Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?

Options
Seriousmom3
Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
in Motivation and Support
Ok, I just recently joined a gym. My husband was against it. To begin with it was money. That issue has since been resolved. Turns out, the trainer at the gym is also a client at the vet clinic I work at. He offered to be my trainer for FREE. He is doing this because I'm the only person that can handle his chow chow (a very mean dog). So, I've been going to the gym for 3 days, after work, and my husband is complaining that it is keeping me too late at night. Now I usually get off at 4pm, but this week we had a girl quit and I've been having to stay late. I stay at the gym for 2 hours, getting home at about 7pm. I tried to tell him this wasn't going to always be the case, but he wants me to go in the morning before work. Which would have me getting up at 4am, and still getting home late because now that I don't have to leave work to go to the gym, my boss will want me to stay at work until we get a new girl. Am I just being over insensitive? Or is my husband being unreasonable? I've asked him to come with me, but he doesn't want to, not that he needs to.
«13456

Replies

  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    Options
    Marriage is about compromise.

    You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.

    And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    Marriage is about compromise.

    You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.

    And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.

    all of this!
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    Options
    It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them.


    Yeah.....

    Still - compromise.

    How would you (and your 3 kids) feel if your husband suddenly found a hobby that kept him away from home 6 extra hours a week...espeically since those hours occur during the evening, which is typically prime family time? I doubt you'd bee too thrilled about having to do dinner, dishes, clean up, bathtime, and bedtime by yourself. Just saying.
  • mlclarke22
    mlclarke22 Posts: 551 Member
    Options
    you definitely need to find a compromise..I love working out early but so does my hubby and he leaves for work before I do so i usuallu end up coming home after work(which can be anytime from4-6) make dinner, get everyones lunches ready for tomorrow, put the baby to bed and head to the gym around 7:30 at night..usually get home around 9:30..Luckily my husband is super supportive of this and wants me to be happy. Good luck...hopefully you can work out something so you get time for the gym and have tiome for your family.
  • IowaJen1979
    IowaJen1979 Posts: 406 Member
    Options
    I feel like he should be more supportive. If you get up at 4:00am then you'll have to go to be at 9:00pm, so you would be taking time away from him anyway. Why doesn't he go to the gym with you? You could make it something you do together.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    you definitely need to find a compromise..I love working out early but so does my hubby and he leaves for work before I do so i usuallu end up coming home after work(which can be anytime from4-6) make dinner, get everyones lunches ready for tomorrow, put the baby to bed and head to the gym around 7:30 at night..usually get home around 9:30..Luckily my husband is super supportive of this and wants me to be happy. Good luck...hopefully you can work out something so you get time for the gym and have tiome for your family.


    For the time being we live with his parents as we remodel the house next door, they serve dinner at 4:30, so when I get home the kids are already fed and I usually bathe them, get them ready for bed and play with them until 9. Then we go work on the house until midnight or later.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Options
    With three small kids and you being at the gym until 7 pm, is your husband now solely responsible for getting them fed and ready for bed? Is this new for him?

    I'd say get up at 4am. You'll get used to it. Or go for an hour and an hour only. But yeah, you need to compromise.

    ETA: Never mind. I see above where you live with his parents and they do all that for you. But I'd still say compromise.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    With three small kids and you being at the gym until 7 pm, is your husband now solely responsible for getting them fed and ready for bed? Is this new for him?

    I'd say get up at 4am. You'll get used to it. Or go for an hour and an hour only. But yeah, you need to compromise.

    No, we are living with his parents for a while as we remodel the house next door. He doesn't have to do anything different except one night he had to bathe them. We have a large extended family right there and there are plenty of people who enjoy watching the kids while we work, so he isn't alone with the kids.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    Going after the kids go to bed isn't really an option because the gym is close to where I work, not where I live. Which is why we decided on this one to begin with, so I could go when I got off of work, now I have a 2 year contract with this place.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    Options
    He might not intentionally be trying to make you feel guilty but he is. I don't really have a suggestion on what to say or do to make him change...3 nights a week until 7pm is not really that much extra time. I think it's good for husbands to be responsible for the kids like this; they often take for granted all their wives do. Sounds like you would be home for bedtime anyways, so if he can make the kids dinner 3 days a week, why not! He should anyways!
  • PurpleTina
    PurpleTina Posts: 390 Member
    Options
    I wonder if he might be feeling a bit insecure? It's a big thing to suddenly be 'missing' for six hours a week and getting 'physical' without him? Just a thought. Worth a chat to try and suss out how he is really feeling about it all I would say.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.

    So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?

    Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Options
    Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

    Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.
  • MamaBearBee
    MamaBearBee Posts: 1
    Options
    It is about compromise, but it may be the fact of you having that man train you and not the point of you actually working out, that may upset your husband. Try to do it on your own if you can and have a plan B when the machines are being occupied. Once you get use to who does what on certain days, you can then change the days you workout your body so the machines are more available. I get a great workout between 60-90 mins. Good luck!
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.

    So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?

    Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.

    usually get on the elliptical or stationary bike until the machines are ready, he is slim and fit and doesn't really want to go to the gym because it is really out of his way, he spends all of his free time working on the new house. he said he may come work out with me on a non member pass once the house is done.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    It is about compromise, but it may be the fact of you having that man train you and not the point of you actually working out, that may upset your husband. Try to do it on your own if you can and have a plan B when the machines are being occupied. Once you get use to who does what on certain days, you can then change the days you workout your body so the machines are more available. I get a great workout between 60-90 mins. Good luck!


    The trainer is 64, he is like my grandpa I've know him so long. So I don't think he is worried about him. My husband did jokingly say something about waiting until some guys started hitting on me, but I told him it was all old people in that place. Literally, a bunch of old people go when I do. I don't think he could be insecure.
  • KCGettinFit2014
    KCGettinFit2014 Posts: 141
    Options
    I think he really ought to be more supportive. Its not like you are hanging out at Happy Hour after work. You are trying to get/be healthy. You are working mother that needs to have time to herself and to be able to improve herself. If he is insecure about you going to the gym and working out with your client/trainer then he really ought to go with you. Your husband may not need it, but doing activity especially with his wife, never hurts.
  • BeccaLevine
    BeccaLevine Posts: 315 Member
    Options
    If my fiance complained because I was going to the gym too much, I would be shocked. I am trying to better myself so we can live a long happy life together, if he finds that to be a problem, he is being selfish. But as someone else said...2 hours a day is alot...you could probably shorten some of your sessions :wink:
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    Options
    Thanks for all the suggestions, we will work something out...i will go in the mornings and by the time i do get home all my horny workout energy will be gone and he will be begging me to go back after work :laugh:

Categories