Husband not attracted to me...need support!
NewJuliespen
Posts: 2 Member
Hello All!
I am new to this community and am LOVING all of the wonderful tools that are available here--including the wealth of support, encouragement and motivation from fellow members. I am 47 years old, have about 50 pounds to lose, although some might say I have 250 pounds to lose, if you include my spouse! We have been married for 16 years, have two beautiful daughters (ages 10 and 12), but my husband is in the middle of a mid-life crisis! He turns 52 this year and has lost weight, started working out incessantly and has told me he is not attracted to me because of my weight gain over the years. I put on weight, due to fertility struggles, two pregnancies and an auto-immune disease which requires me to eat gluten free (once I started going gf, I put on 25 pounds!). I am not on this journey to save my marriage. Rather, I am doing this for myself. However, while living with someone so toxic and negative, it would be nice to have some support from someone--even if it's strangers on a message board. I know I will lose the weight, and I know I will be one hot 48-year-old (birthday is in March).....what I don't know is how I'll feel about someone so shallow who was ready to kick me to the curb because of some extra pounds! Would love some friends for this journey!
I am new to this community and am LOVING all of the wonderful tools that are available here--including the wealth of support, encouragement and motivation from fellow members. I am 47 years old, have about 50 pounds to lose, although some might say I have 250 pounds to lose, if you include my spouse! We have been married for 16 years, have two beautiful daughters (ages 10 and 12), but my husband is in the middle of a mid-life crisis! He turns 52 this year and has lost weight, started working out incessantly and has told me he is not attracted to me because of my weight gain over the years. I put on weight, due to fertility struggles, two pregnancies and an auto-immune disease which requires me to eat gluten free (once I started going gf, I put on 25 pounds!). I am not on this journey to save my marriage. Rather, I am doing this for myself. However, while living with someone so toxic and negative, it would be nice to have some support from someone--even if it's strangers on a message board. I know I will lose the weight, and I know I will be one hot 48-year-old (birthday is in March).....what I don't know is how I'll feel about someone so shallow who was ready to kick me to the curb because of some extra pounds! Would love some friends for this journey!
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Replies
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I'm sorry you're not receiving the support you need at home. Feel free to add me.0
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I will add you as a friend...wow...you def. need to move on...idk how you can ever "get over" a comment like this...some men are true *kitten*...here's a hug (((NewJuliespen))) :flowerforyou:0
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Hi! I recently joined mfp this past week. I am looking to lose almost 70lbs. Feel free to add me as a friend. We can encourage each other along the way.
You can do this! Remember that you are strong and can accomplish any goals you have set for yourself.0 -
I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you need at home - and I hope you can find it here! Feel free to add me if you need another compadre
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I am sorry your husband is being really shallow. I guess maybe at least he is honest? I don't know. Do this for you and your health... and take time to work on yourself. I personally would not stay in a marriage where someone makes me feel awful about myself.0
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Men...hopefully he has your health as his main concern...my husband says he would love me if I was 300 lbs which is almost negative motivation! But he does want to see me healthy. I'll be your friend!0
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Hello All!
I am new to this community and am LOVING all of the wonderful tools that are available here--including the wealth of support, encouragement and motivation from fellow members. I am 47 years old, have about 50 pounds to lose, although some might say I have 250 pounds to lose, if you include my spouse! We have been married for 16 years, have two beautiful daughters (ages 10 and 12), but my husband is in the middle of a mid-life crisis! He turns 52 this year and has lost weight, started working out incessantly and has told me he is not attracted to me because of my weight gain over the years. I put on weight, due to fertility struggles, two pregnancies and an auto-immune disease which requires me to eat gluten free (once I started going gf, I put on 25 pounds!). I am not on this journey to save my marriage. Rather, I am doing this for myself. However, while living with someone so toxic and negative, it would be nice to have some support from someone--even if it's strangers on a message board. I know I will lose the weight, and I know I will be one hot 48-year-old (birthday is in March).....what I don't know is how I'll feel about someone so shallow who was ready to kick me to the curb because of some extra pounds! Would love some friends for this journey!
I have been in your situation and have now been divorced for 5 years. It took me until this past August before I did anything about my weight. But when I did start. It was for ME. I would love to have you as a friend, I have been in your shoes. Good luck!0 -
From looks of your beautiful headshot, you are already a hot 48-year-old! Beautiful smile, eyes and I love your skin tone! Welcome to MFP and you'll definitely get the support you need here. Stay strong for your girls They are watching you now more than ever to see how you handle negativity from someone you love. :flowerforyou: You can do this! 0
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The way I'm reading this is that it came as a shock to you, that all of a sudden your weight is an issue to him. This seems unlikely, its more likely that its been bothering him a long time but he's been afraid to voice it. It probably was hard for him to be honest about how the attraction has faded. Unless, he is a complete jerk and delivered this in a cruel fashion, isnt it possible he's just telling you what his issues are ?
And if he is now a fitness junkie, he might be ideal for you , as he will have knowledge you can apply, and be a workout partner to make working out more enjoyable.0 -
I really like that you are making your weight loss journey about YOU and not about HIM. I can be snarkey and if my hubby had said that to me when I was 70 lbs heavier I would have told him I'm not attracted to HIM at any weight. Life is too short to be ridiculed and humiliated by someone who is suppose to be your support system. Best wishes to you on your continued success and I'm thinking it's 250 lbs you need to get rid of, too.0
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I wouldn't fully say that he's trying to hurt you, as much as men (no matter how long you have known them) can have sudden changes in how they feel about themselves just like we do. He may be feeling a lot of distaste for how he looked and might still be unhappy about how he looks now. He may be re-evaluating his choices and I hope that before he makes the biggest mistakes with you that he realizes what he could lose. A wonderful wife and mother to his children.
But that aside I am so glad that your doing this for yourself, there is no better motivation than to do this for you! You can do it!
And you will certainly make him eat his words 1 -
I have about 70lbs I would like to lose, you are more than welcome to add me. Support is key when it comes to this, it's terrible that you are not getting it at home.0
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ill be your friend, i feel you on the needing support, my husband also informed me before i lost some weight that I wasnt very attractive, he also drops hints at me now like I need to work on my butt or legs, yadda yadda, so feel free to add me. I am 25, have 3 somes 6, 4, and 30
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Men...
Yup, all of us are like this...............0 -
Do it for yourself...if he loses you...it will be HIS loss. A real man would love you no matter what!0
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Feel free to add me!
Have you talked to him about how hurtful he's being? Maybe you could seek marriage counseling?0 -
wow....sounds like he needs a good swift kick in the backside....if he's trying to be motivating he's definitely going about it the wrong way....don't let his negativity bring you down...you're a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated much better than that....add me if you like and i'll be glad to help any way i can....0
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I am also so sorry you have to go through this. Weight gain is tough in its self and then to have someone side by side with you being negative about it......is even harder. Please add me as a friend as well. I love the encoragement and love to encorage. Please think about yourself and your kids, no need to think about someone who is negative. Good luck sista!0
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Hi there,
I am so sorry about your troubles at home. I could not imagine hearing those things from someone who is supposed to love me. I am happy that it has not destroyed your strength to become who you want to be. Good luck on your travels and by continuing without your spouses support you are showing us all how strong we can be.0 -
move in with me! you need out of negative environments especially when losing weight! You can do it and he is going to be sorry he ever treated you poorly.0
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Divorce.0
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Hi! I also just joined. I have battled weight my whole life, but was able to lose 75 pounds years ago and then met my husband. I was able to keep it off, but it was a struggle. Then I discovered speed walking and worked up to 5 miles an hour every day. Great success! Then had a car accident which nearly took my life and left me with badly damaged ankles. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, during the past few years I have regained 20 pounds and just recently, my husband has started making subtle, but hurtful comments. OK so I need to figure out how to exercise & get this weight off. FOR ME! My self esteem has really suffered. I hear you and would love to partner with you if you'd like. Hang in there! Julie0
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Ditch the weight and the excess baggage (husband)....good luck and we will be here to support you! Feel free to add me.0
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Feel free to add me! I saw your picture and I think you're gorgeous! I watched my parents have this relationship my entire childhood. My father was always into fitness and my mom was naturally skinny. But after three kids, she got a little out of shape. He was always pressuring her and telling her how much better she could look. I saw the damage that did over the years... and all I can say is, do it for you (and it sounds like you are) and you'll have my support for sure!
This is pretty common when one person goes through a transformation and another isn't there yet. I am sad that your husband isn't helping you with your journey. Some people just are never satisfied!1 -
Oh, what a familiar story (although I was not blessed with children during my fertility struggles and am now divorced from the cheating sod). You can add me if you like.1
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I am sorry your husband is not more supportive. I promise there are men out here who can see the whole woman. I would be proud to support you and count you among my supporters. Friend request sent.
Paul0 -
Hello All!
I am new to this community and am LOVING all of the wonderful tools that are available here--including the wealth of support, encouragement and motivation from fellow members. I am 47 years old, have about 50 pounds to lose, although some might say I have 250 pounds to lose, if you include my spouse! We have been married for 16 years, have two beautiful daughters (ages 10 and 12), but my husband is in the middle of a mid-life crisis! He turns 52 this year and has lost weight, started working out incessantly and has told me he is not attracted to me because of my weight gain over the years. I put on weight, due to fertility struggles, two pregnancies and an auto-immune disease which requires me to eat gluten free (once I started going gf, I put on 25 pounds!). I am not on this journey to save my marriage. Rather, I am doing this for myself. However, while living with someone so toxic and negative, it would be nice to have some support from someone--even if it's strangers on a message board. I know I will lose the weight, and I know I will be one hot 48-year-old (birthday is in March).....what I don't know is how I'll feel about someone so shallow who was ready to kick me to the curb because of some extra pounds! Would love some friends for this journey!
im really sorry your on this journey seemingly alone but you can gain some of the best friends on this site, i know i have and you keep that postive attitude and dont let the bad days get you down if you hit a binge day dont sweat it just hit harder the next day you can do this0 -
my husband was doing this for several years too. then he realized that I could not be treated like that if he were truly a Christian man. and I told him so. I told him straight out that verbal abuse and putting me down was making it worse. I told him I needed him to be a 'cheerleader". adn guess what. I have not lost alot, but I am on a great exercize track and he tells me I'm gorgious and sees how his positiveness is making me get healthy.
tell him it's time for him to become a coach/partner and go to the gym with him. together you have to find a sitter for hte kids etc... together you can do this.0 -
Girl, set your goal.. achieve your goal. Then dump that men like a bad eating habit.... Ok, that might be too mean.. but, love yourself and start the adventure to a new you...everyone needs a support system..you can find it here.0
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Mightydomo and NGuk are saying some sensible stuff. I always feel that men's approach to dialogue is received by women the way a battle ship receives a kamikaze airplane into its hull - its all of a sudden and has a huge, hurtful impact. I think Nguk is right in that the feelings have probably been there for a while and I reckon that doesn't change even a smidge of how hurtful it would be to hear that said to you. I do agree with Mightydomo that there is more than a bit of self-loathing involved in his comments - if he has been overweight then he is probably pushing some of what he feels about himself, and your situation over all (with extremely stressful health situations) on to you.
It is honest to tell you that - but it is also painful to hear it. Sometimes these things are good for waking us up. ****ty, painful but good.
Good luck with your journey - hope it leads to health in all aspects of your life.0
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