Absolutely livid at husband!

Does he know you have been crying over this? that is so ****ty!!!!! That would really upset me too. Does he even know anything about eating healthy? You had a 700 calroies and chose a low cal snack. So what! is he overweight? Jealous of your motivation?

I would have eaten the whole bag in front of him!
Seriously, if you have told him it upsets you and he still does it, then it is bullying.
You don't need your husband's approval before you eat something.

Does he think he is helping you in his own way?

Sounds like he needs a lesson in tact.

what an a**!! he should be more supportive of you. I think my fiance doesn't really understand me wanting to run races and work out all the time because he's not into it, but he doesn't bully me about it.

awh man that sucks. family, friends and hubby's are meant to be our cheerleaders and supporters!


as a woman though , i think that at times, we can be a bit emotional about things and take it as always being meant in a horrible way.

i think you should explain things to him, such as not commenting on your food choices etc but also draw some boundaries around what YOU CHOOSE to get upset about. if what he said upset you, turn it into motivation. show him that you can do this!! (you totally can!)

also, look at what sort of foods you are eating to fill you up. try having veggies or high fibre foods to sustain you for longer.

all the best with this!!

:flowerforyou:

With lack of sleep and ending the night with a unsupportive comment from someone you love, it's tough to persue your weight loss. I believe in communication and although he probably thought his comment was harmless, tell him how it truly felt.

I remember as a teen and how my mother (as sweet as she is) made comments of how I need to lose weight and then within 15 minutes she'd ask if I wanted a slice of pizza! Double standard! Some individuals just don't know how to be supportive and so you'll have to set some ground rules.

I think he is trying to help in a really bad way, He probably as the old understanding of diets, where you have to deprive yourself of everything you use to eat.
In a way his way of thinking is probably how we all use to think when trying to diet in the past, and then we'd fail due to wanting to eat everything we deprived ourselfs of.

What he needs to know is that it isn't just a diet that will last a couple of weeks or a month or 2, but something you want to do permanently, a lifestyle change.

And the only things you won't eat are the things you know you can live without for the rest of your life. Everything else has to be involved aslong as it fits your macros and your not over indulging in one thing. (eg. eating 5 packs of crisps instead of just the 1)

I think you both need to have a chat :-)

. And eat more than 1100 calories. Read the link provided by Emanyalpsid . Good stuff.
Eat . Well.
Exercise.

That's called abuse. It's mental/emotional abuse. The only difference between physical abuse and emotional abuse is the choice of weapons. Everything can be used as a tool or a weapon. Words are no exception. No wonder you were crying.

You were crying because he was treating you like a bad child. This makes him the authority figure and you subservient rather than an equal in a partnership. That's what abuse is. It's very destructive.

It's time for you to find yourself. You sound lost, but you are on your way. As you gain confidence in your ability to stick to a diet no matter what, you will gain confidence in yourself. When you gain confidence in yourself, he will not be able to sabotage you like that.

My husband tried to sabotage me as well. Every time I started a diet, he wanted to go out to dinner that night. Finally I said no because I was on a diet. So he made other plans without my participation and invited people over, which required me to prepare food that wasn't on my diet. I told him that he was responsible for the food because I wasn't able to assume that responsibility - and as long as he was handling the hors d'oeuvres, he should be certain to include (types of things I needed to stay on my diet). This frustrated him greatly, and only then could we have a discussion about how he was sabotaging me.

I reminded him that for 50 years, I had never been fat, but these extra pounds I now carry around began to creep up as soon as I met him. I used to laugh when my family told me that my weight must be his fault. But now I don't any more and I am going to become the me that I want to be - whether he is with me or against me. And if he's against me, he should look at that - giving it real thought - because I don't choose to be married to someone who isn't my friend and I am prepared to do what I have to do to be sure that isn't happening.

My husband is now a great supporter. I've reclaimed my place - in my life and in my marriage. It's so much easier now.

But I do KNOW that there are those abusers who will do anything that it takes to make themselves feel superior to you and to make you feel bad about yourself. That feeling bad about yourself is what he feeds off. Your fear.

Do not let him see your fear. Do not flaunt your fear (I can't succeed) in front of him because that's exactly what such people want to hear from you. You must flaunt your self-confidence and self-assurance. You must never see yourself as HIS victim. You must never see yourself as "a" victim.

You must take control of YOUR life. Then you will rediscover the "YOU" of you.

Meanwhile, saving most of your calories for dinner sounds a little like your sabotaging you in a similar way that you are allowing your husband to sabotage you.

I'm not sure how many pounds you have to lose, but I began with 120 to lose. Only 29 pounds down and I am such a different person than the one I was when I began. Something incredibly wonderful has happened to me. I am growing will-power, and with that, my self-esteem has blossomed. The shame that I lived in is gone. My awareness that I can do anything that I set my mind to is phenomenal!

You go girl! You can do it.

When people question what I'm eating, I ask them, "So how many calories have I eaten so far today and what is my calorie goal?"

Stay on the diet, if he comments tell him he lacks the understanding that you have from MFP, dont get mad get healthy XX

I assume your hubby doesnt have a weight problem then? If if he does, maybe he resents your commitment - let me know.
You are losing weight for yourself, not for anyone else. If you feel that you need to eat late, then eat late. I understand the effects of certain medications - my husband is a diabetic and his medication gives him (sometimes VERY unpleasant) gas. We make light of it - whilst I reach for the gas-mask LOL
Humor aside, I think your partner is threatened by your attempts to make your body fitter, healthier and dare I say it (more attractive).
Its hard when you dont have a supportive partner and you are right to be livid. I suggest you show him the comments that you are building up here. If you cant tell him to zip it and support you, then we will!! You can add me as a friend if you want a little extra support on your side! XXXXXXXX

It's hardly bullying. Tbh a pack of crisps isn't going to fill you up on so few calories you should be eating more nutritional food. It's upto you whether you give up or carry on, don't use your husband as an excuse.

Tell him that

A) you didn't ask for advice

and

you saved up the calories for it.

I'm sure he does want to help. You can't blame the fact that you didn't eat on him though. You chose not to eat the chips because you were embarrassed about it. He can say whatever he wants, but at the end of the day, you are the one that chooses when, how, and what to feed yourself. You're an adult, and you do not need his permission or approval to select food and eat it.

Wow some of the stuff about emotional abuse posted is extreme.


Personally I think they best way to have proceeded would have been to have talked. What you should have said in my humble opinion is the following........

"I knew I wanted to have some of these 'diet' crisps tonight, so have worked extra hard today to ensure that I had enough calories left to have this treat and still remain under my calorie goal' #Take crisps off shelf and eat them

"Wow that was nice, and I am still under my goal for today, great! Don't know if they were really worth the amount of calories they cost as I still feel hungry, but hey I am still under my goal and live and learn"

"Fancy watching a film?".........and so on