a girl i know lost about 100lbs

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  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    It became controversial because you did word it in a pretty negative way. Saying something like,

    "A girl I know lost 100 lbs by focusing almost 100% of her time on exercise and eating, going so far as to drink her protein shakes in her car at work functions instead of eating the food there. I'm happy that she found something that worked for her - but it would personally be too extreme for me. Anyone else really alter their social lifestyle for diet and weight loss?"

    is very different than

    "She's missing out on life." It's pretty judgmental and petty to judge someone's richness of life on your own expectations. You didn't pose a question asking others how they changed their live for their diet and weight loss efforts - you just judged her quality of life based on your own preference.

    i'm sorry you saw it that way, i personally didn't and still don't find what i said judgemental.
    that's just me though, and that's my opinion.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    Maybe she feels like her old friends have bad habits or are inadvertently sabotaging her. If so, it takes time to make new friends. Plus, as you get older, your goals and how you have fun sometimes changes. Maybe she's just in the middle of that. Unless she tells you she's unhappy, I wouldn't be sad for her if I were you.
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    Maybe she feels like her old friends have bad habits or are inadvertently sabotaging her. If so, it takes time to make new friends. Plus, as you get older, your goals and how you have fun sometimes changes. Maybe she's just in the middle of that. Unless she tells you she's unhappy, I wouldn't be sad for her if I were you.
    i never once said i was sad for her, i found it sad that she has to eat alone in her car while others are enjoying dinner.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    Maybe she'll get to where she's comfortable and start going out more, maybe at the moment she doesn't feel its worth it. Everyone does things others think is weird to have the body and life they want to achieve....I've been to conferences where lunch was provided and taken my own, I've blown off the pub to go to the gym many a time.

    Some people will ease in to something, and others will go all out at it. You might get slower or quicker results doing it one way or the other, its upto you. You have to do what works and what you find sustainable. She may feel its the first time she's NOT missing out on life because she's fitter and healthier and happier with herself.

    You (OP) don't need to worry about it and you shouldn't let it put you off becoming fitter yourself....do it your way. Different strokes and all that :)
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
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    I agree...I personally would rather always be 10lbs heavier than my ideal weight (Can't wait until I am only 10lbs from my goal weight!) then NEVER being able to enjoy myself, or the food I'm eating.
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    Maybe she'll get to where she's comfortable and start going out more, maybe at the moment she doesn't feel its worth it. Everyone does things others think is weird to have the body and life they want to achieve....I've been to conferences where lunch was provided and taken my own, I've blown off the pub to go to the gym many a time.

    Some people will ease in to something, and others will go all out at it. You might get slower or quicker results doing it one way or the other, its upto you. You have to do what works and what you find sustainable. She may feel its the first time she's NOT missing out on life because she's fitter and healthier and happier with herself.

    You (OP) don't need to worry about it and you shouldn't let it put you off becoming fitter yourself....do it your way. Different strokes and all that :)

    thank you.
    like i said, when she told me her story, it scared me off of trying to lose my weight.
    but i decided i'm gonna do it the way i see will fit my lifestyle.

    i just hope she is truly happy. like i said, she looks great.
  • summer8it
    summer8it Posts: 433 Member
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    The girl you've described is behaving like someone in recovery from an addiction, and yes, there are people who are food addicts.

    If she had been an alcoholic, and was now avoiding parties where people were drinking and spending her evenings going to AA meetings, would that seem so strange? Of course, you would want her to get to a point where she was confident enough in her recovery to start going to parties again, but would you be sad for her, or happy that she was overcoming her addiction?

    We all know that it's possible to lose weight while living a normal life and enjoying the occasional treat, but for someone with a food addiction or binge eating disorder, it's going to be a very different road than that walked by someone who just needs to eat more salads and fewer cheeseburgers.
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    The girl you've described is behaving like someone in recovery from an addiction, and yes, there are people who are food addicts.

    If she had been an alcoholic, and was now avoiding parties where people were drinking and spending her evenings going to AA meetings, would that seem so strange? Of course, you would want her to get to a point where she was confident enough in her recovery to start going to parties again, but would you be sad for her, or happy that she was overcoming her addiction?

    We all know that it's possible to lose weight while living a normal life and enjoying the occasional treat, but for someone with a food addiction or binge eating disorder, it's going to be a very different road than that walked by someone who just needs to eat more salads and fewer cheeseburgers.
    yeah, i understand. that is a good point.
    if i ever lose my weight, first thing i'll be doing it showing myself off more. but that's just me.
    i hope she's happy though, and i've said this numerous times.
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
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    Would I personally want to live that way? No. But you shouldn't let what she chooses to do bother you. Even though it sounds like a miserable existence, it's not your existence.
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    Would I personally want to live that way? No. But you shouldn't let what she chooses to do bother you. Even though it sounds like a miserable existence, it's not your existence.
    i believe we've established this with the last 30-40 posts lol
  • JuicyKey31
    JuicyKey31 Posts: 23
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    I agree she has to have fun with it! Life is a blessing no matter what shape or size you are, some of the thickest people have the best times in their life when being active & social. I say she has withdrawn so she will not over eat but in order to sustain in an everyday situation you have to be social & go out enjoy life while cutting back! No matter what we have to eat to live that's a fact, but we never have to over eat. Her 2hr coach need to start helping train her back into the world of LIFE!
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
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    I couldn't do that. I build my lifestyle change into each day. If my friends want to get together for drinks I will go but maybe I won't drink... it all depends on calories for the day.

    Some people find a social life is too tempting for them and may cause them to lose track. Maybe she does it until she feels she can handle those situations and not go back to the way it was before that caused her to gain the weight. It's about priorities. It works for her. It wouldn't work for me but I understand why she may be doing it.
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
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    Would I personally want to live that way? No. But you shouldn't let what she chooses to do bother you. Even though it sounds like a miserable existence, it's not your existence.
    i believe we've established this with the last 30-40 posts lol

    Doesn't mean people are going to stop replying to your thread. Sorry if that bothers you for some reason.
  • WillLift4Tats
    WillLift4Tats Posts: 1,699 Member
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    I honestly never thought such a simple thread would be so controversial.
    I get what you're saying dude.
  • metacognition
    metacognition Posts: 626 Member
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    My guess? She's terribly afraid of regaining the weight, so she is going overboard. Or she may have problems binge eating in private, and makes up for it by being extremely clean and overexercising around others. A person does not need two hours of exercise per day just to maintain a loss. She has to eat a lot just to maintain weight with that sort of activity.

    I know a bodybuilder who only does 30 minute sessions of cardio and says he makes up for it by staying at his calories.

    I am a much lower weight than I used to be and I eat lots of delicious food everyday.
    I would never turn down a party buffet. I would never consider plain popcorn a "cheat."

    There is nothing you can do for your friend as it is her choice. But unless she has a thyroid issue or something that lowers her metabolism, she does not need to squeeze all the fun out of life just to maintain a hot body! My two cents.
  • cubbies77
    cubbies77 Posts: 607 Member
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    The girl you've described is behaving like someone in recovery from an addiction, and yes, there are people who are food addicts.

    If she had been an alcoholic, and was now avoiding parties where people were drinking and spending her evenings going to AA meetings, would that seem so strange? Of course, you would want her to get to a point where she was confident enough in her recovery to start going to parties again, but would you be sad for her, or happy that she was overcoming her addiction?

    We all know that it's possible to lose weight while living a normal life and enjoying the occasional treat, but for someone with a food addiction or binge eating disorder, it's going to be a very different road than that walked by someone who just needs to eat more salads and fewer cheeseburgers.

    This nails it perfectly. I have to avoid a lot of situations because if I slip, I'll slip big time. So, yes, I'd rather go to the gym than go to TGI Friday's with my friends. My friends understand why I'm like that and treat it like an addiction, which it IS. They aren't sad for me; they're PROUD of me for making better choices and avoiding temptation. Also, I'm a lot happier working out than stuffing my face. I'm tired of living that life.

    Recovering from food addiction is really tricky since you can't just quit eating like you can with cigarettes or alcohol.

    Also, it doesn't make me sad that I'm "missing out" on dinner with friends. I'd rather be healthy and lose weight than be miserable at 300 pounds. Potato skins are good, but they aren't worth the misery. She's learning to balance her new body and lifestyle with her old lifestyle, and that's going to take time.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
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    OP, I don't think you are being judgemental at all. You just seem concerned about your friend. At the same time, I totally get where your friend is coming from. I've lost almost 100 lbs, and I personally would rather lose some friends than risk gaining it back. She's doing the best she can to maintain her health, and I know how excited she probably is that she lost the weight.

    I have learned to navigate parties and social situations so I don't have to sit at home, or put myself in awkward positions. It takes time though and it really is a skill that has to be learned. Perhaps she isn't at this point yet.

    The only time I really get irate in a social situation is if somebody comments on my food intake, and I'm sure your friend has come across this as well.
  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
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    As I read this thread, I'm struck by how narrow the definition many of you seem to have about what is socializing and fun. I prefer my new friends who I go bike riding, hiking, running, etc., with than my old friends who want to just go out eating and drinking. And I'm joining a mountaineering group so I can meet new people to do more extreme hiking with. This is my new healthy, fun and exciting social life and I love it. And I love the new friends I've made.

    While I've kept a few friends who I still enjoy the company of and are supportive of my new lifestyle even though they don't want to share it with me, I've lost touch with others who aren't supportive or who tried to make me feel bad for not doing unhealthy activities with them. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
  • nsblue
    nsblue Posts: 331 Member
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    frigg that doesnt sound like living atoll

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