Fat people are invisible somehow.

I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

When I was younger, way back in the 70s and 80s and went to bars I was invisible. I picked up drinking and smoking to give me something to do because I wasn't dancing. Now I am visible and have stopped that drinking and smoking and losing the weight. Can't give you the advice of how to be visible unless you make a fool of yourself. But just know that it does become better. Try something else instead of the bars. Dance with your girlfriends and tell them how you feel. At least you had friends to go with you I went alone. Imagine just to meet guys. Be assertive and you won't be so invisible.:flowerforyou:

I was just mentioning it to another MFP that I noticed in September that my weight was starting to have an affect on how people behaved around me....and also when I started to feel very self conscious. I found that if I went clubbing, whereas before I would get some attention from the opposite sex, as I got bigger, I was becoming invisible....there was a particular night that we went out for a friends 21st so she had friends from uni come and celebrate....all the girls were very lovely but literally every single guy was avoiding me like the plague but not my skinny friends....I wanted to see if you also felt that being "obese" made you invisible.....and unfortunately proves that your weight does affect the way people perceive you (shallow bas***ds) lol. Looks do count in life it appears to be.

x

You know, I used to feel this way. I was always conscious about the men that hit on my friends, or came to me to ask about them! So insulting!!!

But then I started looking at my friends as filters. To keep the shallow ones away. The ones that were only about the arm trophy, the "skinny b!tches". And sometimes, because my friends were sooo used to me NOT being hit on, that when I finally did express interest in someone, they were quick to JUMP on it, as though THEY knew I didn't have a chance. Again, HOW RUDE!

Then I found my sexy! and the confidence changed the game! I wasnt the girl that was trying too hard, the girl that was "hiding in the corner". I was hott! and the men came a-flocking! I havent lost much but I get sooo much attention now. I actually have options! Unfortuntely, what I do not have, is time to make USE of my options!!! LOL

I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

Wow! Get out of my head!! I just responded with just that! Confidence is key and weight is such a small factor in determining the faith you have in YOURSELF!!

I don't think fat people are invisible, actually I think it is the complete opposite! Maybe to your face they won't look at us or even get close enough to us because they think they will get the "fatty infection". But most people stop and stare, or point fingers, or just whisper bad things about you and hope that you don't here them! People are mean and cruel. They do not care that the fat person that they are whispering about does have feelings. I mean seriously what is they point of being so skinny(and apparently in todays society that automatically means that you are beautiful) and then being so ugly on the inside! I would rather be fat forever than to know that the only way to make myself feel good about myself is to talk about somebody else!

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. It's all around us in all forms of media, including the runways where the models are stick thin. Skinny people are perceived as more attractive, clothes hang better on skinny people, etc. The way we look is our first impression until people get to know us. Once people take the time to get to know the person "inside", appearances are usually overlooked at that point. Unfortunately, at the clubs, it's usually all about looks. There is usually so much competition that most guys will give the skinnier girls the attention. But if you make sure to show your personality and confidence, your beauty will shine brighter than the skinnier girls. Personality goes alot further than skinny!

It's a cruel, cruel world and I've had exactly the same for all of my life. i have never been noticed by guys when I've been out at parties/clubs - my single friends usually ended up getting off with at least one guy in the evening. And it's not just nights out, i generally get ignored by guys, unless is platonic

Looks do matter - it's the looks that perk their interest enough to come over and talk to you. There are exceptions to every rule and I'm sure there's a bunch of guys out there, that are more interested in personality. But in all honesty, they're usually with someone, or very rare to find.

I guess for now I'm staying single. Keep up the weigh-loss!!!
x

I made myself invisible without even thinking about it. I expected to be ignored so I unitentionally became the nonexistent fat chick. I mean, do you really want to be looked at when you're fat? I know I didn't. Did I appreciate any attention I got? Yes. Would I rather hide then have someone look at my fat *kitten* on the dance floor? Yes.

We get back what we put forth. And I purt forth the 'stay away from me, I'm a cow' vibe. And sadly, cows don't get much attention, unless you're a t-bone steak with a side of mashed. Y'know?

:-(

kaja... Being overweight makes me feel invisible, but I think that's the way I like it. I think I'm afraid to get close to people, which is something I really need to work on. I do, however, still go clubbing and love every minute of dancing with my girls (who don't dance with random guys that I have ever seen!). In fact, the first guy I dated met me at a club. :happy:

I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

I couldn't agree more. I was invisible for a long time. I would not go anywhere, do anything and be alone a lot. I just knew it was because I was so large. But recently I have been seeing therapist for issues and have really begun to open up. I am still a large woman and have a lot to lose still, but I feel better about me. I am more confident about me and in turn, it helps me to get out there and live.

Mean people suck.

It's all about how you feel about yourself.

I have a friend who is thirty, but has never been kissed or had a boyfriend. She's overweight, but she has lovely red hair and crystal clear blue eyes. She's very pretty- just try telling her that. I know that a DIFFERENT person in her body would have no problem finding someone to be with her. She thinks men are shallow and don't like her because of her weight, but I've tried to set her up with guys before only to have her brush them off because THEY were too short, or too fat, or whatever. She sort of lives in a fantasy world, and unless a guy looks like a Backstreet Boy or Orlando Bloom, she's not interested.

I also have friends MUCH bigger than her who are in happy relationships. I firmly believe it's not her SIZE that hinders her- it's her personality.

In my case, I've never had a hard time getting attention when I go out, regardless of my size. However, I definitely get MORE attention when I'm thin. I has nothing to do with how I look, but how I feel about myself. When I'm bigger, I cover myself up. I may as well have '*kitten* off!' tattooed on my forehead. I don't want to be touched or looked at. When I am smaller, I feel good about myself and I have an inner glow that attracts people. (Not that I actively look to meet people anyways since I'm not single, but hey, I still go out with the girls once in a while!)


The reason I know attention has nothing to do with my size is because at my smallest, I was 125 and felt GREAT. I had no trouble getting attention whatsoever. When I went from 125 to 145, I felt fat and disgusting. Nobody would look at me- because I didn't want them to. Then I had my second son, and was 184.... I couldn't believe how gross and disgusting I "was". My perception of myself was so bad... needless to say, I never got complimented on my appearance, ever. Now I'm back down to 145 again- a weight that USED to make me feel bad about myself. Back then at 145, nobody would look twice at me because of the vibe I gave off. However, I recently went out with some friends and had TONNES of attention, people offering to buy me drinks, etc. I'm the same weight now I was back then- only now, I don't feel fat. I feel confident and happy, because I've LOST 40 pounds and I know how much better I look than I did before. My old 'fat' is my new 'skinny'- and as my attitude changed, so did my behavior. As my behavior and personality changed, so did the attention I received. It's all about what you put out there.

Unfortunately I have to agree that fat people do become invisible. I've been there, am still there I think. It's very hard to deal with emotionally when you are being avoided solely because of your weight. I noticed that I have fewer and fewer friends as the pounds packed on. Since I'm married I'm not so concerned about getting hit on but I feel that people avoid me often. Women who are skinny often avoid talking to me when they are around which ultimately makes you feel like crap. If men do talk to you it's usually because they aren't attracted to you so you're a safe choice to spill all their problems out onto. I am wondering how people's reactions will change as I hopefully drop these pounds.


Great thread by the way!

I definitely agree that it is a self confidence issue. But I also agree that it's a superficial issue too. The problem is created by both parties, with the overweight person shying away and feeling less confident around the skinny girls, and the guys and skinny girls avoiding the overweight person scared they are going to cause an awkward moment. Serious studies in sociology have revolved around this very subject in human interaction. But it's definitely not a secret that being young, thin, and beautiful has it's advantages in our society today.

I think it's not only confidence but also my perception of other's actions and comments toward me.
60 pounds ago, if someone hit on me, or whistled at me I would've assumed they were being sarcastic & mean.
Now I assume they're serious. :laugh:

I used to overanalyze everything on social situations. I could *not* enjoy myself at all, even if I was full of liquid courage. Everything seemed like a personal attack. If I was walking on the sidewalk and someone walking toward me crossed the street, it wasn't because they had somewhere to go on the other side of the street, it was because I was fat. If someone let the door slam in my face, it wasn't because they didn't see me, it was because I was fat. If someone didn't talk to me at a party, it wasn't because I was being shy & standing next to the wall trying to blend in, it was because I was fat.

This is the same thing people do with all kinds of personal characteristics -- race, sexuality, religion, gender, etc. I've noticed my gay friends blame EVERYTHING bad that happens to them on the fact that they're homosexual. My brown & black friends blame it on racism. I blame it on being fat. We use those things as a crutch -- I guess as a way to not take accountability for what happens to us. Blame everything bad on something you have very little to no control over and everything good on something you have total control over. :laugh: Our minds play tricks on us.

These are all generalizaitons, of course, and I'm not denying that descrimination does happen by any stretch of the imagination! I just mean that a lot of times, our minds jump to that as the explanation when in reality, the situation had absolutely nothing to do with our physical appearance.