Husband not attracted to me...need support!

Although I can't relate directly, I know that my parents struggle with this situation as well, as my mother is quite overweight. I guess that the advice I would give you would be first, make sure that you talk to your husband and explain that you feel hurt by his commentary. It will be a hard conversation, but it is probably good for both of you to be honest about how each other is feeling.

Second, I know that a lot of women here are going to comment and say that he should love you at any weight, but I would argue that a relationship stems from many things, including aesthetic attraction. It may hurt, but at least he was honest and didn't keep it simmering in his mind for longer, which could have created more problems. On the the other hand, if he is hitting his "mid life crisis" and has started making exercise/nutrition a priority, he needs to realize that HE has changed too, so flexibility is going to be required for the both of you.

Third, I know (I have PCOS, and I'm not even overweight and my dad is gluten intolerant) that certain health issues can contribute to weight gain, but you still have a choice about what goes into your mouth, so I think that some personal responsibility is needed. If you want to lose weight and live a sustainably healthy lifestyle with your husband, you are going to need to support each other and make small, gradual, and healthy changes. Together, you guys can hash out a plan!

Finally, I think that you said your goal is 50 lbs? I hope that that is not by March! Set your plan to no more than a 1 lb loss per week, because otherwise you might be setting your sights too far.

I wish you the greatest luck on your health endeavor and your relationship!

So sorry that you have to go through this!

I just kicked mine to the curb for the same reason after five years! He did not find me attractive.... I was almost 30lbs lighter when I met him. We have BOTH gained weight. We were not married though and did not live together.

He is turning 40 and decided he wanted kids and a family. I am 44 and already had kids from a previous relationship. So I set him free with his high cholesterol, bad eating habits and couch potato attitude.

I have always been active. I dance, I go to the gym and I am sure my weight gain in the last four years is due a lot to age. I just have to eat less than I did and work harder at the gym to get it off.

You are on the right track by doing this for yourself. Try and find a real buddy near your house to do fitness with and share recipes. That will also help.you and you can have someone else to keep accountable with. It will motivate you immensely. Find activities that make you happy. It doesn't have to be the gym. I do a lot of walking with my dog, dance around the house or go to Zumba. Make your life colorful in your own way. Stay positive. That is your best defence against his toxic behavior.

You might also want to remind him that his support on your new lifestyle would be appreciated. You did marry for better or worse.

You can friend me anytime.

Kim

As someone who is in the same position as your husband and about the same age, I know what he is thinking..
1 He thinks that he is killing himself to look good and be healthy and would like a partner like that.
2. You were probably thin when he married you and wants that person back.
3. He thinks if I can do it, why cant she do it.
4. If she really cared about our relationship, she would try everything she could to preserve it.
5. One person that is in shape and the other that is not is very hard to deal with..

Honesty will help the marraige, instead of harboring resentment.

I agree with the 2 guys, mamenta and nguk123, depends on his delivery. Nice that he talked to you and was honest. Maybe he misses the old you.
It may hurt, but maybe thats the motivation you need, to save your marriage. Would you date you?
Unless of course he was a real jerk about it.
Women tend to overthink everything, so that why I think mamenta and nguk123 got it.

That has brought tears to my eyes. Iwent through an abusive relationship and ended up leaving him. Unfortunately he will always be in my life because of the kids. Please feel free to add me as I know you will lose the weight. I myself am on a gluten free diet which is very hard when you can't get the whole grains and fibre that most get from a regular diet.

He sounds like a shallow loser that is letting his new physique go to his head! Just because he enjoys working out doesn't mean he can point fingers at his own wife! If he was a nice person I'd say he should ask you to join him, but I know that would probably be a miserable workout for you because of how toxic he is!

I wish you the best of luck- you're right on the money about doing this for YOU! Treat yourself right, get that bod you want, and heck- even kick the old man to the curb!! I think you're at a crucial moment to set a great example for your girls of how you should act when men say they don't like your body/how you look.

Feel free to add me if you want another cheerleader on your side. We all need them!

I am relatively new to this as well. I logged on today for the first time in months! I have been in a similar situation with an ex-husband and It is very shattering to your self-esteem. I am not with anyone right now, but it is mostly because the idea of letting someone touch me scares me because of my weight issues! I like that you are on this journey for yourself and not for anyone else. I am 40 years old and have two kids (ages 16 and 4) and am very busy working more than one job (which are surrounded by constant food!). I have about 35 pounds to lose, so maybe we can support each other since we are both just starting?

I'm doing Body By Vi and also going to try to do some workouts at home. I have the 30 day shred and the Hip Hop Abs series.

What do you think :happy: ?

Thanks,
Amber

What a shame! Having support from an online community like MFP is great, but, it's certainly not the same as having close friends and family behind you. My wife and I have been married for 28 years and have always been there for each other.

We both quit smoking on 4/2/12 and even managed to be civil to each other, lol. Now she is on a quest to, as she puts it, lose some "tonnage" and I am pursuing that elusive flat stomach. The important thing is that we are both getting healthier and supporting each other through that process.

Good luck with your journey!

my husband was doing this for several years too. then he realized that I could not be treated like that if he were truly a Christian man. and I told him so. I told him straight out that verbal abuse and putting me down was making it worse. I told him I needed him to be a 'cheerleader". adn guess what. I have not lost alot, but I am on a great exercize track and he tells me I'm gorgious and sees how his positiveness is making me get healthy.

tell him it's time for him to become a coach/partner and go to the gym with him. together you have to find a sitter for hte kids etc... together you can do this.

Im very happy to read this! If you havent already try this or seek some counseling together. Though its harsh to hear that he isnt attracted to you anymore, it is an honest thought. And its hard to tell from one post if he really is an absoulte jerk and you should ditch him or if hes just voicing and opinion and you needed to vent about it. IN any case I hope you find support here and can make a good change for yourself!

As someone who is in the same position as your husband and about the same age, I know what he is thinking..
1 He thinks that he is killing himself to look good and be healthy and would like a partner like that.
2. You were probably thin when he married you and wants that person back.
3. He thinks if I can do it, why cant she do it.
4. If she really cared about our relationship, she would try everything she could to preserve it.
5. One person in shape and the other is not is very hard to deal with..

That is the struggle

so what you are saying is you are divorced now?

i'm so sorry you are having to go thru that lack of support. i know there are some great people on this site and we can help you on your journey. so feel free to add me as a friend if you would like. hopefully all men will not be lumped into this group, but reading some of the comments......oh well, we all have issues and everyone needs a little help once in a while! good luck!

you are gorgeous regardless of weight!
You have had kids, that changes our bodies.
I am sorry you are not getting his support.

Please add me if you would like supportive friends. I will help you along the way

I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you meet your goals. It's great that you are doing this weight loss for yourself. You will be an inspiration to your kids! My mom always gets on me about my weight and makes me feel terrible but I have support from my brother,sisters, and my MFP friends. Good luck on your weightloss journey. I'm here if you need words of encouragement

Please feel free to add me if you would like. You are a beautiful person and I wish you the best. You can do anything you set your mind to if you stay postive. We are all here for you!