a girl i know lost about 100lbs

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Replies

  • fit_spired_vicky
    fit_spired_vicky Posts: 152
    pot, kettle, hello we're both black.

    I seem to remember reading a post by you a while ago that said you'd cut out your social life for a few weeks because you didn't want to be tempted by the cals in alcohol or fast food.

    :o
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    I dunno, it seems like you are being the judge and jury for what she gets to consider fun. Maybe going and drinking and hanging out with people in a social setting just isn't fun for her. Maybe her two hour workout is the part of her day she looks forward to the most. After losing a hundred pounds, her relationship to food has changed so a cheat meal is whatever she considers it to be.

    As someone that doesn't drink or smoke and enjoys staying in and reading books, people are always thinking I'm not having a good time. No, this IS a good time to me. Only I get to decide that, just like she does

    Love this, I don't drink much even on the rare occasions I go out, and while I do like socialising I have to be in the mood for it! I can be a bit of a loner :laugh: If she is genuinely happy, good for her!
  • SweeDecadence92
    SweeDecadence92 Posts: 218 Member
    Your friend sounds like the picture of self control. Kudos to her!

    Really though, while it does seem a bit odd thats she's went to the point of isolating herself her friends for her body, maybe she is happier that way. As her friend she's not very likely to admit to you that she want her body and healthy life style more than her friends companionship. It's not that unusal to hear of people adapting a healthy lifestyle to reduce contact with those they consider unhealthy influences in their life. I'm not saying thats the case but you don't seem to be very supportive of her new lifestyle. Prehaps you could socialise with this girl more away from the eating context, you know cinema, shopping, various activities etc.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    I'm a server, I work around food daily, and I am about the same way. Except I'll drink with my girl friends after work once in awhile but I add it into my calories. I don't drink as much as I did last year, but that is because my goals this year are different then last year, I count everything I put in my mouth and if I cheat I log that as well. Everyone is different, basically find what you want, if you wish to lose weight and still have fun, make room for it. Food I for the most part have under control, however I've leaned on alcohol as my fun, my way of relaxing and letting my hair down. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way an alcoholic I just enjoy to social drink and now things are getting serious because I am 7lbs from my goal weight, now it is time for serious muscle and body shaping, I look great in clothes but my body naked is not what I want. SOOOO!!! It just depends on what you are working for. Alcohol won't get my body where I want it, I have to much to work on to get it where I want it with crap! I still splurge and have a drink once in awhile, today was actually a "Splurge" I guess but still at my target, I had ribs instead of healthy lean meats lol on and I had 3 drinks out with the girls after work. We did it tonight because tomorrow we all work different shifts.
  • mohamedkt
    mohamedkt Posts: 15
    Lol, she might be an introvert like me. Crowds or groups of people in general wear us out. I wouldn't mind staying at home alone for weeks without anyone else in my presence. In a society where extroversion is pushed on people, this might not seem normal, but in fact many people wouldn't mind "not having a life" in its quintessential meaning. It is said that about 1/4 of people here in the U.S are introverts, some just act extroverted because of how it is seen as the norm, so she might be using her diet as an excuse to finally be herself- an introvert.

    Now this is just what I think lol. I don't think that many would mind but ask her if she's an introvert. You might be surprised.
  • icemaiden17_uk
    icemaiden17_uk Posts: 463 Member
    My opinion, good for her! She has an iron will that I admire! However there is no way I could live like that and I think you having a chat to her shows that you are a good friend trying to understand a her new way of life. Others would just straight ditch her! I do feel that skipping the gym once to go out dancing would do her some good though! And she can stay on the water which would not hurt her diet at all! In fact you should invite her to an experiment, get her HRM on and get her out dancing and see how many calories she burns so that she can see that she can still go out and workout with her friends! Happy days!!

    Good for her and good for you and good luck to both of you!!

    P.S. If you do try the dancing experiment let me know! I would love to know the result! :)
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    One could argue that at 100 heavier she "acted" a certain way because thats how she dealt with things on the inside. A example of that would be the "funny fat chick" maybe to take focus off how unhappy she really was on the inside.

    I have lost 65 Lbs in a year and I can tell you that weight loss is more then just a number on a scale. For me it has been very emotional but more psychological then anything. How you veiw yourself as a person changes, for me I value myself more then I did a year ago. In social settings I'm more anxious around food, only because Im allergic to gluten, however maybe that is a trigger for her and she is trying to learn how to deal with her "demons" in a healthy way. Maybe in time she will return to the friend you remember, maybe not. Maybe shes happy working out 2 hours a night because thats a better choice then binge eating alone at night, who knows.
  • NatsukoG
    NatsukoG Posts: 104
    I really feel like I can identify with this girl. I've cut right back on my social life in the past year in order to focus on improving my health and wellbeing. It's a sacrafice I've made in order to hopefully life a longer, happier, healthier life and boy was it worth it.

    Now that I'm nearing my goal, I'm starting to go out a bit more. Perhaps your friend will be the same. Perhaps once she is comfortable with her new self and maintains her new weight for a while she'll re-integrate. Perhaps she'll be like me and decide drinking just isn't for her anymore and that actually, going to the gym is great fun and hanging out with your trainer is rewarding and fun.

    It's sweet of you to be concerned but my advice would be don't worry too much about your friend unless she tells her yourself she is unhappy. Perhaps like me she's happier than she's ever been in her entire life. I wish her well continuing her journey and hope you remain friends.
  • Twiliightmoon
    Twiliightmoon Posts: 39
    Question: What do you do for exercise?
    Answer: I'm at the gym by 5:30, half hour cardio, 1 hour strength training. I work with a personal trainer once a week. I LOVE IT!!! It motivates me and I really love the way I see my muscles changing. It's almost like a HIGH!!!

    Question: What do you eat?
    Answer: Well balanced meals, including protein shakes, vegetables, , complex carbs, protein. If I could eat in my car, I would, but it's cold out there. When II do eat my food, I get nasty comments from people who can't seem to stay on track.

    Question: Do you have a cheat day?
    Answer: Oh yes. But my cheat day ends up usually being mostly healthy. I honestly love the foods I eat. My favorite treat is hummus with garlic. ;)

    Question: Do you go out with friends?
    Answer: Occasionally. The friends I go out with know how hard I've worked and they never pressure me to eat things I don't want to partake in.

    It becomes a lifestyle. I'm so much happier now than I ever was before. I have energy for work, my health is great. I really, really love what I'm doing.
  • runningwoodpecker
    runningwoodpecker Posts: 58
    i said it works for her. but it wouldn't work for me.
    i understand everyone is different but it's sad seeing a woman with so many close friends, and then she decided to choose weight over friendships.

    Maybe when she started getting fit and healthy her friends ditched her because they were jealous?
  • 1Fizzle
    1Fizzle Posts: 241 Member
    Okay, and what was sense of this forum post?

    ^^^This!
    Sounds like your friend has done a great job taking control of her life and getting things on track. Working out 2 hours a day doesn't mean you're living in a cave, I'm sure most of us have this type of regimen. She had popcorn as a cheat meal "this week"...that doesnt mean all the time, I'm sure she switches it up at her discretion. OP, you may not feel that your friend is living life, I see it as she is about to seize more of it.
  • amyjax
    amyjax Posts: 102
    I admire your friend's focus and determination. She knows her friends are gossiping about her regime behind her back, posting on forums saying she's changed, but she's sticking it out because her health is more important. Going out being a social butterfly gets boring, really boring - I did it for years and wasted money, energy and time in places that I hated because my "friends" thought it was "omg the best night out ever!11!!!!1!!1!1!+++". Yawn.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    As someone who was also once 100lbs heavier. It's worth the sacrifice.
  • gettingfitnana303
    gettingfitnana303 Posts: 74
    Well said.
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
    that's sweet you're concerned but i think this "girl" does what works for her
  • akj_25
    akj_25 Posts: 244 Member
    I'd rather be fat. Yep, I said it. You can't make this a lifestyle if it doesn't fit into your real life.

    i agree - my social life, family and friends, is what makes me who i am -- and i would never be willing to give that up.
    whats the fun in being skinnny if you are not out showing it off, enjoying life. i have hid from parts of the world because i am self concious of my weight... i don't want to hide anymore.

    i am trying to learn to have fun and lose weight - so far it is working.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    Give that girl my screen name and let her know that there are others out there who are just like she is. My sneakers are a way better friend than any booze drinkin, fatty food eating "friend" ever were. I went out all the time in my PAST LIFE. Now I stay in, pay off my debt and watch my body evolve. Even once I reach goal I will never again see what others see as a good time to be right for me. I have lost ALL of my unhealthy friends. It is just like being an ex drug addict.. You tend to not hang with your old addicted friends.

    Life is sweet just living to be healthy.
  • sanndandi
    sanndandi Posts: 300 Member
    I see where you are coming from. But let her be the judge of how well she is spending her life. Some people might consider your fave pastimes a complete waste of time. Many people think women like myself who dont have any kids to be wasting their God-given purpose in life. I, for one, can't understand the hours and money spent on the Twilight books and movies. My neighbors would disagree. They took a vacation to Forks, WA.

    Maybe when her control over diet and exercise is a bit stronger she plans to integrate social things back in slowly. Maybe not. Despite your eagerness to play 20 questions maybe she didn't feel like opening up to you about some of her reasons. Maybe her friends were unsupportive during her weightloss. Maybe improving herself brought some of her friends behaviors to light (like maybe they are all into heavy partying) and she might be trying to stay away from that. Maybe she just went through a breakup and her ex still hangs out with the friends. Maybe he brings his new girlfriend. I could go on all night. I'm just saying, she may have reasons that didnt come up in your interview of her. But you should let her decide if she is really living or merely existing.
    great answer!
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    It might seem sad to people that are very social, but it depends really on who she is and how important things like that are to her. I see people on this site telling people to 'avoid temptations', 'don't put yourself in a position where you know you'll be tempted', 'bring your own lunch and eat it away from co-workers that will try to make you eat more/splurge', 'make sacrifices for what is important to you', 'put YOU first'....

    Sounds to me like she's basically doing these exact things, and it's working for her! :D
  • fitbum19
    fitbum19 Posts: 198 Member
    That's how she chooses to live her life, what's wrong with that? It's not sad at all.
    i said it works for her. but it wouldn't work for me.
    i understand everyone is different but it's sad seeing a woman with so many close friends, and then she decided to choose weight over friendships.

    If my friends don't support me, then I find new friends. I agree with her way of doing things. I give in, but I wish I had her determination.
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
    :bigsmile: There's a lot more to life than eating
    yes but there's more to a perfect body. she barely sees any of her friends more than once a couple months now. and at fancy work dinners she actually leaves to eat her healthy food alone in her car.
    there's more to life than eating but that isn't life.

    Please understand that I know how she feels. I lost a lot of friends because all they wanted to do was go out and eat junk or go out and drink. Honestly she sounds like she is taking control of her health and doing what makes her happy. You never know, she might have needed to lose weight to look better but she may have HAD to lose weight because of her health. She might be extremely happy with her life.
  • sandylion
    sandylion Posts: 451 Member
    I agree with you! I think if that's what it took for me to loose the weigh I would keep it off for 6 months, then snap, and put it all back on. If it works for her, great. If she does find it's unsustainable, hopefully she will find out how to add a bit more balance to her life without returning to an unhealthy lifestyle. There are plenty of very fit, healthy people who maintain without making it their sole raison d'etre. You don't have to choose between being fat and being social, there are other options!
  • libbymcbain
    libbymcbain Posts: 206 Member
    I would be quite hurt if I was that girl, and reading this post. Just saying...
    then you're too sensitive.

    People are as sensitive as they are. Some people have thick skin, some people have thin skin. just like some people are tall and some people aren't. Saying "you're too sensitive" if you hurt someone is just a way of not taking responsibility for your own mistaken behaviour, refusing to learn from your mistake and trying to blame them for your problem.

    It is this girl's choice how she lives her life. She is not forcing you to do the same. She is not (as far as I know) judging your choices in the way you are judging hers. It is up to her.

    You don't want to make those changes- fine, that's your choice. Her life is her choice.

    She may or may not gradually ease up on herself when she gets more confident in her ability to maintain her weight. She may or may not socialise at her gym, she might get on really well with her trainer. Maybe she got into it one step at a time and so the changes didn't seem so dramatic. But that's all beside the point, because it is her choice.

    Maybe your reaction tot his is telling you something. Trying to expose her to ridicule here might point to something in yourself. Are you doing this because you are jealous that she has the strength and discipline to make those changes and you don't? If that's the case, then realise that maybe she made those changes one step at a time and now they seem natural and right to her. Maybe her health and how well she feels make the sacrafice worth it.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    i find it amazing how people are lecturing me when i've said YES it works for her and YES she looks amazing, but her weightloss path wouldnt be my choice.

    and i didn't interview her, she was more than willing to open up. she was doing lots of the talking.
    and no, she said she cut out her social life to lose the weight.

    I don't think people are "lecturing" you, it's fair enough that it wouldn't be your choice but instead of posting a topic here or asking her random questions why not suggest she joins the site and see there are different approaches to being healthy?
    You clearly stated your opinion but you're sounding people out for voicing theirs because it is different to yours.
    At the end of the day if she's found some way that this works for her and she's perfectly happy I don't see what business it is of yours to disagree with her methods, if it's because you are a good friend and you are concerned would your time not have been better spent telling her about MFP rather than telling MFP about her?
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I see both sides of this. To me, going out with friends ALWAYS means drinking, and usually means getting hammered. I'm sick of it, to be honest. Don't we do anything else? The answer is no. All my friends, since I stopped drinking, have abandon me. Every god damn one of them. So, f*** 'em. I guess we weren't really friends as much as drinking buddies. I never knew that. What started that for me, was when I got divorced. I saw how my friends acted, and I got suspicious that no one really gave a *kitten*. When I stopped drinking, I find out they really didn't. Phone stopped ringing and the fun stopped.

    I know this isn't the case with your friend, or maybe it is. It's funny when you don't want to participate anymore, how that might impact your life. Your friend is maybe going through the same thing, where she pulled away to be healthy, and it's not really that she abandon her friends, but they don't support her choices and its just easier to focus on the things she wants. She's focusing on her health. She probably enjoys her time and feels that what she's doing is right.

    I'm doing a similar thing where I go to the gym 4 nights a week. I basically have no social life at all as a result. But, that's fine because my social life consisted of going to work hungover all the time, and I'm just getting really tired of that. Are there any people out there that do things without including drugs and alcohol? I'm sure there are, but I haven't been able to find them. I also really don't know what to do socially without a beer in my hand, so it's on me too. I take some of the responsibility. It's easier to avoid social things than to figure it out.

    Anyway, just some perspective. Am I missing it on life, some would say yes. But, I think my ex-friends waste their time and money in bars. They accomplish nothing. They do nothing. They are fat and lazy and borderline alcoholics that think fun is drinking and causing trouble. I will do things on weekends. That's when I have time. Need new friends for that. Right now, I'm not sure where to find people that have similar goals. I just want to be active and do things without involving alcohol. Seems impossible.
  • berly153
    berly153 Posts: 6
    i think shes done amazing but how can you stick to that as a lifestyle? surely theres more to being thin than eating in your car that seems extreme. i personally couldnt do it. i enjoy food i enjoy drinking and social events (hence the need to lose weight). but i couldnt give up everything i love just to be slim.
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
    You called her a girl I know...
    Not my friend lost...

    She is doing what is right for herself. Fair play to her.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
    Who are you to judge her? It sounds like you are basing your opinions on what YOU believe is right or fun? And why worry about what she's doing and not focus on what you need to do for yourself?

    Just my thoughts.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    So she's not even your friend, just a girl you know?

    Time to mind ya business. Her body, her weight, her life, not your business. She'll eventually relax a little bit but she just lost an entire human being off of her body. She needs to figure it out for herself and frankly, you have no idea how you'd act after that big of a loss, either. Loosing a lot of weight changes people - it changes everyone..... sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. This 'girl you know' isn't doing anything self destructive.
  • wbf1911
    wbf1911 Posts: 1
    I agree with you 100%. For me, a diet isn't working if I can't live my life the way I want to. I've gone on diets where I have been miserable because nothing was fun anymore. I looked great, but I was cranky and depressed and couldn't go out with friends because there was nothing to eat or drink. I'm trying to find the perfect diet where I can still have fun and lose the weight I need to lose. Your friend's way of life is not for me. Yes, it may be right for her and as someone pointed out, despite all appearances, maybe your friend was not happy before and she needs this solitude now. Who knows? I just know I agree with you.

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