My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

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Replies

  • I wouldnt suggest not eating to detox. Try taking a shot of apple vinegar everyday (my friend does it before every meal but thats crazy).

    As far as your husband, you said he can have any young women BUT HE HAS YOU. Even though you know he can have someone else, so can you... BUT YOUR MARRIED, TO DEATH DO YOU PART. Yes, the things he said are hurtful and cant be taken back but you can move on. When everything is settled down talk to him... COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY

    Loose weight because your not happy about yourself not because of someone else. I did that and lost a lot of weight but gained it all back and some once he was happy, now im doing this for me.

    AT THE END OF THE DAY ALL IS WELL BOO AND THIS TO SHALL PASS :smile:
  • UKMarjie
    UKMarjie Posts: 257 Member

    Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:

    He can't get any woman he wants - especially if he speaks to them that way.

    Oh honey, this really sucks.

    I hope by now you have eaten something. Starvation and fasting are not a long term solution. And when you do eat you will not be in control.

    I hope you have told him what he said - while it was during a fight - was not ok and that it should never ever be repeated.

    Good luck on your journey.
  • _gwen
    _gwen Posts: 501 Member
    I wonder what got his goat yesterday. Does he really believe that saying something mean is motivating? I consider this 'kick the dog' syndrome. Someone has a bad day and responds by attacking someone close to them, like kicking the dog, or calling you names.

    What is coming out of his mouth is about him, not about you.

    I don't want to dismiss your hurt feelings, but what if you responded as if he gave you a compliment? Might make him realize what actually came out of his mouth, and even ease the tension. Plus you end up visualizing what you'd really like, positive encouragement.
  • theedge56
    theedge56 Posts: 64 Member
    A person wiser than me once said "Whan someone shows you who they are, believe them."
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    A person wiser than me once said "Whan someone shows you who they are, believe them."
    hmm..never heard this, makes so much sense!!
  • After only four months ? Dump his butt, that treatment should never happen and certainly not after four months !! So sorry.
  • Dargealing
    Dargealing Posts: 58 Member
    love and marriage is not aout weight and what you are on theoutside. Yes, it can affect you but if he loves you it is becasue of who you are on the inside. I have sturggled with my weight all my life and am now doing this weight loss for me. If you make the choice to lose weight, DON'T DO IT FOR ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF, and the rest will follow. Once you do, you will like what you see on the outside and should boost your confidence you will have aobut yourself on the inside. I agree with the other posts, get help for yourself. Do the weight loss for yourself, and he needs to show you respect. I would not put up with that kind of thing, but starving is not the way to go. You have children from a previous relationship and if he is saying those things and your children are hearing it, what is that teaching them?Nothing good comes to mind. We will all be here to support you. go in and change your profile. Some on here are confused as they missed the post when ou said you were recently posted that you have been married for 4 monthes.
    there has to be consecuences for his words and actions towards you. Not a good sign at only 4 moths, but This needs to be dealt with before it becomes a regualr feature in your marriage.There had to be a reson he wa attracted to you and married you. . that is just my take on it. Friend me if you want some support. I am happy to do that.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:

    Thank you guys for listening.

    He is well out of order saying such a mean and unwarranted thing! But people say stupid and mean things in the heat of the moment.

    When you have both had some time to calm down, make sure you tell him just how him saying that makes you feel, how you will be wary about being intimate with him because of such a statement and after he has apologized profusely perhaps make an agreement that sort of plain mean comment is to be off limits in future.

    When my husband and I argue, if it ever descends into name calling one of us will usually call time out by saying ''Too mean'' before we go our separate ways for a while to cool off.
  • Dontneed60
    Dontneed60 Posts: 18 Member
    HUSBANDS WHO ARE NOT SURE OF THEM SELFS DO THAT THEY USE THE THING THAT MOST HURT YOU AND USE IT TO HURT YOU,, HE KHOWS YOUR HOT AND HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO LOSE WEIGHT AND HE THINKS BY HIM TELLING YOU THING LIKE THIS YOU WILL EAT AND EAT AND YOU WILL NOT LOSE WEIGHT,,SHOW HIM AND MAKE HIM EAT HIS WORDS LOSE THAT WEIGHT GIRL,,, AND YOUL SEE YOU WILL BE THE ONE LOOKING 28 AND HIM 36, DETOX YOUR BODY EAT RIGHT AND DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO BUT HEALTHY! AND WHEN HE TELLS YOU THING LIKE THAT ACT LIKE YOU DONT CARE ,,,, AND USE IT AS MOTIVATION TO LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!!!
  • CatAriSal
    CatAriSal Posts: 18 Member
    You should really sit down and think about the fact that he said something so entirely disrespectful to you. Will this become a common occurrence? If so, will you do something about this? Talk to your husband about this behavior and make sure that he knows that it is in no way acceptable. You two are adults and adults do not speak to each other like that, especially if they love and respect each other. Personally, I would have punched my husband if he ever treated me like that. If he doesn't respect me enough to not say such things, I don't have enough respect to not wreck his pretty face.

    Adults don't usually have to resort to violence either, but I make my own rules as I go.
  • I added you to my friend :)
  • shaunap3
    shaunap3 Posts: 206 Member
    First off, you go girl for snagging a younger man. That has to say something about your right there. ;) Unfortunately he's not Mr. Perfect. When things that hurtful are said they are going to take time to work themselves out. Make sure you voice how hurt you are so he knows exactly what's going on. Use this as your motivation to better yourself. For you AND for your relationship, but YOU come first. I can't agree with fasting, because it kills your metabolism and I typically end up eating MORE the day or two after. But going on a cleans of sorts, with lots of fruits, veggies, and water will do wonders for your body.
    I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.

    I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?

    Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:

    Thank you guys for listening.
  • BecomingElle
    BecomingElle Posts: 112 Member
    He called you fat?

    Call him single.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
    I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.

    Seriously? Do you have a Medical Degree from Google University or what? that is such utter tripe...you do not lose a pound of fat...sheez. how gullable.

    Hahahhahahaha, brilliant!
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!
  • Jonnad24
    Jonnad24 Posts: 9 Member
    All I can do is wish you luck because I have an idea of where you are emotionally and you have to make the best decision for you and for your girls because they see you hurt. You deserve to be treated with respect. Good luck and be strong.
  • faireplay
    faireplay Posts: 126
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

    I have to disagree here(married 30+ years here). He aaid what he did to wound her. There lies rhe issue, not whether she is indeed indeed fat. Calling someone names in anger is not constructive. It is childish and hateful.
  • I am seriously going to have to take a couple hours and read through some of these, I never expected this much attention but in a way I feel guilty, "poor me syndrome" in a way I feel good "I DO have support".

    I have gotten 30 messages and over 45 friend requests. I just want to say thanks.:love:
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

    Seriously??

    WHy stick up for him? What he did was wrong. It was hurtful. THere is no excuse for a husband to speak to his wife like that. I have no idea what kind of marriage you had but I would never let my husband say anything like that to me and I wouldn't say anything like that to him.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

    Sorry, but what utter tosh.

    There is a world of difference between tough love and name calling. Tough love doesn't mean sugar coating it, but it doesn't mean name calling either. Tough love would be "You are carrying more weight than is healthy, you need to address that." I know, I've said it to my spouse, and I expect her to say the same to me if I fall back off the wagon in future. If someone calls you a name, they are angry and looking to hurt you. Any crap about not being able to properly express themselves is just after the fact rationalization and trying to squirm out of trouble.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Let me get my popcorn...
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!
  • Bebekat
    Bebekat Posts: 2 Member
    You need to tell him that his behavior "saying ugly things" is not something you are going to accept. Tell him that you love him but there are certain things that you will not tolerate. Stop it now before things get worse and he thinks that his behavior is "no big deal". See if you can workout together....find a positive out of this ....maybe he will workout with you.
  • My suggestion is to take this as an opportunity to stick up for yourself. reinforce your boundaries and tell him calling names is not acceptible. You are in your process to lose weight , or not and if he doesnt like it, or hates himself enough to verbally abuse other people, then there is the door.
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 614 Member
    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

    LOL- this can not be a serious post. He is being abusive ! She does not need to toughen up he needs to stop being an @$$hole
  • Sorie44
    Sorie44 Posts: 19 Member
    Wait until you can talk calmly to him and you are alone (no kids around). Tell him that what he said to you was very hurtful. That you are aware that you have gained some weight and you are working on this.

    Tell him that you are not going to tolerate him calling you names, and you are going to hold yourself to the same standard and refrain from calling him names. (you both need to fight fair)

    That what you need is his support and unconditional love.

    I have been married 20 years. It is not always easy, but you have to have respect.
  • I think you would want to be in an honest relationship. though he expressed it in anger, he is clearly telling you that he does not like the fact that you have let yourself go. Try to understand that to him, he may feel that you do not value him or you take him for granted because you keep gaining weight and don't care if you look desirable to him. I would tell him that the things he said hurt you but would ask him to be honest up front in the future. I think you need to consider his feelings
  • 4 months into marriage and he's calling you names? WTF?

    I'd suggest marriage counseling. And he needs to be informed that he is NEVER allowed to name call again. And neither are you, by the way.

    And maybe some personal counseling for you to help your sense of self-worth. My first response would not be to starve myself for 24 hours or worry about the young girls he could get.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night."

    THIS PROBLEM IS NOT ABOUT YOU. YOU CANNOT FIX THIS PROBLEM BY LOSING WEIGHT.

    This problem is about your husband, who feels like he doesn't have to show you love or respect. This problem is about your husband who verbally attacks you and says things in the most hurtful manner, and acts as if he has the right to do so because your appearance has changed.

    You deserve respect (at any size). You deserve to be treated with love (even if you've changed your appearance). You deserve to have your partner argue in a manner that is fair (not ambushing the arugment with hurtful personal comments).

    The problem isn't what do you eat or how to do you lose weight to prove him wrong-- he was wrong to begin with. The problem is -- if you speak to him about how unfair his comments were , how hurtful they were, and how belittling they were -- will he see that, will he realize that? Disagreements happen -- and tempers flare, however, if he can't argue his position without attacking you, if he can't disagree without belittling you and trying to destroy your self-confidence and make you feel like you are less, well that is a problem that has nothing to do with what you weigh, or what you look like or how much you exercise.

    Ask yourself -- "At what weight do I earn the right to receive respect?"
  • slboling
    slboling Posts: 117 Member
    Making someone feel inferior is never acceptable. My advice is to show him just how strong a person you are. We believe in you!!!
  • Angie_Fritts
    Angie_Fritts Posts: 263 Member
    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.

    This^^^