"Seeing" your Personal Trainer? Help!
Replies
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You are a creeper's dream. And your trainer is a creeper.
1. He's gotten in trouble for doing this before. HE's GOTTEN IN TROUBLE FOR THIS BEFORE. Do you need a neon warning sign?!
2. He won't take you out in public because he's probably married/dating/banging someone else.
3. If you think it's over, it is over.
4. He's not that into you.
5. The other women say the things they do because they don't respect you. They don't respect you because you have NO self-respect. If you respected yourself, you would have DTMF already & wouldn't be posting on an Internet forum for advice. There's a reason why you are in this position-you consented to it.
6. I guarantee within a few weeks of "breaking up", he'll be banging some other client, if he isn't already.
Seriously, why are you wasting your time on someone that has no respect for you, doesn't care about you & is causing all this drama in your life. Dump The MFer Already and join another gym. The End.0 -
You are a creeper's dream. And your trainer is a creeper.
1. He's gotten in trouble for doing this before. HE's GOTTEN IN TROUBLE FOR THIS BEFORE. Do you need a neon warning sign?!
2. He won't take you out in public because he's probably married/dating/banging someone else.
3. If you think it's over, it is over.
4. He's not that into you.
5. The other women say the things they do because they don't respect you. They don't respect you because you have NO self-respect. If you respected yourself, you would have DTMF already & wouldn't be posting on an Internet forum for advice. There's a reason why you are in this position-you consented to it.
6. I guarantee within a few weeks of "breaking up", he'll be banging some other client, if he isn't already.
Seriously, why are you wasting your time on someone that has no respect for you, doesn't care about you & is causing all this drama in your life. Dump The MFer Already and join another gym. The End.
(...even though it most certainly will not be...)
/thread0 -
You are a creeper's dream. And your trainer is a creeper.
1. He's gotten in trouble for doing this before. HE's GOTTEN IN TROUBLE FOR THIS BEFORE. Do you need a neon warning sign?!
2. He won't take you out in public because he's probably married/dating/banging someone else.
3. If you think it's over, it is over.
4. He's not that into you.
5. The other women say the things they do because they don't respect you. They don't respect you because you have NO self-respect. If you respected yourself, you would have DTMF already & wouldn't be posting on an Internet forum for advice. There's a reason why you are in this position-you consented to it.
6. I guarantee within a few weeks of "breaking up", he'll be banging some other client, if he isn't already.
Seriously, why are you wasting your time on someone that has no respect for you, doesn't care about you & is causing all this drama in your life. Dump The MFer Already and join another gym. The End.
And this one too^^^0 -
Sometimes it does feel that way. I don't feel treated like a lady because he has never taken me on a real date before in 6 months. I wasn't even allowed to buy him a Christmas present with the "Hens" bought one and he gladly accepted it. I just keep thinking it will get better once he's past his commitment issues. Maybe I'm just blinded by a one-sided love. And it's based on the fact I put my trust in him because he's my trainer and has made me succeed so much.
He's never taken you on a date? Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but in his opinion, you guys aren't dating.
I agree with the "you guys aren't dating" sentiment.
Seriously he could lose his JOB over this. Sorry but I'd probably dump you. He shouldn't be seeing you in the first place as it is against the rules. And yep, you need to learn to be the bigger person. If their words hurt you and you want to comtinue this relationship you need to suck it up or go to a new gym. He can't tell off the other clients to protect your feelings or he would definitely lose his job.
ETA: How did all the "cougars" find out you two were an item if you don't go out and keep it all hush-hush presumably so he won't lose his job?
People eventually found out mainly because my best friend's husband is also HIS best friend. Which meant the four of us were always talking together. People assumed it was a couply thing. Also, too many trusted ears led to one that probably wasn't so trustworthy... on both his and my parts. And I'm sure talking to him every day at the gym could make one assume. There was a lot of different ways.
Oh, and I also coordinated all of the charity events at the gym. I was his event coordinator so, that meant we were always discussing issues. Again, more face time = nosey rosies.0 -
The issue here is not the "hens" it is him.
Well, to be fair, it's her too.....boundaries, not standing up for herself...I mean...no public date in 6 months? She's a f7ck buddy....nothing more. She's letting him treat her like that, and making all about the other women instead of him....and instead of her.
I've had my trainer ask me out before.....good rule of thumb is don't date people you have to pay.
I definitely too take a lot of responsibility in letting it go on this far. But his commitment issues were a crutch for him to carry on with the fantasy given to me that maybe one day he'll want to date me...all I have to do is stick around long enough. Maybe that's true, I can't say it isn't. His last real girlfriend was one of his trainers, (he's a fitness manager) and now she is suing the gym for wrongful termination (he fired her because they broke up and she stopped coming into work because she was angry with him). So I understand him being cautious with me. He's traumatized with what happened in his past and I baby that event so significantly that I make myself suffer in the long run, because I'm not getting what I desire, and in this case it's too high of an expectation.0 -
His initials aren't RH, are they?0
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This seriosuly sounds like an episode of The Real Gym Rats of Orange County... I have never encountered anything like this in my life. How fricken bizarro!0
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OP,
You are young and are getting a lesson in what it is like to be screwed over by a true narcissist.
You're not dating him. You're being used, and he's getting a rush from it. The reason he doesn't take you out is because he doesn't like you. I'm really sorry to tell you that. The guy doesn't like you. And I don't mean that as he likes you but doesn't like-like you. I mean he dislikes you. This whole arrangement with you is giving him some sort of sick pleasure, and a rush.
These women you talk about don't like you because this guy has made you look very bad in their eyes. My guess from having lived on this earth for 40 years and having seen a WHOLE lot in those years is that he has been sleeping with one of them and has given her the whole "I'm not a home wrecker, but I can't stop thinking about you" line. He's probably also labeled you as a level 5 clinger and he's probably told her that he hasn't found the right time to hurt you because you might go all psycho and get vindictive. Of course, that is not your intention, but he's going to tell that story and keep it going because it gets him what he wants.
What I can't understand, though, is if you're only 23, how could you possibly have a background in any sort of career that takes years and years to develop?
And having known hundreds, if not more, 40 year old women, I rarely come across a single one that acts anything like the women you've described. And somehow, you've ended up with an entire gym full of them. Do they also all sit around Courtney Cox's kitchen and sip wine?
I'm not sure I know what career you're speaking of? I have two BAs and am working at a conservation non profit. I'm not sure if I misspoke, but I am unclear what you are referring.
Secondly, I really wish I was exaggerating the amount of sarcasm and rude comments that emulate from that gym. But as I said in a previous comment. The girl he was seeing before me got her house egged and her car keyed and she was verbally assaulted in a Zumba class for not being "good enough for him." By women who felt they had some sort of right to be his keeper and his provider. They were not all older women, just the ones I had to personally deal with were.
I really wish I was making this up. But I am definitely not the only person that notices this behavior that's directed toward me. And I'm extremely passive... I study intercultural peace and conflict making! I wouldn't want to piss anyone off.. I'm at the gym to relieve stress, not create it!0 -
Who is "forcing" you to compete with anyone? If you feel like you are competing for a man's attention, then he's not really yours.
And dating your trainer is a bit like dating your boss; there's only one way it can end well, and, given that you feel you are competing with women nearly twice your age, I don't see the two of you walking down the aisle any time soon.
The last girl he dated who was a client had women come up to her at the gym and blatantly tell her off and say she wasn't good enough for him and she got her house egged several times by women at the gym (we know it was them because of fb posts). Anyway, I am not forced to compete but because of how ruthless some of these women are (all ages, really) I have to CONSTANTLY keep a guard up because I'm terrified the same things will happen to me.
I think that's why he's afraid to take me out in public. That same girl and he went to the beach one day, hours away from our city, and he still managed to run into a gym member and it started a whole mess of drama. People feel entitled to know what's going on in his life. It's really insane.
Are you sure he is not dating anyone else?
He works 70 hour weeks and is usually at my house on the weekends or we stay at our best friends' home. (my best friend is the wife, his is the husband. it's how we got so close. guest bedroom.) the four of us hang out consistently. I don't think there would be another time where he would be dating someone else. Just because he works so much, and yes, I know he works all day because he isn't allowed to leave during the day and is training from 9am - usually 9pm. if not longer.0 -
I just keep thinking of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry starts sleeping with the maid.0
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The brilliant Jof just reminded me of something. You didn't by chance go out with a personal trainer who moonlights as a Nurse and bodyguard and who also is a member on MFP did you?
This story does sound remarkably familiar...even including the trainer's friendship with the girl's father.
No, though he is the one that showed me MFP he doesn't have a lot of spare time because he works so much. And he's a former Marine.. I doubt he'd take criticism very well on here. -_-0 -
The brilliant Jof just reminded me of something. You didn't by chance go out with a personal trainer who moonlights as a Nurse and bodyguard and who also is a member on MFP did you?
This story does sound remarkably familiar...even including the trainer's friendship with the girl's father.
No, though he is the one that showed me MFP he doesn't have a lot of spare time because he works so much. And he's a former Marine.. I doubt he'd take criticism very well on here. -_-
This particular person was (supposedly) ex-Coast Guard, although his Coast Guard related photos were all public domain, so I doubt that was true either.
There were several details between his story and yours that were similar...but the timeline doesn't work out since his post was a couple of months ago and he was asking for MFP's collective advice on whether or not he should start "seeing" a client of his. He was friends with the girl's father. She was considerably younger than him (low-20s, don't remember the exact age). I tried finding the post, but failed.0 -
The brilliant Jof just reminded me of something. You didn't by chance go out with a personal trainer who moonlights as a Nurse and bodyguard and who also is a member on MFP did you?
This story does sound remarkably familiar...even including the trainer's friendship with the girl's father.
No, though he is the one that showed me MFP he doesn't have a lot of spare time because he works so much. And he's a former Marine.. I doubt he'd take criticism very well on here. -_-
This particular person was (supposedly) ex-Coast Guard, although his Coast Guard related photos were all public domain, so I doubt that was true either.
There were several details between his story and yours that were similar...but the timeline doesn't work out since his post was a couple of months ago and he was asking for MFP's collective advice on whether or not he should start "seeing" a client of his. He was friends with the girl's father. She was considerably younger than him (low-20s, don't remember the exact age). I tried finding the post, but failed.
That's very interesting... in my case he isn't much older than me, 27, but he is friends with my father because of their all-ages, co-ed indoor soccer team. (teammates range from ages 16-45, it's not uncommon for this.)0 -
The brilliant Jof just reminded me of something. You didn't by chance go out with a personal trainer who moonlights as a Nurse and bodyguard and who also is a member on MFP did you?
This story does sound remarkably familiar...even including the trainer's friendship with the girl's father.
No, though he is the one that showed me MFP he doesn't have a lot of spare time because he works so much. And he's a former Marine.. I doubt he'd take criticism very well on here. -_-
This particular person was (supposedly) ex-Coast Guard, although his Coast Guard related photos were all public domain, so I doubt that was true either.
There were several details between his story and yours that were similar...but the timeline doesn't work out since his post was a couple of months ago and he was asking for MFP's collective advice on whether or not he should start "seeing" a client of his. He was friends with the girl's father. She was considerably younger than him (low-20s, don't remember the exact age). I tried finding the post, but failed.
That's very interesting... in my case he isn't much older than me, 27, but he is friends with my father because of their all-ages, co-ed indoor soccer team. (teammates range from ages 16-45, it's not uncommon for this.)
Hmmm...yeah, okay, different guy.
But anyhow, sorry for the mini-thread hi-jack. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do going forward.0 -
I don't know, of course, but it sounds like he does NOT consider you his girlfriend. Ask him. If he does, you need to get a new gym and a new trainer so that the relationship is not a conflict of interest with his job. If he doesn't, you need to get a new gym and a new trainer because you need to get over this guy.0
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"F" Buddies.
Except you are paying him.
'Nuff said.
And this^^^^^^^ For sure......
Wait... Doe's that still make him her trainer? Or does he now officially fall under the title of "Manwhore"????
Manwhore....0 -
You seem incredibly introspective and bright. I don't think the problem is that he is your trainer, or even the flack the other women are giving you. I think the problem is that you just aren't getting your emotional needs met. While some women would thrive on the "man up" attitude your man seems to be giving you, most need to feel supported and validated. This man might be terrific in many respects, and you might love him, but he's not meeting your needs and he's not going to. You should break it off or at least give it some space and consider what kind of relationship would really make you happy.0
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Sometimes it does feel that way. I don't feel treated like a lady because he has never taken me on a real date before in 6 months. I wasn't even allowed to buy him a Christmas present with the "Hens" bought one and he gladly accepted it. I just keep thinking it will get better once he's past his commitment issues. Maybe I'm just blinded by a one-sided love. And it's based on the fact I put my trust in him because he's my trainer and has made me succeed so much.
Kid, this is not a healthy relationship, and I gotta think you know that on some level. Your needs should be equal with your partner's, but this relationship is seriously out of balance. You're young, and if you start recognizing and correcting these kinds of relationship patterns now, you're going to be a lot happier later.0 -
The guy is a douche canoe. He should have stuck up for you to the bullying biddies. You have been given lots of great advice in this thread, and I hope you follow it. I also hope that you genuinely believe you deserve so much better. DTMFA!0
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