Men! What motivated you? I need your help!

goblynn
goblynn Posts: 148 Member
edited October 25 in Motivation and Support
Hello MFP males,

My husband has tried many different diets and is depressed about not losing weight. I have had very good success using MFP and have encouraged him to join. Unfortunately, I have been met with resistance. It's that husband/wife thing, you know?

Anyway, how did you get started? What motivated you to join MFP and how have you stuck w/ it. I would love to find away to help my husband see the amazingness this site has to offer. That being said, I know it has to be his decision, just wonder if I have been going about my 'encouragement' the wrong way.

I adore him and just want him to be happy.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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Replies

  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    bump
  • ACDodd
    ACDodd Posts: 129 Member
    Show him the before and after pictures on here.
    That is some powerful motivation.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    Show him how many hot chicks there are on the site and tell him it's like a 10:1 ratio.
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    Thank you. I will try that. I have asked him to read some of the amazing stories/journeys that men/women post on here but he seems to get frustrated w/ me.

    He has tried watching his calories in the past but he has never logged what he is eating. IMHO I believe he thinks that watching your calories is a waste of time (since he failed at it in the past). I need to help him over this hump. He has so much more will-power than I do and he is determined... I just need to get him here. :(
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    The hot chicks might work, lol!!
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    Seriously though I don't know what kept me motivated. I wanted to lose weight. I knew that there was a relationship between the crap I put in my mouth and the weight that I gained. I figured if I tracked and controlled the crap I put in my mouth, I would be able to control my weight. I made progress. I continued to make progress. I progressed until I reached my goal.

    Speaking of which you look PHENOMENAL!!! Nice work!
  • wrotruck
    wrotruck Posts: 72 Member
    I got started becasue tracking calories and nutrients in other ways is a real pain in the *kitten*!!!

    Talk to him about switching goals to something fitness related and let the weight loss be secondary. Would he get excited about running a 5k or a 10k? Would the ability to bench 200 lbs and squat 300 lbs apeal to him? More than likely he would lose weight on the way to either of those goals and both of those things require good nutriton that MFP can help him achieve and the boards have a lot of advice on achieving them.

    If he chooses a goal like one of those and lets MFP just be a tool to help him get there he might see the value.

    If he's like a lot of guys I know, you may have to sell him on the idea and then make him think that he came up with it. (I think my wife is getting good at this but I'm loosing the ability to tell. Hmmmm...)
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    I see myself in the mirror every day. I know my lift numbers from last week and my race times from last season.

    Motivation has to come from within. If he's not doing it for himself, then progress will be at best temporary.
  • ThustonHowell
    ThustonHowell Posts: 43
    Using this site changed so many things for me. Just seeing the disparity from what I was supposed to consume and what I was actually consuming made me realize how out of control and out of touch with reality I was with my eating habits. A co-worker signed me up for this site and I'm on it before and after every meal. I struggled with my weight pretty much since I was 12. 10 years ago I was 330 at my heaviest and went down to 260 on my own. Then went back to 290 after kids and marital stress, but this site has helped me drop to my lowest weight since high school.

    I keep saying that this site isn't a diet site, it's an "eating culture" site. MFP helped me realize that diets are fail-based programs, changing your way of life is most important.

    I've dropped 50 lbs in six months and I still drink beer, and harder alcohol, eat pizza, and generally consume the same types of foods, just understanding when and how is the key.
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    Thanks guys,

    I really appreciate your input. Keep em' coming! :)
  • Unknown
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  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    Using this site changed so many things for me. Just seeing the disparity from what I was supposed to consume and what I was actually consuming made me realize how out of control and out of touch with reality I was with my eating habits. A co-worker signed me up for this site and I'm on it before and after every meal. I struggled with my weight pretty much since I was 12. 10 years ago I was 330 at my heaviest and went down to 260 on my own. Then went back to 290 after kids and marital stress, but this site has helped me drop to my lowest weight since high school.

    I keep saying that this site isn't a diet site, it's an "eating culture" site. MFP helped me realize that diets are fail-based programs, changing your way of life is most important.

    I've dropped 50 lbs in six months and I still drink beer, and harder alcohol, eat pizza, and generally consume the same types of foods, just understanding when and how is the key.

    ^^^^^^ This sounds JUST like my husband!! He has struggled w/ his weight since childhood, tried every diet in the book, loves to drink beer and eat pizza. :) Thank you again, this means so much to me. :)
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    sorry dear, but the more you push him to join (and even though you may not feel like you're pushing or nagging, to him you are cause that's how the average guy thinks) the less he'll want to. he has to make the decision himself.

    True. I know he views me as a total nag. Sniffle. Sniffle. It's not my intention but I know that is how he feels.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Show him how many hot chicks there are on the site and tell him it's like a 10:1 ratio.

    Honestly I'm surprised with the way the OP looks that he's not motivated already.

    The truth is that it takes a lot of commitment and discipline.

    In my opinion he has to make the decision himself.

    That said, a healthy lifestyle is a high like nothing else.

    Everyday waking up feeling good, every week, looking at your numbers and getting stronger. That's what it's all about.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    Divorce him. He'll suddenly find motivation.

    True story.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    i don't know how much weight you think he has to lose, but if it's 50lbs or more... schedule him a doctors appointment.

    for a lot of us, we feel invincible all of our lives. however, when you get that wake-up call from a doctor telling you that you're heading for serious health complications not too far down the road if you don't make some changes now, it has an impact.
  • Unknown
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  • jledom
    jledom Posts: 1 Member
    I just started Jan 3 and have lost 11 pounds. I'm 60 years old and my starting weight was 200 and I want to get to 175. I can have a little over 1600 calories a day. I walk on the treadmill and do a 5K everyday and walk 18 holes of golf every Sat and Sun. My exercise routine allows me to have 2000-2100 calories a day. I've been on Weight Watchers, Grapefruit Diet, Adkins, Diet Center, etc and the only one I really liked was Diet Center but that cost a lot more today than it did 20 years ago. I bring my lunch daily, eat a fruit for breakfast and sensible dinner. I use the app for my phone when I don't have access to a computer. My Fitness Pal is a great program. My motivation is that I know that as you get older it is harder to lose weight even if it's just a few pounds. Once you see a couple of pounds gone there is more motivation to keep going. I can even have a cocktail or beer after work if I want. Hope this helps. I know entering the food is boring but look at the reports now and then to see your progress and I believe progress in itself is a motivator.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    One of my major excuses was that I didn't have time to workout because when I wasn't at work my wife wanted me to be home with the kids so I obviously had no time to workout. Rationalized BS.

    This all ended when my wife bought me a membership to a boxing gym for Christmas. This gave me the greenlight to workout. Since I was learning something new and wanted to get better, I started watching my diet and joined here. Rest just steamrolled.

    Good luck.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    sorry dear, but the more you push him to join (and even though you may not feel like you're pushing or nagging, to him you are cause that's how the average guy thinks) the less he'll want to. he has to make the decision himself.

    True. I know he views me as a total nag. Sniffle. Sniffle. It's not my intention but I know that is how he feels.

    Then stop nagging. Regardless of whether or not you mean to, if he sees it that way you are probably hurting the chances he makes long term changes, not helping.
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    I just started Jan 3 and have lost 11 pounds. I'm 60 years old and my starting weight was 200 and I want to get to 175. I can have a little over 1600 calories a day. I walk on the treadmill and do a 5K everyday and walk 18 holes of golf every Sat and Sun. My exercise routine allows me to have 2000-2100 calories a day. I've been on Weight Watchers, Grapefruit Diet, Adkins, Diet Center, etc and the only one I really liked was Diet Center but that cost a lot more today than it did 20 years ago. I bring my lunch daily, eat a fruit for breakfast and sensible dinner. I use the app for my phone when I don't have access to a computer. My Fitness Pal is a great program. My motivation is that I know that as you get older it is harder to lose weight even if it's just a few pounds. Once you see a couple of pounds gone there is more motivation to keep going. I can even have a cocktail or beer after work if I want. Hope this helps. I know entering the food is boring but look at the reports now and then to see your progress and I believe progress in itself is a motivator.

    Thank you.. He went to the dr who told him he was obese which really upset him. It seemed to make him more depressed than motivated. :( Anyway, thank you!! He has tired some of the diets that you mentioned above and is in his mid 40's with 50-75lbs to lose. I think if he got here he would do well--- just need to find a way to get him here w/o making him feel bad. Again, thanks guys!!
    :)
  • goblynn
    goblynn Posts: 148 Member
    sorry dear, but the more you push him to join (and even though you may not feel like you're pushing or nagging, to him you are cause that's how the average guy thinks) the less he'll want to. he has to make the decision himself.

    True. I know he views me as a total nag. Sniffle. Sniffle. It's not my intention but I know that is how he feels.

    Then stop nagging. Regardless of whether or not you mean to, if he sees it that way you are probably hurting the chances he makes long term changes, not helping.

    I don't feel like I am nagging as I only will bring up MFP when he opens up about being frustrated about his weight. I don't nag him about all that he eats or drinks or going to the gym or the way he looks. But when he complains about how terrible he feels b/c his pants aren't fitting then I usually tell him-- "why don't you check out the Pal. I have had great success using it. I will even log the food for you if you want me to"... The only reason I say anything is because he seems to want to lose weight so bad and can't seem to do it. If he were happy w/ the way he looks/feels I wouldn't even bring it up. :) I love him unconditionally- not saying that to be weird.... just want him to be happy.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
    My gf kept telling me how hot her male trainer looked. Got me off the couch.
  • sclarktiw
    sclarktiw Posts: 217
    So I am a married guy with 4 girls and a boy (youngest). I have worked in the restraunt setting from age 13 to 31 full time and then part time from 31 to 36. I have always been a bigger guy from what I can remember. When I married my wife I was 21 and weighed about 240 lbs. I work away from home alot and am under a lot of stress from work and being away. So you can see why I have always been big, at my heaviest a few years ago I was 295 lbs. (NEVER AGAIN!)
    With the weight gain came snoring and when I was able to be home I usually slept in the basement on the couch so the rest of the house could sleep, i was tested for sleep apnea but I dont have it. I used the strips which helped but barely. The marriage was going south. I then yo you dieted for a couple of years and lost 25 lbs (down to 270 lbs), then I helped build a house volunteering and lost another 10, but gained it back when I stopped being physical. Then I found MFP...and the rest like my weight is history...but not at the begining as I wasnt totally commited to it, it took about two months after I first found it to actually start to work.

    Feel free to check out my before and after shots as well...maybe printing off some of the women and men before and after shots and inconspicuously leave them out where he might just happen to see them.

    Good luck!
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    sorry dear, but the more you push him to join (and even though you may not feel like you're pushing or nagging, to him you are cause that's how the average guy thinks) the less he'll want to. he has to make the decision himself.

    True. I know he views me as a total nag. Sniffle. Sniffle. It's not my intention but I know that is how he feels.

    Then stop nagging. Regardless of whether or not you mean to, if he sees it that way you are probably hurting the chances he makes long term changes, not helping.

    I don't feel like I am nagging as I only will bring up MFP when he opens up about being frustrated about his weight. I don't nag him about all that he eats or drinks or going to the gym or the way he looks. But when he complains about how terrible he feels b/c his pants aren't fitting then I usually tell him-- "why don't you check out the Pal. I have had great success using it. I will even log the food for you if you want me to"... The only reason I say anything is because he seems to want to lose weight so bad and can't seem to do it. If he were happy w/ the way he looks/feels I wouldn't even bring it up. :) I love him unconditionally- not saying that to be weird.... just want him to be happy.

    You said "it's not my intention, but I know that's how he feels." If that's the case, then you're nagging. Period. Stop. I know your intentions are good, but if he sees you as nagging then you're likely doing more harm than good.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    The idea of lifting heavy weights sounded cool when I first started.
  • elishazf
    elishazf Posts: 332 Member
    I just got sick of seeing everyone being more fit or in better shape than me. So I decided I wanted to be in better shape than them and had a picture of what I wanted to look like in my head and I just keep working towards that
  • Progman
    Progman Posts: 47 Member
    My family is what motivated me. I love them and wouldn't mind sticking around for a while, to watch my kids and grand kids grow and spend some quality 'old people time' with my wife afterwards :happy:
  • hilliardjoe
    hilliardjoe Posts: 111 Member
    I have two daughters (20 and 16 years old) and I had a realization that I would be walking them down the aisle one day (hopefully a few years away still).

    I then realized that everyone would be looking at them but that I was going to be right there also and everybody would see me.

    I then looked at myself and realized I don't want all those people to see me like I am now.

    I want people to see my daughters and how amazing they are and then maybe take a second to think "their Dad looks pretty good for his age".

    That was my initial motivation. Since then I've made progress and just feel better so I am getting good feedback that makes it easy to continue.
  • doug_pierce
    doug_pierce Posts: 255
    I agree with what most people have said. The only thing I'd add is the increased mental acuity that accompanies being fit is a big motivation for me. I'm beginning to see a boost in my work performance.
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