"Fluffy" Ladies: Does your man...

My story:

I've been married for 23 years. My wife has been though all sorts of physical problems. Auto accident. Difficult pregnancy with twins. Surgeries, literally from head to toe. Lumbar and cervical fusion. Going from age 24 to 47. All these things radically changed her body. She went from being 5'10"/155lbs to 5'8" and 240lbs. Stretch marks. Scars. TMJ problems so she can't open her mouth much (figure out why that's important to me).

We're working on losing weight, not only for our health, but for each other. She made a difficult and brave decision to have lap band surgery, another saga in itself...and here I am at MFP.

Throughout it all, I love her. She's my wife. We arrived here together. Our sex life is amazing, we really enjoy each other. We've *never* hidden our bodies in the dark (and yes, I've been as much as 40 pounds heavier than my wedding weight myself). We're going to be old, wrinkly and saggy together, God willing. As we've aged and had our problems, we've adapted, our lovemaking is different than when we were younger, but no less fulfilling. We're not going to be more attractive in the future, and we're the only partners we've got. We may not be attractive to anyone else in the world, and it doesn't matter. It's called love.

Sure has. Just about every day he sees me naked before I get in the shower or when I get out. I've got not secrets.

Pfft! Nearly everyone I know has seen me nude/partially nude at some point, my weight issues are my own, no-one else's. My husband has loved me from my heaviest to my lightest and I've never been "fluffy", I've been morbidly obese, obese and overweight :flowerforyou:

Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.

Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm

What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:

Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.

She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.

And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.

And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.

I'm going to be "that girl". I was 20 when I got pregnant (purposefully), 21 when I gave birth, and 22 when I got married.

My grandmother was 17 when she got married. She and my grandfather were married up until he passed away 30 some odd years later.

Like I stated before, the idea of waiting until *after* you're 25 to get married is a relatively new concept.

This is one instance that science does not apply to everyone. And, like I also said earlier, this particular science has absolutely nothing to do with the OP, and is completely irrelevant to this thread.

Sigh. It's called a base rate comparison. Your observations lack it. Happiness is a relative concept, yes? The question is not dichotomous-- ie: you aren't either happy or unhappy. It's a continuous measure. So... the only way to "prove me wrong" with your singular case study data point, would be to compare how happy you are with your pre-25 year old marriage, to how happy you are to your post 25-year old choice of life partner. What's that? you don't have a time machine to perform that experiment? So, because you don't have the necessary base rate to compare your current happiness to, your point that you got married before your frontal lobe was fully formed and you are "happy" doesn't invalidate the point that it's tougher to make decisions about relationships before one is 25.

Again, completely irrelevant.

Also, the condescending tone is unnecessary. I completely comprehend what you're saying, I'm simply pointing out the fact that A. this science does not apply to every living person, and B. Again, it has absolutely nothing to do with this post.

What about this are you not understanding?

This whole issue is one of the reasons I won't date: I don't want anyone to see me nekkid. Sad but true. I keep telling everyone that it's because I don't want to involve anyone in my son's life. And to an extent that's true. But I'm really just convinced that no one would want me at this size.

He's seen me naked and enjoys it... I like being naked just cause I'm fat doesn't make me ashamed of my body

My story:

I've been married for 23 years. My wife has been though all sorts of physical problems. Auto accident. Difficult pregnancy with twins. Surgeries, literally from head to toe. Lumbar and cervical fusion. Going from age 24 to 47. All these things radically changed her body. She went from being 5'10"/155lbs to 5'8" and 240lbs. Stretch marks. Scars. TMJ problems so she can't open her mouth much (figure out why that's important to me).

We're working on losing weight, not only for our health, but for each other. She made a difficult and brave decision to have lap band surgery, another saga in itself...and here I am at MFP.

Throughout it all, I love her. She's my wife. We arrived here together. Our sex life is amazing, we really enjoy each other. We've *never* hidden our bodies in the dark (and yes, I've been as much as 40 pounds heavier than my wedding weight myself). We're going to be old, wrinkly and saggy together, God willing. As we've aged and had our problems, we've adapted, our lovemaking is different than when we were younger, but no less fulfilling. We're not going to be more attractive in the future, and we're the only partners we've got. We may not be attractive to anyone else in the world, and it doesn't matter. It's called love.

You are my hero... Your wife is a lucky woman, and you are a lucky man!

know what you really look like? I mean does he know what you look like completely naked, standing up, in the light?

Edit: Been together 8 years, and hes seen anything and everything in the light before but since having kids 2 years ago he hasnt seen me FULLY naked in the light.

Of course mine has. He's seen me at every weight and loves me regardless. I assure you that yours does too- just cut yourself some slack.

For me to be happy, I need to be as comfortable in my husband's company as I would be if I were alone, and I am that comfortable.

Yes my husband sees every single inch of me. We've been married for 8 years and we have two children so he's seen me in a variety of conditions. He enjoys what I look like, but that's not why he married me. He sees me naked daily and likes it even though I'm not 100% happy with my current physique.

Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.

Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm

What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:

Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.

She had some kids and gained some weight and now she's got some confidence issues with her body. This has nothing to do with at what age you get married or your frontal lobe. This has to do with body image issues.

And, just to be "that guy": my wife and I were 23 when we got married. We will hit 17 years this year and we're happy as pigs in *kitten*.

And to put it back on track: She's had my kids and I still love seeing her nekkid every chance I get.

I'm going to be "that girl". I was 20 when I got pregnant (purposefully), 21 when I gave birth, and 22 when I got married.

My grandmother was 17 when she got married. She and my grandfather were married up until he passed away 30 some odd years later.

Like I stated before, the idea of waiting until *after* you're 25 to get married is a relatively new concept.

This is one instance that science does not apply to everyone. And, like I also said earlier, this particular science has absolutely nothing to do with the OP, and is completely irrelevant to this thread.

Sigh. It's called a base rate comparison. Your observations lack it. Happiness is a relative concept, yes? The question is not dichotomous-- ie: you aren't either happy or unhappy. It's a continuous measure. So... the only way to "prove me wrong" with your singular case study data point, would be to compare how happy you are with your pre-25 year old marriage, to how happy you are to your post 25-year old choice of life partner. What's that? you don't have a time machine to perform that experiment? So, because you don't have the necessary base rate to compare your current happiness to, your point that you got married before your frontal lobe was fully formed and you are "happy" doesn't invalidate the point that it's tougher to make decisions about relationships before one is 25.

Sigh. Is this for real? The OP asked an emotion based question, and you are responding with scientific facts. Like asking for apples and getting Massengil. Both valid individually, but given the context of her question, no relation one to the other.

Frontal lobes aren't fully formed in humans until around 25 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe).
It's a pretty decent biological reason why one shouldn't make decisions about whom they think they should be partnered with forever before that age.

Check out the correlation between age of marriage and divorce rates. See, e.g.: http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats38.htm

What does that have to do with anything? lol Weve been together 8 and been married 4. I'm not worried about forever right now (:

Your ability to predict what your partner wants/ needs/ desires/ thinks about you, and his ability to see you and form opinions about one another and yourself (body image), is woefully underdeveloped. When you are older, you'll likely look back and think of decisions you made at this age related to your husband and other relationships as less than flawless. This question that you posed seems like one of those things that one could put in this category. Unfortunately, it's more challenging to notice this in the moment. Why is that? Because your frontal lobe isn't fully developed until you're about 25 years old. Do I know you personally? No. Could you be an outlier, or an exception to the rule? Sure. I'm just offering my opinion, which you solicited on an open, public forum in the hopes of giving you something to think about that could help you.

I'm 36, the mother of an 18-year-old, far from fat but far from perfect and I know the man I've been with for the last eight years loves my body just the way it is, but I'm still incredibly self-conscious about it because I am not happy with it.

What you are saying is completely irrelevant to the subject. I think maybe your frontal lobe has some maturing to do.

My story:

I've been married for 23 years. My wife has been though all sorts of physical problems. Auto accident. Difficult pregnancy with twins. Surgeries, literally from head to toe. Lumbar and cervical fusion. Going from age 24 to 47. All these things radically changed her body. She went from being 5'10"/155lbs to 5'8" and 240lbs. Stretch marks. Scars. TMJ problems so she can't open her mouth much (figure out why that's important to me).

We're working on losing weight, not only for our health, but for each other. She made a difficult and brave decision to have lap band surgery, another saga in itself...and here I am at MFP.

Throughout it all, I love her. She's my wife. We arrived here together. Our sex life is amazing, we really enjoy each other. We've *never* hidden our bodies in the dark (and yes, I've been as much as 40 pounds heavier than my wedding weight myself). We're going to be old, wrinkly and saggy together, God willing. As we've aged and had our problems, we've adapted, our lovemaking is different than when we were younger, but no less fulfilling. We're not going to be more attractive in the future, and we're the only partners we've got. We may not be attractive to anyone else in the world, and it doesn't matter. It's called love.

I love you. That was lovely.

My husband and I have been together for 23 years also. Our favorite thing to talk about is getting old together.

For a robust, fully vital partner, I would say 'get naked.' For a man who has problems responding to you sexually, take care because he may externalize the reason for his lack of response.

Of course he does. He'd be pretty grumpy if he didn't see me naked as often as possible. He loves me no matter what. Most likely your issues are your own, and not his. (If not you've got bigger problems than the nakedness.) When I got to my highest weight I was very insecure, and avoided sex. All's it did was created unnecessary stress on the both of us. As soon as I pulled my head out of my *kitten*, I realized all the issues I thought "we" were having, were all my own.

I am currently between men, but I have never hidden myself from anyone I was sleeping with.

same..