If you've set your eyes on this man [a single father of 2 children], then you'd best allow yourself to fit in their mold [the ready made family of 3 + 1 + [?] ]

Luckily, his ex wife is responsible and has a well-paying job, but still......what about our privacy? Also, I require a lot of attention, and will I grow angry if he doesn't give me enough?

Privacy?! There's no such thing! If as a close friend of my male friends [some of whom are married and are in need for a weekend out and away from their children/or are single Dads who come over with their children to sightsee and what not], I get their toddlers and children and teens, dashing into my bedroom for their hugs and snuggles at unGodly hours of the morning and what I need you to understand is that there's nothing in the world that exceeds that warmth of a burst of love in the morning. It's well worth sacrificing one's privacy for.

If you are certain that there is no way in hell, you'll be able to love his children as though they are your very own - just as he does, then you'll need to distance yourself from him. If you are positive that you'll be needing more attention from him than his very own teen daughter, then what's obvious is -> Exit! When one purports to love anyone whose a parent - you honestly can not think to place yourself above what's existed well before you'd entered!! It's not done! Only he can choose to place you there!

But thing is, now days if I want to meet a man in his 30's or 40's without kids it's nearly impossible. I don't have kids, and I am a very rare breed. Any advice? Should I still give this guy a chance because he seems like a real good catch??

Thank you.

You're honestly not that much of a rare breed. The world over [developed nations] are inundated with women in their 30s/40s who'd never married and don't have children [some out of choice/ some - circumstantial] and >ing [enter - "Pumas" &"Cougars"] and depending on where you're geographically located, determines the women to men ratio of single [never married heterosexual males in their 30s/40s] and the women to men ratio of single heterosexual dads [never married/divorced/widower/...]. Where I live [geographically speaking] - single fathers [to newborns/toddlers - young adults] in their 40s/50s are a common sight, as are never before married heterosexual single men in their 30s/40s/50s.

Men who put their kids first = good.

Let me repeat that.

Men who put their kids first = good.

SOOO THIS.

If you're worried maybe you could date older men or younger ones and stay out of the kid-burdened age range.

I don't care how much crap someone throws my way for saying this: I remember being a 14 year old girl and the last thing I would want in the world would be for a 14 year old girl to have any influence on someone I was dating. They're beastly, unpredictable, hormonal, and vindictive little creatures, are teenage girls.

IMO his kids will always be his kids for the rest of his life, and if you end up marrying him they will become yours too for the rest of your life. If youre okay with that then get involved. If not, there are plenty of divorced men who do not have kids and you're young- there are probably men who have never been married around your age. I wouldn't take this on even casually if you aren't willing to take them on too.

I know that this kind of relationship can work, as evidenced by the many commenters here defending it. But their experiences are not yours and their priorities are not yours, so YOU need to decide what's best for you.

I personally would not date or marry a man with kids. I DO NOT do drama, and I have seen enough drama in the relationships of people I know, to know that this would not be fun for me. My husband told me that he was really excited when he met me and found out that I was single and had no kids. He came from a blended family and has half-siblings and steps all over the place. He himself wouldn't date anyone with children either. He says it's just too much drama and complicated relationships... But again, our experiences and priorities are not yours...

I know several single men without children in their thirties - one who recently married. They have chosen to wait until they were established in their careers before marrying and making babies. Those guys are out there. Don't feel like you have to settle out of desperation or anything. If you happen to fall for a guy with kids and that's ok with you, then go for it! It's your life, your choice. :flowerforyou:

Suck it up, Buttercup. Let me put it to you this way: My mom was so busy with the men she dated she never had time for me. And she dated a string of losers. Why, WHY, should this man put you over his kids?! It's his job to raise them to the best of his ability, not to worry about playing footsie and propping up someone's ego.

You see "MAJOR potential". He's not a house you're flipping. Sheesh. You didn't offend me, but your attitude sure pisses me off. You want to be someone's 'first, last, and everything'? Get a dog.

feel free to block me or whatever

Also be weary of the anger of other posters more then likely there bratty step kids or bitter ex's

So honestly just ignore them, it is SOOOOO COOOL you are asking this now, getting into a relationship of any kind should be treated careful and with an active brain