Unsupportive spouse

My husband is ok with me working out and makes happy because I'm happy and he loves when his friends give him compliments about his wife. But when we are going party with our friends or when he cooks, he doesn't want me to think about calories and he says that I deserve to cheat on my diet and that he doesn't want me to lose a single pound he just want me to tone. What he doesn't understand is that when you are toning up you also have to lose the fat and have a healthy life style

My husband makes stupid comments like "guess u need to go work out to look good for your boyfriend", etc...It's getting really annoying! How do u deal with someone who constantly gives you crap for trying to be healthier???

My hubby says the same kind of junk. I just roll my eyes at him and tell him I don't have TIME to have a boyfriend so he'll have to do

lol ..love it

I think I agree most with the woman who just rolls her eyes and tells him he'll have to do! lol. Cute!

This is NOT a good thing! This can lead to trouble FAST! You both need to seek counselling ASAP before it gets out of hand!

if you still want a marriage I agree because if he is stalking you at the gym he seems like he might be going bad places with this.

He's past that talking stage. A while ago, I caught him spying on me at the gym! He was parked outside just watching me from my car. I'm about 20 lbs from my GW and who know how he'll be if I become attractive to guys again!!

Wow. He does not trust you.
I would wonder whether he can be trusted.
Do what you have to for yourself. Sounds like his problem is his. Don't own it for him.
Good luck.

Just break up?

And no, not being a smart *kitten*. Obviously, from how you've described him - he doesn't respect you and you can't talk to him and get him to stop. Either seek counseling or a lawyer.

He's past that talking stage. A while ago, I caught him spying on me at the gym! He was parked outside just watching me from my car. I'm about 20 lbs from my GW and who know how he'll be if I become attractive to guys again!!

...so, I guess this is only the beginning.... The best way is to avoid the subject altogether, that is, do not talk about it, for your own sanity and peace of mind. If he brings it up just let it go. Those who have been married for many years understand what I am talking about. We do this for ourselves and our spouses are free to join us or not.

He's past that talking stage. A while ago, I caught him spying on me at the gym! He was parked outside just watching me from my car. I'm about 20 lbs from my GW and who know how he'll be if I become attractive to guys again!!

if he was watching from your car does that mean he drove with you and waited in the car instead of coming In?

He's past that talking stage. A while ago, I caught him spying on me at the gym! He was parked outside just watching me from my car. I'm about 20 lbs from my GW and who know how he'll be if I become attractive to guys again!!

if he was watching from your car does that mean he drove with you and waited in the car instead of coming In?

A 20lb loss doesn't make you suddenly attractive to guys. Just saying.

Several people have said to reassure him when he makes these comments. NO! NO! NO! That's only going to encourage him to keep making them. Think about it. He says something nasty, you fawn over him. You're reinforcing behavior you don't want. Instead, ignore nasty remarks. Give as little response as possible. If the nasty remarks don't work to get you riled up, he'll stop. When he makes a comment that is even a tiny bit encouraging, then thank him, sincerely. Eventually it'll start to break through that nice comments get love and attention and nasty comments get nothing. And he'll never know that he was trained.
It's the same way you train a puppy to sit nicely to be greeted. Puppy jumps all over you, you turn around and cross your arms. Eventually puppy realizes that flailing doesn't work and sits down to think about this. And you turn around and love on the puppy. And turn around when puppy jumps again. It will eventually sink in.
Same thing goes with any living creature that wants anything. We learn how to get what we want. When one method doesn't work, we try another. If being nasty won't get him the attention and love that he wants, he'll try something else. When being encouraging/sweet/nice works, he'll keep doing it. The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.
Give it a shot. Or just divorce him. I would not put up with that ****.

Several people have said to reassure him when he makes these comments. NO! NO! NO! That's only going to encourage him to keep making them. Think about it. He says something nasty, you fawn over him. You're reinforcing behavior you don't want. Instead, ignore nasty remarks. Give as little response as possible. If the nasty remarks don't work to get you riled up, he'll stop. When he makes a comment that is even a tiny bit encouraging, then thank him, sincerely. Eventually it'll start to break through that nice comments get love and attention and nasty comments get nothing. And he'll never know that he was trained.
It's the same way you train a puppy to sit nicely to be greeted. Puppy jumps all over you, you turn around and cross your arms. Eventually puppy realizes that flailing doesn't work and sits down to think about this. And you turn around and love on the puppy. And turn around when puppy jumps again. It will eventually sink in.
Same thing goes with any living creature that wants anything. We learn how to get what we want. When one method doesn't work, we try another. If being nasty won't get him the attention and love that he wants, he'll try something else. When being encouraging/sweet/nice works, he'll keep doing it. The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.
Give it a shot. Or just divorce him. I would not put up with that ****.

I'm just wondering how successful your marriage is.

The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.

This sounds harsh but it is true. We can only hope to inspire our spouses by example. If that does not happen so be it. However, it does not follow that we should be harassed or attacked with negativity. Ignoring this type of behavior is what makes sense to keep things at peace.

I have found in the eight short years that I have been married that when my husband is unsupportive of any of my undertakings, and I react to what he's saying, I must first remember it is insecurity. Next jealousy, and lastly a bid for control. Would he be willing to go to counseling? If not maybe you can see a counselor or if you go to church, a person you trust there. Keep doing what you are doing, never ever give into his bait or react to the comments. Take the high road and never stoop to his level. We are all here for you and I will add you to my prayers that God will soften his heart and treat you better. We all would prefer that people be supportive of us, but we've got saboteurs all around us in one form or another. We can handle whatever these people throw at us. It would be interesting to see what would happen if you could rehearse how to respond. I used to do this all the time and it really helped. So it would go like this, husband: so you got to go work out so you can look good for your boyfriend, huh? Wife: I really enjoy working out and eating better. It makes me feel great and I am doing this for me. I would like it very much if you went for a walk with me some time. It would be something fun we could do together.

If he says something rude back, ask him if you could discuss it further. Tell him you love him and when he says those things to you that it hurts you. Let him know that the only man you want to be sexy for is him. Let him know that if he is nervous about losing you he should be open and let you know. Ask him to explain why your lifestyle is eliciting his rude remarks and remind him that snarky remarks have never in the history of marriage ever improved any situation. I hope this helps.