Unsupportive spouse

Several people have said to reassure him when he makes these comments. NO! NO! NO! That's only going to encourage him to keep making them. Think about it. He says something nasty, you fawn over him. You're reinforcing behavior you don't want. Instead, ignore nasty remarks. Give as little response as possible. If the nasty remarks don't work to get you riled up, he'll stop. When he makes a comment that is even a tiny bit encouraging, then thank him, sincerely. Eventually it'll start to break through that nice comments get love and attention and nasty comments get nothing. And he'll never know that he was trained.
It's the same way you train a puppy to sit nicely to be greeted. Puppy jumps all over you, you turn around and cross your arms. Eventually puppy realizes that flailing doesn't work and sits down to think about this. And you turn around and love on the puppy. And turn around when puppy jumps again. It will eventually sink in.
Same thing goes with any living creature that wants anything. We learn how to get what we want. When one method doesn't work, we try another. If being nasty won't get him the attention and love that he wants, he'll try something else. When being encouraging/sweet/nice works, he'll keep doing it. The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.
Give it a shot. Or just divorce him. I would not put up with that ****.

Several people have said to reassure him when he makes these comments. NO! NO! NO! That's only going to encourage him to keep making them. Think about it. He says something nasty, you fawn over him. You're reinforcing behavior you don't want. Instead, ignore nasty remarks. Give as little response as possible. If the nasty remarks don't work to get you riled up, he'll stop. When he makes a comment that is even a tiny bit encouraging, then thank him, sincerely. Eventually it'll start to break through that nice comments get love and attention and nasty comments get nothing. And he'll never know that he was trained.
It's the same way you train a puppy to sit nicely to be greeted. Puppy jumps all over you, you turn around and cross your arms. Eventually puppy realizes that flailing doesn't work and sits down to think about this. And you turn around and love on the puppy. And turn around when puppy jumps again. It will eventually sink in.
Same thing goes with any living creature that wants anything. We learn how to get what we want. When one method doesn't work, we try another. If being nasty won't get him the attention and love that he wants, he'll try something else. When being encouraging/sweet/nice works, he'll keep doing it. The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.
Give it a shot. Or just divorce him. I would not put up with that ****.

I'm just wondering how successful your marriage is.

The trick is to really ignore behavior you don't want and to sincerely be grateful and loving when he does something you do want.

This sounds harsh but it is true. We can only hope to inspire our spouses by example. If that does not happen so be it. However, it does not follow that we should be harassed or attacked with negativity. Ignoring this type of behavior is what makes sense to keep things at peace.

I have found in the eight short years that I have been married that when my husband is unsupportive of any of my undertakings, and I react to what he's saying, I must first remember it is insecurity. Next jealousy, and lastly a bid for control. Would he be willing to go to counseling? If not maybe you can see a counselor or if you go to church, a person you trust there. Keep doing what you are doing, never ever give into his bait or react to the comments. Take the high road and never stoop to his level. We are all here for you and I will add you to my prayers that God will soften his heart and treat you better. We all would prefer that people be supportive of us, but we've got saboteurs all around us in one form or another. We can handle whatever these people throw at us. It would be interesting to see what would happen if you could rehearse how to respond. I used to do this all the time and it really helped. So it would go like this, husband: so you got to go work out so you can look good for your boyfriend, huh? Wife: I really enjoy working out and eating better. It makes me feel great and I am doing this for me. I would like it very much if you went for a walk with me some time. It would be something fun we could do together.

If he says something rude back, ask him if you could discuss it further. Tell him you love him and when he says those things to you that it hurts you. Let him know that the only man you want to be sexy for is him. Let him know that if he is nervous about losing you he should be open and let you know. Ask him to explain why your lifestyle is eliciting his rude remarks and remind him that snarky remarks have never in the history of marriage ever improved any situation. I hope this helps.

Seriously just reassure him.
He is probably feeling super insecure.

This.

It always bothers me that people are like well pack and leave or get rid of him. If you guys can't talk it out, see a counselor. I've been married 17 years and if it weren't for a few months we spent in counseling our marriage would've ended... which now seems unimaginable!

YES! This is great. So glad you worked it out. It is sad to see how many people split up or divorce because they just don't want to work it out. My parents have always been a great example of that. Even though their marriage has a lot of issues sometimes, they always work it out! GREAT. Love this.

Agreed! He really might be fishing for reassurance. Maybe he really does miss you when you're working out. Maybe he's not ready to get into it himself yet, but doesn't like being left behind either. Get to the root of the problem. People saying "I'd never put up with that" or "you should lawyer up, hit the gym, leave him, etc" .... well that's just not very healthy either. Something is causing him to act the way he's acting and even if it is manifested as petty jealousy or controlling behaviors, those might be the only ways he knows how to communicate. You two are life partners, right? Better figure out what's going on with this issue.

edit - just read about the car/gym stalking behavior...not sure what you do about that! Obsession is a whole different realm! :noway:

Sit him down and tell him how things like that make you feel. Boys can be kind of dense. I'm fully convinced that 80% of the time they hurt our feelings or are unsupportive they have no idea.

I agree totally with that. Just ask my wife Blessedredhead!

I think it's an insecurity thing... like, you are working hard trying to look good, lose weight, you start feeling good, talking about yourself, like... oh I'm so excited I lost those (whatever) pounds, do you notice? and you spin around and smile and what not, you start wearing clothes you didn't before and they think..... wow. I'm not doing a thing, I want to sit here and eat. I think it almost makes them feel bad about themselves. Just reassure him you love him and that you aren't trying to snag a boyfriend for pete's sake you are just trying to feel good about youself and make that part of your life happy.

I agree with the previous posters. Please don't let his issues halt your wonderful progress! IMO you might want to seek counseling for yourself if he refuses to go.

Agree with him and move on with what you have to do. Eventually it will get his goat and he'll stop.