Husband not attracted to me...need support!
Replies
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I agree.The way I'm reading this is that it came as a shock to you, that all of a sudden your weight is an issue to him. This seems unlikely, its more likely that its been bothering him a long time but he's been afraid to voice it. It probably was hard for him to be honest about how the attraction has faded. Unless, he is a complete jerk and delivered this in a cruel fashion, isnt it possible he's just telling you what his issues are ?
And if he is now a fitness junkie, he might be ideal for you , as he will have knowledge you can apply, and be a workout partner to make working out more enjoyable.0 -
Attraction and love are two different things. You can love your spouse and not be attracted to them, though usually that's not how it works.
^^^This! If they love you they love you no matter what you look like. It's cliche' but it's true.Do it for yourself...if he loses you...it will be HIS loss. A real man would love you no matter what!0 -
Boy, men really don't get it do they. It's much easier for a man to lose weight than a woman. I am sorry to hear you are not getting the support you need. Please feel free to add me, I am starting my journey again to try to lose weight. I suffer from Lupus and RA and I would definitely benefit health wise from losing weight and my self esteem would improve. I turn 40 in December and I would like to have lost at least 40 (need to lose more like 80) by my December Bday.0
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l'm the same age as your husband and have done the whole middle-age weight loss thing--minus the negativity. Sorry he isn't approaching things in a more positive and encouraging manner. Welcome to mfp, you will do quite well here.0
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NOW is your time to shine!!! With or Without him you do it and you make YOU happy :flowerforyou:0
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Yikess. Describing someone toxic and negative is pretty harsh, especially describing a husband
. But if anything you could actually become a hero to someone here or to even your kids if you are not already! I am already fired up for my first dieting plan and reading your story inspires me even more. I wish nothing but the best for you and hope you reach your goals. Getting fit is not about what other people think of you. It's more of a battle within you and see how far you can take yourself regardless of the setbacks. I have full confidence in you that you will achieve your goals and look great!!! 
Work hard and eat clean! Good luck! 0 -
this is why i'll never be married! Thx for reminding me!0
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I can honestly say I’m sorry to read about your situation. It's clear that your husband is a bit extreme. He clearly wants to be a self-centered person, so there for all you have to do it rise above it. If he has been providing nothing but negativity, fight against it. It’s no longer about him and his insecurities; it’s now about you and your daughters. If he was truly supportive of you and your daughters then he wouldn't be such the person he has become. If he isn't willing to work on your marriage, then he needs to work on finding another place to reside, cause you and your girls do not need this toxic man in your lives.
Focus on what makes you happy – getting yourself healthy.
Be your own kind of beautiful :happy:
Your more than welcome to add me0 -
Feel free to add me. I have been there! He has been my X-husband for 9 years.0
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I think it is his issue and it might not matter if you were under weight, but you are more then welcomed to put me on your friends list. I am new to this and have allot to shed. We can be supportive of one another. I do have to say though. You need to lose the weight for yourself, not for him.0
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I am 64 year old man who is well overweight and my wife is also. We are both doing something about it. I want to lose weight but I also want my wife to lose weight because I am selfish..........I love her, I want to grow older with her, see our grand kids graduate from school. I went through what your husband is going through now, I lost 100lbs, I had the world by the tail but after a while It meant nothing, I couldn't share it with anyone. I knew I had made a mistake. I was lucky. I realized in time. I see your picture on your post and I see a lovely woman. I only hope your husband realizes it too, sooner than "to later". Good luck in your weight lose
and as the younger generation women once said "you go girl".0 -
I'm sorry that you have to go through something like that. I will definitely be praying for you to have continued strength and encouragement!0
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A couple things:
(1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
(2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
(3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
(a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
(b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.
So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!0 -
You sound like you found acceptance that your hubby is a nimwit. Way to focus on yourself. With your confidence you will be just fine. Again focus on yourself and being the best mother you can be.0
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So sad to read your post...you have definitly come to the right place. Please feel free to add me for support. All the best with your weight loss journey. x0
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^^^^^ That is proof that not all men are a**hats.A couple things:
(1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
(2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
(3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
(a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
(b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.
So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!0 -
Add me i will support you in everyway i can......:flowerforyou:0
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Hi Julie, wow it seems like you are such a strong woman! Remember, u went through two pregnancies, a gf diagnosis, fertility treatments, etc....if you can survive that I know you can deal with your husbands negativity. My mother went through the same thing this year whether my father was not attracted to her and wanted to leave her. While she did lose weight to save her marriage, she lost 40 pounds the healthy way. I'm so proud of her for becoming healthy (still not speaking to my father) and I know your girls will be too! Make sure you talk to a nutritionist tho- I'm sure since u have a gluten allergy ur insurance must cover it Good luck and feel free to add me!! 0
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You can do this! And for yourself! And to prove to yourself that you can acheive anything if you set your mind to it. I do believe (generally speaking) that it is harder for women in a marriage with kids to commit to a fitness lifestyle (i.e. take care of themselves) because we are so busy taking care of everyone else. I'm going to send you a friend request, because we are the same age and moms, etc.0
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A couple things:
(1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
(2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
(3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
(a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
(b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.
So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!
And you, sir, are a diamond in the rough and are absolutely amazing. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. And congratulations on your current engagement - she is a lucky woman.0 -
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel because even though my husband doesnt come right out and say it, I dont think he is attracted to me as he used to be. I had lost 30 pounds awhile back and kept it off for about 4 years and then slowly added it back on and am now trying to get back on track. I just joined about a week ago so I am new to this too. I am having a hard time with the committment again of working out. We can help each other along the way. It seems that everyone on here is very supportive. Good Luck on your journey and dont worry about your husband. I believe he is just having some issues of his own and is taking them out on you. Just be the best you can be for yourself.0
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Wow I can't believe your hubby said those things to you just because of your weight. As if just because he had lost some weight, he now thinks he's got a license to insult anybody who isn't in shape. Pretty arrogant in my book. We can always lose the weight but an ugly personality is harder to come off. Anyway I commend you for being strong and I'm sorry that you have to go thru this.
Feel free to add me :flowerforyou:
Couldn't have said it betterA couple things:
(1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget0 -
Hats off to you Sir for being a wonderful man & husband. I agree, your fiancee is one lucky woman.A couple things:
(1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
(2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
(3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
(a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
(b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.
So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!0 -
Looking at the glass half full... It's good that your husband told you how he felt instead of just running out and having an affair. Maybe he is working hard on his weight to look good for you and wants you to do the same? Any chance he will want to help you with your goals? Maybe you can make working out together and preparing healthy meals something that brings you closer together?0
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I have celiacs disease I totally get the weight gain from gluten free. If you need any support I am also here! 0
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So sorry for what you are going through. I have about 100 pounds to lose and have felt I attractive (even though my hubby swears that is not the case). Feel free to add me for additional support!0
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You are worth so much more than a number on a scale. I do think it is good that your husband can tell you that. But is he telling you in a loving and productive way? Does he encourage and motivate you? Is he respectful and supportive?
You should really evaluate these things. Because while honesty is a good thing, just be sure he is being "honest" out of love, etc. and recognizing your worth as a wife and a human being and the mother to his children.
Can you work out together? Is he willing to help you in this area?
Good luck! Andee0 -
I'm so sorry he hurt you. I've gained weight since the start of my relationship and wouldn't blame my bf for feeling the same way. After all, I don't find my pudge and stretch marks attractive either. However, he could have come off as more caring and less of a knob. He is your partner and needs to support you. He should be more understanding of your health issues and why you are heavy, and you should try to be more understanding of his position. I'm sure what he said didn't come from a place of cruelty and wanting to hurt you, and if it did, feel free to punch him for me, lol, but rather plain, simple honesty.0
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I was in the exact same boat as you are... I am now divorced. Living with someone so negative and shallow was slowly killing me, and it wasn't worth it.
I hope your husband wises up and realizes what an idiot he is being.0 -
Feel free to add me, too. Sorry for your problems but keep the goal im mind. With healthy eating habits you can maintain for the rest of your life and some exercise you will be slim and fit, regardless of wether you keep the 200 lb. DEADWEIGHT (husband) around or not. I'm 49 and lost 60 lbs in about 15 month. If I can do it then you can, too.
Good luck, you have taken the first step in the right direction.0
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