What triggered your journey?

Even my "fat" clothes were tight! I was only breathing and not really living.


Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods

i put on a lot of weight after my kids and when i get photos tooking of me i hate how big i am plus am gettin married in 27 weeks and i dont want to be a big bride

i decided that this is the year I take care of myself. I lost my husband of 44 years in October 2011. I have been on a rollercoaster ever since that. I need to start taking care of my self so I can see mu 4 lovely granddaughters (11,7,3,and 1) grow up. They have missed out on their grandfather (especially the last two) and I want to be here for them. So this is going to be the year that i take back my life .

I'm fed up of having the same old demons and head conversations, telling myself ill lose the weight for this or that occasion,
Summer season, Xmas season, constantly moving the goal posts, kidding myself and then feeling like a complete failure.
I've been on the same merry go round, wanting to lose weight for the past two years. My self esteem was at its highest when I
Was lighter and slimmer and I want to feel that confident and happy again. I know it takes more than being slim to equate to
Happiness and contentment, but it goes a long way to contribute to these feelings, if you feel good about yourself to start with.
I've done day one of the 30 day shred DVD today, love the reviews, it's made me feel really positive and I'm teaming this with
A 1200 cal intake and cut the Booze!!! I'm looking forward to being able to enjoy clothes shopping again . Here's to summer
And not hiding under baggy T shirts !

My journey began when I looked in the mirror and realized that I was ashamed of myself. I haven't taken a "normal" photo (aside from the occasional obligatory preggo pic) since 2008. I am an Army veteran and went through basic training in 2003. Went in weighing 137, came out at 120. I crept back up to 130, but kept it there for a few months until I had an accident that nearly killed me. I was placed on what we call a "dead man's profile" - no running, no lifting, nothing. I had three damaged discs that need to be repaired and after surgery, I was never the same. I couldn't run as fast, everything hurt, I couldn't lift as much.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to 2007, I was placed on the Army Weight Control Program for the first time. I had skated by for years, but not exercising, eating crap food, and just having excuses, finally caught up with me. I deployed to Iraq in March 2007 and began my first journey to weight loss. I had amazing leaders in Iraq that helped me get back into shape and by August 2007, I was 35 pounds lighter, down to 140 lbs. I was back to running, I was lifting with my male buddies who motivated me to get back into shape, and I felt and looked great. Came back to the states in 2008, got married, and then got pregnant in January 2009. That's where it all went downhill. I was 201 when I delivered my daughter and after breastfeeding and all that, I was down to 170. But the toll of my pregnancy and the weight gain killed my back and I "couldn't" run. I skated by, managing to somehow pass height-weight and the APFT. Looking back at it, I was just scared to run again. (Running and I have a love-hate relationship. I love it when I'm good at it, hate it when I'm bad at it.)

In 2011, after my husband returned from Iraq, I got pregnant in March. But I came down with viral mono and was hospitalized for a week. The docs once again put me on a dead man's for a month. As a result from the mono, I miscarried early May. And that killed me. Emotional eating, lack of exercise - I ballooned to 190. I got pregnant again in July of 2011 and then made the decision to take the pregnancy chapter and voluntarily separate from the military. I managed to eat somewhat healthy during my pregnancy, but once I gave birth, I no longer had any kind of accountability. So I let myself go. And here I am at 215 pounds.

I decided that I needed to something about this. Clothes that I have no longer fit and I refuse to buy new clothes, so something's gotta give. I also have my ten-year reunion this year, and my best friend is getting married in Hawaii. Once I get going, I tend to lose weight fast, but I want to change everything - my eating habits and exercise habits. So here we go.

My sweet, well meaning 5 year old came up to me and rubbed my belly and said "aww baby"....my tubes have been tied for 2 years.

Good question. Does it start with feeling too fat (105lb, 5"2) for my high school boyfriend and falling *kitten*-first into an eating disorder? Or does it start five years later, when I look in the mirror, wipe the ice cream vomit crust off my cheek and realize I'm killing myself? Five years of malnutrition and self-loathing, all in the name of some grand self-improvement, and look what it's earned me. My teeth are yellow and crooked, my bones creak, my jaw sticks, my skin is stretch-marked and there's hardly aa few inches of me that aren't covered in scars. This isn't self-improvement. This is fukcin suicide.

I think what really pushed me over was when I realized I wanted to help people with eating disorders recover, especially young children. Those cases have always hit me the hardest. But how can I possibly help people if I haven't overcome what I hope to treat? It's the kid I used to be that keeps me going, and the kids I want to save, and the kids I might want to raise someday. That keeps me pushing myself to new heights. I'm gonna get my degree in nutrition, become an R.D., and start making the difference I wish my "professional" treatment team had made in me years ago, and I will do it without an ounce of hypcrisy.

Sounds similar to how my weight came up. Have been struggling since I wasa child as well. The best of luck to you on your quest.

Last week I landed in the hospital for a ruptured disc in my back.... went to the spinal surgeon on thursday.... he told me i was to fat to do the surgery and that I was to pretend i had bariatric surgery and starve myself. when i was skinny come back and he would fix my back. so i said, enough is enough, im going to lose this weight and be the happy ball of fire fun mommy that i used to be... and i think by losing the weight it will help my back and i wont have to have the surgery after all!
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

ps-- im blogging about my journey... it gives more of a background on why i am doing this.. its at www.softmommy.blogspot.com

Mine was being told by a girl "I don't date fat guys", that crushed me started to lose a few pounds after that but meeting a new girl has made me really want to lose the weight and get in shape.