I don't want a big wedding...how do I stop this???

Just break up.

There's no "best" way to handle it. Would you rather a mother-in-law who will be potentially upset, for a short amount of time, or do things her way and regret it for who knows how long??

Plan what you want, stick with it. And Enjoy!! You're starting another chapter in your life! Congrats on the engagement!

When I get married...it will either be in a court house or a VERY small ceremony. I'd rather spend that money on the HONEYMOON!!!! Screw everyone else, this day is for you and your man.

It's *your* wedding, and hopefully your only one...so do it the way YOU want.

^This.
But maybe i'm just agreeing because of her profile pic.

Talk to your fiance.

He can then talk to your future MIL.

Job done.

This. Have the wedding you want. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting a traditional, big wedding. Our wedding was small and it was perfect. We wanted an intimate ceremony and reception, surrounded by the people that we are closest to, and love the most.....not people we barely knew! Congrats on your engagement.

Do you need to get married at "that church" that has all the rules and regulations? Or is it that she just wants the union to be blessed by a minister? Maybe a small chapel? Talk to her and find out what she really wants. I’m not saying that her "wishes" are more important than yours, but she is family now and it is good to start without any problems. I've attended many wedding that were just the ceremony for friends and distant family members, but that stipulated in the invitation that the reception was a just a private and small dinner for immediate family. There are many alternatives. Good Luck and congratulations!

I know this is our day, and ultimately need to do what makes us happy, but somehow I feel like a failure as a woman not to want all of the bells and whistles. I just don't want to spend money and time and effort on a wedding I do not want. We have our date set for November, and at this point I'll have a nervous breakdown if I do not stop this now.

Woah, woah, woah. You are hardly a failure as a woman because you don't want a big glitzy "Four Weddings" wedding. This makes me sad that this even passed your mind.

I might get flack for this (hopefully it's ROBERTA THOUGH, AMIRITE?), but if your family is pressuring you (and I know how pressure can be much more subversive when it comes to these things), I'd suggest bringing up the, "Okay, family, if you want things this way... how will you be helping us?" You mentioned not wanting to spend money on something you don't want; however, if your family wants something so much, then perhaps it should be up to them to help contribute. THIS can also cause issues, because that can snowball into the "We're paying for the wedding/big part of the wedding, so we say what goes." Being engaged and pushed and pulled different ways myself, I have yet to figure how to handle these various issues well... but I HAVE learned to control my stress much better, which sounds like where you are.

But if you and your fiance are primarily paying, do what you want. Do not feel like you have no control of your finances in this wedding. Your family, though important and often hard to speak against, cannot control your own wallet.

Ultimately, as my own "Big Fat FOB wedding" grows nearer, I know that more and more of my initial stresses have gone away because all I care about is marrying my fiance. Are the financial issues still looming? Yeah. Do I have a deranged sister still placed as maid of honor by my mother who is bulldozing much of my plans? Yes. Do I stress? Yes.

But, ultimately, even if it's a church you don't want, more people that you don't want, etc., you're still going to be marrying the love of your life, and that's going to help keep the nervous breakdown from pressure around you down. Focus on that.

And speaking of your fiance... hell yeah, if your future in laws are causing a problem, enlist his help.

What's the best way to handle this situation??

Like an adult

Don't start off letting your MIL dictate how you conduct your life. Believe me.
Dr Phil once said that each spouse handles their own family members: your husband talks to his mom.

It's important to her that we get married in a church (my fiance and I do not personally care.

Its YOUR wedding, not hers. I have a close friend who went through something VERY similar, and they gave in to every one of his mother's 'demands'. Almost 10 years later, she continues to tell them how to do everything and they're always giving in to her. I'd suggest you nip this one in the bud right now so she knows that only two of you will be making decisions in this marriage!

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck! :flowerforyou:

Let your fiance do the talking, it is his mother...he needs to handle her. Whatever you do, don't settle for less or more than what you want. Your day...own it.

You guys need to communicate. Period. If your mother in law starts running the show now, it sets a very uncomfortable precedent. She's already had her day in the sun, and now it's your turn. Include her, ask her for opinions, but don't let her railroad you. It will only set you up for it to keep happening.

The problem here is that as a functional, mature adult, you see the reception (and let's not kid, the RECEPTION is what we're talking about) as the merely the beginning to a long, wonderful marriage, and the party is ultimately irrelevant in the grand view of things... and not some huge princess-for-a-day social party to impress lots of people with and get in debt for.

Clearly YOU'RE the crazy one...

Have the wedding YOU (plural) WANT. It's *both* of "your day" - forget this "her day" bull****. If your family wants more bling, and you feel OK accepting it, they can pay for it.