Unsupportive spouse

245

Replies

  • thedescentofhope
    thedescentofhope Posts: 118 Member
    I'd get rid of these nasty spouses. My partner is nothing but supportive to me, even if I only lose a pound, he practically does a dance of joy and always asks it I'm happy and feeling good! I have to force him to be brutally honest about how things are looking/changing and he hates to say anything that will hurt my feelings. You don't need negative people In your life who are just trying to drag you down because of their own insecurities!
  • allew48
    allew48 Posts: 17 Member
    Your spouse sounds insecure w/ your new lifestyle. Perhaps you need to have a discussion about that whole thing and remember to explain all the reasons why you are trying to better yourself. If he can't jump on board with you making positive changes in your life then he may need to re-evaluate his own issues.

    My fiance has been nothing but supportive w/ me in every endeavor I have ever undertaken, but I have dealt w/ a similar experience in the past, ie. a boyfriend who made fun of me when I gained weight, but went back and poked fun at my attempts to lose weight. I think in the end, the only person that really bugged him was him, so here we are years later and one of us is moving ahead in life and one of us isn't.

    Hang in there lady!
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    My husband makes stupid comments like "guess u need to go work out to look good for your boyfriend", etc...It's getting really annoying! How do u deal with someone who constantly gives you crap for trying to be healthier???

    Maybe this is his way of saying, "I'm afraid. You are looking very hot, and I'm worried/feeling a little insecure".

    This sounds like fishing for reassurance, not so much lack of support.
  • JoQuinn523
    JoQuinn523 Posts: 68 Member
    It is definitely insecurity- keep doing what you are doing!!!! When he makes those comments assure him,
    the only man you are trying to impress is him :wink:
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    Also, I'm a huge control freak...Not as much now, but it used to be alot worse. My boyfriend would get so fed up with it. I would get insecure if he went to the gym, and I wouldn't want him to go because he might meet a better girl.

    A lot of my control issues come from issues I had growing up, and I think this might be just like your spouse! Seriously just reassure him.
    He is probably feeling super insecure.
  • McChubbyruewho
    McChubbyruewho Posts: 194
    My husband says that too me all the time, I think its funny and in a weird way falttering (Idont know why) but I just say yes.. yes I am, then shoot him a develish grin =) then he says something like I'll kill him and then I hug him and tell him he is the only one, so I guess its all in how you handle it
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    It is definitely insecurity- keep doing what you are doing!!!! When he makes those comments assure him,
    the only man you are trying to impress is him :wink:
    OR that it's for herself, and has nothing to do with any man at all.
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
    Nailed it
    Is your husband happy with the shape he's in, healthy-wise, physically, socially? Typically, comments like this are made out of jealousy/insecurity. Maybe he should invest a little something in himself.
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member
    If it is really bothering you, sit down and have an honest conversation with him (with all the usual 'play nice' rules of saying "i feel' and 'I need" instead of accusing him). But be realistic in that that might not work and at the end of the day it matters most what YOU say to yourself. Don't let him have the power over you to keep you from being the best you you can be.
  • SDHudgins1976
    SDHudgins1976 Posts: 140
    Seriously just reassure him.
    He is probably feeling super insecure.

    This.

    It always bothers me that people are like well pack and leave or get rid of him. If you guys can't talk it out, see a counselor. I've been married 17 years and if it weren't for a few months we spent in counseling our marriage would've ended... which now seems unimaginable!
  • jpell420
    jpell420 Posts: 10
    I make the same joke to my wife and vice-versa. We really like each other so it's no big deal. Kind of funny, really.
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member


    He sounds so annoying lol :( Everytime he brings home junk food or a takeout you should buy yourself something nice that costs the same amount as his takeout does wether it be a top or a bracelet or a lipstick as a reward to yourself for doing so well :-)


    Best idea ever! :)
  • girlykate143
    girlykate143 Posts: 220 Member
    say this, even if you don't feel it. A fake it till you make it kind of statement: "Sweety, come work out with me!" He'll either get up and go or he'll shut the hell up and realize (eventually) that he'd better shapeup or shutup.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    i dont see how that's being unsupportive but maybe because i see the humor in what he's saying?

    why not play along with it and pretend HE'S you're new boyfriend?
  • McChubbyruewho
    McChubbyruewho Posts: 194
    I also don't run on any ones support in general, I think my husband wants to keep me chunky lol when ever I start to loose weight things all of a suddun go on sale at his store so he gives me lots of chocolate, when I fail I don't blame him for my lack of self control but I do enjoy the SHNIT out of the chocolate lol

    But yea try to set your self up as your best support, or others on here, there are a lot of great sopportive people here =)
  • HollywoodDJ
    HollywoodDJ Posts: 296
    Any kind of INSECURITY or JEALOUSY is a poison that will KILL any and all relationships. Sit him down....have a heart to heart talk. Nip this in the bud. Tell him you are getting healthy for you and he can either decide to be supportive and if he can't then he is going to have to decide if it's worth losing you over.

    I hope he puts his BIG GIRL panties on for the sake of your relationship.

    God bless you!
  • BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY
    BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY Posts: 666 Member
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  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    Seriously just reassure him.
    He is probably feeling super insecure.

    This.

    It always bothers me that people are like well pack and leave or get rid of him. If you guys can't talk it out, see a counselor. I've been married 17 years and if it weren't for a few months we spent in counseling our marriage would've ended... which now seems unimaginable!

    YES! This is great. So glad you worked it out. It is sad to see how many people split up or divorce because they just don't want to work it out. My parents have always been a great example of that. Even though their marriage has a lot of issues sometimes, they always work it out! GREAT. Love this.
  • joycebug
    joycebug Posts: 309
    You guys have given such great advice and support!! Thank you!! Honestly, this is my time to start taking care of me again, and if he can't see past it then tough!!!! You guys rock!!!!!!
  • angnaustaustin
    angnaustaustin Posts: 1
    is your hubby in shape and a healthy eater? maybe you can ask him to join you.
  • aakokopelli7
    aakokopelli7 Posts: 196 Member
    This is NOT a good thing! This can lead to trouble FAST! You both need to seek counselling ASAP before it gets out of hand!
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    My husband makes stupid comments like "guess u need to go work out to look good for your boyfriend", etc...It's getting really annoying! How do u deal with someone who constantly gives you crap for trying to be healthier???

    just tell him "yup."
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
    I am sorry that you have to hear that stuff! I would just ignore him. Maybe you could go to couple counseling or maybe he isn't "husband" material.
  • katielangley
    katielangley Posts: 152 Member
    If you really want to stay with him then you should set him down and let him know how it makes you feel and the things he is saying is just pushing you away... Do this for yourself.. This is hard for me as well.. MY husband is supportive, but LOVES to eat out... I can not eatout healthy very often... It is a challenge that I am working on as well.. Good Luck!!
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    I know a lot of ladies are all for the 'tell him to suck it up' or 'say yes to really make him jealous' kind of route here. But I know women can be insecure too. I've been there many times. And a loving, comforting "I love you and only you, you have nothing to fear" can go a long way. Guys do have feelings and can be just as fragile underneath all the bravado and walls they put up. A little reassurance and understanding can go a long way with any person, be they male or female. :)
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    tell him are u working on your beer gut because that is working and maybe u should be my gym date instead of all those other losers! Say something smart *kitten* like that because my hubster used to make snide comments but quit after I brought up other dudes at the gym and now I can get him there at least once a week.
  • SARgirl
    SARgirl Posts: 572 Member
    My husband will sometimes say things like that (in a joking tone) and I just agree with him:)
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Just break up
  • LynneL1858
    LynneL1858 Posts: 1 Member
    Mine keeps buying sweet treats like candy and cookies. He says he doesn't care what I look like , so why should I . What I try to get through to him is it's not about losing weight to look better, it about losing to feel better. Seems to help some, but I have to keep moving that bowl of M&Ms to the other side of the room.
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    Seriously just reassure him.
    He is probably feeling super insecure.

    This.

    It always bothers me that people are like well pack and leave or get rid of him. If you guys can't talk it out, see a counselor. I've been married 17 years and if it weren't for a few months we spent in counseling our marriage would've ended... which now seems unimaginable!

    This!! I have been married 5 years (can't wait for 17) and honestly there is so much more give and take than "what makes you happy is all that matters". If that is the way you think, you may as well plan to be single in the end. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with each other, but instead of sticking it to him like an adolescent might... try to be especially kind and loving. An act that will make him both confused and thoughtful about his response. :) My husband and I nearly got divorced but after a year of counseling (3 years ago) I can't imagine life without my Honey.

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