Fat people are invisible somehow.

You know, I used to feel this way. I was always conscious about the men that hit on my friends, or came to me to ask about them! So insulting!!!

But then I started looking at my friends as filters. To keep the shallow ones away. The ones that were only about the arm trophy, the "skinny b!tches". And sometimes, because my friends were sooo used to me NOT being hit on, that when I finally did express interest in someone, they were quick to JUMP on it, as though THEY knew I didn't have a chance. Again, HOW RUDE!

Then I found my sexy! and the confidence changed the game! I wasnt the girl that was trying too hard, the girl that was "hiding in the corner". I was hott! and the men came a-flocking! I havent lost much but I get sooo much attention now. I actually have options! Unfortuntely, what I do not have, is time to make USE of my options!!! LOL

Wow I hope you ditched these so-called "friends."

I didnt ditch them because I think women behave like this from a place of weakness and insecurity. And I am no one to judge. But I am one to do it on return to teach a valuable lesson: It sucks more for the "fat girl" to steal your "prize" than it does for "you" to do it to "me"!

Needless to say, they dont do it anymore! Then again, we arent that close anymore so maybe I just dont notice it anymore! Either way, I win!!! LOL

... it would be like going to the zoo and getting insulted when the Rhino's hump.... it' was gonna happen and you knew it!

[...] so I am sorry to say this, I just think guys can be jerks.

Agreed!!

Carrie... Thanks for sharing that. A lot of what you said really resonated with me. Sometimes I feel like the world is out to get me, but when I change my attitude, I notice that there are actually a lot of great people out there waiting for me to have a great conversation with.

Fact: Most strangers are very open to having a nice conversation with you. I think they are just afraid to start it.

I think it reflects in our behavior how we feel about ourselves and if we don't like ourselves then why would anybody else?

gabi_ele... That is an excellent statement. I loved reading your post.

JennyLynn... That's a great bottom line.

I think it's not only confidence but also my perception of other's actions and comments toward me.

LittleSpy... That reminds me of a quote I read a long time ago, about how we see ourselves the way we THINK other people see us. The same goes for the way we behave. I still over-analyze everything. It's obviously easier to make excuses based on "being fat" rather than have to work on our personalities, like you said. Which one's easier? There's another saying: people are more motivated to take action by pain, than by pleasure. I think that's Anthony Robbins. :laugh:

YOU ARE ALL SO INSPIRING!!! :smooched:

Shallow Hal has been mentioned a few times. I say we all go out at read "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins. I read it when I was 13, and I think it's about time to go back and read it again. :laugh:

You can't change other people's perceptions of you. What you have to change is your perception of yourself. You are doing the best things you can for yourself. You are losing weight and you are exercising. You are getting healthy and probably feeling a lot more energetic. As your perception of yourself improves, other's perceptions will come back around. However, this isn't for them. This is for you. This is for you to look and feel better. Don't tie your self-concept to any numbers on the scale. Go by how you feel and the improvements you are making in yourself. It might take some time but just don't give up. You can do this.

Unfortunately looks do count, especially in a club setting where most single women and men go to mingle with the opposite sex in hopes of hooking up for a night or a relationship. In this scenario looks are the only thing, at first. They are what attract people to one another. You cant look accross the room and say, "Ill be right back Jim, that girl has such amazing acedemic skills that I just have to get her number"... it's just not gonna happen. So while I feel your pain, I think the club is the wrong place to be judging how everyone else is judging people on their looks... its just the way it is.

I agree with this. The men in clubs are often there to pick up something hot and fast! I don't pick up in clubs; I have a good figure and a pretty face (not lacking in confidence either, ha ha), but I am not a 'dolly bird' with her tits and *kitten* hanging out so the sleazy weasels looking for a one night stand don't bother me. This doesn't bother me in the slightest because I rock and I don't need their attention to know that :glasses:

I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

this is so true. my 300 lb friend gets all the dudes at the club, i **** you not. it has gotta be the boobs that go with it!

Yeah lets not hate on guys ok, we're all human and human nature is very cruel. You women are just a guilty as men at having all these same attributes

Human nature. Humans are very cruel by nature... just look around the world.

Yeah lets not hate on guys ok, we're all human and human nature is very cruel. You women are just a guilty as men at having all these same attributes

human nature or socialization?

Touché. :laugh:

Sometimes fat people are treated like they are invisible but it can be overcome with some confidence. I believe a smile and a big dose of self-confidence helps overcome some of it. It comes from within and knowing that no matter what size you happen to be,you are beautiful and you do matter. :happy:

Human nature. Humans are very cruel by nature... just look around the world.

i disagree, but that is a topic for another forum lol

It is so true! I hate the feeling of being invisible!! I have had it both ways in my life...and I sure prefer the way I was treated when I was skinny!!

I was fat from the ages of 12-15 (so all through Secondary school! Agh..nightmare!) and used to get bullied about being the fat kid. Okay, so not invisible - but kids are so hurtful and the number of times I went home in tears were awful! Then at our end of school Dance, when I was 16, the main guy who used to bully me asked me to dance...it was the best feeling in the whole world when I could just laugh and turn away to dance with a friend. (Who was he kidding? Did he forget the pain he put me through?!)

I was pretty much slim since then, really sporty and taking care of myself. I wore a red dress to the Christmas Party of my first full-time job and my boss joked that he had never been in a bar where every man turned to stare at one person. It was one of my happiest moments...I just glowed with happiness!

But now...I guess I've just got too comfortable. I've been with my partner 4 years so when I put on weight from some medication, I didn't panic too much - until I started noticing the changes in the way people treated me again. I can feel people stare at me when I go to swim (and not in a good way!!) and when we go out I might as well not be there. The door men you used to flirt with you skip a queue now don't even see you and old aquaintances look the other way when you pass them in the street.

...Being fat SUCKS!

Yes, I totally see people's points that it's partially about confidence/attitude etc - but let's be realistic, there's a big difference in the way people treat skinny-minnies and those of us that are a little over-rounded.

I think it all depends on the group of people that perceives overweight people.

I've never been obese but I've also never been skinny - kinda hovers above the "healthy weight" and overweight. I've felt ignored in parties and have also been hit on the dance floor/at a bar. Although I'm not the life of the party, I can say I have confidence in myself and I like who I am.

In the situations where I felt ignored are often in groups that tend to be very young - like high school, college aged, up to mid 20s even. I think it's possibly because they are still immature, shallow. The guys still want the skinny blonde that might have nothing brilliant to say. They are still in that state of mind where appearances are everything and being cool is too. (Funny, this just happened last weekend!)

In contrast, the times when I have been approached seem to involve older men - not significantly, more like late 20s, early 30s (I'm early/mid 20s btw). Or if they weren't older, they were considerably more mature and thoughtful at least based on my conversations with them.

So maybe it's not your problem with confidence. Maybe it's the people that you are around. Maybe you don't have to change but just change the group you hang out with. No one should feel obliged to have to make a 180 personality turn around or lose XX lbs. just so they can please a group of people - it totally goes against the idea of having confidence in yourself. Because if you have to force yourself to be the talkative one/the perky one/the flirty one in any given situations just to feel accepted, then doesn't it mean you're just succumbing to their standards of "coolness." Be the quiet one, be the shy one. Be the snarky one. It doesn't matter. Just be who you are. So long are you're nice and good to people, they will like you and in a planet with 6 billion people, I can assure you, somebody will.

You know, I have to disagree - when I was in my early 20's, I was 5 ft. 7 in. tall and weighed all of 114 pounds; strawberry blond hair, straight teeth, and clear complexion - I would go to bars and men would run the other way; I remember thinking to myself "what the hell is wrong with me". People would say men were intimidated, but I did not buy that at all, I was fun and outgoing and very confident - so I am sorry to say this, I just think guys can be jerks.

Have got to agree - I was never short of suitors at my highest weight (17 stone) Now, at 11 stone, I'm not finding it easy to meet men. In fact, a lot of the men I meet prefer very curvaceous - even obese - women. Horses for courses ) I'm happier in myself now, so that's what counts.

If you had the body of a swimsuit model would you be interested in a 300lb guy?