Family and Friends are NOT supportive....

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felisha_ortiz
felisha_ortiz Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop. I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs. I knew that this would come, but I have shown then the facts.. Like that I am ALMOST at a normal BMI, for the first time in about seven years. Once I hit 164 I will be within the normal range! They are freaking out, telling me I am obsessed, and that I am wasting away (which honestly, I really am not) and that I am going to go from looking good to looking gross.

How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it? When we go out to eat I get scoffed at for ordering a salad or grilled fish or chicken or something. They want me to be ordering pizza or fried something. That food just doesn't even sound good anymore...

What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk. :(
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Replies

  • kg047
    kg047 Posts: 95 Member
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    Limit your contact.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Feel a perverse pride in thwarting their attempts to get you off course. You are doing the right thing for yourself, and they can just eat crow - dipped in chocolate and rolled in marshmallows if they prefer.

    Work up some snappy comebacks, like "how about you keep your eyes on your own plate?"
  • kbogati
    kbogati Posts: 39 Member
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    I've gotten the same thing. even had inlaws go as far as accusing me of being on drugs...cuz that must be why i lost weight. just ignore them and focus on what makes you happy!
  • 4mydogs
    4mydogs Posts: 66 Member
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    I think that when you get close to your goals that some people do have a hard time and can be unsupportive since they are facing thier own issues maybe?? Try to remember that eating healthy is something we should be doing everyday whether we are heavy or not, period!! That is how I got people to get off my case about my food chocies, I just pointed out that eating healthy and getting excercise is something I will be doing for life. Also I try to urge my friends to go to healthier places like sushi or restuarants with lots of choices. Just keep doing your thing, you are doing awesome!!
  • Andreaviolet89
    Andreaviolet89 Posts: 290 Member
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    I would stop filling them in on everything about your health and weight lose. The next time they comment on you ordering a salad tell them a salad would do them some good. Find people who will be supportive, like a work out partner or something.
  • perfect_storm
    perfect_storm Posts: 326 Member
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    I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.
  • chimp517
    chimp517 Posts: 185 Member
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    Typical, people seem to criticize what they do not understand. Id be willing to bet you that at least one of the same people will approach you and ask for your help.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    Might be time to find some new friends. As for your family, only YOU can let them make you feel bad. You are doing what is right. If they can't handle it, that's THEIR problem....not yours. :)
  • Yaxomoxay
    Yaxomoxay Posts: 25 Member
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    Are they overweight?

    You are the dreamer. You are the one chasing your dream. You are the one doing all the work. Everyone else, friends, family, myfitnesspal are just stuff on the way. Who cares about their envy? Remember, most people hate to see other people succeed.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    And remember, if they are insulting you, you do not have to be nice.
  • sclarktiw
    sclarktiw Posts: 217
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    I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.

    She hit the nail on the head...hopefully they will come to you soon and seek your advice for losing weight themselves...

    Good luck and STAY STRONG!
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
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    Just tell them to F off!
  • aelunyu
    aelunyu Posts: 486 Member
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    that's so sad. I had friends bust my balls about having weird restaurant orders, and refusing to drink alcohol during my weight loss periods. But i'm always really firm. Over the years they've grown accustomed to my cycles. When I am offseason, I drink, and party, and eat out with them no problem. But for those 16 or so weeks I'm trying to cut down and measure progress objectively, they know not to mess with me or bother with my pattern. Granted, this "acceptance" slowly happened over a decade, but it'll happen. Your new identity is obviously a positive one. If they truly love you, they'll learn to stop doubting your progress, and accept that you are happier this way.
  • cpa6533
    cpa6533 Posts: 12
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    Haters gonna hate.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
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    Don't talk to them about your efforts... don't make comments about how much you have lost, how many calories you eat, etc. Just continue on with what you are doing and let their comments slide.

    When they make those comments tell them how it makes you feel... tell them they need to stop talking to you like that or you will be limiting your contact with them. Don't try to be nice... they know their comments are hurtful so your responses don't need to be super nice. If they continue to make comments limit your time with them.

    I limit my time with my Grandmother because she makes nasty comments. I can't surround myself with people who are not supportive.
  • mjrkearney
    mjrkearney Posts: 408 Member
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    What's wrong with just telling them that you enjoy eating salads and grilled chicken and things like that? They taste better, feel better, and leave you full longer.

    Also, "I'm medically overweight and I don't want to be." If they argue, tell them to piss off. Sabotage isn't loving behavior.
  • LucyT4dieting
    LucyT4dieting Posts: 284 Member
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    A friend told me once that since losing the weight I look older because my face got too thin. But this is the same friend who used to make faces behind my back and gesture that I was carrying a wide load. So I take it for what it's worth....nothing. I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing this for me. I feel better about myself, and that's what's important, right? I think I look better, and I definitely feel better. So don't listen to negative comments. WE are here to support you....and WE DO! Keep up the good work and NEVER second guess yourself! You are on the right path!! :flowerforyou:
  • MichelleZannone
    MichelleZannone Posts: 121
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    Although you want it and would be nice for them to get on board with your success you really don't need their support. That's what this site is all about. People going through the same up's and down's you are. My mother also told me I was getting obsessed with losing weight. Better than being obsessed with over eating I say!! I have lost 75lbs and still have 50 more to go. Keep doing what you do. You are doing it for you not them. Let the hater's hate...lol
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    Just tell them "If I wanted to look like you, I'd EAT like you."

    Best. Response. Ever.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

    Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop. I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs. I knew that this would come, but I have shown then the facts.. Like that I am ALMOST at a normal BMI, for the first time in about seven years. Once I hit 164 I will be within the normal range! They are freaking out, telling me I am obsessed, and that I am wasting away (which honestly, I really am not) and that I am going to go from looking good to looking gross.

    How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it? When we go out to eat I get scoffed at for ordering a salad or grilled fish or chicken or something. They want me to be ordering pizza or fried something. That food just doesn't even sound good anymore...

    What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk. :(

    First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your success!!!

    I know what you're feeling. Your 2nd paragraph there nearly echoes what I'm going through at the moment. Most of the people telling me I look fine how I am I think are either just saying what they think the polite thing is to say, or they don't really know me. If they don't really know me, I try very hard to just blow off what they say... I know I need and want this.

    I used to have some eating issues. I'm hesitant to call it an eating disorder, but that might be correct. When I was a teenager, I was 5'9" and went between 114 and 120 lbs. My sister said I looked like one of the people in the Holocaust pictures. I know she and my mom are saying that because they knew me then and are worried that's what I'm going for. I'm so not! I keep promising them that I'm not going to let that happen to myself again. They can believe me if they want or not... either way, I'm doing this.

    My husband says that I look fine and don't need to lose weight. However, he knows that doing this is making me happy, and he's supportive as long as I don't go too far... my sister told him about when I was younger and he also knows that when I get going with something, I tend to be obsessive at times. I know he's telling me I'm fine because he thinks that I could be a thousand pounds and I'd still be beautiful to him. I'm not being conceited; he's told me that, lol.

    Bottom line, all of the folks in my life have their own reasons for trying to get me to maintain status quo. I just tell myself that even though the input of my loved ones is important to me, they're not in my skin. They don't know how I feel all the time about how I look and feel. I'm doing this for me and for no one else. They can be supportive or they can go fly a kite... it's not my problem.

    I hope you just keep going and don't let them throw you off or make you give up. You're doing awesome.

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